Vampire´s Secret

KOSMOS

The weekend came and, for once, I was bored. My mom and Lugo had a “work trip”, they were in a conference in the next city, and I honestly was not sure if it was true, or, if my mom did not wanted to say out loud that she was seeing him romantically.

Without my iPod I was carrying my laptop around to have some music and audio company. I was so sad about it, my photos, my messages with Will and my music… the pending playlist. And also, my iPod held so much of me, it felt like I was missing a part of me. I tried to distract myself. I was doing laundry, nothing glamorous. I felt alone, but not lonely.

After cleaning all and folding the few items of clothes we had I got stuck on the sofa watching some reality TV to prevent myself from thinking. I was getting hangry (angrinly hungry). I was about to call a pizza place when my laptop dinged with the familiar sound that made my veins fill with adrenaline.

“Are you up to go dress-hunting?” Below the text I saw a photograph of a painting, it was a woman with a black dress, her face was not on the frame, and it looked like a recent portrait.

“I am more focused on food-hunting at the moment. Can I maybe interest you in pizza?” I sent him back a photo of the ceiling that I was able to take with the laptop camera.

“hahaha… We can get both, I will pick you in 10”

My heart rose and almost burst out of my chest. I quickly moved to the bathroom and took the quickest, most thorough shower I was able to pull, wet and in a towel, I ran to get clothes. I stood in front of my miserable pile of clothes with a feeling of profound sadness.

Tears ran down my cheeks. I had exactly one pair of jeans, one pair of leggings, three t-shirts and one black tear-down color wasted hoodie. The exact amount of clothes I could put into my backpack and run. And for the first time in my life, I felt awkward, never before I ever taught about… me.

I sat down, and the window doors showed me my reflection. I never imagined I would ever be in this place, waiting a boy to come pick me up, going to get a dress so I can go to a ball, and I was not able to explain how foreign all of this was for me. I remember my mom’s new dress and her happiness from yesterday, and, for the first time, I felt anger. I was so angry at her, it was so easy for her.

The door rang, startling me. I quickly dressed and ran to answer.

The first thing that hit me was the amazing scent of him, like fresh cut grass, sandalwood, and metal, iron maybe. Then I looked at him, it was a rainy day and he was wearing fitted jeans, a turtle neck sweater, and his characteristic leather jacket.

My stomach flipped and turned, I felt red running to my cheeks, and the familiar adrenaline in my veins made me feel cold. He blinked and his eyes turned black, he smiled at me and licked his lips, making me even more anxious.

“Wanna a bite?” he said in his purring, flirting voice, and he laughed.

“I could eat,” I reply, not understanding his joke

“Let’s go”

He opened the door for me, and inside his car, I felt at ease again, he took off his jacket and passed on to me, a little ritual we already had, and one that made me feel cozy and special. In other schools I saw (with envy) girls inside their boyfriends' jackets, sometimes gigantic pieces that made them look tiny but that always look to me like a protection, like a hug when they needed to go to different classes. And now, inside Will’s jacket, I understood that it also carried a bit of intimacy.

“Open the glovebox,” Will said puting his seatbelt on. I nodded and inside I saw something that made me cry for the second time this day.

My iPod, with his transparent case, with the corny sticker a long long time ago a kind girl in my math class gave me to thank me for my notes. The screen looked new, it was missing a scratch I made on it one day I dropped it while running away many years ago.

“Sorry, I had to take it to repair, the screen cracked, and they had to change it”

“How?” I asked with a knot on my voice

“Well, I had to return where it happened and there I found it”

“Thank you” I whispered almost out of voice

“I know it is important for you.” he took a kleenex out and handed it to me

“It was the last gift I received from my grandma.”

I said it mostly for me, to remember why it meant so much, and how it felt like something was alright again, having his tiny metal body in my hand.

“Hey, let’s go” Will smiled and handed my the cable so I could put the playlist on.

I did not know where we were driving, ‘Kosmos’ from t.A.T.u played in the stereo. I felt so relaxed. Will was an excellent driver, I barely felt the changes in the speed or the twists on the road.

“It sounds so… curious.”

“What?”

“The music is so upbeat, yet the lyrics, yeeezzzz”

“So… you speak russian” Will scoffed at that

“I understand some Russian, it is literally one of the hardest languages to learn, so, no…” he pressed a key on his wheel and the song replayed, he waited for the chorus and continued “but… ‘navechno vstretimsya v kosmose navechno vstretimsya v kosmose, v kosmose’” he chanted in heavy accent while I looked at him with my mouth open “is something like: ‘we’ll meet forever in space, forever in the weightless dark of space’”

Will’s car stopped in a parking lot, we were in the dim light of a parking basement of a mall, the music kept playing in the back. His eyes were black and after that demonstration, I was able to see him in a new light, he seemed so old but in a young body, my blood filled with adrenaline again, and now I understood that my body was warning me, this was not the reaction we had when we liked someone.

“How old are you?” I asked again in the softest whisper, one I was sure barely left my lips, one he could not hear, but he was able to hear.

“Guess” he whispered, smiling, and it made me shiver

“Are you gonna hurt me?” I asked, holding my breath and tensing up

“I’m trying my hardest to take care of you and avoid the hurting part.”

“That’s not an answer.” Tears filled my eyes as I felt awfully vulnerable in that tiny space with him

“podumaesh, pustyaki - otorvany hvostiki otvincheny lapki, no - vse ravno, vse ravno” he said in that heavy accent, smiling, and I saw he was enjoying my fear, the smirk on his face was dangerous and cruel.

He opened the car door, and his eyes became clear again. His smile was soft and warm.

“Let me take care of you, little one,” he said in the softest, most tender tone “Let me get you food and a gorgeous dress” he walked around the car and opened the door for me, and I saw the Will I knew again, but that did not took away the unsettling feeling I got.