Tentative Engagements

Chapter 8: “He was my friend first.”

Abby

“Boyfriend? Did you f*****g say, boyfriend!” Gabriel's thunderous voice startles me.

“Well, I think he is. We have been talking for a short while. We have gone out on a few dates.” I wonder if Fyn considers me his girlfriend?

“Are you in love with him?” Wow! I never expected Gabriel to ask that question. I reflect on my feelings about Fyn. Do I love him?

“I like him. We started as friends, and it has progressed more. Love, though, I don’t think so. We are still new to this relationship.” That answer seemed to settle him somewhat.

“Who is he?” Heck no! There is no way I am telling Gabriel Fyn’s name.

“Why do you want to know?” I look at him suspiciously.

“I want to know who he is. Have you f****d him?” Gabriel’s nose flares up, and his hands turn into fists.

“With all due respect, that is none of your business, Gabriel. That answer applies to both questions.” He begins to pace the room like a trapped animal. What is he thinking? “Please understand that I was not raised like an ordinary member of the family in the cosa nostra. Those obligations and expectations are reserved for those women that are intended to be married off. That lifestyle was never set for me.” Gabe needs to understand that I am not the wife for him. After a few moments, Gabriel seemed to reach some conclusion because his demeanor relaxed.

He takes two of his long strides and reaches me. He places his large meaty hands on the handrest of the armchair and squats down. We are now face to face. I breathe in his masculine cologne. Oh, Jesus, this man smells amazing.

“Anything regarding you is my business. This thing with your boyfriend needs to end now. You are never to see him or speak to him. You need to get something clear baby girl, your old life is over. The faster you come to terms, the easier it will be for you.” His words give me goosebumps. What am I going to do? Am I really going to marry this complete stranger? And Fyn, am I supposed to just ghost him? Nope, that is way too rude.

All of a sudden, Gabriel slowly begins to lean towards me, almost like he might kiss me. My lungs freeze and my eyes zero in on Gabriel's full lips. Those lips look so soft and alluring, but Gabriel didn’t kiss me. Instead, he whispers in my ear.

“Keep your secret. I will find out your ex-boy’s name.” My heart rate is going a mile a minute. What can I do? I don’t want to marry Gabriel or any man in the mafia. I don’t want to follow in my mother’s footsteps.

When I hear the door close behind Gabriel. I grab my cell and try to prepare for what I have to do next. I need to break up with Fyn. I care for him and I don’t want him hurt. Gabriel was not going to let anyone stand in his way in his path for revenge. I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to him.

Out of respect for Fyn, I want to talk to him face to face. He doesn’t deserve a breakup over a text message or call. Shoot, I should delete his name from my cell before Gabriel sees it. With a heavy heart, I cowardly texted Fyn.

Fyn: Yeah, we just got back to the states this morning. What do you want to talk about?

Me: Fyn, you are an amazing man. There is so much going on right now in my life and I don’t want to get you wrapped up in all this mess. I am so sorry, but we need to break up.

A sob escapes my mouth and I quickly cover it. Fyn was my first and only guy friend before he became my boyfriend. We would FaceTime for hours each day. My cheeks would hurt because he would make me smile and laugh so much. He gave me my first kiss. He was gentle and respectful. He promised to buy me my first birthday cake. It was going to be such a special night. Silent tears rolled off my face.

Fyn: What the hell are you talking about? Break up? Abbs, we never dated. You are not the type of girl to take home. No hard feelings.

I can’t believe what I am reading. I close the text messages and reopen them. It has to be a mistake. Maybe it’s my cell. I must have texted someone else by mistake. But when I reopen my text messages, I realize there is no mistake. Why is Fyn acting like this? He kissed me. Only people who are dating kiss. Right?

Did I make it all up in my head? Did I read too much into it? Am I that pathetic? No, no, no. I remember his kindness. His jokes. He opened up about his family. I use my arm’s white sleeve to wipe my tears.

I don’t know why Fyn is behaving so differently, but I still have to protect him. I deleted all his history from my cell. All except one photo. It was taken the day he kissed me. I emailed it to me and hid it in a folder. Only when I secure the picture of the happiest moment of my life, do I delete the memory from my camera roll.