YOUR LOVE IS GONE

Chapter 2: I'm sorry

ALEXANDER'S POV

"What happened to your face?"James asked worriedly.

As soon as the door opened, the cold air mixed with mist immediately entered the house.

James walked in and went straight to our room. I glanced at the cake box on the table and quickly shifted my gaze back to the ground.

I heard the door in our room open and close, and saw James carrying a medicine kit in his hand.

James pulled me onto the sofa and forced me to sit there. I haven't changed my clothes yet and it's still dripping wet. I wonder how James isn't bothered by my messy appearance. Usually, he will scold me a few times.

James sat down next to me and raised my chin so he could see the bruises on my face better.

"Tsk! There's a lot of bruises on your face? What happened?" James furrowed his eyebrows and opened the medicine kit and took out some cotton and alcohol.

"Did you fight? Was it Jonathan again? Alex, you're not a kid anymore. Why are you so stubborn? I told you already, just ignore him when messing with you. Look at what happened to your face! It's all swollen!"

James continued scolding me but the hand that was applying medicine to my wound was soft and gentle, making my heart flutter as if it was being tickled by a feather.

I just let him do what he wanted. I couldn't stop him anyway. James is way more stubborn than myself.

I avoided his line of sight and stared at the little plushie on the table. James likes this toy a lot. Back then, I was really against displaying this toy in our living room, but now I find it more pleasing to the eye than this guy next to me.

Maybe James noticed that I was particularly quiet today, so he put down the cotton ball on the table and pinched my chin.

"You can scream if it hurts, what are you pretending to be tough?"

James raised his eyebrows, waiting for my reply. I let out a deep breath before raising my head to look at James. "It hurts."

"Huh? What?" James looked at me confusedly.

I raised my hand and pointed my index finger to my chest. "Right here, It hurts.."

James furrowed his eyebrows even more, seemingly puzzled. But I still reached out to open the buttons of my shirt.

"What the?!" James was greatly startled when he saw the bruises on my chest. He widens his eyes in shock, his tongue seems tied for a moment and can't speak properly.

"Y-you..Alex.." James slowly approached me and touched my chest, looking at me worriedly. "W-what exactly happened to you?"

I didn't answer him and only stared at him blankly. My tears dropped as soon as I felt his warm hand holding my cheek.

Suddenly, I didn't know what to say

Should I tell him that I was r***d by a stranger in the alley?

Or should I say, I saw him kissing my best friend in the rain in front of our house?

Then what?

What's next?

What will happen to us?

James wrapped his hands around me and embraced me tight. "Tell me what happened, Alex. I'm always here, you know that, right? Please tell me."

He said while brushing my hair with his finger, his voice sounding concerned and extremely worried.

I couldn't stop myself from sobbing when I felt James hugging me tighter and rubbing my back to comfort me.

I was so scared. I thought I wouldn't see him anymore. I thought...

I hugged him back and cried in his arms. "James. It hurts .."

What should I do? I love you so much, I don't want to lose you.

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"Here. Drink first." James said, and handed me a glass of lukewarm water.

I took the glass from him and drank a little. I moved my gaze back to the TV screen, while feeling the warmth in my hand coming from the glass of water I was holding.

Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc.

I heard the clock ring a few times, indicating that it was already three o'clock in the morning.

The night was still long.

I felt the mattress sink by James' weight when he sat down next to me. He reached out for my left hand and enveloped it in his two hands.

He asked, "Baby...are you feeling better now? Can you tell me what happened? Earlier, when I took your clothes to wash, I noticed that your clothes were wet and there were also traces of blood."

James cupped my face and looked at me in the eyes, "Baby, tell me. What happened to you?"

I kept my mouth closed as my eyes remained focused on the TV screen.

Moments passed but I still didn't say anything. When James intended to ask me a question again, I suddenly opened my mouth.

"James..can I ask you something?"

James paused for a second and moved closer to my side. He tightened his grip on my hand, looked at me for a while before taking a deep breath, "Yes baby, what is it?"

I turned my head to him and asked, "When you cheat on someone, does it mean that you don't love your lover?"

James glanced at the movie playing on the TV screen. It shows a girl hugging her knees and sobbing hard after she caught her best friend and her husband in the act, doing some unspeakable things right in the hotel's room.

James shifted his gaze back to me and smiled, "Depending on the situation, maybe the person fell out of love or maybe there's something missing from their lover that they found in someone else, so they chose the other."

James answered earnestly. He let out a chuckle and pinched my nose, "I told you to stop watching this kind of movie, it's not good for your health."

Alex didn't respond to his gentle scolding. He returned his gaze to the TV screen and slowly uttered, "Because they can't give their partner something they want..."

"Yeah."

James laughed and hugged me from behind. He buried his face on my neck and inhaled deeply.

He caressed my waist and planted little kisses on my ear. I know this situation the best, he wants it.

But sorry. I'm not in the mood today.

I looked at James and asked, "Oh.. Is that why you're hooking up with my best friend because I'm a man, and I can't give you a child?"

Hearing my words, James immediately distanced himself from me and looked at me in shock, his eyes wide.

I put the glass of water on the table and turned his head to him, pretending to be calm. But in truth, the hand squeezing my thighs was getting harder.

Both of us were in a stalemate and looked at each other for a while and the silence surrounded us.

Suddenly,

"Tud!"

James' knees created a loud sound when he fell on the floor and knelt in front of me.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry."

I looked away and held back my tears. I clenched my fist tight and spoke between my gritted teeth, "You're not even going to deny it?"

I put my hand on my chest when suddenly I felt that it was hard to breathe.

I took a deep breath and forced myself to look at him and couldn't help but to ask, "Since when?"

James shook his head repeatedly, he reached out, trying to hold my hand, but I quickly retracted my hand.

"Alex.." James whispered helplessly.

I couldn't control my emotions anymore, anger rushed up in my head. I stood up and yelled at him from the top of my lungs."

"Since when?! I want to know! I deserved to know!!"

I saw his shoulders flinch and his eyes immediately burst into tears.

"W-when the three of us met at the school reunion, we..." James choked in his own words.

I opened in shock and I slowly looked at him. The tears that I had been holding back since earlier, couldn't stop anymore and fell endlessly.

I couldn't believe what I just heard.

'School reunion? Didn't this happen two years ago? They have been seeing each other behind my back for so long?

Is that why Hannah is always dropping by because he wanted to see my boyfriend and seduce him?

And this bastard let himself be seduced by that b***h?!

Liar! Traitor! Shameless! Pigs!

I felt my knees weakening and my body collapsed on the sofa and wailed.

"Ahhhhhh!!!"

I banged my head a few times on the wall, just in case, it helps my heart to become numb to the severe pain I was feeling right now.

I brushed my fingers fiercely on my hair and inhaled a sharp breath.

I don't know what I should feel right now, feeling betrayed, anger, disappointment, hurt, hatred, mixed feelings inside my heart.

Fuck that! I just want to stab myself to numb all the pain I'm feeling inside.

I raised my head and looked at James, with tears running down my face. "Why..."

I stood up from where I was sitting and slowly knelt in front of him.

"Why did you do this to me? Didn't I love you enough? Or did I love you too much? Is it because the time we're spending together is getting shorter? Or do you just want more attention? Tell me, why? It hurts so much. Why did you do this to me? How can you do this to me?"

I asked him while crying. My voice sounds like a whisper. I couldn't get myself to raise my voice higher, I felt so weak. My heart hurts so much.

James just shook his head and continued to cry, while repeating only the word, "I'm sorry."

Looking at him crying in front of me, the anger in my heart instantly disappeared. I can't.. it hurts me more seeing him cry.

I put my hand on his cheek and kissed his tears away.

"Hush..Baby don't cry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm sorry. Please stop crying, you know I hate seeing you cry."

I caressed his cheek and kissed him on his forehead, gently patting his back with my hand.

"It's alright baby, I'm not mad anymore. Hush, I forgive you. It's okay. Let's just forget what happened, okay? Let's start again and start a new life. You like kids, right? I'm sorry, I didn't pay attention to that, it's all my fault. And about the child, we could adopt. Yes, let's have a baby boy. Let's buy him a lot of stuff. This Monday we can visit an orphanage— "

"I can't."

James held my hand and shook his head hard, tears were starting to form in the corner of his eyes again. "I'm sorry, I can't."

Suddenly, I felt a bad premonition in my heart.

'Please..'

"W-what do you mean?"

My voice shook as I asked. I looked James straight in his eyes, trying to guess what was on his mind. "Why?"

James took a few sharp breaths before opening his mouth, forcing himself to speak, "Pregnant..S-she's pregnant. Hannah..is pregnant...."

After his words fell, James cried even harder. I could no longer wipe the tears on his face nor kiss his tears away.

My whole body froze and I suddenly felt weak, as if I lost all of my strength and fell into a vegetative state.

Then, I laughed.

I laughed as loud as I could.

"This is so funny. I'm so stupid HAHAHAHAHA...Stupid!"

My laughter was harsh and unpleasant, with hints of sadness and despair. Tears were continuously flowing from my eyes as I let go of everything and let myself be engulfed in pain.

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