Roman

19 - I'm not mad at you

Roman

Watching Marley tonight has been nothing but a pleasure for me. At first, she was a little awkward. She didn’t get involved with the girls when they were talking. Marley just watched those around her speaking. She was quiet while we ate the lasagna Tammy had made. However, once dinner was out of the way, there was no shutting Marley up.

I love seeing her smiling and laughing. Marley really needed this tonight; she needed to know that these women were her friends. Regardless of what happens between us, she will always have a family with Snakes Henchmen. As my daughter’s mother, there is nothing the Snakes won’t do for Marley.

Right now, Marley is huddled with the other woman in Red’s den, laughing and having fun. With everything else that’s on her mind right now, she needed this break.

“She seems happier.”

I nod at Stryker. “I think she needed this. Marley always keeps herself to herself, and I think she does that for fear of rejection.”

“I get that.”

Wrench hands me a beer. “Still mad at me?”

I roll my eyes. I was angry there for a while, and I haven’t said much to Wrench or Elie the past few weeks. But Marley explained everything. Wrench wanted to tell me, but Marley begged him not to. She told Wrench she just needed time to sort her head out, and he didn’t know about the baby until Marley was already seven months gone. Marley hadn’t told Elie either, and Wrench swore on his life this was the truth. He didn’t need to do that, I believed Marley.

I believed her when she told me Jett didn’t know where she was. He only gave her a ride out of town. Jett also gave Marley his phone number and told her to call if she ever needed anything. He gave Marley enough money for a room for a few days until she could sort herself out.

I haven’t said much to Jett, though I know we need to talk. I’m still pissed off that my VP would keep such a massive thing from me. But it’s my cousin who shocked and hurt me the most. Of all the people I thought would keep something like that from me, it wasn’t Wrench.

“No,” I sigh. “I’m not mad at you any longer, Wrench. But don’t ever do it again, or next time, I’ll rip your dic.k off and shove it up your ass!”

Wrench nods while the other hiss. “I only did it because Marley begged me. I repeatedly asked her to let me call you. But she said if I did, she’d run again, and I…”

I clasp his shoulder just to shut him up. “I get it, Wrench. Let’s just drop it now.”

He nods. “She said anything about doctor dickhead?”

I shake my head. “I’m trying not to push her. Though I don’t think he’s doing the same.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, Red. Something she said the other day.”

“What did she say?” Hawk asks while leaning back against the wall.

I shouldn’t be telling my Brothers anything about this, but I need to speak to someone about it. No doubt Marley has been confiding in Elie about everything.

“I just got the feeling doctor fuc.k face is pressuring her to choose him.”

“Then you went and kissed her and made it worse.”

“Fuc.k you, Ace!” Prick! I push my fingers through my hair. “I know what I did, and I know I shouldn’t have. I also know that I won’t be doing anything like that again unless Marley asks me to. I hate the thought of that mother fucke.r pressuring her.”

“We could always go round to his place and break his legs.”

“That’s... Not a good idea, Wrench. As much as I’d like to tear the prick a new asshole, Marley would hate me for it.”

“You’re getting soft in your old age.”

I grit my teeth, fists clenched at my sides. “You’re pushing your luck tonight, Ace. I’m not going soft; I’m trying to respect the woman I love!”

I don’t know why I get so tense. Maybe I am soft where Marley is concerned, but I need to treat her with care. The last thing Marley needs is me piling on the pressure as well.

As much as I want to go over to Doctor Dic.k faces, and believe me, I so want to, I know that I can’t. I need Marley to feel safe in the knowledge that I trust her to make the right choice.

What kind of man would it make me if I took that away from her?

Marley has been upfront with me about everything. She’s not once kept my daughter from me, and she even spends as much time with me as she does that piece of crap. I want her to pick me, and I want it now. However, if I push for that, I’ll lose her for good.

“Calm down.” Red widens his eyes, his head tipped slightly towards Tammy.

I follow his eyeline and sigh slightly. Tammy is watching us, fear written all over her face. My stomach drops to my feet. I can’t bear that the woman I class as my sister is clearly afraid of me right now.

“I know you’re annoyed about what’s happening, but Tammy ain’t ready for all this, Brother.”

“I’m sorry, Red. You know I’d never...”

“I know,” He clasps my shoulder. “I know you’d never do anything to upset Tammy. None of you would.” Each man nods his head in agreement. “Tammy’s come a long way, and this baby has breathed life back into her soul. However, she ain’t quite pushed past certain things that still frighten her.”

I feel like a cunt. I should have known not to lose my temper in front of Tammy. Thank fuc.k the kids aren’t here to have seen me almost snap. Though I think Tammy would have punched me in the face if they had been. Like any good mother bear, upset her cubs, and she’ll cut your balls off.

“She’ll get there.” I look past Wrench and smile at Marley. “Sorry to interrupt. I couldn’t help overhearing.”

“Are you okay?”

Marley nods at me with a smile on her face. “Tammy’s going to be okay, Red. She’s incredibly strong and one of the nicest women I’ve ever come across.”

“Thank you. That’s nice of you to say.”

“You’re welcome. I hate to be a party pooper, but I was wondering if you’d mind if I go home now, Roman.” Marley twists her fingers together nervously.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” I touch her arm, and she looks up at me.

“I’ve had a really good time tonight, and I am so grateful for how welcoming everyone has been,”

“But you miss Romany and want to go home to her?” Marley laughs while nodding her head at me. “Come on, beautiful, I’ll take you home.”

* * *

“Thank you so much for taking care of her, Leona.”

“Oh, pish,” My mother waves her hand at Marley. “You don’t need to thank me for taking care of my sweet granddaughter.” She touches Romany’s cheek, and Marley smiles while holding our baby girl to her chest. “Right. Well, I best be going.”

“I’ll see you out.”

Mom kisses Marley’s cheek and then Romany’s head before following me out. She’s been great through all of this with Marley. Of course, my mother believed it was her duty to tell me not to chase after Marley and that, as a Walker, I know I should give a woman space when she needs it.

I open my mother’s car door for her. She drops her bag on the seat and turns to look at me. “I am so proud of you, Tallon.” I squint my eyes playfully, and she laughs. “Sorry. Roman. Aside from all the bad things you do with your club,” Things she has no idea of because I have done my best to keep it from her. “You are exactly the man that I hoped you would be. Seeing you with your daughter,” My mother smiles and puts her hand on my cheek.

“Are you all right, Mom?”

“I am more than all right, sweetheart. I’m just over here appreciating my son.” I chuckle, and she smiles again. “What you’re doing for Marley and Romany... There are no words to express how very proud I am of you, Roman.”

I bite the inside of my cheek. My parents have both always told me how proud they are of me. They have always been my biggest supporters in life. When Leah was born, Mom and Dad made sure that I knew I was still everything to them. When Leah was diagnosed with her problems, I never felt pushed out. I loved my baby sister, and my parents were proud of me for how I took care of her. Even at my age, knowing I make my mother proud still means so much to me.

I wrap my arms around my mother and kiss her head. “Thank you for believing in me, Mom. I couldn’t do any of this without you.”

“Nonsense.” She pulls away from me. “You’re a good man, Roman. Never let anyone tell you differently. Now, go inside and say goodnight to your family.” Mom kisses my cheek, climbs into her car, waves, and drives away.

I make my way back inside the house. I find Marley standing in the den, rocking Romany while gently humming to her. Marley turns to face me and smiles, and my gut clenches. When she looks at me like that, it makes me think it’s me that she wants. However, deep down, I am terrified I’ll never get to hold her again.

“Are you okay, handsome?” I nod my head, unable to speak. “I thought you might want to help put our daughter to bed?”

I smile at Marley because this means a lot to me. Simply helping put my little girl to bed is everything. “I’d love to.”

It doesn’t take long to put Romany to bed; she’s already asleep. Marley watches me as I kiss Romany’s head and tell her how much her daddy loves her. Romany is too young to understand yet what I’m talking about, but I’ll tell her every day of her life just how much I love her. No one will ever come before her in my life. No one.

The time I get to spend with Romany is precious, though it makes me think of the past and what I lost. My heart aches sometimes with it, but when I hold my baby girl close to me, everything is right in my world.

I know that I would do anything for Romany, no matter what that was. I wasn’t expecting her to come into my life, but now that she’s here, I can’t lose her. Every day, I have that fear in the back of my mind – the fear that Marley is going to choose her ex, and I’ll lose my daughter. If Marley chooses him, it’ll hurt like hell, but it won’t kill me. It won’t because I’ll have my daughter. However, if that piece of shi.t does anything against my child, I’ll kill him. No, I’ll destroy him!

I made a promise to Romany the day she was born that I would always protect her and that I would always be there for her. No one is taking my baby girl from me, no one!

I kiss Romany’s head and then leave the room with Marley. I have to get out of here before I do something stupid again.

“Thank you for tonight, Roman, it’s been wonderful.”

I smile despite myself. “You’re welcome, beautiful.”

I step outside the house. Marley stands at the door, looking at me. I want to kiss her, and I want her to want me to. I also want her to ask me to stay, but I know it would be wrong. Marley would regret it in the morning; she’d still be confused, and I won’t have her hate me because of that.

“I should be going. I’ll collect Romany tomorrow.”

“What are you guys up to tomorrow?”

She’s drawing me into conversation when she should be urging me to leave. “I was thinking about taking her to see my grandparents. They’re dying to meet her. I would have taken her before now, but I never seem to find the time.”

Marley swallows hard. She thinks I’m blaming her for not taking my daughter to meet my grandparents before now, but I’m not. I blame no one for that but myself.

I smile and reach up my hand to tuck her blonde hair behind her ear. I just couldn’t stop myself. “If you need me for anything at all...”

“I’ll call you,” Marley replies with a smile.

It takes every ounce of strength I have to pull away from her. “See you soon, Marley.”

“Bye, Roman.”

God, give me the strength to give her the time and space she needs to get through this. Please give me the power to trust she’ll never take my daughter from me. I beg you.