Mated to Another

Mated to Another - Part l

There is a form of waiting that seems like salty stones kissed by soft onshore winds. It isn't very warm, but there is a sense of tranquilly, of nature, of things to come. Then there's the sort that feels like the head of a mediaeval mace is loose in my stomach and my skull has been pummelling with a large plank of wood. And it was the latter as I waited to feel her, my wolf's presence with in me.

After days, months and years of waiting, she finally made her presence known. Taking over my body and mind and shifting her way into the world. It was supposed to be a joyous moment for me and my family. However, this is not the case. Because of my deeds.

My body was motionless and in pain as I lay in my bed. Slowly recovering from my first shift at the age of twenty-four. I'm not sure how I got from the healers' chamber to my house, and I'm not sure how long I slept. But when I awoke from my slumber, my mother was nowhere to be seen. And it has been three days, and I still haven't seen her. Anxiety progressively fills me up as time passes and reality sets in. There is life growing inside me. My own blood and flesh. Where there should have been joy and celebration, and where my mother should have cried tears, there is just melancholy. For my mother did cry, but not with joy. Because this life within me is impure and the product of sin. Which I had committed just to quench the thirst of my vile desire. Whereas I lay awake at night worrying about mine and my child's future and fate, my wolf is calm and composed. Hiding beneath the surface and yet sleeping peacefully with in me. I feel like an ordinary human like before, for I am yet to feel her presence again.

Someone knocks three times on my door, and the door is pushed open wide. I raise my gaze to see my friend Delila enter with a fresh bouquet of flowers. She grins at me as she removes the dried and dead flower from the vase on the tiny table and replenishes the water. Delila has been doing this for a few days now. She would pick flowers from my garden and bring them to me. She has been taking care of my garden and the plants as well. She walks closer to me as she sets the flower in the fresh water-filled vase.

"How are you feeling?" She inquires as she takes a seat near me.

"My entire body aches and the nausea is really not helping." I groan as I turn my body towards her.

"I still can't believe whoever that motherfucker was got you pregnant!" I closed my eyes as Delila snarled.

"I allowed him to do so, Delila. We are both to blame for this." She stares at me with sorrowful eyes, and I reply quietly.

"I wonder how he would react if he ever found out that I'm carrying his pup." I wonder aloud. "I wonder if he has found his moon-blessed."

"Does it make a difference? We have to find him! He must take full responsibility for his pup, which you are carrying! I would-"

Delila's voice fades away as a slew of thoughts rushes through my mind. Would he accept this pup? Would he throw us out? Will his pack accept me and my pup? What on earth am I thinking? I possibly can not let him know! What if he has already found his moon-blessed? But he wouldn't cheat on her if he did, would he? Even if he hasn't found his other half yet, he will find her in the future, right? His moon-blessed would be devastated if she found out he has a child with another female! His pack would banish him since this is a grave sin! His life would be shattered into shards! And not only will his life be ruined, but the life of his female as well! How can I do that!

“-Nesta! Hey, are you listening?” Delila gently shakes my shoulder, bringing me back from my trance-like state.

“No sorry, what were you saying?” I meekly ask and Delila frowns but brushes it off.

"I was saying that we should find that male. We will find him, trust me. Because I know wolves from the host pack as well as other wolves, I am certain we will find him!" I look down as she says this with resolve.

"But I don't want you to find him." Delila's eyes widen as I say this quietly.

"What! Why!" She shouts.

"I simply don't want to."

"You have to find him! He is responsible for this, well half-responsible. But he is responsible and this is his pup!" She says this while pointing to my still-flat belly. "And why would you suffer alone since he is partially to blame for this situation?"

"He is, but I don't want to pull him into my shambles. Even though I know he too messed up. But my life was already messed up and what would this situation do at the most? Probably it'll get me banished. I would be happy to leave. At the very least, I won't have people talking about me behind my back."

"Are you a f*****g i***t? He is equally to blame for this! And you'd be happy to leave? What would happen to your family, especially your younger brother? What would happen to me? And where would you take your pup? Don't try to be a saint, Nesta! If you wind up suffering as a result of this, he should as well!"

"Delila, I don't want to bring down two more lives with me! Think of him and his female! You know what happened is a grave sin and if it gets into the light then their lives would be destroyed along with mine! It's better for me to suffer alone than to drag two people down with me!" Delila clenches her teeth as I exclaim.

"His female! Where was his head when he thought with his d**k and cheated on his female! And ruining two people's life! Did you consider your other half? Your male? What would happen if you just dragged yourself down to the pit of shame? You will be dragging down your male as well! Along with the pup you are carrying!" I look down as she exclaims. My male! I hadn't even considered it. My mind and heart had already accepted the possibility that I would never find my other half. My male. But that thinking should have fled the minute my wolf was birthed, for now, I will be able to sense and locate my male. But I was just thinking about that male who got me pregnant.

"Even so, it is better to destroy two lives than four." Delila looks as though she's about to murder someone as I murmur under my breath. I turn around in bed and look away from her.

"I wish to rest for a while," I mumble and close my eyes. Without a word, Delila turns around and storms out of my room. My words had to have enraged her. But I can't bear the thought of destroying two more people's lives.