"Hmm..."
So painful...
My consciousness was blurry, my mind a blank slate.
It felt as though every inch of my flesh was severely burned, waves of agony spreading from every part of my body, the air filled with the acrid scent of metal seared.
Bone-chilling cold seeped into my flesh, the metallic tang lingering in my nostrils, fresh red blood trickling slowly from my temple to my lips, salty and nauseating.
I blinked blankly, staring at the blood-stained zebra crossing before me, bewildered.
What... is happening?
Where am I?
A thunderous heartbeat resonated from my chest to my ears, pounding wildly like a caged beast, relentless.
It's unbearable...
"Hmm?"
Suddenly, someone leaned down, examining me closely. Roughly, they lifted my cheek with their fingers, then slammed the back of my head against the ground.
Forcing my eyes wide open to see that indifferent face, a misty haze flowed between us. All I saw was a hazy silhouette, blurry eyes...
Those laughing pupils swayed before my eyes, as if from another lifetime.
My heart clenched, a piercing pain sending chills through me.
"No..."
My eyelids fluttered, my strained mouth emitting a hoarse syllable. Struggling to raise my hand to grab his collar, I couldn't move.
When I finally hooked his shirt corner, a laughing voice reached my ear.
"What a pity..."
"Such a waste of a pretty face."
With those words, they forcefully removed my fingers.
Unable to respond, the pain in my head eroded my will, my body barely enduring such torment.
Despair crept into my very core, intense suffering gnawing at my every limb. Every nerve tingled with biting cold, the world before my eyes growing increasingly dim.
My eyes dilated, light flickering on and off, darkness seemed to tear through...
"I really didn't follow you on purpose! This, that... Anyway, sorry!"
"Are you a stalker?"
"Ah?"
"Since school started, this is the thirteenth time, do you think I'm blind?"
No...
"I-if I die before you, what will you do?"
"I'll abandon you and marry a rich guy!"
"I'll haunt you forever if I die."
"I won't let you die."
I don't want to...
"You should go abroad."
"You can't give up painting for me."
"Let's break up."
I tried to grasp the fading scene with aching hands, but the moment I touched, it vanished without a trace.
My memories jumbled, my body dissolving into water, all sensations and emotions bursting like bubbles in illusions, popping in my palm.
Until a voice echoed in my mind...
"Don't be afraid..."
"I'm here."
That voice, steady and gentle as ever, instantly calmed the turmoil in my chest.
"I'll stay with you..."
The suffocating pain receded, and I closed my heavy lids.
Finally, lifeless.
---
It was like a dream.
Countless identical scenes overlapped, me lying in the road, bleeding, gasping for air, reaching out, losing all strength.
The images haunted me, my cries echoing, my tears falling.
Pain, but no answer, no rescue.
As if on the edge of a dream, darkness surrounded me, tears streaming down my cheeks, despair eating away at my consciousness.
Eventually, I knelt, clutching my aching heart.
But amidst my confusion, a voice rang clear—
"From now on, you are me."
Clear yet shattered, the voice belonged to a girl.
"Wake up..."
And so, I woke up.
"Hmm..."
My dazed eyes slowly opened to a bright light, the antiseptic smell overwhelming, the silence punctuated only by the clear hum of the AC.
The beep of the heart monitor echoed in my ears, rhythmic, clearing my blurred vision upon waking.
I moved, propped myself up with my hand on the bed, leaning against the plastic pole, sitting up.
My head spun with the action, I covered my forehead, exhaling heavily.
Then, my mind went blank.
Shattered memories flooded back,*****,*****************!
Didn't I die?
I extended my hands, staring blankly at my ten fingers, my pale skin unblemished.
Stunned, I hastily pulled the covers aside, rolled up my pant legs—no wounds!
Only my right elbow was wrapped in a simple bandage, conspicuous, but clearly not from a car accident...
How... is this possible?
Clutching my hospital gown, my body stiffened, my mind screaming.
"Xiayun... Xiayun?"
"Are you awake? Are you okay?"
Just as I was about to get off the bed, a woman's voice came.
I looked over to see a middle-aged woman closing the ward door, holding a bag of laundry, walking towards me with a mix of joy and worry.
She exuded elegance in her casual top and skirt, adorned with** yet not overly extravagant accessories. Her face bore hints of fatigue, yet couldn't hide her mature beauty and subtle aura of nobility.
Approaching, she gently stroked my forehead and touched my face.
Tears brimmed in her eyes, yet she smiled at me.
"Thank goodness... You're finally awake." she said.
"How do you feel? Minxian said the surgery was successful..."
I gazed at her joyful and worried expression for a while, opening my mouth to say something, but my empty mind couldn't form words.
I didn't know her.
Nor did I know the 'Xiayun' she referred to.
I didn't even know why I was here.
Confused, I frowned, looking into her eyes,"Excuse me, do you know why I'm here?"
"Didn't I have a car accident?"
I clutched the covers, lowering my head, anxiety surging within,"Or, something else happened?"
Silence descended upon my question. Raising my head, I met her shocked, frozen gaze.
She gripped my hand, choking,"Xiayun... Don't you recognize Mommy?"
"I'm Mommy... Xiayun?"
I whispered, pondering this unfamiliar name.
"Auntie, you got the wrong person?"
'Auntie' dimmed her eyes, her sobs halting.
Feeling bad, I averted my gaze.
But... I wasn't 'Xiayun'.
Who was I... Wait, why couldn't I remember?
Blurry images flashed across my mind, my head throbbing. I held my forehead, eyes squeezed shut.
"Xiayun! What's wrong! Are you uncomfortable?"
"Wait, I'll get the doctor!"
She hurriedly called the nurse, who promptly left the room. A doctor entered moments later.
"Mrs. Yin, what's wrong?"
"My daughter's uncomfortable, and she seems to not recognize me..."
The doctor bent down, inspecting me, then looked at the woman,"Mrs. Yin, don't worry. Heart transplants are major surgeries; patients need time to recover."
Startled, I looked up at them.
Heart... heart transplant?
Didn't I get into a car accident? How did it turn into a heart transplant?
He paused before continuing, "Moreover, heart transplants in medical history often come with various postoperative complications, including temporary memory loss, which is quite normal. Give her some time."
"If she feels unwell in any way, you can always ask the nurse to fetch me."
The woman looked at me, then smiled at him, "Thank you, but... Where's Dr. Min?"
Hearing this, the doctor chuckled understandingly, "Yesterday, President suddenly summoned Dr. Min back to the U.S. He informed me about your daughter's current condition. Until Dr. Min returns, I'll act as her attending physician."
"Oh... I see." She smiled gently, nodded, and said to him, "Then, I'll trouble you."
"Don't mention it, it's my duty."
"I'll perform a full checkup on her first."
Their conversation left me baffled, but I had no time to dwell on it. My mind was a jumbled mess of questions, my teeth clenched, unable to utter a single word.
I clearly remember getting into a car accident!
And I remember... dying.
Closing my eyes, I suddenly recalled the voice from my pre-waking dream...
"From now on, you are me."
I snapped my eyes open and asked the doctor anxiously, "Whose heart did I receive for the transplant?"
He paused, looking down at me, "...Is something wrong?"
I stuttered, "I just want to... know... I..."
Seeing me like this, the doctor smiled helplessly and continued operating the device, "I'm sorry, the hospital keeps donor information confidential. I cannot tell you."
Upon hearing this, my slightly parted lips closed, my eyes lowered. After a moment's hesitation, I chose not to press further and cooperated with him measuring my blood pressure.
Once the instrument was moved away, he looked down at me, sighed faintly as he rose from the bedside, "It was a girl who passed away in a car accident."
"You're fortunate," he said.
Staring blankly at him, my mind buzzed, and a chill crept down my spine.
So... I really died?
And then, my heart was donated to this girl named "Xiayun"?
But why is my consciousness still here, even occupying this entire body!
The doctor looked at the woman beside him, smiled lightly, and said, "Don't worry, everything is normal, the incision is healing well."
"I'll call the nurse later to hang a nutritional IV drip for you. You should be able to eat some liquid food soon." He addressed me, "You just need to take good care of yourself, not get too emotional, and there shouldn't be any issues."
"But... I'm not..."
I'm not... "Xiayun"...
Would anyone believe me if I said that?
"What?"
"N-nothing."
He smiled***, not pursuing further, wrote in the chart, chatted briefly with Mrs. Yin, then left the room.
"Xiayun, it's alright, Mommy will always be with you..." The woman gently held my hand, tightly clasping it in hers.
What should I do?
Looking at her for a long time, I nearly welled up.
"Can you... tell me... what happened?"
"Why... am I here..."
"Who am I... And who... are you?"
She looked at me silently, smiled wistfully, squeezed my hand, and said, "Don't worry, Xiayun, Mommy will tell you, don't be scared... I'll tell you everything."
I gazed deeply into her eyes, seeing my reflection—a girl with hair down to her waist.
She seemed nearsighted, I couldn't see clearly, but I could sense the desolation and emptiness in her eyes, because she was me now.
Mu Xiayun?
This name sounds nice.
I turned to the window, bright light suddenly flooding my eyes.
My lips tingled, feeling like I lost something, like a freshly bought ice cream bitten off a corner.
Endless fear and confusion spread from my brain. I clutched my clothes, trying to find some security.
Suddenly, the woman at the bedside hugged me tightly.
"Xiayun... Mommy is sorry to you..."
Saying this, she began to cry.
She continued, telling me that I underwent a heart transplant because I inherited my father's heart condition at birth. Doctors determined I needed a new heart before turning 25 to survive.
The cruel truth was, I was already 26. Every morning I woke up felt like a miracle bestowed by God, and I lived day by day on such miracles, with each birthday reminding me of my impending death.
Yet, fate played another joke on me.
AB negative blood, commonly known as panda blood, less than 1% in the country, let alone organ donors. Due to the rarity of my blood type, Mrs. Yin struggled for years to find a matching donor.
Perhaps I was already lucky to live an extra year, and heaven was unwilling to grant me more mercy. A few nights ago, my heart condition worsened suddenly, nearly killing me at home.
During intensive care, everyone held little hope. Unexpectedly, a girl with the same rare blood type as mine had a car accident, who was an organ donor, and thus her heart was transplanted into me...
Leaning against the pillow, hearing her explain what happened to me, I felt lost and surprised.
Dazed, two words ran through my mind. I averted my gaze from this woman's worried look, tears uncontrollably pouring out.
—Liang An.
It's Liang An, right?
"My" name.
I gradually recalled various things about Liang An.
I remembered she loved to draw, loved sweets, loved summer breeze, loved playing video games.
Finally, I realized whenever I tried to recall the moments of the accident, my heart felt like it was being torn apart.
That feeling, like watching your most cherished person walk away, never looking back, and you're left standing, helpless.
Liang An, what did you go through?
Mu Xiayun, what did you experience?
Reborn, with Liang An's consciousness and Mu Xiayun's body, who am I?
"Mommy just wants you to be fine," the woman said.
I forced a smile, my heart a jumbled mess, but warmth surged within.
After Mrs. Yin left, a woman named Li Anna visited me in the afternoon.
Casually dressed, her wavy short hair tied loosely behind her head, she looked fresh. Petite with rosy cheeks, her light makeup made her seem innocent and obedient.
Anna said we grew up together, best friends. She was so anxious about my surgery she couldn't sleep, staying nights by my side, teasing that I woke up the moment she left.
We were neighbors as kids but always fought. When she was bullied, I chased the kids away, and we became inseparable, chatterbox friends.
She laughed, saying after my discharge, she'd sing to me and take me traveling worldwide.
The conversation felt natural and comfortable, but I was surprised when she mentioned her arranged marriage to the eldest son of the Han Group, realizing she was also a heiress.
Thought all industry debutantes like Mu Xiayun were dressed in luxury, never expected someone like "girl-next-door" Anna. My thinking was narrow-minded.
Unfortunately, Anna had to leave after a brief chat.
After talking with her, I felt somewhat grounded, but uncertainty lingered.
In this mood, I leaned my head, half-closed my eyes, staring blankly at the window, observing people bustling at the intersection, the sunset reflecting on skyscrapers, making the city vibrant.
My hair hung off the bed, head on the pillow, I lay on my side, knees bent, the bright window reflecting my image catching my attention.
Fair-skinned, delicate features, smooth shiny long hair, beautiful without makeup, yet my eyes were dulled as if covered in dust.
Mu Xiayun, what kind of person are you?
"...Let me understand you?"
Fingers lightly rubbing the blue woven bracelet on my wrist, I slowly closed my eyes.