Denial
782 Words
Seulgi's POV
"I have opened my eyes oppa. I want you back." I bravely stated.
But instead of delight that I was expecting to see drawn in his face when I tell him that, I saw an expressionless Mark.
"Oppa. Say something." I uttered staying positive and waited for an answer.
one second..
two seconds..
three seconds..
four..
"I thought.." he broke the silence.
"You thought you would never hear me say that?" I asked smiling.
He was looking straight to my eyes with a very serious expression.
A strange feeling occupies me. No, this is going to turn out well. He went back to Korea to get me back. It just took me a long time to accept him again, but he was waiting for me. I told myself.
"I thought that if.."
"Hmm?"
"That if I hear you say that.. I would really be happy."
My expression changed. "Are you not happy to hear that?"
He slightly smiled like it was forced. "Happy." He said nodding.
I was about to smile again when he said, "That maybe the situation months ago. But I am sure about it now."
"Mwo?" I breathed deeply. I am confused and in disbelief of what I am hearing. "Oppa.. don't be funny." Wishing that he was just joking.
He shook his head. "I'm not trying to be funny."
"Ha. HAHA." I faked a laugh. "Has the situation turned the opposite? Are you the one who's angry with me now, oppa, because I kept on avoiding you for months?"
He shook his head again.
"Oppa. We can start again. Let's forget about the past. It's different now." I said as I reached for his hands on the table.
But to my surprise, he pulled his hands away.
A sudden gush of blood rised towards my head then to my limbs like an impending doom as the words, "I don't think I can start with you again." came out from his mouth.
I am still denying the reality. I need to push more and do more before I could be convinced that what I am hearing is right. "You must be angry with me, oppa.. Look oppa, I'm sorry." I sighed. "I'm sorry for not hearing your explanation. I realized that you must have had your reasons why you have to leave years ago. I shouldn't have avoided you because at the end of the day, I realized that I still love you.. that I still care for you.. avoiding you was just torturing both you and I and---"
"I am not angry with you and will never be angry with you." He cut my sentence. "I should be the one to say sorry.. I am sorry for all I've done--"
"I've already forgiven you. Let's forget about it." I also cut him. I don't wanna hear him finish his sentence. I know I'm gonna be hurt by it. "We can be happy now, oppa. Let's start anew--"
"Seulgi-ah."
My tears started buffering around my eyes. I tried holding them back.
He then held my hand and smiled. "You are a wonderful woman. You always make the people around you happy. I remember how you always make me laugh and talk a lot before though I don't really like talking and smiling. However, Seulgi.."
"However?"
"However.." He closed his eyes like it's difficult to continue his sentence. He opened his eyes again and continued, "I am guilty for moving on."
"What do you mean, oppa?" Of course, I know what he means by it. It's just that maybe.. just maybe.. it's not what he meant.
"Seulgi-ah. Let's start a new life. I'm sorry for going back and bringing back all the memories."
"Start again." I'm sorry oppa but I don't want to accept reality. "I told you. Let's start again together."
"Start again. You.. and me.. with separate lives."
I shook my head. There is no use of holding back my tears anymore coz they are now uncontrollable. "Eotteokhae? How could I do that?"
"Wipe your tears" giving me his handkerchief and I accepted. "You have done it before. You have dreams yet to fulfill. Do not ruin your life just because I am stupid for letting you go."
"Oppa!!!" I complained.
He stood up. "Halssu isseo, Kang Seul Gi." (You can do it)
Just as he turned his back and about to leave, I asked the question that I had been avoiding to ask.
"Oppa, is it because of Yoo Ae?"
That made him stop and turned back to face me.
"Is it oppa? Did you learn to like her now?"
He didn't answer my question. Instead, he gave me a smile before walking away.
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- Writer
