Bi Dom Found

The Morning After

“The Morning After”

Law

Good Lord it’s morning. I’ve finally gone and done it. I’ve pushed my limits too far. I turn over in bed and snuggle closer to my hubby. The events of the night before playing through my mind. I actually went to the swingers meet after party. I can’t believe it. I’m numb. Not sure how I feel about it. 

As I snuggle closer into hubby's back, I reach down and touch his hands wrapping my hands around them. These hands, his hands that belong to me, touched another woman last night for the first time in 23 years. How do I feel about this? What am I going to do? I've opened the door to a world, I never wanted opened.

How can I forgive him? How can I forgive myself? I’ve let something into my marriage that I have always safely guarded. I take pride in the fact that I have always satisfied my man sexually. I never turned him down unless it was due to a surgery or sickness and we both knew we had to wait. Even then, I used my mouth to satisfy him.  I’m not sure if I’m more upset at him or myself. The only saving grace is there was no intercourse only oral play. Still… it was too much for my mind to process. Maybe it would be easier if last night had been satisfying, instead it wasn’t. I didn’t like it. 

I struggle with putting in words the way I feel at this moment. I don't want to be another woman that has been left discarded and pushed aside for another. I’ve heard over and over again how hot it is for a man to see two women together. How they want and desire me, but want to see me with another, but I don't want to be with another woman, I want to be enough. I understand the s****l attraction of it, but it's like a piece of me inside dies at the thought of him wanting another or wanting to see me with another woman. It’s like all my hidden fears of not being enough come to the surface. I'm a  confident woman, I know what I bring to the table and who I am. I know the sexy persona I put off and know its a shield that deceives others. They never know how truly conservative I am. They never know that at the core of me beats a heart of woman that just wants to be accepted and wanted. I feel if he wants another or to see me with another woman then I’m somehow not enough and that i’m being used. Oh, I do like to be used by him sexually but exclusively by men we choose as our partner. 

Some would say it’s unfair that I get a man and he doesn’t get a woman. However, I don’t see it that way, because he wants a man and I don't want a woman. I can accept that I will never be a man and never able to meet my husbands bi-s****l needs, but I can't accept that I alone am not woman enough for him. I feel if I’m not enough woman for him it’s because he doesn’t truly want me. That he doesn't truly love me. Some would say, is that why you want another man because he’s not enough for you. The answer is simple, No I never wanted another man. In 21 years I never once looked at or desired another man until his bi side began taking over and we discussed it. However, I wouldn’t allow myself to get my needs met elsewhere or to even flirt or look at another man. I love my husband. To look at another man with desire in my eyes was to be unfaithful to the man I love. After 21 years we talked about all our needs and wants that weren't being met and begin our journey. After a year of looking, we've went too far.

Yet when we opened ourselves up to being poly and him acting on his bi side. I had two choices: join him or let him get his needs met without me. As my own needs weren’t getting met and I felt him playing separately would be detrimental to our marriage, I chose to take the helm of the ship and join in. If you can't beat them, join them has always been my motto. However, I find this is one area I cant join him in. I can’t swing. What's the purpose of being married and committed to one person if those vows mean so little to me. If being with woman was my thing or watching him with women was my kink that would be perfectly fine. It's really sexy and hot for many woman. Just not for me. I like to be owned exclusively. I have taken my vowels serious since the age of 18. I didn't stray. I didn’t give up. I didn't quit when things got hard. Even when he began smoking crack and made bad decisions after only 5 years of marriage, I may have left him but I still believed for our marriage to work and waited for him to get his s**t together. After 3 months and right when I was ready to give up too, he got his s**t together.

 I’ve grown a lot since then. I've adjusted. I’ve accepted what I did not want to accept. I’ve worked beyond deal breakers, but this one thing I just can't do. It’s a deal breaker for me that I’ve drawn a line in the sand with. I won't cross that line ever again. I’ve pushed myself too far. If he wants another woman, he can have her, but it won't be with me. It will be without me. It’s my line in the sand, it’s my hard limit. I’ve went this far, but I’ll go no farther. I tried it, I pushed myself and I wont again. I’m a quick learner and know my limits. This doesn't mean our marriage is over or that I no longer love him, it just means swinging isn't for me. Be it straight swinging or female bi swinging. 

I wonder in my current state of mine why he doesn't feel threatened by another woman, because if I ever went down that road again he should be. It would push me past my limits to the point of no return, because on the inside I’d be dead. I would look for another that wants only me. I’d simply be along for the ride until it ends. Man I’m an emotional mess right now. How do I get myself back into right thinking? How do I move beyond this without causing him pain? My biggest fear is for him to not tell me it's his greatest and biggest desire he has now. I want him to be free to share everything and anything with me. How do I ensure I'm a safe place to do that and he doesn't just tell me what he knows I want to hear?How do I fix what I now feel is broken? 

As I lay here in bed pondering the night before with my thoughts crisscrossing like spaghetti noodles, I come to the following conclusions. 

1. I love my husband despite last night. 

2. Hubby only did what we both agreed to. I could have said no with no repercussions at any time.

 3.  I may never find the Dom I’m looking for. Hook-ups and our friends with benefits (FWB) may be our only solution to have his bi needs met.

 4. Life goes on, I still have Hubs to help meet my needs

5. Most importantly we were all consenting adults on this journey of healthy s****l self discovery together and sometimes mistakes are made. We knew this going into this lifestyle.

As i’m reassuring myself and getting ready to face life with these new realizations, Hubs turns over and wrapped his arms around me. He opens his eyes and we lay there face to face staring deeply into each others eyes, he says, “I love you. Your the only woman for me. Last night was fun, but your my woman, my wife, my soulmate. I never want that to change” and just like that, the last bit of fear and doubt that was trying to cling to my heart and mind went away. I was reassured and felt his love in my soul.

I leaned in and gently kiss his forehead and down his face. Hubs closes his eyes enjoying the sensation of my soft lips on his face. I kiss my way down his body enjoying the smooth feel of his skin under my fingertips as my hands follow my kisses down to the core of his body. I know it's important that we reconnect this way. After last night, we both need it. 

I take his big c**k into my mouth, kissing just the head. I take my tongue and swirl it around just the head of his c**k. Making his c**k nice and wet. As I twirl my tongue around his c**k head and suck, I grip him firmly in my hand, lightly stroking it up and down till he grows to full mass. I do it just how he has taught me to do. I began taking him deeper into my mouth an inch at a time. I bite down slightly as he likes it kinda rough. I munch down on each inch as I squeeze the base. For every inch I take him deeper and munch down and squeeze. I slide all the way back to the top and twirl my tongue then slide all the way back down, but only an inch further than I had went before. Making him anticipate and wait for the final moment when I take him to the base. I have his balls against my chin, my lips buried in his bare pubes and can feel his throbbing c**k in the back of my throat. I enjoy every moment of it as I slide my hands under his ass, squeezing his ass cheeks as I keep him buried deep in my throat and began to swallow. I give the head of his c**k a throat massage by swallowing repeatedly. He begins to moan but i'm not ready for him to c*m yet. I want to play some more. I began working my way back up his c**k repeating the steps again, but this time I’m going faster, squeezing and releasing his c**k with my hand while bobbing up and down sucking and twirling my tongue. Now its time to get serious, I want to feel his body tense and his hot load shoot down my throat. I stop doing it inch by inch and start bobbing up and down the entire thick 7 inches. I'm going all the way to the head and just when he's about to pop out of my mouth, I dive to the base and repeat. I do it over and over. Then when i feel his body tense about ready to c*m, I feel his hands in my hair and him saying, “That's it baby” I pull up and dive down one more time, but once at the base I just began swallowing and licking between his balls and c**k base waiting for the moment his hot salty c*m will hit the back of my throat. As his c**k throbs, I feel it. I taste it. I swallow trying not to gag, because it’s a big load. I keep sucking as he moans and breathes hard until he goes completely still and I know he’s done. I slowly ease my way up the top of his c**k. Looking at him for the first time. Making eye contact with him over his c**k still in my mouth. Seeing the soften eyes and the smile on his face. I give him a return smile while his still hard c**k rest in my mouth knowing already what he wants next. 

“Get on all fours and present that sexy ass to me.”

I crawl out from between his legs. Getting on all fours with my ass in the air. Holding myself up with one arm, I use the other to hand to spread my ass cheeks so he can see my pick pucker. 

He grabs the lube and begins rubbing my pink pucker saying, “this ass is mine. I’m gonna f**k it and your gonna like it.”

“Yes, Sir!” I say knowing it's the truth. Quivering in anticipation at his words. I moan as he slides his finger into my ass making me squirm and push back against him. He knows to allow it. He knows I’m really worked up from sucking his c**k. I feel my ass began to stretch. It’s both pleasure and pain. I want more. He slips a second finger in, going around in a circle. Making sure I’m well prepped for his thick c**k. I began to moan and bob my hips. He slaps my ass and says, “Be still, I’m ready to f**k this ass.”

I moan in disappointment as he removes his fingers wanting more, but I know I must be still and wait for his c**k to enter me. I feel the head of his c**k at my entrance, I want to push back but I know better than to do it. I know I must be patient or he won't enjoy it. He pushes in, stretching my ass. It hurts. Oh man, even with the prep, it still hurts. My body tenses and I try to relax. Then he pushes in all the way and all I can think about is the pain. He waits. He holds still stroking my back giving me time to adjust. He’s patient like that. I slowly began to adjust and rock back against him. That’s my que, I’m ready for more. He slides all the way to the base this time. Filling me full of his long thick c**k. I feel my asshole stretch around him and I just wanna grind against him, it feels so damn good. I want to do the twerk on his c**k. I want to take all of him. I just want more. The only thing that would feel better at this moment would be to have a c**k in my mouth as I’m being f****d. 

The wet cowgirls dream comes to mind. I imagined my mouth on Cub’s c**k as I ride my husbands d**k. I imagine what his hands would feel like in my hair as he mouth f****d me. I wondered if he would taste good. If he would be demanding or just let me do as I please. As I think about it, my already wet p***y begins to drip as my husband pounds into my ass. I began squeezing my ass muscles around his c**k grinding back against him as we both get ready to c*m. He feels so damn good inside me. Anal is liking nothing I’ve ever felt before. It sends sensations all over my body at the same time. It makes me feel submissive like nothing else ever has, because he's in control of every sensation that runs over my body at that moment. One slight move changes how it feels from pleasure to pain to omg! I want more to please stop. It's the sensation of being full, but completely empty at the same time. All I can think about is his c**k in my ass and Im on the edge of cumming the entire time. I can feel it building up. I slide my hand between my legs, rubbing my big hard c**t. Imagining its Cub's sexy hands rubbing my c**t as hubby f***s me, that he’s whispering in my ear, “ you like that, don't you my dirty little slut. You enjoy that big c**k stretching that ass while I rub your c**t. Maybe I should just stop rubbing it and f**k his ass instead. Maybe then I’ll f**k your ass when he’s done” I beg him, “no sir, please don't stop rubbing my c**t. f**k him later. I want your hands on me now. Please sir. It feels so good. I’ll be good” He  suddenly uses his free hand and roughly pulls my hair turning my head into his mouth and kisses me hard as his hand continues to rubs my c**t as hubby buries his c**k over and over into my hot tight ass. My body begins to shake. I’m quivering all over. I’m about to explode when I feel Cub pinch my n****e twirling it between his thumb and forefinger saying “c*m for me. c*m now Baby Girl. I want to feel you wetness all over my hand. Do it now, my dirty slut. ” My body tenses, my mind explodes like fireworks, my body quivers and i'm engulfed in mind blowing pleasure all over my body. I go still as I feel Hubs c**k throbbing in my ass as he slammed into me one last time before he shoots his load into my still tight ass.  I lay there a minute, with hubby's body draped over mine, realizing hubby's c**k still felt damn good in my ass and the fantasy of having Cub there made it even better. I want him for real next time just as Hubby and I discussed last night on the way home.