The Alpha and Her Secret Mate

Clarity

For just a moment, I wanted to believe that I was just a normal girl, and that my secret mate hadn’t attacked me a few days before. For a moment, I did.

Zacharie pulls away with a sigh. "It was a long shot anyways," he says, resting his head on mine.

"I…" I feel numb. "I'm sorry."

He laughs. "It's not your fault. We're not meant to be. If we were the Goddess would have told us."

I try to laugh, but it's weak. "Yeah, I guess. We'll find mates eventually, probably." I pull away from him, and once we're not touching, I find it easier to breathe.

"You know," he says playfully. "We could still have some fun, even if we're not mates." He twirls a strand of my hair around his fingers, and I feel suddenly repulsed.

I step back again, pulling my hair out of his hand. “No. I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I smile. In another world, he might be perfect for me. He’s sweet, he’s so handsome, he’s funny. He’s not Alex.

He gives me a sad smile. “Well, maybe someday I’ll find her.”

I can't emphasize enough how much I don't want to comfort this man, so I quickly divert the conversation. "Have you been on many of these blind dates?"

He laughs grimly. "Only a few. My Alpha's daughter went on about 40 before she met her mate. She said it was exhausting!"

"Goddess, no. That's brutal. Here's hoping we get out of this before then."

"Here here!" he says. "And I really did enjoy meeting you. I hope that we can still be on friendly terms. Even though we're not meant to be together."

The concerned look in his eyes makes me realize that he might have been sent here with a mission other than finding a mate. "Yes. I also hope that we can have friendly relations on behalf of our packs."

Relief floods his face. "In that case, I think I'll go to bed. Thank you for your hospitality."

"Yes, of course. You know where to go?"

I had questioned Taylor when she said that we needed to plan to host them for the night, but now that they are here, I appreciate the decision. Even if they're not staying the night to have Zacharie in my bed. I suppress a shudder at the thought.

"Yeah. I can find the rest of my pack. Thank you. And goodnight, Layla." He waves as he goes, and as soon as he's gone, I collapse to the floor and hold my knees to my chest.

I try to take a deep breath, but my chest is tight, and I'm shaking. I need to move. I need to hide. I can't stay here.

My knees shake as I force myself upright. I stand for a moment, swaying uneasily on my feet. When I walk to the door, it's to get it over with more so than feeling ready.

Taylor finds me halfway up the stairs to my room, and for once she seems to realize that silence is the answer, and quietly guides me. She closes my door behind me and turns to talk to me.

“Tell me everything. What happened? Are you okay?”

I nod, and when that doesn’t ease her expression, I say, “I’m fine, I promise.”

She rubs a flat palm across my back. “Not your mate, huh?”

“Nope.”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t think he would be your mate, but I also didn’t think you’d be so upset about it. I can pick someone more likely next time.”

“NO!” I say too fast. “No, that’s fine. Please don’t.”

“Did something happen?”

“He kissed me, I mean, we kissed.” Even the words feel disgusting in my mouth.

“Ohh! Girl, yes. Get it!”

In response, I let out a sob, my shoulders violently shaking. “Taylor, I can’t do this!” I whisper, desperately.

“Hey, hey, no, don’t say that.” She wraps me in a hug and pulls me to her. “Okay, first of all, what can’t you do? Live without your mate or keep looking for them?”

I sob again, muffling my cry with a hand over my mouth. The truth is both. I can’t live without Alex, but I can’t tell her that.

“Why don’t we stop the mate search for a little while?” She says gently. “There’s no reason to rush things. Maybe it’ll give you some time to get over Alex?”

I don’t want to get over Alex, even if I could, but out loud I say, “No, It’s fine. I just. I’ll be fine. We need this for appearances, right?”

Taylor hums for a moment then says, “Why don’t we revisit this after some sleep, hmm?”

I must have nodded because she pulls away from me.

“Do you need me to stay?”

I shake my head, feeling suddenly incredibly drained.

She raises an eyebrow. “Do you want me to stay?”

I smile. “No, but thank you.” My voice cracks, and for a moment, I’m worried she’ll stay, but she stands away from me.

“I’m sleeping here tonight, so if you need me, just call.” She gestures to her own head, indicating the mindlink. “Or text me for old time sake, if you like.”

I smile at that, and she leaves me alone in my empty room. I expected to fall straight asleep, but I’m filled with a nervous fidgety energy. All of my muscles are shaking, and I pace around the room for a few minutes. Before I even notice what I’m doing, I open the window and climb outside.

I jump down to the ground and shift in an instant. The crack of pain that usually comes with shifting is growing familiar and comforting, and I welcome it this time. I sprint forward, hardly paying attention to where I’m going. I don’t have a destination in mind. I only want speed. I pause only slightly when I reach the property line. It’s the first time I’ve left since Alan started threatening me. The thrill of danger is exhilarating and urges me onward faster and faster.

Things with Zacharie weren’t that bad. He just wasn’t Alex. The thought pushes me faster, bringing a welcome ache in my muscles. A distracting ache. If I’m pushing myself to my physical limits, I don’t have to think. I don’t have to remember.

Unfortunately, my muscles have their own memory. I skid to a stop in the flower bed at the edge of the Hanes’ lawn. I should have known I’d find my way here. I shift back and crouch behind some shrubs, hiding and watching. The light is on in Alex’s room, just as I subconsciously knew it would be.

I watch, hoping to catch a glimpse of him, but equally hoping he’s out. When he passes close to the window, my breath catches in my throat. I get a flash of memory to the first time we kissed. It was up in that room during a party. I accidentally connected to the mindlink before I ever shifted. I was so disoriented that I stumbled up to his room to hide, not even realizing it was his room. Then after he’d calmed me down, and comforted me, he kissed me. He spent so much time pushing me away to protect himself, but the first chance he had me alone, he kissed me. I shiver in the warm air. I need that feeling again.

I don’t leave time to talk myself out of it, I just jog up to the back porch and try the door. It’s unlocked, and thankfully the kitchen is empty. I dart through it to the back staircase, tiptoeing to the top. My bare feet pad along the carpet towards Alex’s bedroom door, but once I’m there, I hesitate, suddenly unsure.

I open the door without knocking, and lock it behind me. For a moment, I just stare at him, taking in the welcome sight of his sharp cheekbones, the curl of his dark hair, the love in his deep gray eyes. He looks warm and inviting, and I want to touch him. I want his skin on mine.

“Layla, I–” he stutters, his eyes searching me for answers. “What are you doing here?” he finally says.

“No talking.” I say, and he snaps his mouth shut. I walk up to him where he’s sitting on the bed and let my fingertips trace the lean muscles of his chest. His breathing is shallow, and I feel a glow of satisfaction. I did that. “Do you want me?” I say, looking up at him through my eyelashes.

He swallows hard then nods once.

“Good,” I whisper. “Take off your shirt.”