Roman

17 - I'm a fool!

Roman

What the hell am I doing here?

I told Marley that I’d give her time, yet here I am, right outside her front door, wanting nothing more than to knock and have her open the damn thing so I can hold her.

It’s only been three hours since I dropped Romany off. We’ve been spending a lot of time together these past few weeks. That’s how long this shi.t has been going on for, three weeks, but I’ve fuckin.g loved every minute of my time with my little girl. She smiled at me today for the first time. Looked right into my eyes and smiled.

She knows her daddy and fuc,k do I love that baby girl.

I shouldn’t be here. This isn’t right. However, as I turn to walk away, the door opens slowly.

“Roman?”

How the hell did she know I was out here?

I turn to face Marley, planting a big smile on my face. “Hey, beautiful.”

“Is something wrong?” Her face is full of confusion as she opens the door wider. She’s in her pajamas. Little shorts and a Cami top, baby pink in color, and her hair is piled on top of her head. She’s just showered; I can smell her body wash. God help me!

“No, darlin’. I just came by to check on you. I didn’t realize the time. That’s why I was just about to leave.”

“You don’t have to leave.” She says quickly. “Come in.” Marley waves me in, and I don’t hesitate to follow her. I close the door behind me and take a deep breath.

I can do this. I can be her friend. Someone, she can lean on.

“I heard you out there. Kinda wondered who’d be outside the front door at this hour.”

“Hopin’ it was him?”

Her face drops.

Fuc.k, why did I say that?

“No, I wasn’t hoping it was David.” David. Cunt! “I hoped it was you.”

“Oh, yeah?” I stalk toward her. I can’t stop myself. Marley doesn’t move; she just looks up at me as I rest my hands on her hips. “Why’s that?”

Hands on my biceps, she tells me, “I don’t know. Whenever the door knocks, I hope it’s you.”

My mouth is against hers before I even know what I’m doing. She moans into my mouth, and I swallow them gladly as our tongues entwine fiercely. Marley’s hands are in my hair, pulling me close as I pull her lower half flush against my aching erectio.n.

I know it’s too soon after Romany’s birth to sleep with Marley, but God, do I want to right now. I fuckin.g ache for this woman, and it’s killing me not being here with her every night. I want to hold her while she sleeps. I want to be here to chase away her nightmares. Because I know they haven’t stopped.

But I know it won’t happen, especially as she’s pushing me away from her, confusion written all over her beautiful face.

“Stop, Roman! Oh, God.” Marley hangs her head, hands clasped over her face for a second.

“I’m sorry.” Is all I can offer up.

“Why did you do that? My head is so messed up, and you just made it worse.”

“I wasn’t tryin’ to mess with your head, Marley. I couldn’t help myself. I fuckin’ miss you.” I rake my fingers through my long hair.

I don’t know how much more of this I’m meant to take. She’s my girl, and I miss her every fuckin’ second, I’m not with her. I know I can’t push her to make her choice, that wouldn’t be fair to her, but this is killing me. I don’t fuckin.g know how to handle it!

“I’m so sorry, Roman. I’m trying to figure this out, but I can’t handle both of you pushing me like this.”

My eyes narrow. “What do you mean both of us? Marley, if he’s forcin’ you to choose before you’re ready...”

“Just stop!”

I will not fuckin.g stop! That motherfucke.r is getting inside Marley’s head and messing it up even more than it already is! And I’m not helping by doing what I’ve done here tonight.

“Please just stop. I need you to leave. I need to be alone right now.”

I take her face in my hands and force her to look at me. “Listen to me. Nothin’ like this will ever happen again unless you want it to. But you cannot let him or me rush you into anythin’, Marley. This has to be your decision, no one else’s. If he loves you at all, he’ll give you the time and space you need, just as I will.”

“Thank you. I just need a little more time.”

“I know.” I kiss her head and hold her for a moment. I won’t do this to her again. I fucke.d up. “Call me if you need anythin’ at all.”

“I will.”

Then I’m gone.

I have to get the fuc.k out of here. I need the gym. I need to pound something. This isn’t Marley’s fault. She’s not ready to choose. I can’t force her to pick me because she’ll resent me in the end. I don’t want that. I want her to want me because she loves me and can’t live without me.

However, I don’t want Marley to choose him just because he’s the safe bet. I don’t want her to pick him just because he’s pushed her into it either.

I could find the fucke.r and make him back off.

But where will that leave me if he goes running to Marley?

She’ll hate me and end up choosing him anyway.

I could end the bastard and show him why they call me Roman, but again, Marley would only be with me because he’s gone.

I’m so fuckin’ frustrated I don’t know what to do with myself!

Keep calm, Roman. Breathe deeply; this will be over soon. Maybe not soon enough, but soon.

* * *



“You’ll punch a hole in that bag if you hit it any harder.” I ignore Ace and continue pounding the punch bag in front of me.

After leaving Marley, I needed to let off some steam, so I made my way to the clubhouse’s in-house gym. Ace was already here lifting weights. Ace is a few months away from becoming a father for the fourth time. He already has two little girls and a little boy, and he and Tessa just found out they’re expecting their second son.

I like Tessa. She’s around eight years Ace’s junior, but they belong together. I remember how hard he fought what he felt for Tessa. From the moment she turned eighteen, she chased after him. Tessa was Willow’s friend from school, and she made sure to stick close to Willow so that she could be near Ace.

It took Ace a couple of years to give in and claim Tessa for his own. The whole damn time before he claimed her, Tessa acted as though Ace was her man, and she stayed faithful to him. They’ve been happy ever since the day he grew a set and made her his. Three kids and one on the way later, and they’re still growing strong.

“Red thought you and I, Tessa and Marley, of course, might join him and Tammy for dinner Friday night.”

I hit the bag thrice in fast succession, and finally, I’m done. I breathe deeply for a moment while shaking out my tired muscles.

“Is Tammy ready for that?” I wipe the sweat from my face with a towel, then chug a whole bottle of water. The sweat dripping down the back of my neck from my man bun is cold suddenly.

“I don’t know,” Ace shrugs. “Red seems to think that Tammy needs to be around her friends. I know she doesn’t know Marley yet, but Elie, Brooke, Avery, and Coral will be there as well.”

I’m not sure this is a good idea. After both Elie and Tammy were r***d by a Prospect of the club a year and a half ago, Tammy has been struggling. The once bubbly barmaid tried so hard to show us all that she was okay and could carry on with her life the way Elie seemed to be doing.

Elie faced her own struggles, and it wasn’t all plain sailing for her. God only knows how she survived not only the r**e but then the loss of her child and thinking Wrench was dead for weeks. However, Elie allowed those around her to help her. Elie saw a counselor who helped her work through her feelings. Once Wrench was home, he helped the woman he loved and himself put the past behind them.

Tammy, however, had kept what happened to her a secret for weeks. The guilt she felt for not telling Red, what she witnessed him do to Kyle, the little prick who r***d her, played on her mind. Tammy was suffering from PTSD and ended up having a breakdown. It’s taken months for her to recover, and it’s only now that she’s showing signs of becoming the Tammy we all know and love once again. However, she does not want to socialize the way she once did, and I’m not sure she’s ready for a dinner party, even with her close friends.

“Think Marley will come?”

“I don’t see why not, Ace. She spends time with that fuc.k when he asks.”

Ace raises his eyebrow at me. I raise mine back while I stretch out my back muscles.

“She spends time with you, Roman. I know this isn’t how you want things, but the girl is trying. In all honesty, I don’t think she should be spending time with anyone. Marley should be by herself figuring out which one of you she misses the most.”

I roll my neck and relish the pop. I don’t want to talk about this right now. “What time does Red want us there?”

“Seven. Just remember not to sneak up on Tammy.”

“I’m not fuckin’ stupid, Ace!” Red’s my best friend, and he’s explained everything to me many times. Always knock on the door loudly. If the door is open, knock and yell who you are so Tammy doesn’t get startled. Do not sneak up behind her, and always make sure the lights are on as soon as it begins to get dark. The dark scares Tammy because Kyle r***d her in a dark storeroom.

Red has a lot of rules he expects everyone to abide by. I’d tell him to fuc.k off if it was for any other reason. However, his rules are there to help his wife, and each one of us would do anything to make her comfortable. Nobody wants Tammy to have a setback. She’s been doing well for a while, but there are things that remind her of what happens, and it always sets her back a little.

I have every faith that Tammy will get through this, and maybe one day, she’ll be the girl she once was. Though we all know every woman is changed some after a r**e. Wrench always says that Elie isn’t one hundred percent the woman she used to be. There are times she still jumps in certain situations. That is the only reason I haven’t wrung her neck for keeping where Marley was from me.

God only knows how Marley is still going the way she is. I’m not sure many women would be, not after all the things Marley has been through. She wasn’t just r***d once; she was r***d continually. She was beaten, stabbed, shot, and abused in more ways than even I can imagine. Yet she’s still standing.

“I’m just saying. Calm down, man. I know this shi.t with Marley is getting to you, but you seem really angry all of a sudden.”

I sigh and drop down on the weight bench. I scrub my hands over my face. “I fucke.d up, Ace.”

“Why? What did you do?” Ace sits beside me.

I look at him. “I went over there tonight. I’d already dropped Romany off a couple hours before, but I wanted to check on Marley. We were talking, and I kissed her.”

“Okay?”

“She pushed me away, man. She basically said I was messing with her head.” I rub the back of my neck. I’m starting to feel the ache in my muscles from the intense workout I just gave myself. “I didn’t mean to mess with her head; I just miss her.”

“I know you do.” Ace squeezes my shoulder. “It’ll all work out, Roman. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but she will make the right choice.”

I don’t say anything in response. I don’t want to get into this with Ace, he means well, but I know nothing is going to turn out the way I want it to. I know in my heart that I’ve lost Marley to that doctor prick, and I don’t know what the hell to do about it.