Making A Luna

MIXED SIGNALS

Logan

I picked at the dinner that had been brought up for me. I couldn’t bring myself to eat much, the constant worries I had meant I could barely stomach it. On one hand I had the problem of my pack. I knew I could trust Jack, he was the best beta that I could ask for but with all the rogue attacks happening, circumstances were different to usual. Then I had Esme. I knew I could never fully have her, not until I could get her to feel the mate bond but that didn’t make it any easier. I fell more in love with her every time I saw her. I flicked through my phone, checking that nobody had called in the 5 minutes since I had last checked. I made my way to my bathroom, checking myself in the mirror. God I looked like s**t. I ripped off my clothes and turned on the shower. Hopefully I would at least feel a bit better once I felt clean. I held my hand under the water, checking the temperature before stepping under it, allowing my body to be rained on. I reached out for my body wash and lathered my body, hoping to scrub off the infirmary stench that hadn’t left my body. I stood under the falling water, allowing myself to slip into my thoughts. I really needed to see her. At least this is better than being stuck there I thought to myself as I stepped out and wrapped my towel around the lower half of my body. I walked back into my bedroom and walked over to check my phone once again. Still nothing. I dried myself and got myself dressed before deciding to give Jack a call. “Alright boss how you feeling?” He asked as he answered on the second ring. “I’m fine Jack, I don’t know what you’ve been told but I can assure you it’s an overreaction. Update me on what’s going on over there” I demanded, desperate to know how the pack was doing. “Everything’s okay, we’ve not had any attacks since you left. Your fathers men arrived yesterday evening and they’ve been a huge help on patrol already. We had a lone rogue last night but it was quickly taken care of” he informed me calmly. I let out a sigh of relief knowing that my pack wasn’t falling apart in my absence. “Okay good. Anything new on the other matter?” I asked, referring to Esme. “Well this is where it gets interesting. I’ve done some digging and the most likely reason is magic. I’ve found a source who is doing some research and there’s been other cases like this, a long time ago though. That’s the best I’ve got right now but it’s a step in the right direction” he told me. At least that was something. “Great work cheers Jack. Unfortunately, she still runs away from me every chance she gets” I sighed, fed up with the lack of progress my end. We continued to talk for a while, about his mother and her upcoming birthday. I felt terrible knowing that he would have alpha duties to worry about when he should just be enjoying her birthday. We were interrupted by someone knocking on my door. Her scent hit me and I knew exactly who it was. “One second jack, someone’s at the door” I told him before asking who it was, not wanting her to know I already knew it was her. How could I not, with her intoxicating vanilla and pine scent. Then I heard her voice which confirmed what I already knew. “Jack I’ll speak to you tomorrow, call me if there are any updates” I instructed before hanging up. “Come in” I called, my heart beating in my chest. As she entered my room I took in the beauty that she is. “Essie you okay?” I asked in concern, wondering why she was here. Just hours ago she had been running from me, and not for the first time. “Logan, I think we need to talk.”

Esme

“Logan I think we need to talk” I said, trying to sound confident. “Okay Essie. I think I’ve done a lot of talking recently. So why don’t you talk and I’ll listen” he suggested, sitting down onto his bed. This is not what I had counted on, I had not thought that I would have to do all the talking. I guess he had a point though, he had been so open with me while I had just been running away from him. Breathe Esme. I approached Logan and took a seat next to him avoiding eye contact. “Okay so here it goes. I don’t know what is going on here. I know I shouldn’t feel anything for you, you’re not my mate. But- but I do, I mean, feel something. I don’t know what it is and I can’t explain it. It’s hard to be around you Logan” I confessed, still not allowing myself to look at him. I got no response from my confession as Logan sat not saying a word next to me. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes, neither one of us knowing what to say. “Essie, this” he said gesturing between us “this isn’t easy for me either. You think it’s easy being constantly rejected by you? Every time I kiss you, I’m left confused when you run away.” He was right, I hadn’t been the most forthcoming, kissing him back then running away without an explanation. “I’m sorry Logan. You do something to me. When I am around you, I have constant butterflies, I mess my words up, I don’t know what to say or do. You confuse me” I admitted, bringing my eyes to meet his. “Essie you’re not the only one that is confused” he responded taking my hand in his. “Even if I’m not your mate, that doesn’t mean you can’t feel anything for me.” What was the point in the mate bond if we didn’t follow it, if we didn’t wait to meet our mate? “Essie you never used to follow the rules, you used to do whatever you wanted to do. So, just live in the moment, stop worrying about rules” he urged. He was right, growing up I had always been the one who did what I wanted. Mason used to be the cautious one, the one who had to follow rules. When my dad died, something inside me changed and I tried to find ways to control my life, to make sure I never messed anything up. “Do you remember that time that you tripped that girl up because she called Mason stupid?” Logan laughed as his hand stroked mine. “How could I not remember. What about that time that we ruined your mums wedding dress using it for our fort?” I asked, the memories flooding back. “Oh god, she was so mad. We got grounded for weeks!” Logan gasped, thinking back to the things we all used to get up to. “We used to get into so much trouble. I remember when you got caught stealing your dads whiskey out of his cabinet when you were 15!” I added. Logan had got into so much trouble for that one, he had been grounded for over a month. He hadn’t even been allowed to attend any training, he had to go straight to school and back, nothing else. “Don’t remind me of that. Hands down it’s the worst thing I did as a kid. Well the worst thing I got caught for anyway” he joked, his body now seeming to relax. For the first time in days things felt normal between us, there was no tension and I felt at ease. “Do you remember when my dad” - I stopped dead in my tracks as reality hit me. I didn’t talk much about my father since he died, it was just too difficult. Sometimes I completely forgot he was gone if I didn’t speak about him. Logan hooked his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. “Essie I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you with everything that happened with your dad. I know it’s a lame excuse but I was kind of going through something, running away to another pack seemed to be the answer at the time” he tried to apologise. The truth was there was a time me and Logan had been closer than Mason and I. Then he left, and Mason had stuck by my side through everything. I would be lying if I said it hadn’t hurt when Logan left, but I understood. He was older than Mason and I, he had responsibilities that we didn’t. “It’s okay Logan, I know you had things you had to do. I had Mason, it wasn’t like you just left me and I had nobody left” I reassured him, not wanting him to feel any guilt over the past. He dropped his arm from around my waist and looked down at the bed now, and if I wasn’t mistaken he looked hurt. What had I said wrong? “Of course you had Mason. He was always better to you than I ever could have been” he muttered, not looking at me. “That’s not what I meant Logan. I just meant that I was okay, I got through it” I lied. I hadn’t got through it though, I still couldn’t speak about my father, I could barely bring myself to think about him. While Theo and mum had cried and mourned him, I had been trying to keep everyone else together. I hadn’t let myself grieve and it was too late now. Logan looked up at me grabbing my hands in his once again, now stroking them with his thumb. “Essie, if I could go back and do it again I would have been there. You’re more important to me than you know. I was too stupid to see it at the time.” I could tell that Logan was battling with his guilt, but I had never blamed him for going. “Please don’t beat yourself up for it. It’s not going to help you or me, the past is the past” I responded, wanting to ease some of his guilt. “Logan, not once was I angry with you, not once did I blame you. It was never like that.” Logan sighed, moving his hand to my face. “You’re too good for me” he said, before leaning down to kiss me. The kiss felt different to any we had shared before, I felt a spark ignite inside of me. I’d never known anything like it, and this time I didn’t want to pull away. I never wanted it to stop. I returned his kiss, my hands lost in his beautiful black hair as I inched closer to him. Before I could stop myself, I climbed onto Logan, my legs straddling him. I felt his hands on my arse, pulling me into him, my breasts now pressing against his chest. I could feel his length pressing against me and I grinded against it in response. How could something so wrong feel so right? Logan’s hands moved from my arse and up to my face before he separated our lips. “Essie, I can’t” he moaned stroking my cheek. I could feel my cheeks heat up with the embarrassment of being rejected by him. How could he be the one pushing me away when he had been the one chasing me? “What’s wrong?” I asked, holding back tears. “Essie, it’s not that I don’t want to. I want you more than you could possibly know. You deserve to be treated like a princess, I’m not about to take advantage of you” he answered, wiping a tear that had escaped down my cheek. Why did this hurt so much? It had been Mason I had wanted before Logan showed up here. “You’ve been chasing me for days and now you’re rejecting me. I don’t understand what I did wrong.” God this really did hurt. “You did nothing wrong, you could never. I just want to make sure I do things right with you. You’re not just some girl who I want to let off some steam with” Logan finished, not taking his hands off of me.

Logan

How had things gone so wrong? One minute I had Esme exactly where I wanted her and the next I had made her cry. In this moment I just wanted to tell her the truth, that she was my mate, that I was in love with her. I didn’t want to have her, not in that way, until I was certain that she felt the same. Was that so wrong of me? I was trying to do things right, to do right by her. I wanted to be a better man for her, to be someone that would actually be worthy of her. I looked at my beautiful mate still sat on top of me and brushed her wavy locks from her face. She was so perfect, how could she think that I could ever not want her? It had taken everything in me to not take her there and then. “Then what am I Logan? Please explain!” She demanded, pulling herself off of me to stand up. My body instantly ached from the absence of her touch, her body against mine. “It’s hard to explain. I don’t know what to say Esme, I can’t give you the answers that you want right now. I promise you that I want you, that you are the only person that I would ever want” I pleaded, seeing the anger building up inside of her. If I had thought it hurt when she told me she had Mason when I left, then this was something else. “That’s just not good enough Logan” she snapped, walking towards the door and grabbing the handle. “Essie please, don’t go” I begged, hearing the panic in my voice. If she left now I didn’t know how I’d be able to come back from this, especially if I couldn’t get her to feel the mate bond. “Come to me when you actually have answers Logan. Until then just leave me alone” she barked, slamming the door behind her.