Amarae
My legs trembled with every step I took toward the front door. Each movement felt heavier than the last, as if my body was trying to warn me not to go inside. I could already imagine him standing right behind the door, waiting — silent, disappointed, and ready to remind me of everything I had failed at.
I paused, my hand hovering over the doorknob. A deep, weary sigh escaped my lips. My life had taken a sharp, unforgiving turn today, and I wasn’t ready to face the consequences. Not yet.
With a trembling hand, I pushed the door open as quietly as possible, hoping against hope that he wouldn’t notice me.
“You’re home early,” his thick, husky voice — rough from too many bottles — echoed from the living room.
I froze for a second, my heart sinking. I had prayed he would be asleep or too drunk to care.
“Yeah… I got off early today,” I lied, the words tasting bitter on my tongue. Why did I lie? The truth was already choking me from the inside.
He didn’t even look away from the television, just took another long swig from his bottle of beer. “Good. For a moment, I thought you’d been fired again.”
The words hit me like a slap. I forced a weak smile, even though he couldn’t see it. “Fired? No… they love me there.”
Another lie. The second one burned even worse than the first.
My brother finally glanced in my direction, his eyes tired and clouded. “The landlord called earlier. Rent is due next month.”
I felt my chest tighten painfully. Tears rushed to my eyes, hot and unstoppable. I turned away quickly before he could see my face crumbling.
“Yeah… I’ve got it covered,” I whispered, my voice barely holding together.
I hurried toward my room, my footsteps faster than usual, almost desperate. The moment I stepped inside, I shut the door behind me and locked it with shaking fingers. Only then did I let myself break.
I slid slowly down the door until I was sitting on the cold floor, knees pulled tightly to my chest. Silent tears rolled down my cheeks as the weight of the day finally crushed me.
Ducks.
Because of a damn duck, I had lost everything again.
I buried my face in my hands, my shoulders shaking with quiet sobs. How had I let this happen? I was supposed to be the one holding things together. Instead, I kept destroying every opportunity that came my way. Now I had to find another job — and fast. I had to keep up with these lies, pretend everything was fine, when nothing was.
The rent. My brother’s quiet disappointment. The fear of ending up on the street with nowhere to turn.
Everything felt too heavy. Too much.
I whispered brokenly to the empty room, “What am I going to do now?”
Night came faster than I had hoped, wrapping the apartment in a heavy, suffocating darkness. I had spent the entire afternoon curled up on my bed, staring at the cracks in the ceiling, desperately trying to find the right words to tell my brother that I had lost my job again.
It couldn’t be that bad… right?
But I knew better.
The last time I lost a job — one at his friend’s company — he had flown into a rage and thrown all my belongings out onto the corridor. The apartment I had been paying rent for with my own money. He had kicked me out without a second thought. The memory still stung, sharp and humiliating.
Now he was back to drinking, drowning whatever frustrations he carried in cheap bottles of beer. As I lay there in the dim light, I wondered bitterly who was the bigger disappointment — me, with my endless failures, or my pathetic older brother, trapped in his own cycle of anger and alcohol.
I have always had this problem: keeping things professional. I get distracted so easily, pouring my heart into things that don’t matter in the real world. Like a little duck swimming peacefully behind a glass window. Like wondering why Cinderella’s prince couldn’t simply have his artists draw the woman he danced with all night instead of relying on a glass slipper.
It was all bullshit.
And yet, here I was again — emotionally touched by something meaningless and paying the price with everything I had.
“Amarae!”
My brother’s voice boomed from just outside my door, rough and impatient.
I sat up quickly, heart racing.
“Williams is here!” he called again.
Relief flooded through me like cool water. I scrambled off the bed, my face breaking into the first real smile I had worn all day. Gosh, Williams… what a lifesaver you are.
I rushed out of my room, almost tripping in my hurry. My brother and Williams stood near the doorway, exchanging awkward glances — the kind loaded with unspoken tension.
I looked between them, sensing the strange energy, before smiling brightly at Williams. He returned it with a forced, almost guilty smile.
I see you two.
As we stepped out of the apartment and walked toward his car, I leaned closer to him and whispered, “You have a boyfriend.”
Williams let out a dramatic sigh. “I f*****g know! He’s so hot,” he replied, his voice laced with distress and longing.
He had nursed the biggest crush on my brother, Paul, for as long as I could remember. But Paul… well, Paul was complicated. And straight. And currently too lost in his own darkness to notice anyone.
I slipped into the passenger seat, grateful for the escape, even if it was only temporary. For the first time today, the weight on my chest felt a little lighter.
We drove straight to Williams’ bungalow in a quiet, upscale part of the city. The moment his car rolled to a stop, a wave of relief washed over me. Williams had the kind of life people prayed for — a stable, well-paying designer job, a beautiful home, and a partner who actually loved him.
Though I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that my brother Paul would be a massive risk to all that stability if Williams ever got his wish.
I shrugged the thought away as I stepped out of the car. The cool evening air felt refreshing against my skin. We walked inside, and I was immediately greeted by the heavenly aroma of something delicious wafting from the kitchen. My stomach growled loudly in protest.
Without thinking, I followed the scent like a woman possessed — nose in the air, eyes half-closed, moving purely on instinct.
There it was. A masterpiece.
Creamy mashed potatoes, perfectly seasoned sausages, and grilled vegetables arranged like a work of art. I didn’t waste a second. I grabbed a plate, loaded it without shame, and dug in like I hadn’t eaten in days.
“Hello to you too, Amarae,” Justin’s amused voice cut through my food-induced trance just as I shoved a heaping spoon of mashed potatoes into my mouth.
I froze, eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights, cheeks puffed out.
“Oh—” I coughed, nearly choking. “Hi, Justin. Sorry… I was a bit hungry.”
A bit? I was starving. Starving and emotionally traumatized.
Justin chuckled. “Clearly.”
Just then, Williams walked in. “Hi, honey,” he purred.
The two of them shared a passionate, lingering kiss right there in the kitchen. I rolled my eyes so hard I almost saw my own brain and went back to attacking my plate, aggressively searching for the next thing to chew on. Single people really do suffer in this life.
Williams eventually pulled away and turned to me, wine glass already in hand. “So… how did your brother take the news?”
I stopped chewing, staring down at the sausages on my plate as a heavy lump formed in my throat.
“Girl,” Williams pressed, his tone knowing.
I forced a weak smile. “I’ll tell him tomorrow.”
“You’re screwed, girl. He’s going to kill you,” he said matter-of-factly, swirling his wine like a savage.
Thank you for the encouragement.
Before I could respond, Justin grabbed his jacket. “Okay! Dinner is done. I have to head out tonight — my boss will be at the club, and we have some unfinished business to handle.” He planted a sweet kiss on Williams’ cheek. “Don’t wait up, babe.”
He really was so sweet. Annoyingly perfect.
As soon as Justin left, I looked at Williams with pleading eyes. “Can we like… go out now? Please?”
Williams took a slow, dramatic sip of his wine, then grinned. “Yeah, sure. I’ll love to be with my boo tonight.”
From the living room, Justin’s laughter echoed back.
I sighed deeply, shoving another forkful of food into my mouth.
Not only was I terrible at keeping jobs… I couldn’t even keep a man. At this rate, my love life was more unemployed than I was.
But tonight, I wasn’t going to think about any of that. Tonight, I just wanted to forget — even if it was only for a few hours.