Liebestraum: The Switch

Chapter 4- Burning desire

BURNING DESIRE

"I  can resist everything except temptation"

Oscar Wilde

I was out of the bar. Paekis ekis na tinatahak ng lango kong katawan ang parking lot. Iginala ko ang aking mata pilit hinahanap ang asul kong kotse. My vision is getting blurry. The road is getting dim. f**k! I drunk too much. I cursed the moment I stepped out of the bar 'til now. Buti na nga lang ay nakaalis ako sa bar na 'yon without causing so much trouble.

I was dancing lightly and passionately with random strangers. Leila is truly out of her mind. She spoke recklessly awhile ago that hurt my goddamn ego. I don't know what's with her that makes my blood boils. I wanted to pull her hair til her scalp detach from her body. I know that these thoughts are not right. I don't care if the minister will summon me for having these thoughts. Noon pa may ayaw ko na sakanya tuwing kinakausap nya si Luna. I wasn't enticed with her angelic smile nor his tragic story.

I was dancing whole heartedly. It seems like my body knows how to jive with the rhythm. My hips is wagging back and forth. I can feel my chest vibrating as I move my body. Naramdam ko ang pagtama ng mahaba kong buhok sa iilang sumasayaw sa paligid. I saw the team eyes all on me. I saw them stunned and perhaps shocked. This is the first time they saw Luna being like this.

Multiple music was played. But it seems like my body is gaining a lot of serotonin. Despite of unusual movements and multiple dances, i can't feel the feeling of being 'tired'. Maybe this is my form of releasing all the negativities.

Naramdaman kong may lalakeng lumapit saakin, sumasayaw. Sinusundan nya ang bawat pag indayog ng aking mga katawan. Nararamdaman ko ang pagtama ng aming mga balat. He is tall. I looked at him. He is a stranger to my vision. But he is a decent type. Mas lalo kong naramdaman ang kanyang katawan saakin. Tiningnan ko ang malamlam nyang mata, bilugan at mapanukso.

Hinigit ng estranghero ang aking bewang papalapit sa kanyang katawan. Naramdaman ko ang paglapit ng kanyang mga labi saaking tenga.

"You want to be of out here?" mapanuksong wika ng estranghero.

"I don't want to, just wanted to dan--"

"Luna this is enough! Tita Merly will be mad" ika ng tinig mula saaking likuran.

Oh that voice, he must be Chester Luke Pascal. My mom sent me here to have fun. She sent me here to have a social life. How dare he ruin this?

Mas lalo kong inilapit ang aking katawan sa estranghero, at mas pinitik ang kembot ng aking mga bewang. Now I have his attention, huh?

Sa bawat pag pitik ay mas naramdaman ko ang mas lalong pagdiin ng hawak saaking braso. That grip is not from the stranger I'm dancing with.

I looked at my back. There he is, Luke Pascal! His eyes were full of annoyance. Nakakunot ang kanyang mga noong hawak pa rin ang aking braso.

Hinigit nya iyon mula sa pagkakahawak sa estranghero.

"You might be out of your mind!" He exclaimed.

How dare he ruin this intimate dance?

"No! You are out of your mind! Then what should I do in here? I am in a bar! I supposed to be dancing and not sitting in the corner of that cushion getting bombarded by random question that I couldn't answer!" Singhal ko sa kanya.

"Luna leave this dance floor! You're dancing intimately with this guy. That you don't even know! You're too close! Tita will get mad! You just came back from being in slumber from that damn hospital bed!"

Mas lalong humigpit ang kanyang hawak sa mga braso ko. Ang mga titig nya ay parang sibat na tumatama saaking katawan, matinik, matalim.

Umurong lahat ng sasabihin ko. I know he's concerned with me because of my mom. But I wanted a social life... for Luna. But I couldn't afford to make Luna's mother worry, that angelic face of her should be free from worries.

I wanted to find Luna a boyfriend that will love her unconditionally. Or a friend where she can vent out all of her frustration. I wanted to give her life that she deserved. Before my soul leave this body, I wanted to leave something remarkable that she will be thankful of. But it seems like Mr. Pascal ruin it again.

Pinikit ko ng mariin ang mga aking mata at lumakad papalayo sa dance floor. Hinigit ko ang aking kamay sa mariing pagkakahawak ni Luke.

He is too much. He already stole the attention a while ago. Di pa ba sya nakuntento sa atensyon na binibigay ng mga tao sa kanilang tatlo. I can't relate with their modeling. I'm trying to make sure that Luna will fit in this world. I don't want her to lurk under her thick comforter trying to tame her monster in her head. I wanted to engage her with the crowd. I just wanted her to be in a spotlight and be seen and be heard.

But these Luke and Leila wouldn't allow that. May 'say' sila sa bawat gagawin ko at sa bawat sasabihin ko.

These people are suffocating.

Tinungo ko ang bench na kinaroroonan ng team.

"I'm sorry guys but I have to go. May family dinner kami bukas dating kasi ni Mr. Meri-- ni dad, ngayon" wika sa team na halata na rin ang pagkalango.

Narinig ko ang kanilang pag-sang ayon at binilinan akong mag-iingat. Ang Ilan ay inoffer pang ihatid ako. Pero pinigil ko sila't pinanindigang kaya ko.

Nanatili ako sa aking kotse, sumandal ako sa bintana saglit para kalmahin ang aking sarili. Narinig ko ang mabilis na pagtama ng tumatakbong stilletos patungo sa direksyon ko.

"Reina stop it" wika ng tinig.

Wait? Reina? That means Reina really exist? Itinago ko ang aking katawan sa kotse at bahagyang binuksan ang binatana para marinig sila.

I can't believe what I'm seeing. It's Leila and Cee Jay. I can't be wrong this time. She's wearing the same outfit, black shorts, white top, cardigan and gladiator sandals. But why did she called her Reina? Are they hiding something from me? From us?

"Cee Jay! She's stealing Chester from me. I saw how Chester stared at her. I saw how his tantalizing eyes twinkled when he pulls her from that damn dance floor! " wika ni Leila sa galit na tinig.

"Reina look! If Luke will see you now, he will be disappointed as hell! Please don't do this to yourself. You look miserable. Leave Luna alone. It's been years, Reina. Let the issue rest! For petes sake!" sigaw ni Cee Jay sa naiiyak na tinig. Napaupo sya at ihinilamos ang kamay sa mukha.

"I want my revenge to that girl! She ruined my whole life, and now... Chester."

Revenge? What revenge Leila? In what way did Luna ruin your life? I have seen Luna her entire life. She's been patient with everything. She deals with all sort of problem gracefully.

Di ko alam kung dala ng kalasingan ang narinig ko. She's making revenge from me. From the very start, I know, Leila is not a friend.

"Just please... Reina please live in peace" nagmamakaawang tinig ni Cee Jay.

"Tell me Cee Jay, how can I live in peace when this girl is wandering everywhere, freely!" Singhal niya kay Cee Jay.

What is her real identity? Why is he calling her Reina? If she's Reina, who is Leila then?

"Cee Jay, please get in the car. Ihatid mo na si Leila" ani Luke na kararating lang na mukhang hingal na hingal mula sa pagkakatakbo.

I wished he heard all those conversation. These two are up into something, maybe revenge? I don't know.

"Chester, that girl is a monster Chester" pagsusumamo ni Leila kay Luke habang hinihigit ang damit nito.

"Reina look, you should go home" tugon ni Luke na pilit inaaalis ang mga kamay mula sa pagkakahawak sa kanyang damit. Tinutulunan naman sya ni Cee Jay kalasin iyon.

Halos malaglag ang aking panga sa narinig. He knows but a while ago he acted as if he's clueless. What are these three up too?

Mas lalong gumulo ang aking Isip sa narinig. Pilit kong hinahanap sa utak ni Luna ang kaugnayan niya sa tatlong ito pero bigo akong matagpuan iyon.

Maybe these people are hiding something from me. I don't know if it's a bad thing or a good thing. I shouldn't trust them, at the moment.

Naramdaman ko ang papalapit na si Luke. He caught my eyes staring at him. The evil came! Kinatok nya ang aking salamin na kalahati lamang ang sara.

"Can you drive?" aniya sa nagsusumamong tinig. Sumilay saakin ang mapupungay nyang mata na may bakas ang pag-aalala. "Of course, you can't, you drank too much."

He opened the door of my car. He's sweating. But his angelic voice and face is attracting me. I can see his tight muscles. His tired muscles is resting like a sculpted piece. Like a statue, it is formed perfectly and elegantly. But he knows something about Leila that I don't know.

"I can drive"

Hilo pa rin ako and I don't know if I can drive properly. But I don't want him to tempt me to the whole drive. I don't want to commit a mortal sin.

He pushed me to the left side of the seat. "Fastened your seatbelt" he said gently habang ang ekspresyon ay nanatiling blangko.

Ohh, He is now tamed unlike before. Maybe I would let him drive, even just for tonight. Let me just have wild thoughts throughout the ride. Baka makakalap pa ako ng imporsmasyon na sasagot sa mga kalituhan na narinig ko ngayong buong araw.

I reached for the seatbelt. Pero sadyang malakas yata ang tama ko dahil kahit pilit kong abutin at ipagsiklop ang seatbelt ay hindi iyon mahagilap ng aking mga kamay.

"You can't even fastened your seatbelt now you have the guts to drive yourself at home. Tss!"

I rolled my eyes. Siya na mismo ang nagkabit ng seatbelt saaking katawan na kanina ko pang bigong maipagkabit.

"Do you have spare dress or blanket in here?" aniya habang matalim nanaman ang tingin saaking mukha pababa sa ang dibdib.

Masyado ng naka expose ang aking balat gawa ng off shoulder kong halos lumaylay saaking braso. Alam kong nakaka enganyo ang aking dibdib. He wanted to cover it.

"Why? Are you stunned? Are you having wild thoughts with my petite body" sambit ko sa mapang-akit na tinig "sorry I'm just small, my legs weren't long as Leila. But I am pretty flawless and pretty beautiful"

Kinagat ko ang ibabang bahagi ng aking labi. Nakita ko ang marahan niyang pag-pikit at pag-iling.

Di niya ako sinagot at nagsimulang hagilapin ang susi saaking bag. Nang makita iyon ay pinatakbo niya ang kotse papalayo sa bar.

I wonder if he knows my condo.

Natulog ako sa byahe sapagkat hilo ang aking mga mata. Malapit lang ang condo ko sa bar pero kailangan ko ng sapat na lakas para tahakin ang elevator at ang aking unit. Gusto ko man siyang tanungin sa mga bagay bagay ay wala akong enerhiya para magdaldal ngayon.

Nang makarating sa condo ay agad siyang lumabas at pinag buksan ako. Inalalayan niya ang aking mga kamay papalabas. I wonder how did he knew where I live. Siguro ay itinanong nya iyon kay mommy.

"Where's your unit?I mean, what floor?" aniya habang inaaya ako papasok sa elevator.

So he's taking me home.

"Fourteen, room one-two-five"

may sapat na akong lakas para tahakin iyon. Pero hinayaan ko na siyang ihatid ako dahil sa takot na sumemplang habang tinatahak ang bawat pasilyo patungo doon.

"We're here, what's your code?"

I typed the number on the handle multiple times but the unit is denying it all.

"f**k, dang it! How dare you deny it!" Sinipa ko ang pintuan ko sa inis.

"Tell me. You can't see it clearly" aniya.

He's still here waiting at me patiently. Maybe because he wants me to get secure, para di mag-aalala si mommy. At some point thankful ako sa paghatid at pananatili niya. I don't know if he's really concerned about me or maybe it was just all part of his game. But I wanted to play his goddamn game.

"It's 1499"

He entered the code and the door successfully opened. Finally!

Pumasok ako at nakita ko siyang nakaestatwa lamang sa pinto. The gods of mount olympus wouldn't punish me if I tease him a little, right?

I will tease him 'til he choose me over Leila. I will tease him 'til he spit the truth about Leila and her goddamn plan of revenge.

"Oh? Bakit di ka pumapasok? Don't you want to taste the heaven with me?" sambit ko sabay kagat ng ibabang labi. Tinignan ko sya ng aking mapupungay na mata.

He remained silent, frozen outside the door. Hinila ko ang kanyang mga kamay. Nangungusap ang kanyang mga mata. His lips, his cherry-like lips is inviting me. I wanted to taste those cherry lips. Perhaps it is soft as clouds or as the cushion on my bed.

Inilapit ko ang aking katawan sa kanya. Pilit Naman niyang iniiwas ang kanyang mga mata. But I can still feel his breath.

"Maybe the hell is more interesting, di mo man lang matitigan ang Anghel sa harap mo" mapanukso ko siyang tinapunan ng tingin.

I kissed his lips, fastly. But he's still not saying anything. He pushed me instead.

"Luna, please.... " mariin nyang sambit.

Oh c'mon Luke Pascal. Tell me if how can I wake your burning desire?

Lumapit ako sa kanya at pilit idinidikit ang aking mga katawan sa kanyang perpektong muscles. I can feel the heat. Nanliit ako sa agwat ng aming height. He is really taller than me.

"The President of Pascal University is not turned on. He might be a gay. She doesn't like wom--"

Pinutol ng kanyang nagbabagang titig at mariing halik ang akin sanang sasabihin. He is kissing me now, torridly. I can feel him gasping for air. I can feel his skin on mine. I can feel his body. Why did I provoke the god of olympus? He's now punishing me with a wild kiss!

"I am not gay and I am stunned Luna Psychee Merida. You're absolutely stunning today. And I wanted to taste the angel infront of me"

Hinigit pa niya ako papalapit sakanya at siniil ng halik. He kissed me intimately and passionately. Those two adjective is not enough to describe his kisses. Marahil ito ang unang beses maranasan ng katawang ito ang mahalikan. Kaya ganoon na lamang ang bagsik ng epekto nito sa saakin.

Naging mas mabilis ang kanyang kamay. Ang kaliwa niyang kamay ay naka pulupot sa aking bewang.

Mas lalo akong kinabahan sa nangyayari. Marahil isinasanla ko na ang katawang ito sa espiritu ng kadiliman sa ngayon.

Humans are prone to temptation. This mortal body of mine, enjoyed it.

Uminit ang aking pakiramdam. I can feel the burning heat inside me circulating in every nook of my body. His hands plays on my back.

I clung my left leg on his waist. I can feel his skin. He is still kissing me deeper, as if he's eating me whole.

I can smell him. His perfume smells so much like a man. Ang kalasingan na kanina'y bumabalot saaking katawan ay nalusaw ng kanyang halik. Mas nalalasing na ako ngayon sa kanyang hawak at halik. I take back what I've said earlier. He's not an angel nor a greek god. He's a monster, a monster in kissing.

Sumidhi ang kaba saaking dibdib sa mga nangyayari saamin but his touches and kisses are dominating. My nervousness is slowly vanishing. Tila isa siyang halimaw na uhaw na uhaw at aking halik ay batis na pumapawi sa kanyang uhaw. Hindi ko alam kong ganito ba dapat ang nararamdaman ng katawang ito, pero I can feel the love from those kisses. I can feel comfort from those touches. His actions felt like a necessity of this body. It felt like I've been longing for those.

I saw his tantalizing eyes looking at me, only me. He's angelic face is now getting wilder. Her perfectly defined jaw and tight muscles is making me hungry. His body is like a prey to the hungry predator inside me.

My left hand is now reaching for his nape while the right one is clutching his hair. I am lost. I can't decline the burning heat inside me. I hear my self moaning his name. I hear him gasping for air. My lustful desire rise. I want him. I want him now. I wanted his kiss to poison my tired mind and body. If this is all part of his game, I wanted to play it fair, with him.

Mas lalo niyang inilapat ang kanyang katawan at ang kanyang halik. He reached for my back and he is about to unzip my pencil cut skirt. I am giving in. I am giving in right now, with Chester Luke Pascal.

Naputol ang aming intimate moment sa napakalas na ring sa kanyang bulsa Naitulak ko sya ng bahagya sa gulat.

" Oh my goodness, Aster! "

Bulalas ko sa sarili. What did you do to Luna's mortal body? Are you damn insane? Nang tuluyan ng bumalik ang ulirat ko ay pinulot ko ay hinilamos ko ang aking kamay sa mukha.

I saw him smirking at me. He seems unaffected. I couldn't breath. I felt like I am in a tight grip.

"Never ever tease me again Luna Psychee Merida. You know what I can do" wika niya sabay kuha ng cellphone at sinulyapan kong sino ang tumatawag.

Iniswipe nya lamang iyon at bumaling ang tingin saakin na agad inayos ang suot ng off shoulder.

Pilit kong iniiwas ang tingin ko sa kanya sa kahihiyan. He saw how thirsty this human body is! The decency and the dignity are now gone. The minister will summon me, I'm sure! I am sure Aster, you are a disgrace to Luna's precious body.

"Your body is responsive Luna. Your body wants me" panunukso niyang sambit. Kinagat niya ang ibabang bahagi ng kanyang labi at lumapit saakin ng bahagya. " Sadly, I am still at the gate of heaven, I wonder if how does it taste if I fully enter"

Tila may kung anong bumara saaking lalamunan. I couldn't answer him. I couldn't even look at his eyes. What happened now, Aster? What happened to you? Answer him. This mortal mind is not working properly!

"I'm sorry. I'm drunk and according to psychology na-natural lang ang reaksyon ng katawan ko. Nasa ilalim ako ng alcohol because of the ethanol. It gives false signal to my hypothalamus kaya ganon" pilit kong sagot.

Yes I am drunk. It can be an excuse. It's the ethanol that made my s*x drive high.

"Then don't drink ever again or else... worse than this can happen" ngumiti siya at pilit hinahagilap ang aking mga mata. "Get changed Luna! Lock the door and take a shower to atleast calm your burning desire"

Tinahak niya ang pintuan. Bago umalis ay tinapunan niya ako ng napaka lawak na ngiti. Mga giti na mas lalong nag paigting ng aking mga panga.

Halos ihandusay ko sa sofa ang aking katawan. This man is too much. How dare him used my own card.

But this is entirely my fault. I gave him a lustful desire.

I fixed myself and took a hot shower. I rested this goddamn body on the bed. This body is full of desire. I stare blankly at the ceiling still contemplating on what had happened between me and Luke.

Being human is really prone to temptation.

Luna is a psych teacher, I should have known that! Everything is controllable, I shouldn't let the emotion of this body to take over me.

Tomorrow will be another day. May dinner ako kasama ang aking mga magulang. I have to be decent infront of them. I'm thankful dahil linggo pa lamang bukas. Kung nagkataong lunes ay 'di ako papasok. Dahil di ako magkakalakas ng loob harapin ang hipokritong si Luke.

Sa pag ooverthink ay di ko na namalayan ang antok at tuluyan ng bumagsak ang aking mata at humimbing na natulog.

Dang those kisses. Those kisses from Luke Pascal. I wonder if when will be the next time.

----

A/N expect rough kisses from this story. I never meant to engage readers into s****l activity. This story is perhaps an eye-opener, to the idea of s*x. (Although there is no much s*x involve). I wanted to let readers know that temptation or being tempted is just a natural feelings everybody could have. It's just a common nature of human to be tempted-- to feel temptaion.

According to goodthreads. com

"Individuals who consistently exerted a stronger effort toward self-control were in some cases more prone to giving into temptation. This may be due to the fact that exercising self-control without the support of a habit my drain a person's mental energy more quickly, causing them to ultimately give in to temptaion. "

Therefore, that explains why Luna/give in easily. Luna was bland her whole life, and keeps everything in herself. That's why when aster took over her body, she bursted easily.

Also, Libido refers to s****l desire according to Sigmund Freud is part of the Id and the driving force of all behavior. When we're under ethanol, our s*x desire, exceeds than usual.

Luna as I was saying was bland her whole life. She is fond of Luke but chooses to hold it all out. But Aster, is the opposite. When she took over the body, she hold the bait of temptation. Her preconscious mind, influenced her behavior.

We are not resistant to temptation, [or anything that has something to do with our emotion( anger, happiness and etc.,) ] because we're just human. It's natural to be tempted. But take in mind, that we shouldn't let our emotions, take us into crucial spot. We shouldn't use the phrase 'tao lang naman ako, natetempt" to validate our mistakes. Yes, you're just human, you make mistakes, blame your irrational thoughts and sudden decision. Maybe your preconscious mind influenced your behavior, but you could retrieved if desired. And consciously, you're aware of what is happening. So, Do not validate your mistake just because you're human! Kung na tempt ka man, MAY CHOICE KA PALAGI KONG AYAW MO O HINDI!

In conclusion, temptation is natural, the rise of Libido is natural, pero yung actions mo it's based on your hands, based on your conscious mind not in your preconscious mind.

-EndJail