Chapter 13
1003 Words
A far away life.
As far back as I can remember I didn’t particularly remember anything about my dad and my childhood. My therapist says it is a trauma response and I don’t need to look deep into it and try to remember because that might just cause more problems for me and I should pace myself and that they will eventually come back to me when I am not expecting them to anyways.
In Doctor Clarice’s own words ‘breaking something is easy, putting it back together again is a miracle.’ Healing takes time. This has been my mantra for months now.
Walking down the pathway to my car, I see a kid with his father, the little boy looks about four years old and is running in the opposite direction with his father following closely in hot pursuit.
I stop to watch the drama and I get a wistful ache in my chest. Yes, sometimes seeing people with their dads makes me wish I had a Father.
Someone who would take my side in arguments. Who will tell me I am on the right track and take me out to buy ice cream on the days I am not feeling good. Someone who would defend me from annoying boys and take my side with mother and this curfew rule thingy. Since she I got back from France, she has been on a mission to prove she is a good mother.
I wish I had a father even now more than ever. Someone who I can run to and cry on but subconsciously I think I miss the feeling and not the person.
Mama doesn’t ever talk about him. Like ever. I remember when I was about six and I asked her a question about him and she froze. She couldn’t say anything. She just got pale and stammered through her answers. She is someone that is deeply confident and rolls with some of the biggest bosses and biggest faces and she couldn’t answer my question and worse, she got upset. Since then I have never asked her about it again. I was a smart child. I knew when to stop and I did stop asking.
I find that I realize how privileged I am. Coming from a wealthy home and I never want for anything.
I have what most people don’t and for that I am grateful for this life. That’s why I have decided that after high school I want to go to college and do something with my life. Do something great. I don’t know what it is I want to do yet but I don’t want is to be average or another pretty face that is living off her parent without actually doing no solid work for herself.
That’s not the type of person I want to be so I have been looking up college options and courses I will like to study and soon I might tell mama about them before I take the SATs. Because of her busy work we have never actually really talked about the possibility of me going to college but I am seriously considering it and it has always been on the table.
Mother will support me, I know this but lately I have been feeling down in the dumps, and even therapy is not helping.
I hear laughter and cheering to my right hand side and I look around to find the complete squad team gathered around a member’s new bright pink corvette. They are squealing and screaming with excitement and all I can think about is whose idea was it to pain the car salami pink?
A cold shiver runs through me. I spot the bleached blonde locks of Emily and pick up my pace. Heading for the car door, I pull out my keys and slide inside right on time. Her head slowly turns when she hears my car engine start but before she takes a step in my direction I kick my car into drive mode and head for the main road.
“Too slow.” I giggle at the rearview mirror of her figure getting smaller and smaller the more distance I put between us. My goal for today is different and straight to the point. I have to run to let out steam and stay sane.
Packing the car in the driveway I am not surprised to see the other spot empty. Mother is still at work or has a late work meeting. The familiar haunting silence except for the silent hum of the air conditioners hit my ears.
Home alone. Again.
Making a beeline for the kitchen, my stomach choses this time to growl reminding me I barely had anything to eat during lunch.
Dropping my bag on the pristine white countertop, I yank open the fridge door and search for something, a quick meal that will not take much effort. It takes some time but I find leftover Chinese and a half eaten frozen pizza.
My stomach rumbles more.
‘quiet now, I will feed you’ I pat my stomach.
Grabbing a plate, I pop them in the oven and call it a day.
Leaning against the counter, I pull my phone out of my back pocket and watch Lucien’s highlight, the fucker tagged me to his recent posts. The sneaker fucker never knows when to back down.
I told him I was not coming for the party, I saw the invitation in my spam emails and made my choice then and there. He really thought batting his eyes lashes and pouting was going to change my mind, hilarious to me.
I watch the rest of his story. Scrolling quickly through it, I pause on a short five second video of Hades, Levi, Lucien, Cole and Hammon together all throwing boy hand signs. I scoff.
Boys. Hades is smiling what I call his ‘camera ready smile’. I can tell from the arrogant tilt of his lips and the empty look in his eyes.
- Writer
