All the Way to Italy

Chapter 2

Top Ten Points You’ll Hear Most Often If You Grew Up With Sira (Or, How to Survive Life)

Never put a comma where you should put a period. I’m not talking about grammar, kiddo.

If any part of your body or soul hurts, it’s because hai preso un colpo d’aria—essentially, you got hit by some air. You got air-punched. Somehow, somewhere, cold air blew on you and that’s why your lower back/throat/chest/ankle hurts. Seriously. Generations of Italian grandmothers before me have believed this, and this is why we bundle our children and our children’s children like fat little snowmen even though the sun is singing its victory outside. Go put some sunglasses on over that scarf.

No matter what the weather looks like, it’s cold. Bring an umbrella. What do you mean it’s August? When you come back in the house in an hour drenched, don’t complain to me that your new boots aren’t waterproof, sweetheart.

If something breaks, don’t fix it. Get a new one. Nothing is irreplaceable, and gluing it back together is just your way of not being able to let it go. Things glued back together will always break along the same lines. You’re stronger than that. I’m not talking about vases here, either.

Shoulders back. Head up. Always. Even when you are alone. Especially when you are alone.

As long as your hair looks great and you have nice shoes, you can get away with anything.

People tend to not be as smart as they think they are. You tend to be smarter than you think you are. But don’t be so naïve about it.

If I were your age, I would be wreaking havoc all over this town. Have a little courage. You can wear that color now, you won’t be able to wear it when you’re fifty—well, you will, but you’ll look stupid.

You can do anything. You can do everything. Stop being so scared, stop settling, and stop comparing yourself to everybody else. If you’re going to settle down I want it to be because it’s absolutely the best that you could ever want for yourself, not because you’re worried that it’s the best you’ll ever be able to get for yourself.

There is absolutely no point to nude eyeshadow.