Are We Okay?

Chapter 3

I looked at Abdullah hesitantly as he slowly ate the pasta I had made, while scrolling through his phone. 

I wanna talk to him about my job. We had to leave Virginia to come to London, which meant that I had to put my residency year at the hospital on hold. 

I'm bored now. All he does is go to work and back, and all I do is cook and clean. I feel lonely, so I wanna ask him for permission to start my residency here. 

I don't know how he's going to take it. Inshallah, I hope he takes it well though. 

"Aminat, do you have something you want to say?" His question threw me out of my thoughts. 

My eyes flicked over at him to find him looking at me with his perfect eyebrow raised. 

"Uh, yeah actually." I clear my throat and can already feel my palms becoming sweaty from the nervousness. 

"I'm listening," he says with a calm, subtle tone. 

"I want to start my residency year here, so I want to ask you if you'd let me... please." I look up at him slowly but his facial expressions were still the same. 

I can never know what he's thinking. And today wasn't any different. 

"Of course, you can, just because we're married doesn't mean you have to stay in the kitchen," he says. 

My heart skips a beat and my widened eyes follow after. I was so excited. 

"Thank you, thank you." I smile. 

He looks at me with amusement before letting put a deep sex... chuckle. What am I thinking! Throwing away my inner thoughts, my face quickly heats up. 

"Abdullah," I speak up, watching as he takes off his suit and puts on his thobe. 

"Yes?" was his reply. 

"M--" the ringing of my phone cuts me off. I sigh, then walk over to the bedside where my phone was placed beside his. Daneen's name flashes on my screen. I immediately picked up. 

"Asalam Alaykum, Daneen."

"Walaykum salam, sis."

"Are you okay? Why do you sound so scared? Is everything okay? Mama? Baba?"

"Sis, baba had a... a heart attack, he's in coma right now for the past two days."

"What! Baba? Daneen, why didn't you tell me? Two days!"

"You are all the way in London. We didn't wanna trouble you, so we said we'd see how his condition is... but sis he hasn't... hasn't got any better." I hear her sobs. "I'm so scared," she whispers. 

"Oh, Allah..." I clutch my chest. "Daneen, sweetie, don't cry just pray for him... I'll be there by tomorrow... inshallah, take care of mama, okay?"

Daneen sniffled. "Okay, sis."

"Allah Hafiz," I whisper.

"Allah Hafiz," she whispers back. 

Cutting the phone, I look at Abdullah, who is staring at me. 

"Baba had a heart attack and he's been in coma for the past two days," I manage to tell him before the tears just come rushing down. 

"Don't cry, he'll be fine. We just need to pray for him." Abduallah walks up to me and engulfs me in his huge, comforting arms. 

"He'll be okay, Inshallah," he whispers while rubbing my back soothingly. 

"We'll take the next flight up there which is at 12," he says, laying down beside me. 

I nod and look at him. "Abdullah, can I ask you a question? Give me the truth no matter how bitter it may be," I say after gathering up my courage. 

I sit up and he looks at me with confusion written all over his face. No matter how scared I am, I need an answer. And I need it now. 

"Yeah, sure, ask away." He sits up too. 

"Do you like me?"

He stares at me hesitantly before letting out a defeated sigh. "No," he replies. 

"Were you forced into marrying me?" 

"No."

"Did you have a past lover before I came into the picture?"

"Yes."

"What was her name?"

"Aliyah Ali"

"Were you two intimate?"

"No, we didn't get close to each other. We only talked. We were supposed to get married in June, but then dad had other plans."

He sighs. "He fixed me up with you before I could even tell him. I had to let her go. She got mad at me and left the day I came over to your house for our first meeting." 

"Are you still in love with her?" I ask. 

"It's hard to lose your first love,  Aminat." He sighs. 

"Do you think there's a chance that you'd ever get over her?" I whisper with hope evident in my tone. 

I sounded so desperate and I hated it but this is my husband. I have to live with this man till death do us part. Of course, there's the option of divorce but it's haram and Allah decides against it, so who am I to go against Allah. 

"There's always time for everything, I've moved on and so has she, so there's no point dwelling in the past."

"You are my present and my future, that's all that matters," he says. 

I look up at him in shock, then a small smile creeps up onto my face. 

"And Inshallah we'll last to grant our parents with grandkids," he adds. 

My face heats up instantly, causing me to look away from him. I blush like a mad woman. 

"Inshallah," I mumble to myself. 

I guess the truth is bitter after all. But I'm glad I took the step to hear it... otherwise I would've been living a lie for longer than this.