Only Their Love

The Truth

EBONY's POV

I sat in the booth and listened to my love tell me about her past. Once she started, I realised I recognised her story and who she was. My heart was pounding.

'I remember a lot about my childhood with my parents. I remember their faces and their kindness and their love. I remember listening to my mother sing whilst my father played the guitar. My mother was called Eden and my father was Titus. We had music in the house all the time. We were poor, almost destitute. I don't think I ever saw my mother and father eat a meal together. I had three meals a day but they had one. And if my mother ate one day, my father didn't. We lived in a cottage much like mine, except it was nowhere near as cosy. My father worked at nighttime, at least that's what I thought. I don't know if he did or not, but he left every night and my mother paced until he returned. They never argued but they had many heated, whispered conversations when they thought I didn't hear them. They discussed a place far away but I don't know what it was called. I've spent years trying to remember but I can't. I know I have been there. It's the place I told you about, the green place. Anyway, my father talked about never being able to return and keeping my mother and I safe. One night, people came to the door after my father had left. Social services came because someone had reported that a child was living in poverty. Despite my mother telling them my father worked, my being clean and nourished, the woman said it was't enough. I hadn't been to school and she had concerns given she couldn't even find a record of my birth. This was when my mother called me Ruby for the first time. Somehow, I knew not to argue with her. My father returned in the morning and he and my mother had another of their hushed conversations. The next day, I was collected by the social worker and I never saw them again. It was then I began to have horrible nightmares. The foster family I was placed with were lovely, they really were. I had a lovely childhood with them. They treated me like I was their own and adopted me. They did everything they could to try and help me get treatment for my nightmares. In the end, social services and doctors concluded that I had been abused by my parents, despite my having no injuries or damage when they investigated and my protestations that they had never hurt a hair on my head. That the nightmares were repressed memories. No matter what I told them, they didn't believe me. As I got older, the nightmares continued to get worse. I went off the rails, I drank, I took drugs and I ran away. I got into trouble with my adoptive parents. My adoptive siblings hated me, I think they still do in some ways. I let down my friends, my teachers. I pushed everyone away. I slept on the streets, I ended up in an institution. They gave me medication and the nightmares stopped. I was diagnosed with mental health issues but I knew there was something more. At the time, I didn't really care because the nightmares had stopped. After i was released, my adoptive parents helped me finish my exams. I got some qualifications and applied for university, moved over here from Ireland. I hated it. I dropped out and got work in Spicers. I could earn money, good money at that, and I sent most of it home to them to save for me. They used it to pay back the money they had spent whilst having to care for me when I was unwell, instead of saving it like I had thought they would. I don't blame them really, my mother couldn't work when I was acting up and I knew they had gotten into debt. They didn't do it out of badness. So I kept working in Spicers and earned more, saved some and sent some home. Then I was attacked by a man one night and I couldn't perform again. I couldn't function again. The nightmares returned despite my having stopped taking all the medication years ago. I could remember every detail this time. I told my friends I couldn't, but I could. Eventually, I started on the medication again and they stopped. I was still on it until a few weeks ago, when I stopped it again and so far nothing. I worked in the bar then, instead of performing. I hadn't performed again until last night, and I'll never perform again. Thanks to you. I plan to go back to Ireland and find where my parents were. I want to see if I can find them. I need to figure out who they were, who I am. If I can't find them, I want to travel. See the world and figure out what I want. I want to figure out if I'm Ruby or Rowa. So I suppose, what I'm trying to tell you is that I don't know where you plan to fit into this. I always thought I would figure this out on my own, and you. Well, Ebony, you're the first person I've trusted to tell my real name since I was 4 years old. You're the first person I've ever been completely honest with in 18 years. And I have no idea why. So I wonder if there's a reason behind that, or whether it's because I'm so grateful to you for being the one who released me from Spicers and enabled me to take the first step on this journey. I'm more confused now than I think I've ever been in my life.'

Tears trickled down her cheeks and I ached to go to her. I knew that would be the wrong thing, so I held her hand. I had so much I wanted to tell her. I had some answers for her but I couldn't. I needed to get my facts straight and I couldn't do that here, I needed to go home and I needed her to come with me.

•F**k, f**k, f**k. She's special , her parents are the lost. Ebony, take her home now. She's not safe. She's not safe. We must keep her safe. How has no one found her? She's out in the open. Take her home, Ebony, now!•

Aurora was screaming at me. I knew she was right but I couldn't just blurt out what I knew, I hardly knew anything! I couldn't just bombard her and then have no answers when she was so in the dark.

'I understand Rowa. That you're conflicted. And I'm very grateful to you for being honest, for trusting me and telling me everything. Thank you.' I smiled, hoping to reassure her and help her to feel safe when she had allowed herself to be so vulnerable. 'Let's get you home to Toto.' We finished our drinks and returned to the car. Our drive back to Sunflower cottage was quiet as the sun set behind the trees.

The shopping was in the boot of the car but I left it there. We went inside, Rowa fed Toto and I lit the fire. We changed into comfy clothes and lay on the sofa together and listened to the fire until she fell asleep. Aurora paced and argued with herself continuously. She was giving me a headache. Once I knew Rowa was sleeping soundly, I called my father. I needed his help.