The Moon Sat Low

Chapter 4: More Than a Nightmare

    Usually when you dream, you see yourself in third person.  It’s like you are watching the actions take place.  Well, at least that has been my experience.  This dream was different.  I was looking through my own eyes.  I wasn’t watching the things happen.  No, I was part of it.

    It was night.  I’m sure of it.  But things looked so clear.  I could see into the shadows as if it was just shaded and not black like night.  The scents were clear as well.  The pines and distant honeysuckle were so clear that evening.  I could hear the brisk wind through the trees and the sound of crickets.  So many crickets.

    I was low.  It seemed like I was crawling.  I don’t know why.  Maybe I was afraid of being caught.  I had this feeling that I shouldn’t be there.  It was forbidden.  I’m not sure who I was hiding from or why, but the underbrush might help me.

    I’m not sure if it was the smell or the sound that caught my attention first.  The smell was something that I didn’t recognize at first.  It was metallic.  Iron?  No, it was blood.  So much blood.  I could smell it clearly although I hadn’t yet seen it.  The sound was that of predators.  Wild and savage animals.  They had caught their prey.  It intrigued me more than frightened me.  I crept closer.

    Two wolves - one solid black and the other was various shades of grey.  They had caught something in the woods and were feasting on it.  It looked as if it may have been a deer, but I couldn’t get a good look at it.  They tore into the flesh and their muzzles were covered in the blood of their prey.  They hadn’t yet noticed me.

    As brutal as the scene may have appeared, I’ve seen similar things on animal documentaries.  That isn’t what bothered me.  What really struck fear in me was desire.  I wanted to join them.  I wanted to feast with them.

    I couldn’t fully explain it five years ago.  I’m not sure I can fully explain it now.  There was a disturbing desire that overcame my entire body.  It was carnal.  It was fierce.  The smell of blood was so strong that I could almost taste it, but that wasn’t enough.  I needed to taste it.  The blood was the life of that prey and I wanted it in me.  I yearned for it.

    I was thirteen then, and my body was going through changes.  I think that perhaps my mind was trying to understand these changes because this desire to feast was more than just eating.  It was something oddly s****l.  I could feel it in my breasts and… well, lower regions.  My whole body wanted it.  The taste of the blood.  The scent.  The feel of it on my skin.  Fragile life being taken to feed me.  My body shook uncontrollably.  I could smell something new. It was something that I had not experienced before this point.  I now know that it was my own ejaculation. As dark and morbid as it may sound, I was getting off to this scene.  That is what was truly frightful. 

    This was just a dream, of course.  People don’t talk about it much, but girls can have wet dreams too.  This was my first.  It was disturbing.  When I woke up with wet panties, I thought that maybe I had pissed myself in my sleep.  That wasn’t what happened.  I was embarrassed, so I didn’t say anything.

    Weeks later, I had another dream.  Once again, I was looking through my own eyes.  Once again, I was crawling through the woods hoping that no one would find me.  But this time I did not find the wolves eating.  No, this time I found them mating.  The black one was on top of the gray one.  I hid behind a tree, but I watched.  

    I watched for what seemed like several minutes, but I can’t be sure.  It may have just been seconds.  Then the black wolf looked up. His yellow eyes met mine.  He paused.  It was as if he was trying to say something to me.  Maybe he was embarrassed at being caught.  Not that wolves mating the forest was something they should be embarrassed about.  He paused for only a moment before he ran away from me.  The gray wolf followed behind him.

    This was the second dream about the wolves.  Was the world trying to tell me something.  I had heard Cynthia talk about Spirit Guides.  Perhaps this was one of them.  But why did I dream about a pair?  The curiosity was enough to drive me to explore the woods the following morning.  We own close to five acres.  Most of it is wooded behind our house.  I would go out there and play often and was familiar with it.  I knew the area where my dream took place.  At least, I thought I did.

    I’m not sure what I was looking for.  Maybe some sign from my Spirit Guide.  Maybe something to explain why I was having these dreams.  Something to explain what they meant.  I found none of that.  There was nothing except the mundane plant life of the forest and the songbirds in the trees.

    Frustrated, I sat in the middle of the woods.  A stick was poking my thigh, but I didn’t care.  The slight pain helped me remember that I was still alive and that this was reality.  The pain was real and therefore I was real.  Those dreams were not.  They were dreams fueled by my changing hormones. 

    This next part I’ve never told anyone.  Not even my parents, and I trust them fully.  I’m not even sure why I did this.  Maybe it was that I wanted to be closer to nature.  What could be more natural than nudity, right?  I stripped down.  No one was around.  No one could see me.  I just took off all my clothes and was naked in the woods.  It was cold that morning, but I embraced the cold.  It caused my skin to make goosebumps.  I ran my fingers lightly over them and found them sexy.  I found myself sexy.  I may have done more if I was more experienced, but instead I embarrassed myself and got dressed.  I don’t know what I was trying to accomplish out there, but I don’t think I succeeded. 

    More weeks passed and it was now winter.  A light dusting of snow had fallen overnight.  I was hoping for more snow to cancel school.  That evening I had a third dream about the wolves.  This time, I was running.  I wasn’t running away from the wolves.  No, I was running with them.  We were hunting together, and I was fast.  I was so fast.  I ran past the trees with such speed and skill that I couldn’t believe it.  

    Then we came near a brook.  The black wolf told us to move downstream.  I say “told” because I’m not sure how else to say it.  It wasn’t verbal, it was a look that the gray wolf and I understood.  Telepathy? Maybe.  I don’t know.  Things happen in dreams that don’t really make sense.  Hell, none of this really makes sense.  We moved as he instructed, keeping to the bushes and hiding.

    The black wolf moved upstream.  Then I saw it.  It was a four point buck.  Sure, I’ve seen larger and older bucks, but this was exciting regardless.  The black wolf moved in on the buck, growling at it and scaring it right towards us.  The gray wolf and I attacked.

    I was part of them now.  Part of their pack.  They had welcomed me as one of their own and I had hunted with them.  I was now sharing the spoils of the hunt with them.  It was raw and bloody.  It was… delicious.

    I woke up with a start.  My breathing was heavy.  My heart was pounding.  I don’t know what time it was, but the sun wasn’t up yet.  I must have laid in bed for over an hour just thinking.  I tried to find an answer to why I was having the dreams.  I wanted them to stop.  I didn’t want to think this way, but I knew I needed help.  I told my parents that day at breakfast.  It wasn’t long after that I met with Cynthia.