Resistance

Those Who Falter - Part 2

When had he begun to walk? And when was he supposed to stop?? The answers remained unclear, as foggy as the path before him.

A haze that was gradually cleared by a sliver of light, a voice.

“—ey...Hey!”

Who was speaking to him??

The empty torrent that overshadowed his mind seemed to clear slightly, and he recalled being most taken by the eyes he met.

A beautiful, emerald green. As clear and full of life as a bountiful forest.

Whose eyes were these?? He couldn’t recall anyone he knew previously to have had such eyes.

“Uhm, hello?” The Voice called out again, a hand waving in front of his own face, and he soon realized it was not his own hand, but someone else’s.

Finally, he looked down, a younger individual standing before him. Perhaps not much younger than himself, but still younger.

In contrast to his own, vibrant, red hair, this child’s was a sparkling, snow white...Rather, he appeared to be sporting some rather fluffy, cat-like ears, didn’t he?

“...Who are you??” he decided to question, his own voice sounding surprisingly strange to him...How long had it been since he last spoke?

“Glad you asked! The name’s Syrus!” The child nodded energetically with a toothy grin.  “I’ve seen you around a lot, and you’ve always got that weird, vacant look in your eyes, so I decided; ‘Today’s the day! I’m gonna go talk to him!’” He crossed his arms, nodding enthusiastically. “So what’s *your name?” He questioned, craning his neck, his head tilting to the side just enough to make those fluffy ears flop over a tad.

He was rather taken aback, really. How was he even supposed to respond to such an out of the blue conversation such as this? This fluffy child just popped out of nowhere….Perhaps, even more odd that that, was his ow willingness to speak to this fellow.

“...Cai.” He finally answered, his response so meek and quiet, that Syrus had a hard time hearing him.

“...What’s that?”

“...Cai.” Cai repeated, to which Syrus still couldn’t hear. “...It’s Cai.” He finally snapped, surprising himself with his own tone.

“Cai?” Syrus echoed, seeming to think it over before giving Cai a little smile. “Alright, got it! Nice to meet ya!” He nodded, reaching his hand out towards Cai...To which Cai simply stared down at his hand blankly, wondering what in the world he was doing so for.

Was he trying to give Cai something? However he looked though, Cai saw nothing in his hands.

A sort of awkward silence passed between the two before Syrus hesitantly drew his hand away.

“Uh...Not a handshake sort of guy, huh?”

“...Hand...shake??” Cai echoed, genuinely having no idea what Syrus was going on about. You could practically see the question marks floating around his head.

“You’ve...Never heard of a handshake before??” Syrus questioned, looking a bit flabbergasted, but it was apparent Cai really didn’t know. “...Uh...Well okay. So you just hold your hand out like this…” Syrus explained, reaching his hand out again. “...And then you grab my hand, and we shake them. It’s like saying, ‘Nice to meet you!’”

“That sounds ridiculous.” Cai stated bluntly. “Why not just say it in words?”

“...” Syrus just stared up at him for several moments before letting out a little fit of laughter. “Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh but...Wow you look so serious!” He snorted before quieting down when he felt as though Cai looked somehow offended.

Of course, Cai really wasn’t, but he didn’t exactly know the appropriate response either. Admittedly...This was probably his first time speaking with someone like this...Much less with such a strange individual...Or was he himself the strange one?? Cai didn’t know, but...He couldn’t help but think this person’s smile was somehow pleasant.

“So uhm...Why were you wandering around?” The sudden question snapped Cai out of his thoughts, amber eyes meeting again with that emerald green.

Why? Cai didn’t even really know the answer to that himself.

“...I don’t know.” He answered tonelessly, not really knowing what else to say. There was simply no reason that came to mind. It wasn’t as though he had anywhere to go. He didn’t even know what he was doing to begin with. He had no direction to go by. Anyone who would have given him such a thing...Had already long since passed from this world.

Once again, silence passed between them.

Cai simply had nothing more to say….Perhaps Syrus would eventually just leave him, he thought, however...He was shocked as Syrus suddenly grabbed ahold of his arm with a beaming smile.

“Why don’t you come to my house then? I can help make you something good to eat. I don’t mean to brag, but I think I’m turning into a pretty good cook.”

Cai wasn’t really given the option to refuse either, as little Syrus was already dragging him off in the direction of his little home.

Without even understanding this little fellow, Cai already found himself at Syrus’ home, sitting at his kitchen table, a stunned, yet oddly blank expression along his face.

To distract himself, Cai couldn’t resist the urge to glance around the room, noticing the little home had a comforting coziness to it...A sense that he was entirely unfamiliar with.

“Here!” The silence in his head was broken apart at the soft sound of a plate being set in front of him, a pleasant smell wafting up to his nose. The food was unfamiliar to him, but looked incredibly appetizing, Cai’s hunger suddenly becoming incredibly apparent to him.

Now that he thought about it, some time had passed since he last ate, hadn’t it?

So...He finally took that first bite, a delectable taste spreading across his tongue, but even more than that...Was an odd feeling of warmth. As though the food itself had a feeling of life within it. He wondered why he felt that way?

“Goodness Syrus. Why must you always surprise me like this?” A tired, but content voice called out, worn with age.

Cai realized it had been Taharo, Syrus’ grandfather, who spoke those words.

Despite his clear exasperation, it was clear from the expression he cast towards Syrus, that he cared for him deeply. Even someone like Cai could grasp that much.

“Isn’t it important to help people out? Even if they’re strangers??” Syrus frowned, resting his elbows on the table and looking at Cai with a beaming expression. “So how is it? Do you feel a bit better now?”

...Did he feel better? Cai wasn’t sure what those words meant, but...He felt as though...There was something. What that something was, he didn’t know.

“...Are all people as strange as you?’ He questioned without even really thinking on it.

“Nope, just me!” Syrus replied proudly.

What a strange fellow, Cai thought...And yet, despite that, from then on, he began to spend a surprising amount of his time with Syrus. Doing so just began to happen naturally. It seemed as though he was always running into the fellow, and soon enough, Cai just began to accept that as the norm.

Perhaps even...He began to enjoy that norm.

It felt as though just being by Syrus’ side breathed a strange air of life into him.

“...So...What happened to your parents?” Syrus questioned out of the blue during one of their now normal, morning walks.

Coming from Syrus, it was an innocent enough question, but he didn’t always have a sense of delicacy, or so Cai had learned by now. Thankfully for Syrus, Cai wasn’t the type to be offended by his brazen questions.

“What about yours?” Cai answered his question with a question of his own.

“Well, they were both killed during the invasion. Were yours too?”

“...I suppose you could say that.” Cai answered quietly, turning his gaze to Syrus. “...Doesn’t it upset you to talk about it?” He couldn’t resist the urge to ask him, noticing he didn’t seem the slightest bit agitated or sad speaking on the matter.

“...Should it?" Syrus tilted his head to the side, flicking his long tail behind him as they walked. “I feel like they wouldn’t want me to feel upset every time I thought or talked about them.” He explained, crossing his hands behind the back of his head and staring up at the sky. “...I can’t remember much about them even if I tried anyways...But I know I want to make sure nobody else has to experience the sadness of loss anymore…” He whispered, his pace slowing until he came to a stop, Cai eventually having to look back at him.

“...What’s wrong?” Cai questioned, finding Syrus’ silence a bit unnerving. By now, he was far more accustomed to that peppy personality of his...Seeing him so quiet was highly unusual.

The sound of a nearby commotion cut into their conversation however, and as Cai looked off to the side, he saw a group of Diou harassing a nearby shop vendor.

His expression immediately darkened.

The Diou...

As soon as the little scene began, it ended, the group having taken off with a little sack of money they had forced the vendor to part with.

“...I hate it...” Syrus’ little voice caught his attention, Cai’s gaze returning to him as Syrus stared at the ground. “I hate it.” He repeated, balling his hands into fists as his gaze finally lifted. “I hate only being able to stand by and do nothing...I want to change things Cai. Even if I’m small...There must be something I can do...Right?”

“...Why do you feel the need to?” Cai questioned, not understanding. Syrus himself was fine, and so were the people important to him...So what did the safety of others matter? People he didn’t even know?? “If you keep trying to save everyone, you’ll burn yourself out. There’s only so much you can do. You’re just one kid.”

“But even so!” Syrus interjected. “That’s such a lame excuse! So, just because I’m little, just because I’m one person...I should just give up...?” He looked off to the side before shaking his head. “Of course not! It’s easy to think that way. To just do nothing...But you don’t accomplish anything unless you finally start to think; ‘But what if I can?’ Because...What if I can do something?? What if by just thinking that...That’s what makes all the difference? Not if I can or can’t...But if I try.”

There was a look in Syrus’ eyes, a look Cai himself didn’t understand...Might have even been incapable of understanding.

“...Foolish.” Cai muttered under his breath, feeling a strange sense of...Something. He didn’t know what it was. Agitation, perhaps? “It doesn’t matter whether you can or can’t, because you can’t. You’re just on the fast track to getting yourself killed by thinking in such a way. You’ll die a meaningless death because you’re constantly butting your nose into business that doesn’t involve you.”

His words were unexpectedly harsh, but he didn’t take them back. He just walked on ahead, leaving Syrus behind.

He just...Walked. He walked and he walked, trying to shake off this strange sense of agitation boiling within him.

But...Why was he even agitated to begin with? Because Syrus was sticking his nose into useless things??

Or...Was it because Syrus was caring about someone other than himself?

...What?

Why would he even think such a thing? Since when did that matter?? What a foolish thought, and yet...He couldn’t push that very notion out of his mind.

Why should Syrus worry so much about the state of things? The state of others?? He was going to get himself hurt that way...And...Cai didn’t want him to get hurt. He didn’t want anything to happen to Syrus.

His warmth, his smile...Cai realized, before he had even been aware of it...Those things had become more precious to him than anything else in this entire world.

Syrus...Had become his world. The light that had finally given his life meaning.

Never once, had he received those precious emotions from another. Not once...And now, he was able to experience them almost every day...How had he lived before then? Already...Syrus’ presence just became a given to him, a precious commodity he couldn’t possibly live without.

Since when...Had these emotions become so deeply rooted within him?

”Do not let doubt or emotions cloud your judgment.”

Those words seemed to echo somewhere in the back of his mind.

It was far too late for them to hold any meaning to him.

If Syrus was to decide to follow such a path...Then all Cai had to do was simply protect him, right? That was the obvious decision for him.

To protect Syrus...His warmth, his light...A bright, beautiful radiance...As though the Sun itself had granted him the blessing of shining down upon him….More than anything, he realized how much he needed that warmth.

He craved it.

To him…

...That warmth…

...Was the one truth thing he desired.

As though hearing his fervent wish, he was seized with the illusion that the sun radiated more light above him, looking up, he could see it...And he reached his hands out to it. Desperately. As though to take ahold of that light. To never let it go.

Please...

He whispered.

...I...

………………

Suddenly, an ice cold wave of reality swept over him, his body snapping upright.

Darkness stained his vision, his body feeling as though it were drenched in sweat, pants breaking free from his throat...His body was so sore...So cold. He couldn’t seem to stop himself from trembling, the sound of crashing waves echoing in the distance.

Was this a dream or reality? Cai felt as though he was trapped somewhere in-between the two before his vision gradually refocused, a cold drop of water falling on him from above.

Several stalactites hung overhead, the rocky walls visible on either side of the small area.

That’s right...he had been hiding away in this cave...Hiding away from Syrus.

He cursed himself for being so cowardly...He had no right to lecture Aaron on being a coward...Not when he was acting like this.

He had...No right at all.

”...You haven’t told him yet, have you?”

”...The truth.”

He could hear the sneer rise from the back of his mind, taunting him.

”Shut up!!” He hissed, banging his fist against the rocky wall with unnecessary force, the impact rattling his body. He wished for nothing more than to silence the voice that pestered him.

...Why must these memories plague him?

...Even though he longed to forget them...Why?

Was it because...He was afraid? Afraid to tell Syrus the truth?

The truth...There was just no way he could. The thought of Syrus hating him...That thought continued to drill a sense of inexplicable fear within his heart. It terrified him.

...He needed some air. Surely being cooped up within this cave was steadily driving him mad.

So, he stepped outside, the sunlight seeming incredibly harsh to him for a moment before his vision was dyed blue.

The sea. The endless span of blue somehow calmed him...And yet, as fate herself would have it, he was shocked when he turned his gaze to the side by chance.

One would think that this far from the little town, all you would see was the endless blue, broken apart only by the soft, sandy shores...And yet, just a small distance away...Was Syrus, his gaze fixated ahead of him towards the open sea, the breeze sweeping through his white hair...On occasion, it would catch the light of the sun, making his hair seem as though it were almost glistening brightly. Like strands of silver.

Cai found himself thinking that Syrus looked somehow beautiful like that. He was transfixed by the sight of him...So much, that he didn’t realize he had been noticed until it was already too late.

“Cai?!” Syrus had already spotted him, closing the distance between the two before Cai could make a hasty retreat.

Having been caught red handed, Cai had nothing to say for himself, and a heavy silence hang around in the air before he finally spoke.

“...I told you to stop wandering off alone.”

...Was that really all he had top say, after all this time? Even Cai himself felt disappointed in his own response, and he could sense the agitation from Syrus.

“...What the hell?” Syrus hissed under his breath, glaring daggers at Cai. “You’re the one whose been wandering off! Just what’s your problem?! You’re the one acting strange!!” He hissed.

“...I...” Cai was at a loss for words, not used to seeing Syrus so angry, or rather, having that anger directed at him specifically. It stung, more than he thought it would. “...I...I’m sorry.”

He couldn’t meet Syrus’ gaze. Even though all he had to do was tell him the truth...Even though that simple answer seemed so painfully obvious...Putting his feelings into words was far more difficult than he could possibly ever describe. The notion continued to terrify him. Haunt him.

“...Cai, what is going on with you?” Soon enough, Syrus’ anger died down, shifting more into concern, especially with his meek response.

Why couldn’t he look Syrus in the eye?

What was he so afraid to see in them??

Cai couldn’t resist the urge to try and shift away, and yet, he was shocked as he realized Syrus had grabbed ahold of his arm, refusing to let him slip away.

Unintentionally, he met Syrus’ gaze, his amber eyes meeting that clear emerald.

More than ever before, Cai found that the longer he maintained that eye contact, the more painful it became...Would Syrus be able to see right through him? He wondered such things.

And yet...Despite however painful it may have been to maintain that eye contact, Cai found himself drawn to those eyes all the same. He couldn’t possibly bring himself to look away from them.

”Surely he would come to hate you.”

That voice echoed from the back of his mind as though to mock him. To drive that fear deeper into his heart….Cai couldn’t *stand the thought of Syrus hating him.

Would he think Cai had betrayed him?

Never.

“...Syrus...I...” His own words formed into a lump in the back of his throat, threatening to suffocate him. “...I...”

I would never betray you.

How desperately he wished these words would finally free themselves.

Unconsciously, he had already reached his hand out, cupping the bottom of Syrus’ chin and lifting his face slightly, unaware of the complex flurry of emotions that flickered within his amber eyes.

If only he knew how to properly convey his feelings. His fears. To break free of them and finally put them into words.

If only...

All he wanted...Was to protect Syrus. His happiness. His smile. His warmth.

Syrus.

Syrus.

Syrus.

His thoughts grew turbid. He just didn’t know what was the right answer anymore. All that truly mattered to him was Syrus. Syrus and nothing else.

If only he could whisk him away and lock him up somewhere.

Somewhere that only Cai himself could get to.

Like a toxic smog, these thoughts clouded his mind, as though to engulf his sense of self...And when he came to the realization of them, he was horrified with himself. It wasn’t until he heard Syrus call out his name, that he realized he might have been about to do something he’d regret.

He hastily took a step back, breaking his arm free of Syrus’ grasp, a chill running up his spine as he looked down at him.

Just what exactly...Had he been about to do? For a moment he had just...Completely lost himself. Lost himself to...Something. Something deep inside him. A dark whisper. Something stirring in the pit of his stomach.

Syrus tried to approach him, but Cai recoiled, refusing to let him get any closer.

And then...He ran. Like the coward he was, he just...Ran.

He didn’t once look back, only stopping when the need to rest began burning at his lungs, his legs, his entire body.

He was shaking.

What was wrong with him? He couldn’t seem to pull himself together. Couldn’t control his own thoughts. His own emotions. He was truly the pure definition of an emotional and mental train wreck.

”Pitiful.” An eerie voice echoed throughout the air, and Cai snapped his head up.

That voice...There was no mistaking it, and Cai was immediately on alert, frantically glancing around for the source.

”You’re just a sad, little wreck, aren’t you? Are you afraid to express your feelings? Or...Are you afraid of the reaction you’ll receive after expressing them?” The voice questioned, a chuckle laced within those words, mocking him.

“Stop hiding. Show yourself.” Cai hissed, still trying to identify where Iuno’s voice echoed from. He refused to let this man continue to crawl his way under Cai’s skin. “I won’t let you near Syrus, so give it up already!” He practically spat.

Silence followed before a laugh reverberated throughout the air.

“Won’t let me?” One could hear the sheer amusement in Iuno’s tone. “Boy you’ve done nothing but let me.”

Cai didn’t understand those words, and unfortunately, he wouldn’t. It was already far too late.

Pain lanced through his chest, like a sharp, jagged thorn...And as he looked down, he was horrified at the sight that met his eyes.

Black smog permeated from his own chest. It oozed and dripped from within him, like a deadly, thick poison.

”You’re just a cesspool of negativity. Your doubt, emotions, your very thoughts...It’s practically an invitation for me, don’t you think? I could sense you from the other side of the planet, as you are now.” Iuno’s voice echoed from within Cai’s own body, his own thoughts seeming to completely vanish underneath Iuno’s. He felt completely overshadowed by his presence. ”With such a weak heart...What could you possibly hope to accomplish?” The more Iuno spoke, the more an indescribable pain shot throughout his mind, as though to shatter his own sense of self. ”Nothing. You can accomplish nothing.”

“...!! Get out!!” Cai gasped, trying to find his own voice, hands gripping fistfuls of his own hair. ”Get out...!” He practically screeched, a deafening ringing sound piercing his ears.

...This couldn’t be happening.

“...No!!” He desperately tried to block it all out, to gain control of himself, but he felt his grip loosening.

He could hear laughter, but Cai wasn’t sure whose it was. He felt as though his own mind was being torn apart.

”I’ll give you the honor of ripping away the freedom from the one whose most precious to you...” The voice continued to echo, drowning out Cai’s own screams of denial.

Was he even screaming? He didn’t know. He couldn’t tell anymore, his vision growing dark.

He wondered why he could never seem to protect the one, truly precious thing he had, no matter how desperately he tried.

It was too cruel.

That warmth he wanted to cherish with all of his heart...He himself would be the one to snuff it out.

The sheer irony.

“..Sy...rus…”

That name, those thoughts, they were the last he recalled before they dissipated into the air like vapor.

Then there was nothing.