TM [Complete ✔️]

14. Mate

TW: mentions of self-harm!!!

Sofia's P.O.V

I stood outside the large doors leading in, and in my case, out of the Alpha suite long after I excused myself.

I stared, blinking rapidly until spots danced in front of my eyes, mixing with the solid wood of the double doors.

"He doesn't know." My wolf, Samara, answered my unasked question. "He doesn't have his wolf back yet." I closed my eyes as if'd shield me from the memories of the years without Sam. At one point, I didn't believe she'd ever return.

His scent was already everywhere. It was as if it had engraved itself in every corner and crevice, the fabric of each rug and curtain. Pinewood with a hint of spice that already burned my nostrils and at the same time made me an incurable addict.

Shaking my head, panic began to creep up my spine. I felt it sneak into my head, wrapping its tendrils around my brain and forcing each negative thought I'd ever suppressed to resurface.

"I can't do it," I whispered defeatedly to my wolf. "Not a second time. I'm sorry." Instead of replying, she curled around herself and buried her head in between her paws, leaving me alone.

Without a second thought, I ran. Down the stairs, past the entryway and my confused pack members, I ran without stopping, not even to take a gulp of air, not even when I was greeted, or waved at by the pups I'd grown to befriend.

"Sofia!" A voice called as I ran past the yard, towards the garden. "Sof, wait up, you know I'm in no condition to chase you around!" I halted, panting for air untarnished by that woodsy scent apparently already clouding my brain.

I needed more. I hated it.

"What's wrong, Sof, who do I need to kill?" Usually, I laughed and brushed him off, talking to him about any trouble I had, just as he confided in me. Now, I was wondering if a quick murder wouldn't solve my problem much quicker than I ever could.

I didn't bother replying as I threw my arms around the old wolf, burying my head in his shoulder as I worked to fix my breathing and struggled not to cry.

He led us to a more secluded area, all while doing his best not to uncover my face from his shoulder, and patted my back with his rough palm until the tears I'd been doing my best to keep at bay finally fell.

"Sofie, you're scaring me!" He whispered gently, a trapped sob escaping my lips.

"He's my mate!" I choked out, the movement of his hand against my back stopping until he gathered himself again.

"Who?"

"The new Alpha." I pushed off of him, wiping my nose but not bothering with my eyes.

"Oh, Sofie," he murmured, shaking his head at the ground.

Gregory had become my best friend in the years since I'd moved to Silver Claws. He had lost his wife and mate, his high school sweetheart that he'd grown old with, about the same time I'd lost my daughter. Somehow, he became the father figure I no longer had, maybe even never had, and he understood.

Every horrible setback, every ugly breakdown, every stage and part of grief - he knew, he understood. So, we confided in one another, nurturing a beautiful friendship that had stuck even when grief had more or less released us from its hold.

He was a male in his late fifties, on the shorter side for werewolves. His hair and beard were both grey by now but neat and well-kept nonetheless. His eyes, despite the hardships he'd gone through, remained kind and crinkled at the corners every time he laughed. They were the most unique shade of dark blue I'd ever seen.

"Do you know what you want to do?" I shook my head, plopping myself onto the grass. He followed.

"I don't want to do that to Rowan." I sighed, his name still causing me pain to hear every once in a while.

"I'm sure all he'd want for you is happiness, no matter where, or whom, it comes from.

"And you'd take a second mate if you could?" I c****d an eyebrow at the old man.

"No, I guess I wouldn't."

We sat in silence, his presence comforting to be around before I went back to my empty house. Most days, I was too exhausted for anything other than a quick dinner and shower before I fell asleep, and on others, like today, the thought of going home, to the silence, made my skin crawl.

After so many years, I'd assume I would be used to it by now, and yet I still missed my daughter's laughter and her father knocking pots and pans around the kitchen as he cooked.

"I'll move," I said after a while, Greg's eyes filling with sorrow.

"I thought I'd see you grow old and grey like me. That you'd take care of me when I grew old."

"You're already ancient," I bumped his shoulder, though the sadness remained.

"Where would you even go? Back to Blood Moon?" I shrugged.

"Anywhere. I just need to get away before I get hurt again."

Greg shook his head, examining the grass beneath his fingertips.

"You don't know that you'll get hurt."

"Zane, the Alpha," I corrected myself, "lost his mate two months ago. He doesn't even have his wolf back yet, so he doesn't know what we are. I need to leave before he finds out and rejects me." I shook my head.

Before he could speak, before he could tell me I was still young and making a mistake like I imagined he would, I jumped up, extending my hand to help him stand.

The male was already on his feet all day, being the one to help me run the garden and its profit, yet I still liked to help him out wherever I could since he did so much for me, including bringing me meals and eating them with me because I couldn't cook if it would save my life.

"I gotta go," I told him, "I'll start packing before my meeting with him and leave after the ceremony tomorrow, so he could approve it and give me my documents."

"Are you sure about this?"

"I won't leave without saying goodbye," I promised, smiling sadly at my friend.

"Okay."

This time, when I made my way around, I didn't run. I let my gaze wander, soaking in the place I'd become calling home when home was so far away. I let myself look towards the rolls and rolls of flowers, plants, and vegetables, looked at the greenhouse with the hung-up string lights I'd attached.

My stomach clenched at the idea of starting all over again for the third time but I wasn't brave enough to stay.

Once, I might've considered it, perhaps if my heart had any pieces left to be broken, but because It didn't, I unlocked the door to my cottage, just around the greenhouse, and let it shut behind me, pressing my back to it.

"I'm home," I chirped sarcastically. I did it a lot. I liked that I at least got to pretend that the lights were turned on, that my little girl would come running and wrap her arms around my neck tightly, that her dad would be chasing after her and I'd have to remind them not to break anything as they ran around laughing.

I walked inside my bedroom and immediately got to work packing up my wardrobe. I didn't have much stuff - primarily work clothes and overalls I didn't care enough to keep clean, and a few casual tops, jeans, and pairs of pants.

Leaving the clothes in the worst condition in the wardrobe, I pulled everything else off the hangers and stacked them onto the bed until all my most important belongings were pilled on, along with the only box of memories I'd allow myself to own.

By the time I had stuffed everything into the suitcases I'd moved here with, sweat was dripping down my face and back and exhaustion was weighing in on me, allowing my thoughts to wander.

Usually, they were mostly about work, what I had to get done that and the following day, or imagining my little family if they were still here, but today they were all about him - each and every one of them.

He'd held his daughter's car seat so tightly today, I'd noticed, that his knuckles would turn white, as if he expected someone to attack him and take her any second. He also didn't keep his gaze off of her for long, either, always softening it for the pup.

In the wind, his hair had whipped back and forth but it was as if he didn't even notice. Even if he did, he was in no state to care.

I was there once, too. I knew all too well the pain of losing your soulmate too soon, knew the bleakness and dread every waking moment brought, knew the self-destructive thoughts that would leave my yard in shambles as I never allowed my pup to see what had become of her mother.

And when I lost her, too...

My gaze snapped to the scars on my wrists, forcing me to snap them shut before they traveled upwards, to those littering my arms, or downwards, to those on my stomach and thighs.

"Never again," I murmured, walking up to the mirror and staring straight into my eyes, "never again!" But they itched; itched to be reopened, to bleed the pain away once more. "Stop it, Sofia!" I demanded, storming into the bathroom and turning the water of the shower on, stripping off my clothes.

Stepping into the water, I let it rinse away the urges, my forehead pressed to the glass divider. I'd been clean for so long, yet getting a second chance mate urged a part of me I still tried my hardest to bury to come back out. To taunt me.

"Perhaps because you want what fate is offering you?" Samara mumbled quietly, lifting her head. "Maybe you hate yourself for not wanting to spend your entire life in an empty house? Maybe that's why you've been announcing your arrival, to hope that one day, somehow, someone would answer?"

"Stop it!" I growled, shutting her out.

Then I cried until my voice went hoarse because perhaps she was right and perhaps I hated myself so much that I was willing to admit it but do nothing about it.

Perhaps Zane wouldn't hurt me, I was doing a great job of it myself.

***

"What?" I snapped, Julian banging against my mental walls for the past few minutes.

"Where are you?" He hissed. "The meeting started twenty minutes ago!"

I tipped my head back, my face getting hit by droplets of water that had long since gone cold, yet I stayed—stayed on the bathroom floor, under the cold shower, hugging my knees because I had no idea what to do and where to go.

"Sorry, I got sidetracked!" I mumbled. "I'll be right there!"

"Well hurry!" I shut him out again, finally shutting the water off. Not bothering with a towel, since there wasn't anyone around anyway, I threw a pair of blue jeans and a T-shirt on, quickly brushing my hair but giving up on it because I was too late to dry it before the meeting, slid on a pair of sneakers I hadn't ruined yet, and walked back to the pack house.

A/N

Hi, Treasures! Make sure you join my F-a-c-e-b-o-o-k group Teddy's Treasures for extra content and discussions! What do you think of Sofia now that we've officially met her? Thoughts on her and Gregory's friendship?