To Destroy

When His World Fell Apart

“To Destroy” his mom said three weeks ago when she was in the hospital. “Your name means ‘To Destroy’, Love, but never in my life have I ever seen you destroy anything” she said as she slipped her hand against his  cheek. 

 Never in my life has  her hands ever been that cold, he can feel the life slowly being sucked out of her. 

He  didn't cry, but clenched his  jaw, when she attempted to say goodbye to him .In his head, if he does not accept her goodbye, then she cannot leave him. Goodbye, means bye  forever, and never in his life would he be able to handle saying bye  forever to his mother. 

He recalls when he first saw the symptoms of her sickness, he recalled the sudden weight loss with no cause, her feeling exhausted every day, shortness of breath, it would take her everything to get out of bed in the morning. He watched the symptoms get worse and she continued to mutter “I'm fine, Perseus” or “don't worry, Perry. It's all okay” 

Then that one dreaded day came, he woke up to the sound of her coughing getting worse. Sometimes he would walk into the bathroom and see where she had been coughing up blood the night before.

After four mornings of walking into the bathroom and seeing the inside of the trashcan coated with her blood from coughing, he  took her to the hospital. Lung Cancer is what she was diagnosed with, no one knew how long it had been destroying her from the inside out. 

His nights are long, and he doesn't sleep much anymore, he’s  too worried about his  mom to actually attempt to sleep. His nights usually include staring at the ceiling while soft music plays on his phone, he  keeps it turned down so he  can hear if his mom needs him  or not.

He likes to think the weather outside when he wakes up foreshadows how his mother is feeling that day. If it is sunny and beautiful outside, with the birds chirping and the sun shining its bright glow down on the world, then she feels fairly good.

If the weather is horrid, with rain and dark clouds, and it just all around makes you feel gloomy, then that day she would feel as horrid as the sky outside looks.