Fated Mates: The Alphas's Choice

Matthew: Chapter Ten

Matthew

Two days. I groaned. They've only been gone for two days and I missed her so much. I felt anxious. My hands and feet felt itchy with restlessness. The smell from her tank top that I had taken from her bedroom was starting to fade.

She was ignoring my text messages and would only answer my phone calls to give me updates on their days. She wouldn't try to make small talk or comment on anything I'd say.

I couldn't only blame myself . I should have pulled away when Jocelyn kissed me. I should have gone to her while she was sitting in the car and told her that it was just for show. I should have told her that Jocelyn's kiss meant nothing to me. Instead I had watched her in the passenger seat with clenched fists and teary eyes and let her go.

I f*cked up. I really messed things up for us and I had just gotten somewhere with her. My whole life felt like a mess right now. Josh kept pestering me about her and my parents were starting to get suspicious about my behavior.

I wondered if Elena felt just as miserable without me as I did without her. I wondered if she was refusing to speak to me because she was around Jocelyn or because of the kiss. I wished it had been her. I imagined it all of the time like a love-sick school pup. I imagined her warm , soft lips moving in sync with mine and her petite body pressed snugly against mine. I could imagine the feel of her soft, silky hair cascading through my fingers.

I walked around half hard most of the time now, constantly remembering her breathy moans when I had nuzzled her neck. I imagined what she'd sound like when I finally took her and made her mine. I pressed her tank top to my face and inhaled deeply. I needed her so badly. I fought with myself since the moment they left to not go and bring her right back.

My misery over her being gone made me a very hard person to deal with as of late. I snapped at maids and lost my patience at Joshua's needling questions. I annoyed myself at how much of a d**k I was being. I didn't know how to deal with this. I hadn't imagined before I found my mate that the connection would be this strong.

I had loved Jocelyn with what I thought was all of my heart. I hadn't realized that it had only been a measly little fraction of my heart. Elena had it all. I wanted to give it all to her.

I despised that she wouldn't talk to me. I needed her. I felt weak. Not physically but something just felt off without her near. I needed to feel close to her.

I folded her tank top neatly and placed it gingerly in the top drawer of my dresser, a plan starting to formulate in my head. Since I couldn't be near her physically, would her mother let me in their home? What excuse would I have for her to let me in?

None. Just demand entrance.

I couldn't do that. I thought back to Axle. I needed her respect for her to trust me for her daughter.

Tell her she's our mate. Tell her we need to know more.

I can't. No one else knew. what if she told someone and it got back to my parents? I needed time so that I could make her ready before I told my parents. I needed more time with Elena to prepare her to be my Luna and to make sure no one else objected to her.

I found myself in my truck and driving to Elena's house. I'd figure out some lame excuse to get inside. I needed to know more about her. I needed to know her so that she would want me as much as I wanted her. Maybe if I knew her more, I'd be able to figure out how to transform her into the Luna that the pack needs.

I walked through the broken gate and could already smell her scent around me. My body began relaxing. I knocked and waited, hoping her mother was home so that I could talk to her. She opened the front door And I felt relieved. She gazed up at me, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She quickly bared her throat and lowered her eyes.

"M-Matthew? What can I do for you?"

"I- um...I was hoping I could speak to you."

Her tired, green eyes looked back up at me curiously.

"Ofcourse. Um...Elena isn't home."

"I know."

She opened the front door wide and let me in. I noticed she was wearing her work clothes. I recognized the logo of the uniform from the dry cleaners we used at the pack house. I wondered if she was about to be on her way to work or if she had just gotten off. She had on a navy, collared shirt with the pack's light blue crescent moon on the left breast. Her name tag was pinned just below it. Helena.

I wondered if Elena was named after her mother or if it was a mere coincidence that their names were almost alike.

" If you're about to go I can come back." I pointed back at my truck, hoping she was off. I walked into her home and tucked my hands behind my back. I breathed Elena's scent and smiled.

"No, sir. I just made it home. Would you like a refreshment?"

"No need to be so formal Ms. Evans. And yes, water would be fine."

She nodded and walked into a small kitchen right off of the living room. I sat down on the worn leather love seat in front of a coffee table. There was a small bowl of potpourri on the coffee table barely covering a water ring imbedded into the wood of the unvarnished table. Next to the couch was a small end table with a small blue lamp with a missing shade. Water rings were visible on the mismatched table as well. Beside the table was a blue recliner with a home made, knit throw blanket over the top. Nothing matched but it all felt comfortable.

Helena set a cup of water on the coffee table in front of me and I thanked her. She sat down on the edge of the recliner, her hands wringing nervously on her lap.

"So what can I do for you, Matthew?"

I took a sip of water and imagined Elena's lips on this very glass. Goddess I needed to get laid.

"I..." I sighed. I still hadn't come up with a legitimate excuse to be here.

"Honestly..." I swallowed hard and felt my hands start to get slick with sweat. I looked into her eyes, so similar to Elena's and rubbed my hands on my pants. "Elena is...She's my mate. And I guess I came to be close? I don't know. I'm struggling a little with her being away."

Helena's blonde eyebrows shot up her forehead and she studied my face. Her hands stilled on her lap and she chewed on her bottom lip.

"Wow. Okay...Do-are you sure?"

I chuckled. "I'm positive."

"She- she didn't tell me anything. I- since when did you find out?"

"I'm assuming it was the day she came home from her dad's."

Her eyebrows furrowed over her eyes as she continued to search my face. After a few seconds she looked away."You're still with Jocelyn." It wasn't a question. Could she see it on my face?

I grimaced and ran my hand through my hair. I hadn't expected for her to know that.

"It's complicated."

Her eyes narrowed and she pursed her lips tightly. I knew she was upset. I wondered if it was a reminder of what happened between her and her ex-husband. I wasn't making a good impression on her already.

"That's why she's been crying?"

The pain I felt in my chest hearing her confirm what I already knew began gnawing at me.

"I'm not trying to hurt her. Jocelyn...she's proving to be difficult. She's angry that Elena and I are mates and her and I were together when we found out. So I don't know what to do."

I wasn't completely sure why I was comfortable talking to her but it felt like a relief to get some of this stuff off of my chest.

"I won't presume to tell you what you should do, Matthew. I just ask that whatever you decide , you do it quickly, like a bandage, so it doesn't hurt her anymore. "

It sounded like she thought I was going to reject Elena. I felt like sh*t. Did she think that I wanted to?

"I'm not rejecting Elena. I-I couldn't do it. I came to see if you would give me more insight. I want to know Elena more. It's been impossible to get close with Jocelyn around and..."

She held a hand up stopping me. Usually that wouldn't fly with me, but she was Elena's mom so I shut up.

"If you want to know more about Elena, talk to her. I don't know what you intend to do. I know my daughter is smart and beautiful. I know she's tiny but she has a humongous heart. She won't want to hurt Jocelyn, but if you intend to reject her you can't keep her in suspense any longer. She has been struggling to sleep. She hardly eats anything since shes been home. This game you're playing with her heart is killing her."

Her voice trembled and I rubbed my face. F*ck. This sucked. All I wanted now was to see her and tell her that I choose her. I wanted her to sleep and to eat and to stop worrying about Jocelyn.

"I'm sorry. I'm going to make this right. When she gets home I'll do everything in my power to make her happy."

She continued to look at me with her sad, tired eyes. She chewed on the inside of her cheek then nodded to herself.

"She loves the color purple. Her favorite food is pizza, but not with vegetables of any kind. She likes to sing in the shower and has the neatest handwriting I've ever seen. Oh! and she got a full scholarship to Milton. She hopes to be a Healer one day. " She smiled and for the first time that I had known her she looked truly happy. She clearly loved Elena.

"Milton?"

"Yes! Can you believe it? I've been bragging on her to anyone that will listen! She was so excited! The Healer programs there are the best in the country!"

Milton was far away. I knew my father knew some of the pack leaders in the surrounding areas and they were friendly but my stomach dropped at the thought of her being away again. Helena must have seen my expression because he smile faltered.

"It's her dream," she said quietly.

"It's far away."

"You're not Alpha yet. You could go with her." I clenched my jaw and just nodded in agreement. I wouldn't be able to go. I still had so much to learn about being an Alpha. I had duties and responsibilities to think of.

"Have you and Elena spoken much? I know she runs off and I won't ask her where she's been, but you've talked, right?"

I shook my head. I should have known this. I should have been able to talk to my mate and figure out our future together. I shut my eyes and leaned back against the couch.

" I've been a coward," I admitted. "I've been hiding behind a promise I can't keep because I'm afraid."

Helena nodded slowly. "It's because she's a runt, right? You're afraid of what everyone will say when they find out she's your mate." I felt ashamed as she voiced something I had tried to hide deep inside of me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

I don't want to hide anymore. I-I'll help her be what the pack needs her to be. They won't question me when they see she's much more than her size."

"What if she doesn't want to be Luna?"

"Why wouldn't she?"

"She doesn't like the spot light. She doesn't like attention like that. Would you be able to step down and just live a simple life with her? Would you force her to be someone she isn't? "

I left Elena's house with more anxiety than I had before. I felt so uncertain now. Why would the Goddess choose her as my mate if everything was going to be so complicated? Would I force Elena to be someone she wasn't? Would she want to be with me if I didn't step down?