THE ROOM MY MOTHER KEPT LOCKED

Life After Heaven

When we finally arrived... I saw something that left me completely shocked.

Everyone I asked kept telling me the same thing, “Wait until we get there. You will find out when we arrive.” When we finally reached the house, my heart suddenly sank. The first thing I did was ask about my little Heaven. I called my sister. “Dada, Dada?” Silence. Still nothing. The people who had travelled with me started trying to distract me, “Come and sit here. We heard they went to take her to see her grandmother, but they are late.”

I became even more confused, “What about my husband and my father-in-law? Why can't I see them? Why isn't my husband answering his phone?” I was already panicking, “Why would he leave in the evening? What is going on?” Then I heard my mother-in-law's phone ringing. She had put it on loudspeaker because she doesn't normally hold conversations with the phone directly to her ear. Then I heard my father-in-law's voice, “Hold Heaven's mother and take her to the bedroom. Call two or three women to come and talk to her and calm her down. We have been told that the child has died.”

I froze. My husband was also there. I heard him crying, “No. That's impossible. No. I can't accept this.” I felt as if the ground had disappeared beneath me. I wanted to throw myself onto the floor. I was in unbearable pain. I didn't want anyone to comfort me. I told them to leave me alone because I was so angry that I felt like I could hurt anyone who came near me. I kept shouting, “Take me to see my child! I want to see her myself! I need to make sure she is really gone. I don't believe you. I don't want to believe you!”

I screamed until my voice became weak. I couldn't even speak anymore. Eventually, they had to call a doctor to treat me because I had completely lost control. Everyone around me looked like a murderer. I couldn't understand why they were stopping me from crying. Why were they trying to calm me down when my child was gone? Then my husband came to me. He hugged me tightly, He was crying too. His tears were falling uncontrollably. We kept asking, “What happened? Where is our daughter?”

They finally told us what had happened. While we were on our way to the wedding reception, my sister had taken Heaven with her. Heaven had asked for some chocolate, so my sister decided to take her out to buy it. She was holding Heaven's hand as they walked. Then suddenly, my sister heard a truck honk. She let go of Heaven's hand for just a moment. The child ran toward the road. Before anyone could stop her, the truck passed over her. My little Heaven was gone. I had left some money with my sister, although I hadn't specifically told her to buy anything for Heaven. I had insisted that they stay at home and rest. There was enough food at home. But there was nothing I could do anymore. It was God's plan, and I had no choice but to accept it.

Even now, I still struggle to talk about it. My advice to parents is this, If you have an important event, especially if you are getting married, keep your child close to you. Even if children are not supposed to be at certain places, find a way to keep them nearby. If necessary, have someone you completely trust carry or watch over them while you are there. Don't leave them alone at home simply because you are busy. There are so many things that can happen. Sometimes, the devil uses the smallest opportunity.

I have never forgotten what happened to my daughter. I couldn't enjoy my wedding. I hated the wedding. Even today, I don't like looking at the photographs. All I can think about is my Heaven. I miss my little girl. I still miss her every day.

For a long time after Heaven's death, life was not the same for me. The wedding that was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life became the day I lost my daughter. I couldn't look at the wedding photographs without remembering what happened. Even hearing the word wedding sometimes brought back everything I had tried so hard to forget.

My husband was also deeply affected. We were both grieving, but we didn't always grieve in the same way. There were days when I would cry uncontrollably, and there were days when he would sit quietly without saying a word. Sometimes I would look at him and wonder what was going through his mind. We had both lost our little girl. But somehow, we held on to each other. There were moments when I blamed myself. I kept thinking about the decision to leave Heaven at home. I kept remembering how she had wanted chocolate and how everything had happened so quickly. My husband would always remind me, “Don't blame yourself. You didn't know this would happen. We can't change what happened.”

I didn't believe him at first. But slowly, I started learning to accept that Heaven's death was not something I could have predicted or controlled.

We went through a very difficult period together. There were days when we barely spoke. There were days when one of us would start crying simply because something reminded us of her. But we never abandoned each other. Instead, we became closer. We talked about Heaven. We remembered the things she used to do, the way she behaved, and the little moments we had shared with her. We allowed ourselves to grieve instead of pretending that everything was fine.

People who knew my story sometimes had their own explanations for what had happened. Some even connected it to everything that had happened to my family before, especially the strange things surrounding my mother's life and the stories about witchcraft and chuma ulete. But personally, I refused to believe that. I did not believe my daughter's death had anything to do with my mother's past. What happened to Heaven was a tragic accident. I had already lived through enough fear and uncertainty because of the things surrounding my mother. I did not want to spend the rest of my life believing that every bad thing that happened to me was connected to witchcraft.

I chose to believe that some tragedies are simply tragedies. And slowly, life began moving forward. My husband remained beside me through everything. There were times when I thought I would never be happy again, but he reminded me that it was okay to smile again. It was okay to live again. Moving forward did not mean that we had forgotten Heaven. It simply meant that we were learning how to live with the pain.

Eventually, something beautiful happened. I became pregnant again. When I found out, I was filled with mixed emotions. I was happy, but I was also terrified. Part of me was afraid that something terrible might happen again. I couldn't stop thinking about losing another child. My husband was the one who kept reassuring me, “We will be okay. This time, we will be together through everything.” And he was right.

We went through the pregnancy together, carefully and prayerfully. When our baby was finally born, I held the child in my arms and cried. Those tears were different from the ones I had cried after losing Heaven. They were tears of happiness, relief, and gratitude. For the first time in a long time, I felt that maybe life was giving me another reason to smile. My husband and I continued raising our child together. We never forgot Heaven. She remained part of our family and part of our story. But we also learned that grief does not have to be the end of your life. Sometimes, you carry the person you lost in your heart while continuing to live.

Today, I can finally look back at everything that happened and breathe without feeling like my heart is breaking. I still miss my Heaven I always will. But I also thank God for giving me the strength to continue, for giving me a husband who stayed beside me through the darkest moment of my life, and for blessing us with another child. Life took something precious from me. But somehow, it also taught me that even after the worst pain, there can still be another morning.

And for me, that was enough reason to keep going.