From The Ashes (Forbidden Trilogy Book Three)

Chapter Five: Double Edged Sword

Constance

I couldn't go back to sleep after my shared dream with Gabriel. It had felt too much like a nightmare. I was very worked up over it. And so, I'd made my way out to the meadow that wasn't far away from the stronghold. I just needed some fresh air, hoping that would help clear the concern and fear taking root in the back of my mind. I'd almost gone in search of Matt, hoping to hell he had a chess board on him but at the last minute, I thought better of it. He was most likely asleep, and just like the rest of us, he needed it.

I stared up at the darkened sky, filled with stars. Under my feet, I felt the crunch of the snow. Taking in a deep breath, I filled my lungs with the fresh scent of winter. Closing my eyes, I listened to the quiet nature surrounding me. It helped ground me as everything within me was coming apart.

As much as Gabriel had tried to hide the fact the darkness was consuming him, I knew it was worse than he led me to believe. So much worse, I was fighting my instincts to keep my promise to him. I was regretting my decision to make it in the first place.

"Hey," Obsidian's voice reached me from across the meadow.

"Obsidian." I responded, moving my gaze to his.

He leisurely made his way over to the log I was perched on and sat down next to me. It was uncanny how much he resembled Gabriel. Both of them took after Dante in so many ways. The black hair. The shape of their faces. Their build. Hell, even that cool confidence. There were slight differences, though. Such as their eye color. Gabriel had a slightly lighter complexion. While both of their hair was black, Gabriel's had more curl to it. And right now, Obsidian's was grown out some from the first time I'd met him. It was long enough he had it French braided on the top to keep it out of his face while the rest of it was pulled into a small bun on the back of his head. He looked like a Norse God.

Seriously, what was it about these men and resembling gods?

"What's happened?" he asked when I remained silent.

"It's Gabriel," I huffed, lifting my head up to the stars hating that I had to keep on this offending mask. I couldn't wait to feel the breeze on my face, to see the beauty of nature unobstructed. I forced myself to breath through the panic trying to take over my chest and mind. "I connected with him, when I went to sleep," I confessed.

"And?"

"He's losing himself, Obsidian." I dropped my gaze to my hands. "He refused to fully merge his mind with mine. He kept barriers up, to make sure I couldn't see just how far he'd fallen, but I pushed against them and got a glimpse. And it's not a slow progression. He's in a ferocious tailspin, spiraling out of control with no end in sight. I don't know how much time he has before he falls completely into the darkness." I bit my lip hard, forcing the tears to stay at bay. "I'm afraid I'm going to lose him, Obsidian. And I don't know if I'm strong enough to accept that. To face that reality."

"It is not a reality yet, princess," Obsidian soothed, rubbing my back. "Though, I am a little surprised at you for being hypocritical. It must run in the family, though I couldn't imagine how." I heard the sarcastic note in his voice but it didn't stop my knee jerk reaction.

I started as if he'd slapped me--heck his words had been damn near a slap in and of itself--and I pushed his hand away. What the hell did he just say? Was he implying I was just as hypocritical as my father? "Excuse you!?" I snapped, about to lay into him when his fierce gaze clashed with mine and he continued on.

"You expected Gabriel to accept your death on multiple occasions. First, when you split your soul. Second, when you had your soul transferred into Celeste's body. And third, when you went with Raziel to speak with the angelic deities. You expected him to be able to handle your death, if it ever came to that, and expected him to somehow escape the darkness long enough to ensure your children were safe. You expected him to continue on living and fighting, even if you didn't make it."

Well damn.

The fight just went right out of my sails. I closed my eyes and looked away, hating how much he was right. I was being a hypocrite. I sighed heavily. "I really hate you at the moment. But, I know you're right."

His posture eased when he realized I'd wasn't going to argue with him. "How'd that feel princess?" he chided.

"Terrible," I admitted wanting to smack that irritating smirk right off his handsome face. Somehow, I refrained.

"But, it is okay to be afraid," Obsidian continued on a gentler tone. "It is okay to fear his death. What isn't okay, is to not hold yourself to the same expectations and standards you have for everyone else, including Gabriel. Just as it was your choice to gamble your life, this is his choice. If he says it will be okay, then believe him. Support him. Just be there for him in the exact ways he was there for you. Believing in you. If something happens, if he does fall into the darkness, then know it was his choice to do so."

I really didn't want Gabriel to make those kinds of choices. It was difficult, wanting to be the only selfish one in our relationship, demanding such things from him but not allowing him to make them in return. It was difficult giving up that control, that need to keep him safe. However, that's not how a relationship worked. At least not in our case. I needed to believe in him. I needed to trust in his instincts and choices. I needed to remember that he knew his limits better than I did.

And if something changed, I needed to trust him to make the right call.

I would uphold my end of our promise, though I didn't have to like it.

"It is difficult," he agreed in the charged silence, "to not interfere. To not find some way to save him from whatever hell he is being put through right now."

"Have you connected with Celeste?" I asked curiously, hoping he wouldn't shut me out entirely. Hoping he would give me some word as to how my twin sister was faring. 

"I'm afraid to sleep because I'm afraid I will connect with her," he admitted guiltily. "And I know that is a shitty excuse, but" he shrugged. "We are both in emotional states, which tends to draw our souls together. I don't want to know what kind of horrors Victor is inflicting on her, because I am afraid of my own limitations."

I had to respect Obsidian for his honesty and openness. Not very many men were able to discuss such heavy, painful subjects and fears openly.

"There were times before, when I wanted to save her. Before I knew who she was. Before I knew where to even begin to look for her. I never knew where she was at, because she had been a prisoner within the same four walls all of her life. Therefore, there wasn't anything I could go on to teleport to her. The only thing I could do was be there for her when she did connect with me. I chose to support her. Sooth her. Calm her. But now, I know where she is being held. And if she asks me ... Begs me to come for her, I don't think I could stop myself from answering her pleas. Even though I know the plans we have already made are solid and are the best course of action to take against Victor."

I nodded, understanding his concerns. "We need to know how she is fairing, though."

"That's what you have Nikolai for," he countered.

"He only knows her physical state," I explained. "He doesn't know her mental state. And, right now, that is just as important," I argued, lifting my pleading gaze to meet his. "Sometimes it is very hard to tell from the outside how someone is fairing. I'm sure she's in a very dark place right now. And maybe, all she needs is just to feel your presence. To just know you are alive. That might be enough. It might give her the strength she needs to push through till we can follow through with our initial plans. I mean, she still believes you're dead."

"I hadn't thought if it that way," he mused.

"Go get some rest, Obsidian. And if you connect with her, assess how she is doing. If you are concerned, come talk to me. I don't mind if we have to suddenly change our plans in order to save her and Gabriel." Honestly, I wouldn't mind it at all if we ended up doing that.

"Thank you, princess." He gave me a quick hug before standing. After taking a few steps, he turned to look back at me. "You coming?"

I sighed. "I should."

"You need to sleep more," he noted as we started to walk through the forest, back towards the stronghold.

"I know. But I don't know if I can right now," I admitted, looking down at the ground.

There was a heavy pause before he spoke again. "Do you think it would help if you weren't alone?"

I gave him a long, guarded look.

"Don't give me that look! I'm not suggesting we do anything," he backtracked. "It's just, I know that sometimes sharing a room and knowing you aren't alone helps."

What was it about Dante's sons that just made them super adorable when they were placed in awkward situations?

I knew he couldn't see the stupid grin on my face, and maybe that was for the best. "Would it make you feel better, knowing you weren't alone?"

"Maybe," he agreed.

"Okay, then."

"Just like that?"

"Yes. Just like that," I reiterated.

"Are you sure?"

"Obsidian, you're really showing just how related you and Gabriel are right now." I said, my memories taking me back to Gabriel's and my dance at The Bleu.

"Oh?"

"If I wasn't okay with it, I would have told you so." I promise, I wasn't a push over. 

"Thank you."

"For what, exactly?"

"For just being you."

"I don't know how to be anyone or anything else," I admitted.

"That's not a bad thing."

No. It wasn't. Because there were so many out there in the world who wore several different faces depending on the situation, circumstances or environment they were placed into. Unfortunately, I'd had to put on masks in order to hide my identity. But, if luck was on my side, I would be able to shed them sooner rather than later and I wouldn't have to play at charades for long.

As we made our way back to Obsidian's wing, we made a few stops along the way so he could give direction and orders while he was resting.

"Eidolon, hold up!" Ickarous's voice caught me while Obsidian was talking to Ryn. I nodded to Obsidian, indicating I would be back in a moment, before I walked towards Ickarous. "I'm going to be unavailable for a little while," he announced. The archangel was strangely animated, though he still bore his normal indifferent expression. Except his eyes. They were alive. Excited even. "I'm meeting with Azrael and the other deities today to start the process of reviewing the demon laws."

"What!?" I whisper shouted, excitement ripping through my chest. This was a huge win for us! I couldn't keep the smile from splitting my face, though he couldn't see it. "That's amazing!"

"I know, right?" Ickarous smiled back. I had to admit, it was interesting seeing the change in Ickarous and how he had warmed up to the demon half breeds. I mean, it was probably due to his ability to read minds and all, which meant he couldn't be duped as easily. And, in the long run, it meant the demon half breeds had a good chance of finally being free. "Azrael initiated it and sent word my way. I'm hoping we will have the initial draft written before Obsidian goes to talk with the demon council. I think it will help encourage them to lend a helping hand to the other immortal half breeds."

"I think you're right," I agreed. It would most likely help, or at least assuage some doubts about opening their doors to part of the immortal population who believed they were monsters. If the half breed demons knew their lives would be protected and given the same freedoms and rights as other immortals, then it would most definitely go a long way to convince them. Heck! This whole situation might actually unite the opposing forces.

"If you have to go somewhere again, just leave word with someone like you did last time."

"Will do. Hopefully, I'll see you before that happens again."

"He is meeting with them tomorrow, right?"

"Yes. In the afternoon."

He nodded. "Then I best be on my way."

As he took his leave, I returned to Obsidian's side. "You ready?" he asked. I nodded and we continued the trek towards his wing. "Ickarous looked... Happy. What did he have to say?"

Hmm. Did I tell him? Did I dare get his hopes up?

I stalled long enough until we were in the safety of his wing, where there were no prying ears to hear, before I gave him the good news. 

"Azrael started it?" Obsidian asked excitedly for clarification.

"Yes."

"It's happening, Constance. It's really happening!" He took me into a giant bear hug. "And this is all because of you."

"On the contrary," I wheezed, my lungs unable to get enough air. 

"Oh don't you start that!" he snapped sternly, setting me hard on my feet to pin me where I stood with a glare. "It is because of you and Gabriel that this was made possible. If it wasn't for your stubbornness-

"My what!?"

-we wouldn't be here at all," he continued on as if I hadn't interrupted him.

"I'm going to let what you just said slide."

"What did I say that was so offensive? Hmm?"

"My stubbornness-

"Stubbornness isn't a fault, Constance. Not entirely. Not where this is concerned," he explained. Praised. 

"Well, then I guess, thank you?"

He rolled his eyes and smiled in amusement. "C'mon. We both need sleep. We are starting to not make sense."

He had that right.

I followed him to his room where he proceeded to lock the door. Most likely so I could take my mask off without fearing someone would burst in and reveal me by accident. Both of our mates had complete and utter access to our minds so they would know nothing had happened between Obsidian and I, even when we were behind closed doors.

"I'll take the couch. You take the bed," he said nonchalantly, gliding into an adjacent room to change out of his armor I presumed.

"Nope. You get your bed," I countered, gently easing the mask from my face and setting it on the little round table standing to one side of the couch before flopping down onto the plush cushioned seats. I couldn't stop the groan that escaped my mouth. "Damn, this is the most comfortable couch I've sat on. What kind of dark magic did you use?" 

He chuckled, emerging from the adjacent room in a set of comfy sweats and fitted tee. As he padded by me, he tossed a blanket at me and it hit me square in the face. I chuckled at the action, because it reminded me of so many other times when those closest to me had done something similar. It was these little things, the teasing and ribbing, that solidified friendships and made them something more.

As I pulled the blanket away from my face, and was about to throw back some snark comment, my voice died on my lips. Obsidian had moved past me and I felt my heart swell with sadness because, from behind, he looked so much like Gabriel.

Maybe this wasn't the best of ideas after all...

"Thank you, again for doing this Constance," Obsidian said softly, gratefully as he sprawled out on his bed. And I knew I couldn't chicken out now. This was something he needed. Something he couldn't ask anyone else for, because no one else could ever understand what he was going through. His bond with Celeste was much like my own was with Gabriel. It was unique. It was special. It was intense. And it was something that couldn't be explained, because there were very few others who had experienced such a powerful bond.

And there it was again, the double edged sword.

My very presence had to be just as hurtful to him, as his was to me. I looked exactly like Celeste because I was in her body. But, we needed each other in ways we couldn't describe. It wasn't something physical. It was more of a spiritual and emotional connection we needed. Craved. We were both hurting. Both of us were in similar situations, where our mates were in trouble and our hands were bound due to far greater demands that affected more than just us. 

"Of course," I replied, settling myself down. It took a little while before I found sleep again. Thankfully, my dreams were only my own this time.