Marriages

Chapter One-3

“Douglas, bring two roast beef.” I hung up the phone.

After a brief pause, Debra said, “I don’t want to be married to a celebrity. I don’t want a husband who is chased after by half the female population of Harrisburg.”

“That’s silly; I’ll always be faithful to you.” I even went so far as to tell her if I were ever confronted with deciding between our marriage, and my career, I would always choose her.

She took the hook, I thought. At least for time being, I was off it.

Of course, nothing I told her was true. I was telling her at that moment what she wanted to hear. I was living for the moment. I wanted her in a better mood, it was my honeymoon. Then to change the subject, “I want you to know something. I want you to know how much I appreciate the fact you saved your virginity for me. Twenty-three years is a long time.”

That’s when she hit me with another zinger. After a slight pause, “I have something to tell you, Matt.”

I braced myself for the worst.

“I’m not a virgin. Before you, there were numerous affairs.”

Somehow, I suspected as much, but I always took her at her word. I mean, I could live with the fact that there may have been someone before me. But what I wasn’t prepared for was her confessing to numerous affairs. I was confused. She had always stopped my advances.

“If you weren’t the virgin you pretended to be, why did you always stop me?” I thought that was a reasonable question.

“I knew if you wanted me badly enough, you would marry me. It was time to settle down, and that you were a keeper.

She went on to confess, that soon after we began dating, she had run into one of her old boyfriends by the name of Carlos. She had told Carlos about me, and her intentions to get me to the altar. Carlos convinced her not to be forthcoming with me, to keep her other numerous affairs secrets until after we were married. He told her most men don’t buy used merchandise.

She looked at me with those soulful eyes.

I appreciated her honesty, but she could have at least waited until after the honeymoon to tell me. Or maybe, she could have kept that little secret forever. That was more information than I needed to know.

After my next question, she dropped the big one. “Just out of curiosity, how many men were there before me?”

“Six, if you count Tom.”

“Tom? You had an affair with my best friend, Tom Toledo?”

“It wasn’t an affair exactly; it was more like a one-night stand. A couple of weeks ago, I was out with a couple of my girlfriends celebrating the upcoming wedding, when I ran into Tom at a bar. We had a couple of drinks together. Before I knew it, I was having a nightcap in his apartment. One thing led to another. I wound up spending the night. We were both sorry it happened. I promised him I would never tell you. So, you must promise me never to breathe a word of what I just told you.”

She didn’t want me to confront him. I couldn’t promise her anything of the kind. My best friend spends the night with my future wife, a couple of weeks before we’re to be married, and I can’t say anything to him? I don’t think so. “Why are you telling me this?”

“I wanted to be honest with you. I thought about letting you continue to think I was a virgin. I wouldn’t have been the first woman to play that game.”

I was in a state of shock. It wasn’t so much she wasn’t a virgin, but the one-night stand with my best friend was more than I could handle. I decided to lay a guilt trip on her. “I have something that I have to confess to you. It’s something most men my age hides from everyone.” Now, her curiosity was aroused. “I’m going to tell you something I have never admitted to anyone. I am a virgin. I have never, in my whole life, had s****l intercourse with a woman.”

She was incredulous. “Not even once? That’s amazing. But you’re twenty-eight years old.”

“I know. There were times when I thought there was something wrong with me. I mean, everyone I knew had, or at least they said they had. I was embarrassed to admit I hadn’t. I let everyone assume what they wanted. I played the role of being the biggest lover in town, the big DJ stud.”

She paused for a moment. Then a diabolical smile came across her face. “I find the thought of you being a virgin extremely exciting. I’ll be honored to take your virginity.” She took a slight pause. “I also believe it’s good we are telling each other everything. Now there won’t be any skeletons in our closet that can come back and haunt us later.”

We promised each other everything that was said between us that night would never be mentioned again. We kissed to seal the promise.

After the kiss, I couldn’t hold back my emotions. I looked her in the eye, “I’ll bet Tom never kissed you like that?”

Then she pulled the reverse anger routine. “Is that what you meant by never mentioning it again? Do you want me to give you a play-by-play?” She went on with an attempted justification of what had happened between Tom and her. “It was just s*x. There wasn’t any emotion, there wasn’t any love.” Then in her seductive manner, she pointed out that when two people have love and emotion, having s*x is beautiful.

Falling under her charm of the moment, “Do you think our first experience will be beautiful?” The very next thing she said made me realize we weren’t on the same page regarding this marriage.

In a determined voice that made my stomach turn over twice, she said, “We’re married. We’re going to have children, a boy, and a girl. That will make us as close as two people can become.”

Attempting to swallow the lump that immediately came up in my throat because of that exclamation, “Yes, but not right away, we can’t afford to have children right away.”

“I’m twenty-three years old. According to what I’ve read in all the books, it’s the perfect time to start. If we can’t agree on having children right way, it will break up this marriage faster than if I caught you cheating,” she said in an angry voice.

I paused before I said, “But why didn’t you tell me all this before?”

“Matt, I thought we both wanted the same things. I asked you once if you wanted children, and you said you did. So, I don’t see why, now that we’re married, you’ve suddenly decided we should wait, God knows how many years, before we begin a family.”

“Debra, people don’t rush into these things. There are a lot of things people should know before they begin having children.”

Without missing a beat, “I know that. I’ll learn to cook, you’ll see.”

There’s nothing like finding out your wife, on the first night of the honeymoon, doesn’t know how to cook. Looking back on it, I always did the cooking when we ate in. I have no one to blame for this oversight but myself. But I assumed every woman knew how to cook. It was genetic. Boy did I have a lot to learn about women?

As if that weren’t enough, she informed me she doesn’t like doing housework, and based on our numerous experiences; s*x could wind up as a low priority. This conversation was turning into something like a bad dream. She said she was allergic to dust, and she always had s*x for the gratification of the guy she was with at the time.

After a slight pause, “Where does that leave me, a virgin?”

“I guess you have your work cut out for you,” she said with a tone of determination.

I headed for the bathroom to throw some water in my face. My mission was to wake up from this nightmare.

Simultaneously, Douglas knocked at the door with our food order. Debra let him in, and she directed him to put the food on the table. She called into the bathroom for some money to pay Douglas. I came out of the bathroom, water dripping from my face. I realized that everything that had just transpired with Debra was in real-time. What have I done? I thought. Debra announced she was going into the bathroom to freshen up, leaving me alone with Douglas.

Attempting to make small talk with Douglas, I looked the champagne over and commented that it looked awfully expensive.

Douglas assured me it was a vintage year. “It’s the best we have available in the hotel.”

After a slight pause, as Douglas was opening the champagne, “Douglas, are you married?”

“Not anymore.”

“I offer my condolences.”

He informed me his marriage had been terrible. “All my ex-wife did from the first day we were married was b***h at me day and night. I blame the failure of my marriage on rushing into it. I never really got to know the person I was marrying. I had only known her for a couple of months.” He took a slight pause and continued. “One night, I had been out drinking with some friends. After my friends left, I began thinking about her. The alcohol had taken over my brain cells. I made the drunken mistake of calling her at four o’clock in the morning and proposing. She was ten years my senior. She didn’t have any prospects for a husband, so she accepted my proposal. Before I knew it, I was standing at the altar taking those final vows. But in addition to the bitching night and day, shortly after the honeymoon, I learned she couldn’t even cook. Believe me, there’s nowhere to go from there.”

Boy, could I identify with that remark. “How long have you been single now?”

“Seven years. But are you ready? I’m going to do it again. She’s a maid here at the hotel. We understand each other. And she cooks like a gourmet chef. I’m doing the right thing this time, I know it.” After taking a slight pause, “And if I’m not, I’ll get rid of her. It’s a lot easier the second time around.”

Attempting to learn as much about this process as I could, “Was it difficult the first time?

“It was agonizing. I had always been taught once you were married, it was for life. But one day, after one of our big fights, I knew I couldn’t continue to live like that anymore. So, I packed my clothes, informed her I was leaving, and headed for the door. She cried a lot, and so did I, but I left anyway. I knew if I hadn’t left when I did, I would eventually have succumbed to malnutrition.”

“Douglas, I’m glad we had this little talk. I see things a lot more clearly now.”

“I’m glad I could help, Mr. Matthews.”

I offered to pay him for the champagne and sandwiches, but he insisted it was on the house.

“Good luck with the marriage. I’ll be standing by if you need anything else.” Douglas left the room.