His Regrets

Chapter 8 — Keeping My Distance

Sunday morning came quietly.

I woke up earlier than usual, but instead of reaching for my phone, I lay still for a few minutes and listened to the sounds coming from outside my room. I had spent most of Saturday trying not to think about Clara and Dante, and although I knew avoiding my thoughts wouldn't make them disappear, I wasn't ready to deal with them yet.

There was one place where I knew I could breathe without trying so hard.

Church.

I got dressed and went to church.

The moment I walked through the doors, something inside me settled. I didn't suddenly forget what had happened, and I didn't stop hurting, but God's presence had always been a source of comfort to me. I sat quietly during the service, listened to the sermon, and prayed longer than usual afterward.

I didn't ask God to make Clara suffer.

I didn't ask Him to bring Dante back.

I simply asked for peace.

By the time I left church, I still felt sad, but the heaviness in my chest wasn't as sharp as it had been the day before.

Monday morning was different.

University was back to its usual noise, with students rushing to lectures, talking in groups and complaining about the coming exams. I walked to class with my books held tightly against my chest, hoping I wouldn't run into either of them.

Thankfully, Clara wasn't in my department.

Neither was Dante.

I had never been more grateful for that fact.

If they had been in my department, I would have had to see them every day. I would have had to sit in the same lecture halls, pass them in the corridors and pretend I wasn't affected by what they had done.

Instead, I could simply keep my distance.

Next week was our exam period, which meant I had something else to focus on. I needed to prepare, and I decided that studying was going to be my excuse to stay away from everyone.

The library had always been one of my favourite places on campus, but I stopped going there.

Dante sometimes studied there.

Clara occasionally passed through after her lectures.

I didn't want to risk seeing either of them.

So I created a new routine.

Every morning, I woke up at five.

I would wash my face, make something quick to eat, and sit at my desk with my books until seven. Those two hours were quiet, and I found that I could concentrate better when the rest of the campus was still asleep. By seven, I would shower, dress for class and leave.

After lectures, I came straight back to my room.

I rested for a while, studied some more and avoided unnecessary conversations.

It wasn't an exciting routine, but I needed it.

I needed something predictable.

Something that belonged to me.

I also started cooking for myself again. My mother had always taught me how to take care of myself, and I decided there was no reason to survive on campus food simply because I was going through a difficult time. On Monday afternoon, I took my purse and went out to buy groceries.

I had almost reached the grocery store when I saw a familiar car.

I stopped, it was Dante's car.

My heart sank before I even looked inside.

I saw Clara sitting in the passenger seat.

For a second, everything around me seemed to disappear.

They weren't kissing.

They weren't holding hands.

They were simply sitting together.

But after what had happened, that was enough.

I didn't wait to understand why they were there.

I turned toward the road and raised my hand for a taxi.

“Lily!”

I heard Dante call my name.

I ignored him.

A taxi slowed down, and I opened the door.

“Wait!”

Dante got out of his car and hurried toward me, I quickly step inside the taxi.

He reached the taxi just as I was about to close the door.

“Lily, please.”

I kept my eyes forward.

I didn't want to hear anything he had to say.

I closed the door.

The taxi pulled away, leaving him standing beside his car.

I didn't turn around.

Dante stood on the roadside and watched the taxi disappear into traffic.

He wanted to run after it.

He wanted to explain that Clara had only asked him for a lift because she happened to see him nearby. They were going in the same direction, and he had thought giving her a free ride was harmless.

It wasn't what Lily thought.

At least, that was what he wanted to believe.

He hadn't been with Clara since Friday.

He hadn't called her.

He hadn't met her.

He had spent the weekend thinking about Lily and trying to figure out how to apologize.

And now, the first time Lily saw him again, Clara was sitting beside him.

The timing couldn't have been worse.

Dante looked toward the passenger seat.

Clara was still there, silent.

He felt a wave of frustration. Why had she gotten into his car? Why had she chosen that moment?

He knew exactly what Lily would think, he had seen the look on her face.

She hadn't even given him a chance to speak.

Maybe she had every reason not to.

Dante got back into the car and gripped the steering wheel.

He wanted to call Lily.

Then he remembered that she had blocked him.

There was nothing he could do.

Not today.

He started the engine and drove away, wondering how he could possibly convince Lily that what she had seen was not what she thought.

When I got back to my room, I put the groceries down and cried.

Not for long.

I had cried enough over the weekend to know where it led.

Crying wouldn't change what I had seen. It wouldn't erase the kiss between them, and it wouldn't make me trust either of them again.

So after washing my face, I unpacked the groceries and started cooking.

I made myself a proper meal, something warm and comforting, and sat down to eat while the room filled with the familiar smell of food.

It felt strangely normal.

For a few minutes, I wasn't the girl whose best friend had betrayed her.

I was just Lily, eating dinner after a long day.

Afterward, I cleaned up, made myself some water and returned to my desk.

My books were waiting.

I opened the one I needed for the next lecture and began reading.

The words didn't come easily at first.

My mind wandered twice.

Then three times.

But I kept bringing it back to the page, I had exams to prepare for. I had a life outside Clara and Dante.

And even though I wasn't ready to admit it yet, something inside me was beginning to understand that protecting my peace didn't mean pretending I wasn't hurt.

It meant deciding that they weren't going to be the only thing I thought about.

So I turned the page and kept studying.