CRIPPLING GUILT
1444 Words
SERA
The water was hot, almost scalding as it pounded against my skin. I stood still under the stream from the shower, letting it wash over me, hoping it would burn away the memory of last night.
It didn’t.
If anything, it carved it deeper.
I had washed my body already, twice, maybe three times now but I still felt like I was carrying last night on my skin.
No… inside my skin.
My hands braced against the cool marble wall, but all I could feel were his hands, his mouth, and the way he touched me like I was something he’d been starving for. The way he tasted me like he couldn’t get enough.
A low, shaky breath slipped out of me. I could feel him even now, ghosts of his tongue, his teeth, and his fingers still echoing between my thighs.
God.
What have I done?
I cheated on Jared… with his f*****g brother!
I’d practically ridden his face like a desperate woman, clawed at his hair, begged him to make me c*m… and he had. The best orgasm I have had in a very long time.
And then I ran.
Like a coward.
I had bolted from the kitchen like a coward, my robe barely tied, my breath ragged and legs trembling so badly I could barely stand. I hadn’t looked back. I couldn’t.
And he didn’t even follow me.
That part? I wasn’t sure whether to be grateful or feel insulted.
After making me c*m so hard on his face, he didn’t even follow me.
When I got back to the room, I had slipped into bed next to Jared, who hadn’t stirred once. He’d kept snoring softly, like nothing in the world had changed… and yet, for me, everything had.
My thighs were still sticky, my nightdress clinging to me. I didn’t even bother to clean up. I lay there, wide-eyed, guilty, and aching.
The worst part?
I didn’t feel regret.
I felt… hungry.
Ashamed, yes. Guilt knotted in my chest, thick and bitter but beneath that guilt was something darker. Deeper. I wanted more.
The steam thickened around me as I tilted my head back, letting the water glide over my face. My hands slid down my body, and for a second, just a breath of a second I imagined it was Knox behind me again.
The way his eyes burned into me like I was a puzzle he couldn’t wait to take apart. The low rumble of his voice when he called me beautiful, not like a compliment, but like a fact. Like it drove him mad.
And God… the way he touched me.
I swallowed hard, my breath hitching.
Fuck!
I groaned and pressed my forehead to the tiles.
‘Stop it, Sera. You’re a horrible person.’
But the memory kept looping behind my eyelids.
The way he pulled me apart with nothing but his mouth and fingers, whispering filth and sweetness like they were one and the same.
Jared has never made me feel that way.
I clenched my thighs together, ashamed at the ache still pulsing between them.
This wasn’t me. This couldn’t be who I was becoming.
Right?
I swallowed hard. My hand drifted down on its own, fingers brushing over my slick skin before I could even stop myself. I hated how easy it was to imagine him again.
The heat in his breath.
The rasp in his voice.
The way he’d said my name like a prayer , or a curse echoed in my head.
My hand slipped lower till it was against the moist flesh between my thigh.
I was still so sensitive.
Just one touch, and my breath hitched.
A gasp slipped from my lips, sharp and involuntary. My knees buckled, and I bit my lip, trying not to moan his name out loud—
Knock, knock.
“Sera?” Jared’s voice pierced the haze, muffled by the bathroom door.
My eyes snapped open.
Shit!
“You okay in there?” He continued speaking, completely oblivious. “Just wanted to say brunch is ready,”
I jolted upright, heart thudding wildly.
“Yeah!” My voice cracked. I cleared my throat, tried again. “Yes, babe! I’m good. I’ll be right out!”
“Alright. Take your time.” His footsteps retreated, unaware of the chaos he’d just interrupted.
I leaned forward, pressing my forehead against the cool tile. My pulse was racing. My hand was shaking. I stared down at the water swirling at my feet.
‘What the hell is wrong with you, Sera?’ I cussed at myself.
That wasn’t just been a slip last night. It had been a full-blown unraveling. And now, here I was, nearly touching myself again in the damn shower, all because of Knox’s voice, touch and mouth.
I shut off the tap with a snap.
‘Get it together. Stay away from him. Stay far, far away.’
Even if part of me didn’t want to.
To my immense relief, Knox didn’t show up for brunch.
According to Jared, he’d texted last minute that he needed to “catch up on work.”
Maybe it was for the best. The last thing I needed was to sit at a table with him, with his eyes burning holes through me while my fiancé cut into scrambled eggs like nothing happened.
It’s not even up to twenty four hours that I know him but I had a feeling he wouldn’t have let me off easy.
He would probably have found a way to say something, some suggestive innuendo, some word meant to remind me of the way I’d gasped his name and rode his face till I came in his mouth.
No. I was not ready for that.
Not in front of my parents and Jared.
Speaking of, our parents decided to go sight seeing around the island. Jared, sweet and unsuspecting Jared, suggested we hit the pool after brunch.
“Let’s just unwind,” he said, tugging me along with that cute boyish grin. “No stress. No phones. Just you, me, and some bubbles.”
The sun was high overhead, and the breeze was soft as we settled into the cold water. It was private, tucked into a corner of the expansive backyard, shielded by tall hedges and trailing vines.
The moment I slid in, the cold curled around me, soothing but also stirring something deeper. Jared sank in beside me, resting his head back, eyes closed, a content sigh escaping him.
“This was a good idea,” I murmured.
“For once, I have them.” He smiled.
We talked. About work. About plans. About the wedding. Jared, ever the planner, slipped into his usual calm and measured tone, going over schedules and dates.
But every now and then, his hand would brush against my thigh under the water, lingering just a second too long.
Maybe this is what I need, to get Knox out of my system.
I shifted closer, draping my arms around his shoulders.
“You know…” I said, my voice quieter now, closer to his ear, “we haven’t done this in a while.”
His hands came to rest on my waist, his brows lifting slightly. “Done what?”
“This.” I straddled him in the water, my knees finding either side of his hips, the movement making ripples rise between us. “Be close.”
His breath caught. His eyes softened, then darkened just a little.
“Yeah,” he whispered, running his hands slowly up my back. “We haven’t.”
I leaned in, pressing my lips to his. Soft at first, slow and familiar. It wasn’t urgent, like with Knox, it was gentle. Sweet. Comforting.
But even as Jared deepened the kiss, part of me couldn’t shut out the flashes of last night. The contrast. The hunger that had made me unravel in someone else’s arms.
Still, I tried. I wanted this. I needed to want this.
And as Jared’s hands roamed lower, as he whispered my name and kissed me again, I told myself over and over—
This is who you’re supposed to love.
Maybe if I said it enough, I’d believe it.
His lips trailed down my neck, warm and careful, and I closed my eyes, clinging to the feeling. Trying to hold onto the softness. The safety.
Trying to feel… something.
“Sorry, didn’t realize you guys were here,”
I froze, blood draining from my face as Jared pulled back, blinking in surprise. I turned slowly, my heart thudding like a drum against my ribs till I came face to face with him.
Knox.
- Writer
