Am I Alive or Dead?

Secrets And Lies

***Adult Content and Abuse TW***

I text him back letting him know, I have no allergies but I am not a fan of raw onions. He sends me a text back with a winky face emoji. Then he sends another text back asking if I would prefer to go out or if I would like him to cook a romantic dinner at his house. I think about that for a few minutes and send my reply. I would prefer to be surprised since I don’t have much experience in this kind of thing.

Do you have no experience dating? Umm no I have been a very focused student and then after graduation to have not had anything to do with guys since I have been working hard on my business. Do I want to tell this stranger this, it seems so personal. On the other hand, we were just having a very personal up close and personal. My face blushes as I remember the places his hands were on my body. I am so looking forward to our date if this night has been a starting point, wow the s****l tension between the two of us is insane.

I chose to be honest and reply to him, I have very little social skills and even less romantic experience. I am holding my breath waiting for him to laugh at me or pick on me. I hear my phone beep again alerting me that he has replied. My hands shake a little opening the text, More people should choose to keep their circles small and wait on those romantic experiences. I admire you for making those choices in your life. Ugh if only he knew I didn’t have social skills not because I made a choice but because I was unwanted and a burden.

The driver speaks up informing me that we have arrived outside of my home. It hits me how exhausted I am when I make it to my front door. Walking inside I quickly shower, making sure to put his clothes in the laundry hamper to wear later. I slip in between the bed sheets and I am gone. My dreams are consumed with his hands on my body and the overwhelming sensations that I’m feeling. I feel so hot, so close to my climax and suddenly my alarm rings in the air.

Wow did I just have a s*x dream about Joe? This is crazy I laugh to myself, thinking about the fact I have never looked forward to spending time with another human being my entire life. Then here I was drooling over this god-like man I just met at a club. What did I want out of him, that was the number one question I had to answer before our date. Was I doing this to have a relationship with him or just to get a release from all this s****l electricity I felt? I have no clue and that is the scariest thing for me, the unknown.

I get ready for work I can’t take any time off I have a goal and people depend on me. It takes me about forty-five minutes to get ready when my doorbell rings. I open it to find the driver from this morning with a bouquet of blue orchids in his hand with a card. Sorry to interrupt you, ma’am, but my master has asked me to deliver these to you. He hands me the flowers and the card and steps away. I sniff the flowers and open the envelope. The card is a nice cream and baby blue with black ink.

This isn’t your normal card. It’s a thick card stock and the letters are embossed on the front in calligraphy writing. It is a birthday invitation for the weekend after next. Joe is inviting me for his birthday. As fancy as this invitation is I am a bit thrown off. He didn’t flaunt his wealth when we met so is this a pass to ensure my interest? Wow, I have read too many love novels in the past to think anyone thinks that far ahead.

Here I am thinking of finding a prince charming in the twenty-first century haha. They don’t make men the same as they do in books and that is the only experience I have with them. That is why I never dated before really because most guys didn’t even hit the mark when it came to expectations. I have money, and I don’t need a man to support me but I always had fantasies of the big strong courageous type. Maybe I just was born in the wrong time frame.

Shit, I’m gonna be late I grab my jacket and bag and remember I lost my wallet. Taking out my phone I call Kevin. Hey do you mind picking me up for work, I lost my wallet last night and I have no driver’s license. You know I will always help you, Maya, you never need to question that. I am at your beck and call anytime day or night. I owe you my life and will do anything for you to repay that debt. Thanks, Kev, I will see you soon.

Kev was my first friend growing up. He found me hiding in a bush outside of school when I was in seventh grade. I had just transferred to the school and nobody knew me. My sister was pretty popular and had already started telling everyone at school that I was unwanted. The abuse started right after my granny’s funeral services when they did the reading of the will. They had found out that I was getting what they thought should have been theirs.

They took all their anger out on me with nobody to stop them, I ended up with bruises all over. I wasn’t old enough for make-up yet and they didn’t seem worried about getting into trouble. I soon found my sister telling people that I hurt myself on purpose for attention. That day my mother had belted me that morning for not making everyone breakfast before they woke up. I didn’t even know that was my job or how to cook. My back was bleeding and stuck to my shirt.

Every time I moved my back would split open and seep through my shirt. I had worn a large black T-shirt so nobody could see, but I couldn’t imagine sitting in a chair doing my work in pain. I hid and was going to skip school when Kev saw me hiding. He came up to me and saw me crying instead of telling anyone or drawing attention to me, he just sat next to me. When everyone went inside he finally moved away just a little.

He then reached into his bag and pulled out some rubbing alcohol and Neosporin. Without looking at me he passed both to me, I started stuttering while asking why would I need that. I can smell the blood on you. That is all he says and I just stare at him not knowing how to explain that I can’t take care of it myself and I am way too embarrassed to ask for any help.

I guess he understands my silence, he looks over at me and sighs, Where are you hurt? I promise you I won’t judge, I just want to help you clean it so that infection doesn’t set in. I bite my lip and stutter that it is my back that is bleeding, he nods and sits behind me. Can I lift the back of your shirt so that I can clean it? I hesitate but nod my head, as soon as he starts to lift my shirt he realizes that my shirt is stuck to my back by the dried blood.

He takes out a water bottle and pours in on the dried blood and this helps to get my shirt unstuck. He then cleans the wounds on my back slowly and as easily as he can before he finishes he sighs stating, you will need a new shirt do you mind wearing one of mine? I have an extra just for such events. I look at him with a small giggle, so you are prepared to doctor injured girls in distress huh? Oh no that’s not what I mean I am so sorry it’s just I have supplies for myself for such emergencies.

When my doorbell rings again it brings me out of my memory, hey Kev thanks for coming. No problem we have our first assignment of the night already, it’s out by the club we went to last night. Well at least we know where we are headed, and it’s not too far from my house. Along the way, I tell him about Joe and how we agreed that we would meet again tomorrow night for another date. I didn’t however tell him how close I came to losing my V card but I don’t feel like that is any of his business.