Roman

16 - Meeting up with David

Marley

“I’m so glad you called, Marley.”

I can do nothing but nod at David with a slight smile on my face. I really don’t feel like I should be here.

I called David last night and asked him to meet me at Sanders Park. I figured meeting in a public place was best. I don’t think it’s appropriate for us to be alone right now.

Roman collected Romany at midday, so I had plenty of time to get ready to meet David at 1PM. Roman was polite, smiling at me and talking like a friend would speak to another. Before he left, he told me that if I needed him, all I had to do was call. I appreciate him so much for that.

The minute Roman drove away with our baby girl, I wanted to call him back. I wanted him to hold me and demand that I drop this silly idea of spending time with David. I don’t even know him any longer. But I know Roman is right; I have to do this for my own peace of mind. I have to know if there’s anything between David and me. I won’t be able to have a life with Roman otherwise.

I’m not wearing anything special. I didn’t want to give David the wrong idea, so I’m wearing jeans and a gray pullover. My hair is tied in a high ponytail, and I’m wearing no makeup.

David is wearing a blue suit, white shirt, and gray tie. He looks like a businessman.

“You look beautiful, by the way.”

“Thank you.” I nervously wrap my arms around myself. I wasn’t expecting him to say something like that to me. He never used to compliment me so quickly. My stomach tightens because being here with David feels awkward. It’s never felt awkward before, but then it’s been years since I saw him last. I no longer know who he is, and he certainly doesn’t know me. I have changed so much, but yet not at all at the same time.

“Come sit down.” I nod and follow David to the bench beneath the large oak tree. He sits close to me, his thigh against mine. “I can’t believe you’re here, baby. I’ve missed you so much.” His hand is on my face, thumb stroking my cheek, and I know he’s about to kiss me.

I’ve been here five minutes! There is no way I’m going to let him kiss me. I’m just not ready for this. I don’t even know how I feel about him. I understand that he’s missed me, and all of this is a little surreal. I even understand how badly he wants to kiss me, hold me, and have me go home with him. However, I can’t, not yet.

I pull away from him. “How have you been, aside from...”

“I’ve been fine, working hard. Didn’t have much to think about other than work. Thinking about you hurt too much.”

That hurts my heart. It wasn’t David’s fault that my father was a selfish cunt and sold me to pay his debts to a monster. It wasn’t David’s fault that he suffered so much over the past six years. It wasn’t mine either. It was my father’s.

“Have there been any special women in your life?”

He grunts, “Not special, no. Won’t lie, I haven’t been a saint in the time you’ve been gone, but I doubt you have either.”

Wow. He said that so harshly it felt like a slap to the face. That’s how I know the David, I remember, is still inside of him. He hasn’t changed, and I’d only be kidding myself to think he had.

“I haven’t been a willing slut either, David!” I jump to my feet. I don’t need this!

David grabs my arm, stopping me from walking away.

I sigh and turn to face him.

He has no idea what I’ve been through in the time I’ve been gone, so I know he’s talking about Roman. I won’t let David make me feel guilty about being with Roman, nor for having Romany. That just isn’t fair. I will never feel bad about having my little girl or about who her father is.

I don’t stop David when he pulls me into his arms and kisses my head. The familiarity of it makes my head spin. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. Seeing you, knowing you’re alive, it doesn’t seem real somehow.”

“I am alive, David, but I won’t have you guilting me for being with someone else. It was so lonely out there. You have no idea how lonely. You saying stuff like that to me makes me feel like you’re bashing me for having my child, and I won’t feel guilty about that.”

Taking my face in his hands, David lifts my head up. He’s so much taller than I am, not as tall as Roman, but he’s six feet.

“I would never make you feel guilty about that sweet baby. Especially as I want to adopt her, Marley.”

What the actual fuc.k?

Had he lost his mind?

We’re not even together. He can’t just throw something like that at me!

“As soon as you come home to me, we can leave this place. I’ve been offered a position in one of the most prestigious hospitals in Paris. We can get married, I’ll adopt Romany, and we can get the hell out of here.”

I pull away from him. I can’t even believe he’s saying this stuff to me.

What the hell is he talking about?

Get married?

Adopt Romany?

Move to Paris?

Is he crazy?

We’ve only just reconnected. I’ve been here ten minutes, and he’s already planned our future. I don’t even know if I want to be with him. I cannot make decisions of this magnitude on a whim. Besides, I can’t take Romany away from Roman. I couldn’t and wouldn’t be that cruel.

“Roman would never allow that, David, and I couldn’t blame him. Romany is his daughter, and he loves her.”

“Roman.” He chuckles menacingly, raking his fingers through his blonde hair. “Fuckin’ Roman!”

I jump, startled by the way David just yelled.

What the hell is that all about?

He really hasn’t changed. He’s still quick to his temper, and he wants me to subject Romany to that?

Roman might be a monster in his own right, but I know he’d never yell at me in front of our daughter.

“I don’t wanna hear about that biker piece of shi.t, Marley! The sooner I get you away from him, the better.”

I don’t know what the hell to think.

Was I really so blind to his temper in the past?

Because I have to be honest; when I was with him, I didn’t notice how manipulative and angry he could be. I loved him, so it was all normal to me. Even when it was pointed out to me, I didn’t see it. David made me believe that my friends were trying to split us up. I ended up with hardly any friends because of it.

I won’t be pushed around like this, however. It’s unfair, dammit!

“This isn’t helping, David! Why are you acting like this?”

His mouth drops open, eyes wide. “Oh, baby.” He approaches me, but I back up with my hands held up. Not in surrender, but to make sure he doesn’t touch me right now.

“Marley, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get angry, but you must understand, I have spent six years of my life grieving the only woman I have ever loved. The woman who should have been my wife and the mother of my children. But you went and had someone else’s child when it should have been me! Now, suddenly, here you are, and I’m terrified that I’ll never get to hold you again, to kiss you, to spend my life with you the way we’d planned.”

“Getting angry about my daughter’s father won’t help things, David. I cannot just shut him out of her life! He would never let me walk away with Romany, and you know that! Christ, I wouldn’t even want to.”

I rub my forehead with my fingertips. I’m getting a headache. God knows what I thought would happen here today, but I didn’t expect this.

“I love him, David.”

His nostrils flare, but I won’t let him blow up at me. I don’t want to hurt him, but I need him to understand that Roman means something to me. I won’t lie to either of them.

“But I don’t know if I’m still in love with you, and that scares me. I need time to figure it out in my head. Pressuring me won’t help me make the right decision.”

“Baby, I’m sorry.”

“Please just leave me alone right now, David. I need a little time to get my head around this.”

“I’m not giving up on you, Marley. Yeah, I’ll go right now, but I’ll be back, and I’ll keep coming back until you realize you belong with me.”

I don’t say anything; I just look at him. I’m suddenly freezing. This didn’t go the way I wanted it to. Not at all. I thought I could come here, and we’d talk about old times and get to know each other again. But he just jumped right in there with all that crap about adopting Romany and us moving countries.

How the hell could I ever take Romany away from Roman?

I’m not going to be the kind of mother who takes her child away from their father. It’s cruel, and I won’t do it!

I startle when David grabs my face, and a gasp escapes me. I’m not ready for him to be touching me like this. I know he loves me and that he’s missed me because what we had was special. But I have changed so much in the time I’ve been gone. I wish he could see that.

But as he presses his forehead against mine, eyes closed, chest heaving with emotion, my heart breaks a little for him.

“Please don’t cut me off, baby. I can’t bear being this close to you, knowing you’re not mine. You promised you would always be mine. I know it’s been years and that you have a child with someone else, but I love you as much now as I ever did. I want you to come home.”

“That’s what I need to figure out, David. I don’t want to hurt you, but I never thought I’d see you again. I let myself love someone else because I knew I could never come home to you. Too much had happened to me, and I had changed in ways you can never understand.”

“Then tell me. I want to understand, Marley, please.”

“I can’t,” I whisper. I can never tell this man what I went through, thanks to my father, the man he looked up to. I doubt David would believe me if I did. “Just give me some time to figure out what I want.”

“Are you going back to him right now?”

I pull away from David just to put a little distance between us. I can’t breathe with him that close to me. “Roman moved out of our house, David. I explained everything to him the other night, and he understands. He doesn’t want to influence my decision.

“I have to figure out what exactly I’m feeling for the both of you because I am so confused. However, I can’t do that with him in the house, and I can’t do it with you pressuring me. I need time.”

“Okay.” David nods as if he understands, but somehow, I don’t think he even heard half of what I just said. He leans over and kisses my cheek. “I’ll be waiting. Don’t take too long.”

Fuckin.g pointless!

I watch David walk away from me and wonder how I could have been so blinded by love and the promise of our future together.

Why couldn’t David have been like Roman and told me he’d give me some space to figure this out?

Because no one is like Roman, Marley.

Yes, I know that.

I need to figure out which man I miss the most each night I go to bed. I’ve had six years of miss-you-nights where David is concerned. I only had eight months’ worth when it came to Roman. Every day and night, missing both of them was hell.

Girl, you really need to give your head a shake, and your heart if it’s up to it. Pros and cons, girl, pros and cons.