Spring in the middle of march

Chapter 1

 March 13, 2019

It's still dark when Hyunwoo's car pulls up to the curb. The day is still young and the sun lingers behind but Hyunwoo is wide awake. His running attire is weak against the morning chill but he's burning up. Fingers tapping against the steering wheel as he gazes into the abyss.

The street is dead but his eyes pick up on the slightest of movements. He's only mildly surprised when a pale hand comes to tap on the window. Hurriedly, he unlocks the door of the Audi and watches in stunned silence as Haru slips in. Her hair is now lavender and longer than before. It makes her pale skin even more pronounced and even in the dull of the early morning, her lips glisten pink. Her very presence feels exactly like it used to, comforting and light.It's like she walked right out of his dreams and into his car.Hyunwoo watches with intent, drinking in every last detail. The burning in his chest traveling to every corner of his body.

It's been too long.

She's on his lips in a heartbeat, manicured fingers clutching at his tracksuit jacket. Hyunwoo only allows her so much leeway before taking control. A firm hand finds a grip in the pale lavender hair and Hyunwoo tugs her head back. The light situated above the rearview mirror glares down at them, exposing them. Hyunwoo swallows his impulsiveness as he stares into the dark liquid orbs. His heart is beating too fast, his mouth is much too dry and all he wants to do is drown in the depths of Haru's seas. There's a whimper, her desperation matching Hyunwoo's. The pink lips glisten with saliva and shiver in wait until Hyunwoo can't hold himself back anymore. Dominating, he pours himself into Haru, every bit of yearning, every bit of lust. It's frantic and messy and he can't pry her nails out of his skin. He loves the sting, the reminder that this is very much a reality.

-

The same reality he has to hide hours later when he arrives home to his wife.

"Hey,"  he greets the figure behind the counters, closing the door behind him.

"Hey, there you are. I was worried your coffee would be cold by the time you got back,"  Mina smiles, offering the dark grey mug.

"Guess I made it in time then,"  Hyunwoo accepts the mug, mindful to drape the towel over his shoulder in an attempt to hide the marks.

Still in her pale blue pajamas, Mina gets comfy on their cream sofa, her auburn hair is still unruly from her rather unusual choice of sleeping positions. On a usual day, Hyunwoo would join her, he would let Mina cuddle into his side as they try to stall for time. Neither of them was fond of mornings and Hyunwoo had the privilege of slipping into working later than most.

In this moment, Mina is the epitome of homely comfort, the source of the warmth and ease of their house.

He can't feel any of that, he can reflect on it but they don't reach him. His body, his mind, his sense are filled with Haru.

He's burning up once again.

He takes the coffee and heads to the bedroom instead, " I'm going to shower.”

Even his bedroom doesn't feel the same. Everything is as it should be but Hyunwoo gets the sensation that it's shifted a quarter of an inch. Something is off, the puzzle pieces are either too big or too small with some being the completely wrong shape. He's suddenly aware of the cracks in his home.

He tosses the coffee into the sink, the dark substance swirls down the drain and with it, goes his guilt.

Only underneath the cover of steam and warm water does Hyunwoo dare acknowledge the indents on his arms. They're still raw, as if Haru is still there with him, hanging off him.

He can smell her scent, the aroma of fresh spring rain that follows her.


Instead, it's warm palms that come to rest on his back. Hyunwoo's about to panic but is overcome by a wave of indifference. He lets his wife snake her arms around his waist, her chest pressing against the broadness of Hyunwoo's back. There's a sigh of contentment but it feels foreign on his skin, like it doesn't belong there.

The sensation is unsettling as it worrisome.

-

April 10, 2019

Hyunwoo furiously blinks into awareness, all types of sounds resounding within the apartment. Tired eyes look at the clock and he's only mildly surprised when he discovers it's still six in the morning.

He should have known to expect this. Today was his niece's 6th birthday and unlike most little girls, she insisted on a pokemon cake. Of course, she decided this while planning her birthday with an overly excited Mina. Hence, his wife was tasked with the party planning. Their apartment had been littered with all kinds of decorative pieces, from feathers to streamers. He’s encountered almost every sweet and chocolate item available in Korea. Mina, for reasons unknown, had left the cake for the very last minute. Hence, she was up all night trying to make progress.Hyunwoo didn't know the finer details but he knew it was going to be a noisy job.

He reaches for his phone and sifts through his contact. Like always, he searches for Haru's contact only to remember saving it under‘Sagar' . It was safe, Mina knew Sagar from college and even though they weren't close, Hyunwoo did spend a fair amount of time in Sagar's company.

Haru was most likely awake by now, he probably didn't even sleep.

The other replies promptly to his greeting and Hyunwoo was right, she hasn't slept yet. Hyunwoo could still remember her in their college days, dark hair all fuzzy as she painted the nights away in her makeshift studio. She wasn't any different now and that only made Hyunwoo feel more foolish.

They chat about Haru's project and about the day ahead. Hyunwoo explains that it's his niece's birthday. There's a bit of a stutter when Haru asks about the gift he had bought the six-year-old but in all honesty, Hyunwoo had no idea what Mina had bought her. That was his wife's department that went along with remembering dates and organizing get-togethers. It's something you get used to after eight years of marriage.

He doesn't tell Haru that, instead he simply skips over it, onto the next topic. His finger moves lazily as he types. Mina pops in, giving him the rundown on how the cake’s going. Her hair is pinned back, her dewy skin marked with flour and maybe some food colouring.-Hyunwoo can't tell. She offers him a bright before flouncing back to the kitchen, her footsteps echoing through the apartment.

She doesn't ask what's Hyunwoo doing on his phone and if she did, Hyunwoo would say he was reading the news. That doesn't explain his typing but he was never one to give into his fear.


Honestly, he's not completely convinced that he's scared of Mina finding out. It was such an outlandish scenario, one he had never considered before.He was obviously still in denial because he didn't intend on entertaining the only two options he had; stop seeing Haru or destroying his marriage.

Minutes turn into hours and soon his hands are filled with packages of all sizes. He loads the car, carefully not to damage anything. In the end, it looks like a unicorn vomited into his boot and he's not talking about the cute pastel kind. Whatever happened to having a theme and a colour palette? Obviously, no such thing occurred to Mina because every colour in the rainbow now resided in his car, streamers and fans alike. 

When he slides into the driver's seat of the black Range Rover, he's handed one last final package. It's a large periwinkle gift bag decorated with little kitten illustrations. He peeks inside but the object inside is also wrapped and Hyunwoo's curiosity is piqued.

Mina, now comfortable in the passenger's seat, takes the bag from him and sets it by her heeled pumps.

"What did you get her?”He asks, trying to feigned lack of interest.

He hears her smirk, her eyes sparkling when he catches a glance.

"Why?”She asks suspiciously.

"Just curious,” he answers lamely as he backs out of their driveway.

He can't help to ponder the question himself. Just why was he so interested, what difference would it make?

Or does he just want to tell Haru?

"It's a plushie if you must know, a cinnamon roll plushie"  Mina admits as she checks her reflection in her compact mirror,”Don't worry, babe. I put your name on the card too, right after mine of course.”

Her laughter rings in his ears, airy and chirpy. He doesn't need to look to know her eyes are thin lines, her skin creasing, her white teeth gleaming as her lips pull into a wide smile. 

All of that on display just to laugh. 

Mina never does things half-hearted. Even the slightest of her actions are wrapped in her zest for life. She pours herself into her every word and action. 

To live with your everything, to live like it's your last day to live, to live like you have everything to lose and everything to gain.

Hyunwoo admires her.

-

The conversation never dies, Hyunwoo and Haru replying whenever they can. It's continuous and amidst the birthday party, Hyunwoo can feel the buzz of his phone. He reaches for his phone but is interrupted by a pudgy hand tugging at his coat. He looks down and is greeted by his niece, a pair of Pikachu ears on her head and two round circles painted on her cheeks. 

She smiles brightly, one or two teeth missing,”Thank you.”

From underneath her arm, she pulls out a white plushie. To Hyunwoo, it looks likes a mass of white but she hugs it tightly like she cherishes the fluff ball. 

What kind of asshole of an uncle was he if he kept slipping away to tend to extramarital affairs in the middle of his niece's birthday party?

The worst kind, he would absolutely be the worst.

Hyunwoo offers a toothy grin of his own, his heavy hand coming to pat the spot between the pair of Pikachu ears. The little girl giggles at the affection, the plushie held tightly to her chest. She flounces back to the jumping castle, the plushie tagging along.

He busies himself with family, distracting himself from the nagging sensation of replying. His father pours them two fingers of Jameson. Hyunwoo doesn't miss the look of annoyance the old man offers when his brother-in-law shies away from the drink. There are undertones of conflict but Hyunwoo distracts by watching the children gleefully play on the jumping castle. 

What's there to say anyway? Having his brother-in-law work for the company would be ideal but the other lacked in more ways than one. There was no way he could hold any lower rank position considering he was the son-in-law of the head family but giving him any higher rank would detrimental to the company and their reputation. Still, Hyunwoo pitied him. He was no fool to his sister's way. The poor soul probably couldn't even have a drink without her consent.

Hyunwoo's father however, was not so understanding.

There's a shriek of laughter and they all turn their attention to the source. Emerging from the house is Mina with a cake shaped like a Pokeball in her small hands. Her shawl flutters behind her as she tries to keep her balance within the crowd of children. Hyunwoo hadn't seen the cake, Mina already had it safely packed away in a polystyrene box when he woke.

The kids crowd around her, their hands coming a bit too close to the cake but Mina smiles right along with them. Unfazed as she always is.

He can see it so clearly, Mina would have been a good mother.

They had tried, well they had considered.What was suppose to come natural became a nightmare, a place Hyunwoo never wants to return to. They had given up at some point and pursued invitro. It was a common practice and Hyunwoo had read up on numerous successful cases. With fingers crossed, they tried it for themselves but was rejected by the doctor. Mina's body was too weak to bear, the chances of her coming full term were too slim. Hyunwoo knew there was no guarantee but he had wanted to make his chances anyway. He hadn't factored his wife's health in the gamble. 

What good would it be to have a child and no mother for the child? 

No use. 

Hyunwoo didn't entertain the thought anymore.

A surrogate was suggested but he didn't like the idea and that was the end of that. 

Now he wonders if the things would have gone differently if they had kids. Probably not. 

Amidst the hubbub, he slips into the driveway. Haru's message is a picture of her lunch, ramyun to be exact. Hyunwoo really feels like nothing's changed.

He phones her, eager to break this texting game.

There's no hello, Haru's voice is light and sharp, "I miss you.”

He replies in a heartbeat,”I miss you too.”

Hyunwoo misses her, Hyunwoo has missed her.