Lead by Lightning

Mr. Lion

Many people try to find themselves in life, and they never do. They never will, because every minute of every day, we change. We will never be the same person we were yesterday or the day before. We are human. We change our minds, morals, goals, likes, and careers. We become different versions of ourselves every day. You and I are no different. Discovering ourselves is like trying to boil water without a pot. Pointless. It is an endless cycle. Maybe I'm being bleak, but that is the way I feel. I've tried to find myself and I get nowhere. I know that I am a good person, or at least I try to be, but I don't know myself. My Dad raised me to be a good person and to be benevolent. He did a damn good job at it too. My dad has always been my fortress. Whenever I'm scared, hurt, or need a best friend, he is there. My dad is a single dad and if that isn't hard enough, he's paying for my college... Well, he doesn't have to pay much since I have a part-time job and I receive financial assistance that helps considerably. I at least work my ass off for what I have and try not to ask my dad for much because he has another kid to send to college as well. My little brother, Porter. He's a little s**t for sure and a popular kid in school. He is easygoing, kind, and he isn't bad-looking, but if anyone asks me, I'm going to say he's an ugly mutt. I'm not giving his ass a big head because if it swelled up anymore, they'd hand-pick him for the airhead candy commercial. Porter is two years younger than me. He has brown curly hair like I do, but his is cut short so it's more tame than mine. My hair, on the other hand, has been the bane of my existence. Maintaining this bush is incredibly exhausting. Honestly, I barely have time to nitpick myself these days. Today is the first day of college and I want to make a good impression by getting there early. I'm a dumbass for that. I should have slept at least till 5, but I wanted to look somewhat passable. I open my closet and set eyes on the dress I bought a couple of days ago. The dress is red with a lace overlay. The dress is flattering, hugging my curves until it gets to the waist and flares out a bit. I'm worried about people judging my weight. I'm not too big, but I'm also not skinny by any means. I try to tell myself who cares what the hell people think, but I don't have the 'I don't give a damn' attitude like some. I have gotten backhanded compliments about my appearance on several occasions. Against my will. In particular, the one describing me as a pretty fat girl. Ouch right! The pretty part at least lightened the blow of the words, but still, way to make a girl feel good! When I got accepted into Micoloff, I was afraid to tell my dad. He wanted me to find a school close to home with cheap tuition. I wanted the letter to tell me differently, that I didn't get in and that Dad could spend money elsewhere. Where it's needed most. He was persistent about me going when he found out. He tries so hard to give me and Porter a good life. It takes me about an hour to get to campus, which ain't too bad. The front of the school has a water fountain in front and there is a koi fish statue that holds the spout. The lilac bushes line the perimeter. The walkway is a pretty pattern of multicolored stone in both light and dark shades. The school's hallways are painted with Tiffany blue and purple, leading to a giant mural of a Peacock, the school's mascot. I let out an exaggerated exhale as I walked down the hallways. Sometimes I can be dramatic, but I am nervous, and my palms are a sweaty mess. My class starts in 30 minutes, which gives me plenty of time to look around. I hope the door is unlocked. I turned the handle and Hell yea! To my disbelief it is. I scan the room and I see a massive room full of chairs and a long table going across the classroom at different levels, resembling bleachers. It reminded me of the movie After. I look to the front and see a wide variety of markers and a whiteboard that says "Good morning class, check the list next to this board to see your assigned seat! " According to the list my seat is beside the professor's desk, in the very front. The professor's desk is neat and organized to my liking. I am a neat freak and that is a blessing and a curse. I gaze one more time intently over the classroom and admire the light esthetics. My thoughts are interrupted when my gaze lands on someone in the back. I can see that their hoody is up, and their face is unrecognizable due to the umbra. I couldn't tell if they had spotted me or not because he was focused on his book. I ignored them and sat down. I am so glad I didn't have to flash a fake smile at them. I have enough anxiety right now. I skimmed over my schedule and realize they changed my second period to honors AP English instead of Honors. Once agin I am interrupted. I hear a husky voice say "Hey girl!", I turn to look behind me. s**t! The person in the hoody is a guy. I don't want to talk to him. I want to keep a low profile and mind my business. A long pause goes by, and I finally say f**k it and answer, "My name is Lyla". I snap. I roll my eyes. Damn, why'd I give him my name! Too late now! "Hey Lyla, I just wanted to tell you don't kiss the teacher's ass. Oh, and stop lurking in the classroom. It gives off a bad vibe." Damn, now he's using my name in a sentence. Wait a minute. No, the f**k he didn't. ...RUDE. " I didn't ask for your input on my punctuality but thanks". I scoffed. I grow more and more agitated as time passes in awkward silence. It takes a lot to get me heated, so I breathe in and out as I reconsider cussing him out. I'm not going to let him get me worked up." I'm not kissing ass, and I wasn't lurking. I was just looking" I utter. I try not to fixate on him or his jeering comments. I can't afford to lose my shit." Just saying! Plus you were lurking. You definitely didn't want me to see you! " He mocked. This guy is an ass, a full-blown ass. I meditate and ignore his comments any further. Even though I want to take a ball bat to his ass. I have to calm myself. When I was younger and would get angry I would lose control. Dad would tell me to think about things that make me happy and relaxed. I think back to the memory of all of us as a family going to the zoo in Cherokee and seeing the bears dance as we stood on top of the enclosure feeding them berries along with other snacks for them. I was probably seven or eight. This was right before my mom left. That memory melts my anger. The bell rings and the class starts to pile in. My mind wanders back to him. Who the f**k does he thinks he is? Everyone finds their seat pretty fast. I take a second glance back at him. I am still irate but I can manage. He stands up abruptly and comes down from the back of the classroom. What's he doing now? I sigh. He stands in front of the whiteboard and picks up a marker. Is he going to draw a d**k? How cliché is....... Midthought he scribbles in giant letters Mr. Lion. What the fuck... He's the f*****g teacher! I would have rather him have drawn the d**k. I try to be discrete and hide my cherry-red cheeks. " Good morning class. I hope everyone enjoyed their summers and whatnot, but I want to say a few things before we get started". He begins. He takes his hood off. His hair is dark and since I had to sit close to the front, I can see his smug face. I remember that my assigned seat is next to his f*****g desk! I study him. I catch sight of a freckle on his bottom lip. His biceps are not huge but they are nice. His facial features are soft but brawny. His aura screams he used to be a jock. Really, Lyla, now you think that asshole is cute. You are a dumb ass.. He continues, " I'm not your typical everyday professor. I'm not going to bore you to death with a bunch of power points and packets. We will be working with different victims of mental disorders". He pauses and looks at the stunned faces surrounding him. "You will have to take notes on each person associated with a different mental disorder. This is psychology honors so be prepared to see some odd behavior from our candidates!" he declares. The prominent shock on my face conveys my disappointment that HE is the teacher. He gazes at me intently. I fake smile but he notices I wasn't amused and he chuckles. He is exasperating already and its only the first day.