His Regrets

Chapter 9 — The Guitar

Sunday came faster than I expected.

I woke up with that familiar knot in my stomach, the same one I always got the day before an exam. Even when I had studied properly, there was always a part of me that worried I would forget everything the moment I sat down with the question paper.

This time, however, the anxiety wasn't only about the exams.

My mind still wandered to Clara and Dante whenever I wasn't actively keeping it occupied.

So I decided to go to church.

I needed peace.

I got dressed, took my Bible and left early. I sat quietly during the service, listening to the message and trying to let myself breathe. When it was time to pray, I closed my eyes and asked God for calmness, wisdom and smooth exams. I didn't want my heartbreak to interfere with everything I had worked for throughout the semester.

I prayed for strength to keep my mind focused.

By the time I left church, I felt lighter.

Not completely fine.

But lighter.

Monday morning, the atmosphere on campus was completely different.

Everyone seemed serious.

Students who usually stood around talking were carrying books. Groups had formed everywhere, with people revising notes, asking each other questions and discussing topics they hoped would appear in the exams. The campus also felt more crowded than usual because everyone seemed to be everywhere at once.

I kept my head down and went to class.

I revised before the exam and tried not to pay attention to anything else. Thankfully, Clara wasn't in my department, and neither was Dante. I had already decided that avoiding them was the easiest way to protect my concentration.

The first exam passed.

Then another.

Each day, I became a little more comfortable with the routine.

Study.

Attend class.

Write the exam.

Return home.

Study again.

I didn't go to the library anymore. I studied in my room instead, waking up at five every morning and reading until seven before getting ready for exams.

It wasn't easy, but exams were more important at the moment.

Then Thursday came.

It was a day before the last day of exams, and I should have been relieved.

Instead, I remembered something important.

My practical exam.

I needed to play an instrument to pass the course.

My guitar.

I froze.

My guitar was with Clara.

I had completely forgotten.

Weeks earlier, Clara had borrowed it because she wanted to practise a few songs. She had kept it in her room, and because we had been best friends, I hadn't thought twice about leaving it with her.

Now I needed it.

And I couldn't simply walk into Clara's room and ask for it.

The thought of seeing her made my stomach tighten.

I sat on the edge of my bed and stared at the wall.

There had to be another way.

Then I thought of Adrian.

I hadn't spoken to him since before everything happened.

He had been dealing with his own heartbreak, and I hadn't wanted to involve myself in it. We had never been extremely close, but we were friends, and he was probably the only person I could ask without having to explain too much.

Still, picking up my phone and calling him felt strange.

I stared at his name for several seconds.

Then I pressed call.

He answered after a few rings.

“Hello?”

His voice sounded tired.

“Adrian?”

There was a brief silence.

“Lily?”

I swallowed.

“I'm sorry for calling you suddenly.”

“You don't have to apologize.”

I didn't know how to begin.

“I need a favour.”

“Okay.”

“My guitar is with Clara.”

The silence that followed was longer this time.

“I need it for my exam tomorrow,” I continued. “I don't want to go there, and I don't want to talk to her.”

“I understand.”

“Could you help me get it?”

He didn't hesitate.

“Of course.”

I released a breath I hadn't realized I was holding.

“Thank you.”

“Where is she keeping it?”

“I think it's in her room.”

“I'll help you get it.”

I looked down at my hands.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you, Adrian.”

“You're welcome.”

We ended the call.

I placed my phone on the bed and sat there quietly.

It felt strange.

Just a few days ago, I had been trying to avoid everyone connected to the mess in my life.

Now I had called Adrian.

Maybe because, unlike Dante and Clara, he hadn't hurt me.

Maybe because he understood what betrayal felt like.

Or maybe I simply needed my guitar.

Whatever the reason, I was grateful he had agreed.

Adrian sat in his car after the call ended.

He had been surprised to see Lily's name on his phone.

For a moment, he wondered if something had happened.

Then she mentioned the guitar.

He understood immediately.

She didn't want to see Clara.

He couldn't blame her.

He had been avoiding Clara too.

The difference was that Lily still had to deal with the practical things left behind by their friendship.

Adrian looked out through the windshield.

He remembered Lily's face when he had last seen her.

She had looked broken.

He wondered how much she had managed to recover since then.

He knew he couldn't fix what had happened to her.

But he could at least help her get her guitar.

That evening, I studied until late.

My exam was tomorrow, and I wanted to be prepared.

I still felt nervous whenever I thought about playing in front of the examiner, but knowing that I would have my guitar again made me feel slightly better.

I placed my notes aside and checked the time.

Tomorrow would finally be the end.

After that, I could go home.

I could see Mum.

I could see Dad and Noah.

I could breathe without constantly wondering whether I would run into Clara or Dante.

I closed my books and prepared for bed.

For the first time in days, I allowed myself to think beyond the next exam.

I thought about home.

I thought about my music.

I thought about the songs sitting unfinished in my notebook.

And I wondered whether, once all of this was over, I could finally begin putting myself back together.

Tomorrow, I would get my guitar back.

Tomorrow, I would finish my exams.

And then I could go home.