Collateral Damage |+18|

6. You haven’t realized how much you drive me crazy. [Part 2]

When I don’t respond, she adds, “You despise me, so stop looking for me. You’re my boss, and I’m your employee, but I bet there are over five hundred employees you haven’t even spoken to in years. Treat me like any other worker and leave me alone.”

I wish it were that easy.

But it’s not.

I don’t understand this maddening need I have for her. It’s as if my mind, my heart, everything in me came alive the moment I saw her. A single glance at her blue eyes and that messy hair activated something inside me, something I’d long shut down.

It infuriates me. It infuriates me because she makes me lose control, because she forces me to feel all these emotions that bring me back to my old self—the f****d-up kid who got what he wanted. The impulsive kid who almost ruined his life thinking he was more powerful than God himself.

I turned myself off. I shut myself down to not ruin my life again, and she’s lighting me up again at the speed of light, volts enough to set me ablaze like the biggest f*****g Christmas tree in the country.

And I don’t want that.

So I lash out. I lash out at her because I’m an i***t and because this girl is about to break the man I’ve worked so hard to be.

A f*****g twenty-three-year-old girl is beating me. Look after look, fight after fight, curl after curl, she’s bending the untouchable man I placed at the top and replacing him with the old me.

I don’t know what it is. I don’t know if it’s her reserved smile, the way her eyes give kindness to everyone, or her calm-but-fiery temperament. I don’t know if it’s the way she fights back without giving in, or that she proves herself despite all the s**t I throw at her.

Or worse, maybe it’s that hair. That damn hair that’s obsessed me like nothing ever has. Because it’s her; her hair is a representation of her: a sweet, wild mess. All in one package, a single beautiful package I want to inhale and carry inside me.

And then it’s not just one thing—it’s all of her. Everything she is, everything that makes her who she is. Her essence, her aura, pure and spicy at once. Everything about her has me obsessed, breaking my composure, bending my pride.

God.

I’m losing my mind over a girl much younger than me, one who doesn’t fit into the life I had already mapped out.

When I remain silent, staring at her, refusing her requests, she growls, arms going down, as exasperated as I am.

“Do you think I want this?” I finally snap, staring at her. “Do you think I want to be obsessed with you?”

Her mouth opens in surprise, and I curse under my breath as forbidden images flood my mind. Images of her using that same mouth, that same way, but this time with my…

“f**k,” I whisper again, trying to push those images out of my head because the last thing I need is for her to see me turned on right now.

“You’re not obsessed with me.”

“Not?” I open my eyes and let her see the hunger there, so she can understand what’s going on in my head.

She blushes, the pink spreading down her neck, I’m sure reaching her chest.

“You don’t get involved with your employees.”

“Even worse, Defne, I don’t get involved with women fourteen years younger than me,” I growl.

“You despise me,” she says, confused, looking at me with a wrinkle between her brows—a wrinkle I want to smooth out myself. “Is this… s*x?”

“Do you think if it were s*x I wouldn’t have had it somewhere else already?”

“You despise me,” she repeats, the wrinkle deepening. Her words hit me, stirring something I’ve never felt, something that hurts deep in my chest.

I can’t take it anymore and, in a blink, I step closer. I run my hand through her hair and pull her toward me. I brush my nose along her brow, a gentle touch, then my lips press there—a kiss so soft even I can’t believe it’s mine.

Defne trembles, but stays silent. I do too, taking in this tenderness I’m capable of; tenderness and softness I’ve never shown anyone. Tenderness that is new in me and only hers.

“Are you sure it’s despise, Defne?” I whisper on her forehead, releasing a tiny braid from the side of her head.

“I hate you.”

Thread by thread, I keep playing with that little lock, obsessed with the way it curls among the rest.

“You bring out the worst in me,” I admit, tilting my head to meet her eyes. “But is it really the worst? Or was I so dead inside I’d forgotten what living felt like?”

Her mouth opens in surprise again, pure, blank confusion. I lean in, needing those lips even for a second, for a tiny bite. But before my teeth can touch her, Defne pulls back, freeing herself from my hold, staring at me utterly stunned.

“No.”

“Defne…”

“You’ve been a complete asshole to me. What the hell is wrong with you? Is that your way of showing interest? Because it’s not…”

“Defne…”

“No,” she shakes her head harder. “You’re an arrogant jerk who’s questioned my work abilities just for… I don’t even know why.”

“I thought it was you who made the mistake, not Scarlett. I’m sorry, Defne, but yes, you’re the new one, unfamiliar with how we work here. So forgive me for doubting you when you were the most likely to fail. And yes, I find it hard to believe someone so young could be this talented. You amaze me, understand? But that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me and my lack of faith in people. Have I been an asshole to you?” I laugh, suddenly furious. “I don’t know if you’ve heard about me and my reputation, Defne, but after the little show you put on your first day here, in my office, if you’d been anyone else, I would have fired you right then.”

“I didn’t…”

“You didn’t do anything wrong?” I ask, incredulous. “Exhibitionism in front of your boss isn’t a fireable offense? Go ask HR and tell me what they think of your cute little act.”

“I…”

“And after seeing you sneak out with Levi from that f*****g cleaning room when you should’ve been working,” I remind her, anger rising, “believe me, if you were anyone else, I’d have kicked you out of my company then and there.”

“He and I…”

“Don’t finish that sentence, Defne. Don’t you dare,” I growl through my teeth. “You and him never go in the same f*****g sentence, damn it.”

“You’re incredible,” she pants, barely audible, looking at me with wide eyes.

“You’re getting to know me, love,” I show my cynical smile, the one I know enrages her more. “Don’t ignore me again, Defne, and hell will break loose if I catch you in another compromising situation with Levi. God knows you’re my weakness and I couldn’t harm you even if I wanted to, but Levi is nothing to me, and I’ll make sure I don’t care if he’s one of my best employees when I decide to fire him.”

“You wouldn’t…”

I bite my lower lip hard, staring at her, resisting the urge to grab her and kiss that bold mouth out of her.

“So you still haven’t realized how much you drive me crazy, Buttercup.”

She looks frustrated and, without another word, turns. I see her reach for the door handle, fleeing my confessions.

But it’s Defne—the disaster-prone woman, the magnet for calamities.

Just as she grabs the handle, Sebastian barges in, pushing the door hard. The wood bounces off her head, throwing her backward.

Pale-faced, I watch Defne hit the floor hard, a small, sharp cry escaping her lips.

And in that instant, panic flooding me like never before, I realize this girl has me completely, irrevocably in the palm of her hand.