Scouts of the broken past.

Chapter Eight

When I started writing all I think was I need motivation to keep going, I need validation from the others to keep going but all of those are mistake which I learned from.

Emotions are the cause us of making a move, I'm not gonna deny there is some time where I think of stopping from writing 'cause I feel so unmotivated and lazy to write. Yes, It sucks. Sometimes I was also mental block and can't think of anything to continue writing.

It is boring, doing the same thing everything is boring, writing thousand of words everyday is boring, Yes, It is. But since I was craving for something better, since I was passionate and obsess with what I'm doing I still continue.

Now, I'm thinking that my journey and the improvements that I made is what matters the most. Lack of motivation sucks, I always seek for It last time but now I have self discipline.

Writing two thousand words per day is my goal, and I already put that in mind. Whatever my schedule is, no matter how busy I am. I'm gonna write a two thousand words.

I challenge myself in doing things that I thought I can't, and now I see myself improving everyday.

If you are unmotivated to go to the gym, just show up for freaking five minutes and later on you'll find yourself working for 2 hours straight.

Unmotivated to go to work? Just write some things you wanted to do or buy after you get your salary, you'll feel excited and gonna go to your work even though you don't want to.

The emotions that we feel cause us to act upon are task, if we lack of it... It is a good thing if we are already self-disciplined. Always remember if you want to grow, stop seeking for motivation and go work as hard as you can even though you don't feel like doing It.

Now I still seek for mistakes, 'cause I want to improve. The more mistakes occured the more I wanted to write.

If you are facing some situation where people are already trying to bring you down, you gotta train you mind to remain focus even though what they are doing causes your heart to shred in tears.

No matter how hard the situation is, no matter how painful the people were doing to discouraged you, you have to keep going.

Use the pain and hatred (if you actually feel this way... But I hope you don't.) that you feel, as a fuel of your own machine which is your body to keep moving.

Don't plant hatred on your heart, 'cause once It grew... It may be hard for you to remove It.

You know some people are thinking that they are lazy, even though they are not. Some are just mentally exhausted who needs to take some rest.

Yes, what I said is to challenge yourself but please don't forget to be gentle. If you need to take a rest then go, but don't stop when you are not done yet. Take a rest when you're already done.

Now, while I was writing this chapter I'm currently feeling some hatred towards someone and every time I stopped writing all I think was that person. I'm not letting my mind to control me, and how the way I react and move. I gotta stay focus on writing no matter how shitty that person was.

All of the words that the person I was pertaining to are causing me to feel pain, hate, and discouraged with what I'm doing but then again, I won't let that person get inside of me. I gotta keep focus on my goals. My heart do cares, but I'm training and doing my best for my mind not to care.

Discouragement coming from the other people may cause you to stop what you are passionate about just like being unmotivated but always remember, if you use those words as a fuel you're gonna be out of control.

If your emotions doesn't affect your mind and what you're doing anymore... That's the real thing where no one can stop you from achieving things.

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Intramurals where every departments are gonna compete with each other. I'm a sporty type of person 'cause I freaking love sports and the way It makes me sweat. Well if sweat thingy disgust you... You can just forget about that part.

I have three choices, the other one is playing chess, the other one is playing table tennis and the last one is playing e-sports.

I became the champion in chess last year in intramurals so I decided not to go after It. Because I already have achieve my goal which ks to became a champion, and I didn't seek to become better which is a mistake I made in my highschool years.

I played table tennis since I was in grade school and I got used to It, so I also decided not to take that part.

I want to join a squad in playing e-sports. My friends also encouraged me to join It, we were squad and what they are telling makes me motivated to join.

So I did, but before we became a player we have some I don't know how to say this but maybe audition?

I was so motivated and I think highly of myself, I said... Damn my friends are making me motivated and I feel like I'm gonna play that part. I'm gonna win! But guess what? I lost.

I was so happy and motivated and I expected that I'm gonna win but then It didn't happened. So later on my teacher convinced me to join table tennis and I despise her for that. I was kinda, disappointed with myself for not winning the game.

She kept convincing me and in the end I take that part, I become a single player letter A. I didn't became the champion since my rival is so good, but then atleast I'm the second placer.

The chess competition that I didn't joined, my friend who's younger than me she was the one who became the champion and she even thank me for not joining 'cause she knew she's gonna lose against me. (Let me just boost my ego for this part.)

So what I learned from my experience is that I'm not good in e-sports.

Kidding.

What I learned is that no matter how big the motivation is if I'm doing It wrong I'm gonna fail.

Motivations are needed and It affects your energy, and It makes you feel some emotions that would keep you going.

It's not the motivations that makes you keep moving forward, It is the emotions that you felt after reading those motivations that cause you to act.

That's why when things cause you to feel some dullness you'll feel lazy to act.

Here are some tips that I learned while I was starting to write.

The goal that you set in, that you want to achieve is just like the direction of what you are going through. It is the direction but not the real goal 'cause your journey is the goal.

For example, once you achieve your goal what's gonna happen next? You're gonna build another one and go after It.

'Cause the end of the goal is another start.

But when you stopped doing things 'cause you already achieve the goal... There's probably something wrong with that.

There's some a clip of a podcast on the internet, the journey is the goal. The changes that you made, the improvements that occurs while you're still on the process is what you should really focus in.

So after listening to that my mind shifted, instead of focusing on how my book are starting to get recognized why don't I just focus on the improvements that I made?

Before I was so tense on the votes and comments also the viewers that kept rising but when times suddenly became dull and I only received a small amount of notifications I feel unmotivated to act, but now... Things changed.

I'm more focus on how I'll make my self become better in writing than focusing on things that I'm already achieving.

People may find you weird because you keep going even though what you are doing is freaking boring, but don't listen to them.

Focus on your goal, people will always talk about you no matter what you are doing but isn't it much better if people are talking about your success?

The key and secret to success is to be better not good.

Strive to become better, no matter how good you are always do your best to become much better than who you are months ago, or maybe years ago.

Do not compare yourself to the others, each one of us have our own journey. Comparing means self sabotaging, remove that from your mind.

As long as you know that you are better than who you are last year, you have nothing to be scared of, keep moving.

The only battle in our lives is not you, and the other people It is you against you.

It's only us who's stopping us to become better by doing some self critiques but Instead of doing It for good It only made you more disappointed.

Self healing sucks, 'cause you have no choice but to understand and keep your mind open to almost everybody why they are acting like that.

Self healing sucks 'cause when you are on your journey you'll find out that you are the one who's toxic not your friends. (It depends on some people. If this doesn't resonate then don't take It.)

Self healing sucks 'cause you have to go to gym, you have to workout, you have to choose carefully what you eat.

Self healing sucks 'cause It cost you a lot, from time, books and money.

I know It does, but the good thing about self healing is you'll be able to understand yourself and the others.

You'll be able to heal the trauma you've been suffering of for a very long time.

You're also able to figure things out, especially about you inner child that's causing you to act differently.

Motivation is the best way to start, but self discipline must be the one you need to start doing.

You need to wake up to bed every morning, instead of reading some quotes challenge yourself.

Set an alarm and hide It, or put It away fro your bed where when It finally rang you have no choice but to get up and turn It off and once you did do not fvcking go back to sleep.

It's either you sleep to dream again, or you wake up and chase your dreams.

Unlike everyone else, people who started some self healing journey tend to look for motivations. Try to be different, start building self discipline as soon as possible 'cause...

Motivations are overrated.