Making A Luna

TOO LATE TO TURN BACK NOW

Esme

Why had I said that? What was I thinking? I knew I couldn’t get out of it now and I would have to follow through with my promise to my best friend. She didn’t mean to hurt me and neither did Mason, if the moon goddess didn’t think we were meant to be then I had to believe in her choices. Blaire pulled me in for a hug as she cried “Thankyou, Thankyou so much Es, this really means the world to me you have no idea!” I closed my eyes as I felt a tear fall down my cheek and wiped it away before pulling away from Blaire’s embrace. “It’s okay Blaire, you know I’d do anything for you and if the roles were reversed I’d hope you’d do the same for me” I replied. “Of course I would! Es I would do anything for you!” She exclaimed, before looking into the direction of the boys. “Okay, well I’ve got a training session to get to. We will start tomorrow, meet me here at 6am” I instructed, before standing off and walking towards the spot we had left Mason and Logan standing. Logan looked at me with concern whilst Mason stared on in the direction of his mate before turning to face me. “E, I had no idea you felt that way. I’m so sorry things turned out like this” he apologised. So Blaire had told him everything then. This would make things harder for me now, knowing he knew of my true feelings. “It’s no big deal Mas, honest I’m not really bothered” I lied, fighting the tears once again. He didn’t seem to notice the struggle I was having as he turned around and said “okay thankyou. I’d never want to lose you as my best friend you mean the world to me!” before pausing. “I hate to dash off but I’m gonna go. I’ve got a meeting with my father about taking over as alpha and he will kill me if I’m late” he continued and just like that he was walking away towards Blaire, as I turned to face Logan. “Want to talk about it?” Logan questioned staring at me intently. “Let’s train” I ignored his question, hoping he wouldn’t ask any further.

-

I had forgotten how great it was to train with Logan, and it had left me exhausted. We were making our way back to the pack house when he asked “so the conversation with Blaire, how did that go?” I should have known there would be no avoiding it with Logan. “Okay. I’m going to help her” I answered hoping that would be enough for him to let it go. “Help her how?” He continued. “I’m err going to help her learn some of the Luna duties” I almost whispered, knowing exactly what his reaction would be. “Are you insane!” He growled at me, making me wince. This reaction was exactly the reason I hadn’t wanted him to find out. Something in Logan had changed around 2 years ago just before he left to go join the Moon Valley Pack,he had become more protective of me and worried about me even if there was no reason to be worried. So of course this would have him upset. I had hoped that when he found his mate he would be less protective of me, but that was yet to happen. “Please Logan just drop it” I pleaded with him, wishing now that I had kept my mouth shut. We continued walking in awkward silence, neither one of us knowing what we could possibly say. “Fine I will drop it on one condition” Logan finally broke the silence. I stopped in my tracks and spun around to confront him. “Who do you think you are offering me terms and conditions? It’s my life Logan I will live it how I want no matter how that makes you feel. God, why can’t you get that? I’m not a kid anymore, so stop treating me like one!” I snapped, gaining the attention of a few pack members passing by towards the training grounds. “Carry on guys, shows over” Logan commanded causing everyone to scatter before turning to face me. He looked down on me in a way that intimidated me but some how made me feel safe at the same time. I always knew I was safe with Logan and that he would never do anything that could hurt me, which was perhaps why I felt so safe now. “Stop putting other people before you. It’s not good Essie, it’s not good for you and it’s not good for me. How am I supposed to look after you if you don’t want to look after yourself?” He asked. Who did he think he was, protect me? Did he really think I was so weak? “Logan, I don’t need you to protect me I’ve never needed anyone. I don’t know where you get off thinking that I need you to protect me, you’re barely ever even here! I don’t need you!” I shot back, almost like venom. At this moment i realised that he genuinely looked hurt by what I had said and I wanted to take everything back. He needed to hear it I reasoned with myself, he couldn’t go on thinking he had control of my life when he was barely a part of it anymore. “Essie, I know you can look after yourself but you should know that doesn’t mean I can’t look out for you too. I want the best for you which is what you should want for yourself. I’m sorry if you think I’m trying to make your life hard for you because that is the last thing I would ever do” he almost whimpered. “You know what, I don’t care if that makes me an asshole in your eyes because I will always know I did what was right by you” he spoke up this time, pulling me in so close I could almost hear his heart beat. He held me close to his chest as I struggled to form words to respond to his declaration. I knew he was protective of me but this was beginning to enter a whole new level and while part of me wanted to continue fighting back that I didn’t need his protection, another part wanted to stay here in his arms forever. All my problems seemed to fade away as we stood in an embrace that neither one of us seemed to want to break. Logan pulled me away from him slightly, staring into my eyes, almost as if he was looking into my soul. I could feel my heart racing as Logan lowered his head down and brought his lips to meet mine. His kiss was soft and sweet, bringing feelings inside of me I didn’t even know were possible. I almost wanted to stay in this moment forever, being held by him as he continued to kiss me. But this was wrong. I couldn’t be kissing Logan, and I definitely couldn’t be enjoying it. I abruptly pulled away in shock at what had just happened trying to pull myself together. “Y-you can’t do that! You just can’t!” I shouted, feeling angry at myself just as much as him. Before he had a chance to respond, I shoved my way past him and ran for the pack house. This was not how my life was meant to be, I couldn’t just go round kissing people no matter how good it felt. I crashed through the pack house doors and made a run for the stairs, not looking behind me as I heard Logan calling after me.

Logan

I couldn’t believe it, I finally had my sweet mate in my arms and she was actually returning my kiss. Everything felt so right in this moment, and I hoped she felt the same way as I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to bring myself to let her go now that I had her. My moment of bliss was interrupted as Esme pulled away from me, suddenly looking angry. What had I done wrong? Was it so wrong for me to want my mate in my arms, to want her to be mine? Panic rose within me as I saw how pissed she was. “Y-you can’t do that!” She yelled before pushing me out of the way and running away. How had this happened? Just seconds ago she had been in my arms, my lips against hers and now she looked like she couldn’t get away fast enough. I went against my better judgement to leave her be and made a run for it after her. I couldn’t just let her leave me now after I had waited so long for this moment. “Esme!” I called after her, praying she would stop and turn around and tell me that she wanted me the way I want her. That didn’t happen, and I continued running after her, feeling sick with fear. I couldn’t lose her, I just couldn’t. I watched her push her way through the pack house doors, following closely behind as I managed to almost catch up with her. As soon as I entered the doors, my eyes darted around the foyer looking for my mate until I spotted her almost at the top of the stairs. “Esme, please just talk to me” I pleaded as she reached the top. “Logan please I’m begging you just leave me alone” she cried, tears now falling down her face. “i***t” Garrison growled at me as we watched our distraught mate run towards her bedroom. I started towards the stairs when my phone began to ring out. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw that Jack, my beta was calling me, which meant something had gone horribly wrong at home. “What Jack” I spit, agitated that I had been interrupted. “Logan you need to come home now! We just lost 3 of our men to a rogue attack and we’ve got 2 more in the infirmary! We need you here” he blurted, clearly shaken up. f**k. Esme would have to wait. I could only hope that when I got the chance to come back, she would not be angry at me anymore. “I’m on my way Jack, hold down the ship I’ll be 2 hours.”

Esme

I had been laid on my bed for hours now, and luckily Logan had left me alone. I couldn’t deal with him right now, I didn’t know what to say and honestly I just wanted to be alone. I heard the knocking on my door as I was trying to compose myself to get ready to go down for dinner. “What do you want Logan?” I sighed. I knew I would have to deal with him at dinner but I just needed a few more minutes to prepare myself. Instead of a response, I was shocked at Blaire opening the door and letting herself in. “Hey Es I was ju- wait what’s wrong?” She asked as she realised I had been crying. “Nothing Blaire, don’t worry I’m just having a rubbish day” I lied, not wanting to tell anyone the real reason I was upset. “Why did you think I was Logan” she probed, clearly not believing my lie. “Oh, he’s just been doing my head in today that’s all” I lied again, really hoping that would be enough to end this conversation. I wasn’t ready to admit what had happened to myself yet, let alone to anyone else. “Oh okay, well Logan’s gone now, had an emergency with his pack or something so you won’t have to deal with him” she informed me, and in return I sighed with relief. “I was just wondering if you wanted to come down and eat with me? I don’t really know anyone and” “of course I’ll come eat with you Blaire, let’s go” I interrupted, walking towards my bedroom door. At least I wouldn’t have to deal with Logan, or the way he had made me feel for a while.