Gertrude’s Curse

Chapter 6

When I arrived home my heart was about to come out of my mouth, I felt light headed and nauseous, also still ashamed, it has been years and I feel sooo guilty about it, how could he speak to me like that? Like nothing happ… how could he speak to me like that? Like… like we were old friends? Like he doesn’t hate my guts and thinks I’m disgusting? And that smell, I had forgotten all about it… that smell is his smell, every childhood memory I have with him has that scent to it and he looked gorgeous… after what I have been through I have always refused to think about anyone with any form of attraction, specially him. I’ve pushed all those memories and feelings down and thought I had them buried, but seeing him like that… so close and his voice, it has changed soo much and now is deep and husky and I admit if I was someone else and not the girl who took advantage of him when we were younger I would’ve swoon at the sight of him, that’s partially the reason why I ran, I was feeling uneasy and I was feeling things… things I’m definitely not allowed to feel specially not for him…

Then the high of the encounter comes down and I started feeling so down, gosh what has my life become? I shouldn’t have gone by myself in the woods and I shouldn’t have been alone with him ever again in my life… why did this have to happen to me? Why couldn’t I have been normal? Maybe he could have been my mate… if I was some other girl, a normal girl not a deviant… one that doesn’t have urges at an inappropriate age and decides to dry hump her future alpha and then gets slutty with the guard that was trying to get her away from said alpha… I have always wondered if maybe I got possessed by an evil spirit or something that day and that is how I ended up the way I did… but no, it was just my bad luck… and abnormality that only seems to affect me and that has made my life miserable… maybe I was a very evil person in another life and what happened to me was a punishment in this one… I’m sitting on the floor drowning on my thoughts and having my very own private pity party when the door bell rings and I’m brought back to the world outside my head, I get up and run to open it. Maybe Rachel’s plans got cancelled or cut short and she is here for that movie night, I open the door and is Nate on the other side… “hey, I know you said that you only wanted the boring twin as company tonight but I don’t think you should stay home alone, no one has to know I was here but if anyone does know and decided to trash talk I will be okay, I will survive… you and I have been friends forever and you should really get over what people think of you, that’s no way of living your life…” I know Nate, if he came here there is no way he will leave until I give in, so I invite him in and offer to start ordering that pizza while he searches for something to eat, he smiles and walks in like he owns the place, sits on my couch and starts browsing on the streaming channels for a movie, I get to work and order that pizza, then I walk to the living room and awkwardly sit opposite to him, we have hang out several times over the past few years but Rache is always present, I have avoided being alone with someone from the opposite s*x as much as I can in order to avoid gossip and uncomfortable situations, but that a side I am kind of glad he came, that way I can get out of my head for a little while, plus I don’t think we hold attraction to one another, I mean he is a handsome guy but it would be like dating the male version of my best friend, literally her twin brother and that feels incestuous in my head… but is probably just my trauma…

We sit and talk and decide to watch some marvel movies, we are going to watch them in order he said, so we start with Iron man, then the pizza arrives and we both dig in, we talk about the regular stuff like work and school and his plans for what will happen after our high school graduation, him, James and Will are going to attend some special training for pack management abroad, they will leave the week after graduation, then he asks me about my personal life, if I have felt my wolf and I tell him no, he gets a little serious and nods and then he asks me if like Rache I have felt attracted to anyone and I think is best if I say no to that too, again he nods and goes silent, I assume he wants me to ask him the same and so I do and his face morphs into a little bit of sadness… he tells me that there is a girl and he can’t stop thinking about her, he thought she was also attracted to him but she has started dating one of his friends and now he is confused, he felt closed to her and thought she was his mate… I feel bad for him, one of the worst feelings in this world is to be unwanted I would know, I mean I know is not the same, I don’t have some unrequited love (yet), but I know what feeling rejected does to a person, he talks about it some more and the. We say our good byes, I walk him to the door and then I’m left alone with my thought about the earlier encounter again…