Numb
1437 Words
Seb's POV
Max and I had barely passed the ranger station when Max's phone started to ring. He answered it on hands free mode. Before he could greet Laura, I heard the most unwelcome sentence I have heard since "I am afraid that your cancer has metastasized, Erika."
"Turn around, now. Mimi's suffering a miscarriage," Laura said.
"Right, we're turning around," said Max and he ended the call.
I didn't have to tell Max to step on it. He pushed that pedal to the floor.
I used the time to hold my anxiety in check and planned my actions once I go back to the cabin and got to Mimi. I had no idea what to expect. Did she fall down the stairs? Did she try to lift something heavy? No, she's been very good about following all the medical advice and restrictions. She's been doing her prenatal care without fail. How could this be happening? Why is this happening to us?
Before Max parked the car I was out of my seat and rushing to the front door. Max, however, beat me there and was the first one through the door. Laura met us in the living room carrying my EMS duffle bags.
My brain went into detached clinical mode. I was on auto pilot. It was like I was standing outside myself. I could see myself working, asking all the right questions, taking care of things as if Mimi had been brought into an ER and I was the person in charge.
Once I had taken care of Mimi, placed her in our bed, I stripped down to my boxers and crawled in bed beside her and wrapped her in my arms. I held her as close to me as I could without smothering her. I then allowed myself to feel the weight of what just happened. I felt so much that I just couldn't feel anymore.
I was at war with myself in my head. The questions just kept cycling through.
How could this have happened? We were so careful. She was doing everything right. She was eating properly. She was taking her prenatal vitamins. She was not over doing it physically. I helped her as she needed. We kept her away from unsafe things and situations. WE wanted this baby. We did everything right. Why was this happening to us? Have we not suffered enough? Have I not suffered enough? I loose a wife to cancer and now I loose a daughter before she's taken her first breath. A baby girl that I will never see grow up/ A daughter that I will not get to spoil and adore. I won't get to see her play dress up or have tea parties. My little princess that I should be holding and snuggling not placing in a jar with blood and placenta. There were no warning signs anything was wrong or amiss. Once I have established why this has happened I am going to have Bruce Ferguson sue that OBGYN back to the stone age for medical mal-practice. That negligent twit must have miss something. I knew I should have gotten her into that specialist in Seattle. What if all the damage to her organs from her anorexia caused this? NO! NO! Mimi did nothing wrong, don't even think those thoughts again. She did nothing wrong. Mimi is not to blame for this. She did everything right. What more could we have done to avoid this? How do we recover from this. How will Mimi react when she wakes? Will she blame herself? Will she blame me? Will she withdraw into herself? Will she start self-harming again? Am I crying? Will she think less of me for crying? Will she expect more tears? Will she let me touch her again? Will she be too afraid to try again? Will she be able to have children after she recovers? Will she be too afraid this might happen again? Am I afraid this will happen again? Am I afraid to try again? Am I afraid to touch my wife again? Should we have a memorial or is that in poor taste? What if it was just her and I? Will she want to talk about it? Am I prepared to talk about it? How can I help Mimi recover from this? How do we heal each other's hearts after such a blow? It would be easier if there was someone or something that I could lash out at. Strike it down with all my anger, frustration and hurt. Why did this have to happen to her? I am no stranger to loss, but why, God, why did this have to happen to Mimi? I would do whatever it takes to take away her pain and sadness. I would that I were a sponge and that I could absorb all her hurt, pain, sadness and all the other negativity that this will bring and internalize it so that she doesn't have to deal with it. I am afraid of how she will be affected by all this. How do I let her know that I don't blame her? This isn't her fault. Will she believe me?
There was a knock at the door. It interrupted my stream of consciousness.
"Sebbastian, it's Laura, I need to come in, right now," said Laura.
She didn't even wait for me to respond, she opened the door and walked in.
I have no clue how long we'd been in bed, but by my recollection it wasn't more than an hour since I got back to the cabin.
"Sebbastian, I know this is a very sensitive time, but you need to put some clothes on, and take Mimi down stairs right now," she said emphatically.
"Laura, is the cabin on fire? I am in no mood for anything. I am not moving Mimi unless it is a genuine emergency," I snapped.
Laura walked over to the bed, she grabbed my by the shoulders and rolled me over to face her and looked me square in the eyes. The cold steely look in her eyes said "I AM NOT PLAYING AROUND HERE, SIR!"
"If you have ever trusted me, then you will go now," she said forcefully.
I should have known better than to questioned Laura. So I threw on some sweat pants and a plain T-shirt.
She went about gathering all the soiled articles.
"What are you doing?" I asked her.
"We need to gather up anything that has been in contact with Mimi's blood. I will explain downstairs," she said curtly.
"Where are the clothes she was wearing earlier?" Laura asked anxiously.
"I put them in the washer, I was going to set them to soak, I don't think I turned the machine on," I replied.
As soon as I was dressed I approached the bed. I gentle stroked Mimi's face.
"Mimi, my love. I am going to take you downstairs now," I whispered in her ear and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.
"Sir, has she not regained consciousness this entire time?" Laura asked her tone a little on the anxious side.
"No, she hasn't," I replied.
"Aren't you concerned by that?" asked Laura.
"She just miscarried our baby. She's in pain, she needs rest to recover from the trauma to her body, heart and mind, " I said snappishly.
"But, Sebbastian, after the vampire attack, her panic attack that followed, she wasn't out out for more than an hour. What if she's being kept unconscious by an unseen force?" asked Laura tentatively.
I was gathering Mimi up in my arms. I stopped dead.
"Just what are you trying so hard not to imply, Laura?" I managed to ask.
"Please, sir, just bring her downstairs, and we will explain all," said Laura.
I was in no mood to argue, but there was a nagging anxiety in my head and chest that I needed to comply and comply quickly for Mimi's sake.
I proceeded to carry my unconscious wife down stairs.
I heard Laura let out an exasperated sigh!
"Bullocks! You did start the machine! Max! Get the furniture dolly from the garage! We have to move a washing machine full of water," Laura cried.
Max waited for me to clear the stairs before he headed up with the dolly and a few ratchet straps. I walked in to the living room. There was an stranger there. He was very tall, even for an elf. I say "elf " because of his pointy ears, and I am not usually struck by other men's looks, but the fact that he was really, really ridiculously good looking screamed "elf" to me. Sure my only knowledge of elves was from my interactions with Trystian, but that was more than enough for me to make me defensive and ok, I will admit it jealous.
- Writer
