Scouts of the broken past.

Chapter Nine

Trust issues is not the main issue.

If you ever find yourself on the verge of losing trust in almost everything and everyone because people around you once broke It, you need to read this.

Trust is hard to fix once it's already broken, It's just like a tape that you glued into a wall, the first time you remove It and paste it back It still cling unto the wall but not that stronger than it was before, the third one and the fourth one It's not sticky just like before until it no longer cling into the wall.

Once your trust has been broken you may experienced almost doubting everyone about their true intentions when It comes to you, It's normal to feel that way 'cause you've been traumatized but It's not normal anymore when you started generalizing things.

It's hard to trust people again once your trust has been broken, you may also do some self isolation, avoidance from the crowd 'cause you think they are planning something bad to you, or you just really want to hang out with anyone 'cause you experienced being betrayed and you don't want it to happen again.

It's okay to feel that way, I understand. I've been there.

People has been using my kindness, my innocence and my trust to them.

It took me years to find out what they are doing, actually... Because of the pandemic my mind has opened to a lot of things.

I figured almost everything out, who secretly hates me in our group, who's manipulating me, who's using me... Everything that's toxic I've cut them off. I removed them from my life.

What I did may sound toxic but I'm doing it for my inner peace, It's hard to let go of people who's been with you for a longer time... It's also hard to find out everything 'cause It makes you disappointed and feel betrayed.

It takes a pandemic for me to be alone for a very long time and for me to think, I guess self isolation and being alone is not really bad and I only find out about It when the pandemic comes.

When I was in highschool, I have this friend whom I treated as my sibling... I promised myself to take care of that person, and I'm not gonna let anyone to used and manipulate him.

When we were in our circle of friends he always makes some bad jokes about me which is I didn't take seriously 'cause I know It was just a joke but deep inside I'm hurt.

He kept pointing out my mistakes, but his is much worse than mine but then I chose to shut my mouth 'cause I don't want him to be embarrassed.

I just hope that people are like me, that people treats me the way I treat them, but then I realize why would I hope when I can just give all of what I'm doing to them to myself?

I cut him off, it's been months since our last contact and I didn't regret It. I didn't 'cause It gives me a peace of mind.

My life is so peaceful without him. Without him whom I wanted to please everytime.

There is this one friend who always talk s**t behind people's back, make fun of them, curse them, almost everything and me... As his friend I also talk s**t behind people's back but that was before.

I learned my lesson, and I only got influenced.

There's this quotes I read on the internet. "Be careful with the people who talk s**t behind people's back, 'cause once you are not there with them they may also talk s**t about you."

Here's the other one. "Once they stop talking to you, they start talking about you."

And I think those quotes are real, they no longer talk to me and they have another group which is I found out... They were talking about me.

My trust has been broken to the point that I don't want to be friends with anybody anymore, I don't want to deal with the others and I just wanna focus on mine.

I even said that. "I don't need anybody, I can live alone... I'm an independent type of person." But guess what?

Those people who likes to say those words, and those people who tend to say they are strongly independent... Once they have been betrayed. And being a strongly independent type of person is a cause of a trauma.

Sad to say but that's the fact, people who tend to think that they no longer need anyone has been broken and betrayed by someone they really trust and loved.

I also experienced being gaslight and manipulated by my own relatives, I tend to please and follow them most of the times.

Whatever they said, I'll follow 'cause that's what I think was right... But I was wrong. And now I learned another lesson and decided to stand up for myself, to speak up for myself.

And now they think I'm the bad one because I'm treating them the way the treat me. Isn't It funny?

People doesn't want to be treated the way they treat the others and still think that they deserved much better.

I also have my own toxic traits and until now I'm still working on it, and I'm doing my best not to do the same mistakes I did before I found out that I'm also a walking red flag.

I'm a narcissistic type of person who tend to think that I'm better than anyone else, how funny of me to think that and to reveal this on this chapter but I don't care.

Loving yourself is good but being too much may cost you bad.

Always remember, too much is not good.

The situations that happened to me made me lose interest and made me lose some hope that there is still type of persons who treats the others the same way they treat themselves, but then my mind shifted when I met a bunch of strangers on the internet who became my friends.

There are still people out there who fits the standards you made to yourself but please make sure your standards are also applied to yourself.

You tend to attract some people who's exactly the same as you. Always remember that.

Trust issues is not the main issue, it is the people who surrounds you.

It is them who made you feel inferior and made you think that everyone doesn't deserve your trust because they've broke yours once.

But don't get affected by them, not all have some bad intentions to you. Not all people is holding some grudges against you.

And even if they do, that's have nothing to do to you. Just live in the moment and look around.

Think of every positive things as you can, and think how people do good things to you without even asking for return.

The main issue here is the people, and the way you think. Changed it, the both of them.

People can be replaced, and minds can be shift if you really want to.

There's a group of friends who trusted, loved and protect each other most of the times but then someone joined their group.

That person tend to look very intimidating and has a strong aura, he tends to think that everything is a competition that he needed to win to validate himself that his worthy.

He tends to play and manipulate his new friend. He kept telling them some secrets that isn't true and he only made them up. Each one of those people on his new group knows something about him.

He tends to tell them different stories, 'cause he was testing their loyalty and he wants to make sure that he's already on the right circle.

Aside from having a god complex he also wants and needs to be loved, he seeks some validation from the others aside from himself.

Later on, few weeks has passed and he's finally seeing the true colors of his new friends. All of them tend to tell him the secret he revealed to his other friends.

The other friend would tell him, 'I know something about you... Jeric (this name were just made up.) said you steal some money at the store across from our school.

And then the other friend would say. "Liam told me you were caught doing some sensual things at the principal's office." (He also made that story up.)

That's when he realized that no one from them can be trusted, they all tend to reveal his secrets which isn't true.

In order for you not to feel betrayed you must stop expecting that people are just like what you think.

Stoo putting trust so much, stop telling the other people almost everything. You must still keep something from yourself.

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As you can see, from the story up there... People around him are cannot be trusted so he decided to leave the group and find a new circle or... He decided that he can just live alone without depending too much on the others.

Your trust issues were made because your trust has once been broken.

Your trust issues were made by the people who betrayed you.

Trust issues can be solved, you just need some time and let your self heal in order for you to trust again.

The people around you? If you feel like they can't be trusted then why choose to hang out? And if you don't that's good.

Try to protect yourself from being manipulated by trusting your guts and instincts.

In the last chapter is the another story that will make you think.