Fractured

Chapter 1 (part 1)

The beginning…

15 (2014)

Mummy always says “if you aren’t perfect, you aren’t anything” and I’ve always been perfect, perfect grades, perfect teeth (she made sure), perfect skin ( I made sure), perfect clean crisp clothes and most importantly the perfect weight. I guess I’m not perfect enough because to her I was still nothing.

My dad was tired of being continuously disappointed in the children he had with the woman he married that wasn’t my mum and my mum was tired of seeing the face that reminds her of the man who broke her once tender heart and i at fourteen was still trying my best to make her see me as her child and not the result of her biggest regret, so on a random Sunday afternoon my father called my mum for the first time in years and insisted he take over my care since I was the only child he had that had the capacity to take over his legacy to which she agreed to without a fight, her excuse?

She had to focus on work.

Living with my dad for the first time is an experience I would never wish on anyone it was almost the same as living with my mum, my half siblings hate me for being what they can’t be, my step mother despises me for her own children’s shortcomings and my dad well he barely acknowledges me except to brag about my academic excellence to anyone who gives him the time of day.

I had barely spent a couple of weeks in my new “home’ when my dad decided to ship me off to some fancy rich man boarding school not so far away from him but far away enough for him to forget me.

I didn’t know what to expect with my dad but it kind of stung when he told me the news it was nearly as bad as when mummy didn’t want me anymore.

So here I am in the back seat of the Audi driven by someone my dad hired, I don’t know why I thought he would be the one to drop me off when he wasn’t even home last night but a girl can hope right?

The driver drops me off at the front of my new… I don’t even know what to call it I guess hostel? my heart is beating twice as fast as before and for some reason the only thought that is in my head is I will make him love me. So I suck it up take deep breaths as I open the car door, the driver is already getting my things from the boot of the Audi I take in my surroundings

I’m in awe of the largeness and beauty of this place, it looks so expensive I think to myself BLOCK G is written in bold green letters with three other buildings following alphabetically to its side, it’s so tall and grand, the walls look very freshly painted in warm yellow I think it might be three stories it makes me feel so small.

I don’t know if what I’m feeling is fear or excitement or maybe a mix of the two all I know is that I don’t like it.

I continue to stare at this massive building in front of me I overhear the surprisingly light voice of the driver on the phone getting closer

“Yes sir, we just arrived’.

He must walk really fast because he is already by my side handing me the phone.

“Damilola?”

As I hear my father’s deep yoruba accent at the other end of the call my heart leaps with hope, maybe he does love me.

“Yes si- da-, yes?”

He chuckles on the other side of the line,

“You can call me dad; I am your father am I not?”.

I start smiling my widest smile this man wants me as family I think to myself “okay dad’ I answer, still smiling as my cheeks begin to hurt

“I trust you arrived at the school safely?” He questions

“Yes, dad I did”.

I’m so happy he cares about me,

“Good I’ve been so preoccupied with work I’ve been unable to help you adjust but I’m sure your new family has made you feel at home’

They haven’t but I don’t tell him that, I don’t tell me that they barely acknowledge me unless he is around.

“I trust that you would continue making your mother and i proud and focus on your school work so you could be a successful lawyer just like me? No distractions, okay?”.

Right there and then I decide to dedicate my life to making him proud and doing exactly as he wants so he would continue to care about me and maybe one day love me.

“Yes, daddy I’ll be a successful lawyer just like you and take over your firm’. I reply with a small giggle,

“That’s my girl’ he laughs okay talk to you later I have to go bye’ he hangs up without waiting for my bye, I feel a stinging feeling in my chest but I dismiss it I have a goal.

I have to be perfect.

I have to focus.

I have to succeed.

With that in mind I’m re-energised and ready for anything.

The driver walks with me inside the building, waiting for me there is a woman, she looks scary, her mouth is in a hard line, she is wearing a black shapeless skirt that is way below her knees with an outdated blazer to match, talking to what looks like another staff she turns to face the entrance and notices the driver and I walk in with my luggage and immediately puts on her fake smile that she has probably been working on for a while because it is almost believable.

“Welcome sweetie to Lekki international, how are you? Is your dad coming in?’ She asks me.

I can sense a little Igbo accent forcing its way into her speech.

“Um, no it’s just me” I reply nervously.

Her smile falters a bit but she puts it back in place, she probably wasn’t prepared for that.

“Okay that”s fine, are these all your things? Did you receive the checklist of the items you need? We are going to need to check your things. What’s your name sweetie? She asks while focusing on my box.

I pull at my braid while looking down “dam- Damil- oluwadamilola’ I finally manage to say,

“Well, you can call me Ms. Abigail” she introduces herself.

I focus on my shoes hoping to fade away, I’m extremely uncomfortable having to talk to her myself, she seems okay but I just want to go in, I hear her voice in the background but I don’t register what she is talking about, I’m too focused on my plan to make this man love me. I glance up and I see her staring at me like she is waiting for a response.

“Um I’m sorry I um I didn’t hear what you said Ma” I tell her.

Hopefully she isn’t upset, I can’t handle upsetting her or anyone today,

“That’s okay, I was just telling you that you everything is set, before I show you to your room, I’m going to take you to get your uniform and house-wear okay?’ she reassures with a smile that doesn’t seem so fake anymore.

As she walks me to her office she looks back “do you have your receipt?

I search my side bag for the receipt and hand it her.

“Do you have the one for your books?’ She asks.

“yes ma’am’ I tell her softly.

She types in my name on her computer, “Okay I’m assuming you are a small but I’ll give you medium for your shirts, here you go, tomorrow before classes you need to school office to get notebooks and register so they can show you your class and timetable’ Ms. Abigail informs me.

She hands me 4 white shirtsleeved button-up shirts with the school logo and name on the breast pocket, four grey pleated skirts, a grey blazer with the school shield and name placed the same as the shirts, and two sets a blue house sports wear which is mostly just a white top with blue sleeves and blue shorts and four sets of multi coloured shirts and and shorts with the school logo placed the same as the shirt and blazer.

“Go test the shirts, skirts and blazer to make sure they fit, I’ll give you five minutes, knock so I know you are done, okay sweetheart?’ She leaves and closes the door behind her.

They fit perfectly, I change back and knock so she knows I’m done.

“Okay we are set, I’ll help you carry some of these so you don’t have to come back more than you need to’

I smile softly at her to show I appreciate her kindness and she smiles right back.

It takes us about 10 minutes and a set of staircase to get to my room as she shows me around the hostel a bit, I’m not sure, I’m not paying that much attention, we stop suddenly and we are in front of a light brown doorway and it just feels warm.

Ms. Abigail walks into the doorframe and we are in a 2- person room with the left side of the room already occupied by a girl standing with her back facing us clearly distracted by unpacking the rest of her clothes, the first thing that grabs my attention is how her bed is already so neatly laid with pink and white striped sheets and a duvet to match.

Ms. Abigail clears her throat to catch her attention and she turns almost immediately causing her to bump her head on the mini cupboard door, she squeals a tiny bit and looks up, I study her and she in turn studies me, she adjusts her glasses that are a bit too big for her face in a cool way, her braids are black just like mine, perfectly placed in a bun, she’s wearing a big plain pink t-shirt with leggings, and socks. Ms. Abigail observes us for a second then introduces us

“Damilola this is Sarah your roommate for the year, that means you girls would be roommates next term and the term after. Sarah has been with us since year 7, I believe you are in safe hands. Damilola if you need anything come to me’ she looks at me in the sincerest way possible, my eyes almost begin to water.

Unable to speak I just nod and look down at my shoes as she placed my uniform on the bed walks away and closes the door behind her.

“She must like you; she doesn’t help anyone carry anything, what school were you in before you came here?’ Sarah asks while she is still unpacking.

“um Grange’ I answer quickly.

I’m about to leave to get my provisions

Sarah looks up and asks “do you have more things downstairs’

I nod.

“No problem I’ll help you’ she follows me downstairs.

We walk out without talking gathering the rest of my things in silence.

“Thank you’ I say barely audible.

After a few moments of quiet, both of are unpacked and I begin my process of cleaning my space and laying my bed, Sarah tries to start a conversation again

“So why did you switch schools?’

I look up at her after I tuck in the last piece of bedsheet and answer, “My dad wanted me to stay with him and his family.’

“And boarding school?’ She pushes.

I look down because she reminds me that they don’t want me and I don’t want her to see my eyes water, I blink super fast and look at her again, she just stares waiting for me to answer.

“You don’t hav-’ I cut her off before she can continue with her sentence

“It’s fine, I honestly don’t know, I guess so that I could be the best without distractions’ I tell her unconvincingly.

She walks up to me and gives me hug, “I think we are going to be best friends’ I smile and hug her right back.

We talk about family and she tells me about her brother who is about to finish up his degree in Civil Engineering at NYU, and how she can’t wait for him to come back, she doesn’t ask me about my family anymore and promises to introduce me to her friends, we end up talking for hours and hours and everything and nothing I like watching her speaking so I mostly listen till it’s time for dinner.

“Um, so before we go, we have to change into our house-wear, it’s mandatory’ she rolls her eyes dramatically “you have those right? I honestly wouldn’t mind if they weren’t so ugly’

“Yeah, I do, um where is the bathroom so I can change’ I ask

“You can change here silly, don’t worry I don’t bite, unless you beg me to’ she winks at me.

My face feels hot for a second then she chuckles and shakes her head.

“No, it’s not that I feel like I should take a quick shower’ I begin to nervously explain myself.

“Hey, don’t worry about it’ she squeezes my shoulder reassuringly “we don’t have time but you can take one as soon as we get back, is that okay?’

I nod.

When we are both done changing and putting on our individual perfumes, she begins to show me the way as she reaches for my hand and I feel funny, as we walk, Sarah gives me a mini tour of the school promising to give me a full one after school ends tomorrow, we leave the hostel and as we walk she points out a building with bold block letters that reads BLOCK F, Sarah informs me that that’s for year 7 to year 9 and ours is for year 10 and year 11 as we walk further down she points to direction of some other buildings BLOCK H and I and explains that those are for the boys, after a while we walk for what seems like 20 minutes.

“This school is really big’ I say in awe.

She looks over at me and replies “that’s why our parents pay a lot of money’.

When we arrive at the dinning hall she holds me back, looks directly into my eyes and tells me “this, you and me, it’s forever’

In that moment I realise I have never been happier, maybe dad was right.

We walk through the dinning hall which she explains is also the assembly ground and where we do our prep, we walk hand in hand as we near a table filled with 2 other girls and 2 boys, I start to get nervous again and thoughts of having to meet her friends who might end up hating me starts to creep into my mind, Sarah senses my discomfort and squeezes my hand and I look up at her as she sends me a warm smile

“Don’t worry they don’t bite, unless you want them to’ she chuckles.

“Finally, you here, now we can go get our food what took you so long and who is cutie?’ one of the boys ask as he gets up to introduce himself

“Hi, I’m Alex and what’s your name?’

I look at him and take in his appearance he multicoloured house-wear shirt is unbuttoned showing his white inner shirt, I look up at him ,he is so much taller then I am, and his skin is very clear and dark, he notices me taking in his appearance as he waits for my response and he smiles, his smile makes my chest feels funny somewhat like the one I felt when Sarah held my hand and I look down immediately at my shoes not trusting my voice I clear my throat and as I’m about to tell him my name, Sarah beats me to it

“Her name is Dami and she is new so don’t scare her off’ she warns.

Alex puts his hand on his chest “that hurts’ he says dramatically, he looks back at me and stares directly into my eye and smiles again,

“Hi’ it almost comes out as a whisper; I’m trying not be completely awkward.

“Argh Alex must you flirt with everyone’ the other girl teases.

she has her house-wear completely buttoned up to the collar, her bit bustier than Sarah and I. She is so pretty with freckles scattered lightly on her face, her braids fall on past her shoulders it’s most likely her hair I think, she looks mixed half Indian with golden skin, she looks and me and smiles, I notice she has dimples just like me,

“Don’t mind Alex, he is an i***t but we love him, Hi I’m Tayo’ she points to the other girl sitting next to her with beautiful brown skin who is also seems to have the same small build as Sarah and I, her braids are in two pigtails, she barely acknowledges me or anyone she is very focused on the novel in her hand Faults in our stars which happens to be my favourite at the moment

“And, this is Anjola’ she continues the girl barely responds.

“Hi, I really like the book you’re reading’ I speak quietly.

“You read John Green’ she looks up at me suspiciously and I notice how extremely long her lashes are

“Yes, I do, I brought a lot of books if you want to read some sometime’.

She nods and sends a tiny smile my way I almost didn’t catch it, I mentally pat myself on the back. There is on more person on the table who I haven’t been introduced to yet but I’ve felt stare at me the entire time and it makes me so uneasy, it’s like Sarah is telepathic because she almost immediately senses my uneasiness and follows the direction of my eye line to the source.

“And that is the biggest asshole and my very best friend besides you of course in the world Mbana’ she introduces me and he smirks.

He adjusts his chair which makes him look kind of cool and he stands up, that’s when I notice how tall he is, he stands beside Alex and they are both maybe 5’10 which is basically a whole foot taller than me, I feel so intimidated around him. I notice we are basically the same shade as he takes my hand

“I don’t bite, promise’.

Sarah smacks the back of his head and says “Don’t steal my line’.

Alex does the same but says instead

“And don’t flirt with my babe.’

Tayo then smacks the back of Alex’s head and warns him “don’t make Dami uncomfortable, she isn’t your babe’.

I can’t help but giggle, Alex looks up at me and smiles, I immediately look down to hide my blush. I look back up and he sends me another warm smile, I return it.

“Okay, okay, okay introductions have been made, I’m starving’ Sarah dramatically interrupts our quiet flirtation.

Sarah interlocks our elbows as she marches towards on of the spots we food is being served, as we walk I use the opportunity to digest the environment, it’s a bit noisy as people meet up, laugh and catch up with friends they probably the haven’t seen in a while, they dining hall has six points where food is being distributed two at the very front, two in the middle and two at the very back, each good point has two servers in blue disposable hairnets and gloves, each point is also placed at exit/entrance, there are water fountains (well not exactly water fountains but a place to get drinking water) at the very back and they very front, each water fountain has three taps which makes a lot of sense, everything here makes a lot of sense, we get in line at one of the food points in the middle of the dinning hall, I think because it’s the closest to our seat, Anjola is standing in front of us, Tayo is behind us and the boys are lost in conversation behind her.

Right before I get my food, Sarah looks at me and congratulates me

“You did good’.

I can’t help but feel proud of myself like I had just passed a test I didn’t know I was taking.

It’s my turn to get food the the options are between jollof rice or fried rice, I pick jollof and ask the server to put only a small portion after my rice is served with fried chicken. I make sure to grab a cup so I can get water as I’m about to walk towards the water fountain,

Tayo stops me “Don’t worry about that, silly’

I don’t bother and I follow them back to our seats, Sarah’s arm is no long linked with mine because she is deep in conversation with the boys.

Tayo walks beside me and asks “so how did you meet Sarah; did you guys know each other from before?’

I shake my head “no, we just met today, we are roommates’ I try to sound confident as I explain

“Weird, she doesn’t just invite anyone to our little group, you must be lucky’ she talks in a low tone so no one else can hear, she immediately walks towards we’re she was sitting before I can ask why.

When i get to the table the only space left is between Sarah and Alex, it feels like it was reserved for just me right before I sit, they both look up

“Alex stand, so she can sit down’ Sarah dictates and Alex complies

Anjola looks at my plate of food and asks “you don’t like coleslaw?’

“I do I just don’t know if I should trust it, my tummy is a bit sensitive’ I tell her.

“So, you are rich rich’ Mbana starts to tease at least I hope he’s teasing.

“We are all rich, rich Mbams’ Sarah comes to my rescue.

As we eat some girl comes to greet the people on the table and drops a jug of water no one else except Sarah, Alex and I thank her, I also notice a lot of student who I guess are in our year group come to greet Sarah or all of them and that’s when it hits me, these people might be very popular, the thought terrifies me, I was supposed to keep and low profile and get through the school year I mentally scold myself.

“So Dami where do you live?’Alex asks interrupting my train of thought

“I live in Lekki, Pinnock beach estate’ I tell him

“Really?’ Mbana joins in “Sarah, Alex and I live there how come we’ve never seen you’

“I don’t really go out much and I just moved there last month’ I explain hoping he doesn’t ask why.

“Well, you will now’ Sarah remarks.

“So, what do your parents do?’ It was Tayo that ask this time but they all listen, I look at my food, I play with it a bit,

“My dad is lawyer and my mum is a judge’ i say a little prayer that that is end of the interrogation but it isn’t, this time it’s Anjola who hasn’t really been talking that asks

“Is that how they met, do they live together?’

Before I can answer once again for the umpteenth time this evening Sarah rescues me

“Why are you guys interrogating her, let her eat’ I look up at to mouth a thank you but before I can she winks.

“Er, because we don’t know her, because you just met her and she is all of a sudden your best friend, because you invited a stranger to our group without so much as a warning, take your pick’ Anjola challenges as she raises an eyebrow.

My chest stings a little.

Sarah breaks into a wide smile “aww, you’re jealous, don’t worry Angie you are still my baby’.

Sarah then gets up to hug her from behind, Anjola doesn’t stop her, she just rolls her eyes. While all these is happening, Alex taps my finger to call my attention so I turn to him

“Don’t worry about her, she would warm up to you eventually she just has issues’ he reassures me quietly so no one can hear him and gives me another of his warm smiles.

I mentally slap myself focus Dami, he is going distract you, remember you have to make dad love you. As much as I try not to, I can’t stop myself from smiling back, his smile is just so welcoming.

Once we are done, we drop our plates and exit the dining hall, I noticed it’s already a bit dark out not too dark, more like the perfect time in the evening when you can still see without straining your eyes and it looks very romantic. As we walk back to our respective hostels, they talk about their summer some more and go on and on much they are going to miss whatever country they travelled to, I just listen sometimes I look up and notice Alex staring at me, sometimes it’s Sarah, the both terrify and thrill me in ways that seem so different and similar at the same time.

We get to the boys’ hostel first and they say a very dramatic good bye, before they leave, they each turn to me and say it’s been a pleasure, Mbana leaves and Alex stays behind he takes my hand,

“Till next time’ he says almost like a promise.

He goes to catch up with Mbana and slaps the back of Mbana’s head, they chase each other till they eventually disappear, the girls and I walk together, I can’t help but think how different this experience is compared to my previous school where no one knew who I was.

Inside our hostel we walk to Anjola’ and Tayo’s room, according to Sarah they’ve all used to be roommates before they moved to this block.

Before we head to our room Sarah tells me to wait for her because she wants to tell Anjola something.

“I’ll be really quick I promise’ she walks away.

Tayo waits with me,

“Don’t worry about Anjola’ she tries to reassure

“Why does everyone keep saying that?’ I question

She shrugs been really nice meeting you, you are very pretty, no wonder Alex is interested, just be cautious’ she warns before I can say anything she hugs me

“Anjola and I would come by your room later’ she informs before leaving.

Sarah walks back towards us and hugs Tayo, after she releases her she grabs my hand, “what are you waiting for, let’s get out of here, come on I’ll race you’ so we race to the room.

I beat Sarah to the room by half a second, I open the room so we can both get in.

“If you still want to shower, two rooms share one bathroom so the bathroom between our room the room in front of us is going to share the bathroom that’s in the middle, lucky for us they haven’t resumed, we also have hot water, but it is limited we are still in a boarding school you know, also don’t leave you bath stuff in the bathroom is you still want it to be yours, oh and also I have my laptop so I can play you some music if you want and lastly the girls are coming in an hour or so to watch a movie, it’s basically tradition to watch a movie and sleep over the first night back’ Sarah tells me all at once.

I nod as I try to process all the information she as given me, I take off my clothes and wrap my body in my towel as quickly as I can, I put on my shower cap, grab my tooth brush, tooth paste, shower gel, sponge, and face wash that my dads wife, Aunt Angela bought for me when we went to shop for school supplies, well I basically picked the ones I’ve been using since forever and head to the bathroom, true to her promise Sarah plays a couple of songs for me, the one I recognise is Born to die by Lana Del Rey, I hum along as I shower when I’m done, Sarah is already prepped for her shower and goes in immediately after me I dry my body and moisturise, like YouTube taught me then I wear my pjs, once I’m done I grab the novel I’m currently reading Big girl by Danielle Steel. Im so lost in the book I don’t realise that Sarah is done taking her shower, it’s not until she is dressed up and calls my name that I look, she shakes her head and chuckles about how I’m a nerd

“Come on let’s pick a movie before the girls get here’ she puts on too big glasses and sets up her laptop and hard drive.

she turns to me “did you bring your laptop, your phone’ she asks.