Roman

20 - I wish I never knew!

Marley

I am so confused right now. I have David texting every day for us to meet up again, and Roman is coming around acting like we’re best friends. But I can’t deny that he is my best friend. He’s not pressuring me, and he’s been a true friend when I’ve needed one. I honestly can’t fault him, though I miss him so much when he leaves.

But then I feel guilty because David is still there in the back of my mind, calling out to me like a ghost in the night. I feel like I’m being pulled apart by the two of them, and I am still no closer to figuring out which man I want to spend my life with.

Maybe I should tell both of them that I’m not ready for anything with either of them. Cut them both off and live alone like I used to. Only this time, I have my little girl, so I’ll never be alone again.

That won’t work, though, because Roman will still be in and out every day to see his daughter. David, I wouldn’t see him again, but Roman, I would. I’m never going to escape that man, no matter what I do.

But do I really want to?

While Romany is with Roman, I’m meeting with Elie and Coral. We’re having lunch and just going to talk crap about anything and everything. They’ve left their kids at home, so it’s just us. I really need this girl time. I need to forget about men for a little while and have fun.

I’m wearing a white summer dress and white sandals, my hair is loose, and I’m wearing light makeup on my face. My body is almost back to what it was before I had Romany. Though I doubt it will ever be exactly the same. I don’t think about that much; there’s no point dwelling, I am who I am, and no amount of wishing I could change the way I look short of surgery will change that. So, I think, fuc.k it.

I park my car at the side of the restaurant, where I’m meeting the girls. Papa Joe’s, owned by Mafia Don Draven Vidal.

Why here, of all places?

I know the Don is related to Hammer and Maria, but I’m uncomfortable with this life. I would much rather have gone to McDonalds than here, and I don’t even eat McDonalds!

Nevertheless, I make my way inside, tell the girl at the podium who I’m here to meet, and she leads me to a private booth at the back of the restaurant. Elie and Coral are already waiting for me. Elie looks stunning, as always. She’s wearing tight black jeans, thigh-high boots, a cute little white blouse, hair in a French twist, and makeup fit for the gods.

Coral is wearing a loosely fitted summer dress that flows in all the right places. She is so utterly beautiful that she reminds me of a supermodel with curves in all the right places. Her blonde hair is loose like mine, and she’s not wearing makeup that I can see, just lipgloss. She wears her pregnancy well, and I envy her natural beauty.

I wonder what it must be like to have children so far apart in age. There are almost sixteen years between Elie and little Mark, and now Coral is five months pregnant with her third child. Her grandson will be older than his own niece or nephew. Not that that’s unusual, but it fascinates me.

“Marley!” Elie is out of her seat, hugging me tightly like always.

I laugh and hug her back. “Hey, guys.” I lean over and kiss Coral’s cheek. “Sorry, I’m late. Romany was fussing, and I wanted to settle her before Roman took her out.”

“That’s okay, babe. We were just talkin’ about Mom’s pregnancy.”

I plop down in the seat beside Elie. “Oh yeah? How’s it going third time around?”

“Hard.” Coral sighs. “I don’t remember it being this hard with Elie or Mark. I feel so tired and drained all the time.”

“Maybe your iron is low?” I suggest. I know mine was when I was pregnant with Romany. My energy was always zapped, and I think I pretty much slept through the first four months.

“I think so. I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow. I’ll find out then. Anyway, how are things going with your men?”

Great. I didn’t want to talk about this today. I just wanted to meet up with them and talk about anything but Roman and David. But I guess everyone is curious, and that’s not a sin.

“Fine. I don’t know. David wants me to choose now, and Roman told me to take my time. They’re just both so different.”

“I don’t know this David,” Coral points out. “But I do know Roman. I have known him for most of my life. He’s a good man who always does the right thing, but he’s also a dangerous man when crossed.”

I swallow hard. I know he’s a dangerous man; I know the things Roman has done. He told me some of them back at the cabin, but I don’t think I’m comfortable hearing about it right now.

“He didn’t get the name Roman from nowhere.”

“Where did he get that name from?” Elie chuckles. She’s interested. I’m not.

“Wrench never told you?”

“No.”

Why are they laughing?

What’s so funny about this?

“I thought he would’ve with Wrench and Roman being cousins. Has Roman told you?”

I never asked why Roman is called Roman. It never occurred to me.

I shake my head while screwing up my face in a way that should have told her; I don’t want to know; can we drop this?

However, if Coral knows what it means, it doesn’t stop her. “Well, when Roman first became a Prospect, I would have been around twelve. Anyway, you know they have to go through all sorts of loyalty tests, right?”

Both Elie and I nod our heads. We’ve heard the stories. Roman told me a few back at the cabin when he tried to get me to open up to him.

“Roman has always had a thing about men harassing young women. He couldn’t stand it; he just wasn’t raised that way. Anyway, he saw this guy drag a girl from a club. Roman knew what the guy was going to do, so he followed them. The guy knew he was being followed. It’s not like Roman is quiet. He was quick, but Roman was quicker. He punched the kid out and then asked the girl what happened. She told Roman about the prick forcing her out of the club and how she knew he was going to r**e her.”

I feel sick listening to this. All three of us at this table have suffered at the hands of one monster or another in our time. However, I guess it becomes normal to talk like this when you’ve been part of the MC life for as long as Coral has.

She shifts forward in her seat and stops talking when the waitress asks if we’d like to order. We all order the gnocchi and sparkling water. I don’t drink as I’m breastfeeding, Coral is pregnant, and so is Elie. I’m not sure if anyone else knows this yet, I’ve not heard it mentioned anyway, though I assume her husband and mother know.

Once the waitress has gone, Coral continues. “Apparently, Roman called Titus, Hammer, and Tank’s father and had him take the girl home. He then dragged the guy up and to a warehouse outside of town. By the time BlackJack, Shepard, Titus, Cueball, and some of the others got there, Roman was shirtless, covered in blood, and laughing to himself manically while smoking a cigarette.

“The guy Roman had dragged there,” She stops again as our drinks are placed in front of us. Once the waitress is out of earshot, she carries on. “The guy was stripped down to his underwear and nailed to a cross.”

“What?” My fuckin.g heart is pounding all over my body!

“Yeah,” Coral nods. “Nails through his wrists, his feet, s***h marks all over his body, blood pouring from his head. When Shepard asked what the hell Roman thought he was doing, without turning to look at anyone, Roman said, ‘They made a mistake crucifying Jesus. They should have stuck to crucifying animals like this one.’ Then he gutted the guy and set the cross and the guy alight and watched it burn to ash, never once looking away.”

I jump from the table and race to the bathroom. I only just make it to one of the most spacious, fancy-looking bathroom stalls I’ve ever seen in my life and to my knees with my head in the toilet in time to vomit.

Jesus Christ, what kind of man did I go to bed and make a child with?

A crazy bastard who got his name by crucifying people!

I don’t know what to think. My head is spinning. That is not the man I know. Roman is kind, sweet, loving, my best friend.

Why would he do those things to people?

“You okay, Marley?”

I flush the toilet, step out of the cubicle, and make my way over to the sink. I swill out my mouth with water and spit before I answer Elie. I look at her through the mirror in front of me. “I can’t believe Roman would do those things.” I’m shaking.

“He doesn’t do that often, Marley. Not at all. He protects women from monsters like Bulldog.”

Bulldog, Elie’s child r****t father. That’s what she, Coral, and I have in common, that bastard monster of a man.

“I’m supposed to raise my daughter with a man capable of crucifying other men?”

Elie clasps my shoulders. I turn to face her, my ass resting back against the sink. “You’re raising your daughter with a man who would tear the world apart if it meant keeping you and Romany safe, Marley. Roman would do anything for you, that includes walking away from you so you can be with another man if it makes you happy. But he will still be there protecting you, no matter what because you are the mother of the little girl he would die for.”

I don’t doubt that for one second.

I can’t deny that Roman has gone above and beyond to save my life in the past. He’s always there when I need him. I don’t know the evil side of him; he’s never shown that to me. So, it’s kind of hard to believe he’s anything but the beautiful man I know.

But I can’t deny that he is evil in many ways. Evil in a sense, he kills those men who don’t deserve to live, just like Bulldog and his men didn’t deserve to live.

Roman protects the innocent, and can I really stand here and say that if someone ever hurts my daughter, I won’t want them dead?

I can’t because I would kill the bastard myself!

But this isn’t a movie; this is real life, and I’m shaken the fuc.k up over this!

“I know hearing what he’s done has upset you; believe me, when I heard about the things Wrench has done, it turned my stomach too, but those men love us. They would do anything to protect us, Marley. Roman is so in love with you that he’d do anything, including letting you go, including being there for you whenever you need him, just because he wants you happy and safe.”

“I’m so fuckin’ confused, Elie,” I admit. “I’m in such a bad place right now that I don’t even know what the hell I want to eat for breakfast each morning.”

She laughs out loud, and for some reason, it makes me laugh too.

I don’t know why we can’t stop. We’re falling all over each other, but fuc.k, did I need this right now.

Elie wraps her arms around me and kisses my cheek. “Don’t take yourself too seriously, Marley. The answer will come to you soon enough. You don’t have to try so hard. You’ll know when the time is right.”

I nod against her.

Elie is right; I’m overthinking this when I really just need to go with the flow.

I won’t think about what Coral told me. I won’t because it will destroy what I think about the man I owe my life to, and I don’t want my feelings for Roman to change; I love him no matter what I choose.

He’s the father of my baby, and I will never take her away from him. I’ll just make him understand that Romany is never to know those things about him.

Ever.

No little girl should ever know those things about her daddy.

I only wish I’d never found out what a cunt my father was. Oh, how I pray I never meet that man again.