Forgive Me My Lord

Chapter 4: Fate

Chapter 4

Fate

YATO'S POV)

******WARNING******

This chapter contains possible triggers for some of the audience. This chapter included: Child abuse, domestic violence, and cursing.

Finally, the evening has come- I’ve asked Nanimi to meet me by the dragon sculpture fountain where water shoots out from the mouth of the dragon to simplify fire. But the liquid is constantly changing colors, it is quite beautiful, the craftsmen are very talented. I could never do something like that. The detail and accuracy of the beast is outstanding. I’d never be blessed with such favorable hands.

It was officially seven thirty. I asked her to meet me at this time, hoping it’d be less crowded in the halls and, thankfully, I was correct. For some reason, I kept pacing back and forth around the fountain. I was nervous. I don’t understand why though, all I did was ask if we could talk, but my heart is racing-every time I hear footsteps my heart pounds in my chest. Until finally, I heard faint steps coming from down the hall. They sounded like they were getting closer and closer; my hands started sweating. When they finally stopped, I didn’t know whether to turn around. I was scared it may not be her, but I was also nervous if it were her I didn’t want to make a fool of myself again. I worked up courage and demanded my feet to turn, so I could face who was standing at the doorway. There she stood, as always, she was breathing, she was wearing a different outfit though, may I say I like this one a lot better. She stood there wearing a black lace-down crop top exposing her pale skin only covering her chest; the only part keeping it up was wrapped around her neck, then a short skirt with see-through lace, slits down the sides that went down to her ankles. I felt my neck burn from my lustful thoughts of her and remembering the night before she brought me here, where we were almost at kissing distance. I cleared my throat and tried to push all those thoughts to the back of my mind, though it seemed more than difficult when I looked at her. I greeted her as gentleman-like as I could. I kind of felt like I made an ass out of myself, but that is what it is, you know.

I thanked her for meeting me, and we talked about random things for a little. She apologizes for her hesitation to my question at lunch, and she meant no disrespect, she’s just so used to not being able to speak for herself among the councils, even though she’s been gone for so long.

“s-so, what kind of questions did you wish to ask me, my lord?”, her question was proper, but she seemed nervous about what I would be asking her.

I nervously laughed a little, “where do I start, um- I kind of wanted to know-why did you leave all this to find me, more like I wanted to know why am I so essential to this place or realm per say.”

She hesitated,” Are you trying to ask me what your purpose or involvement in the fallen realm is, lord Yato?”

“Yes I suppose I am- I just don’t understand how I have any role in -your world”, I was trying to choose my words carefully so I wouldn’t offend her anyway.

“Well, that answer is somewhat simple. You’re the reincarnation of our fallen master, you have the ability to win the war that’s been going on for the past several thousand years. You are basically our beacon of hope. We will all fight for you and your will be done.”

Jesus, she makes it sound so simple, “ How could you be so sure, I heard you say you have been watching over me for years. What did I do to make you believe I’m the one you were looking for-you’ve, first hand, seen how pathetic and miserable my life has been? You should know well enough I am not a savior or beacon of hope. I couldn’t even hold my own with the old man, you had to take care of him because I couldn’t!”’ I began to get mad at myself. She knows how weak and useless I am but for some reason, somehow she has convinced not only herself but this fallen counsel or whatever that I’m of some importance than can stop a war that’s apparently been going on for as long as I know. I don’t want to be weak in her eyes, but she should already have known I’m not who they think I am. I go and sit on the edge of the fountain, head in my hands looking defeated.

She walks slowly to sit beside me and places her hand on my arm as if asking me to look at her,“ You truly have no clue-have you truly not remembered anything or even realized you’ve used your abilities more than once?”, she looked solemnly at me, like she doesn’t understand why I don’t believe in my own abilities.

“Nanimi, you should know firsthand I have no abilities because I’m nothing of importance to you or your world. I’m no lord, I can’t help you or your people. It is not that I don’t want to, it’s that I just can’t, I am not. That-“ , she placed her hand over my mouth, I felt her soft hands gently press against my lips, that’s all it took, just a simple, innocent touch to not only shut me up but to entrance me. I’m weak. That is sad.

“ You are Lord Yato, Demon king of the fallen and realm of the Yōkai, you have always been Lord Yato, whether or not you believe me now - let me prove it to you, let me prove you are who I say you are, Lord Yato”, she sounded so determined but the sound in her voice when she said she’d prove it to me- I don’t know it kind of sounded like she’s about to do something she’s not supposed to, I get more nervous than a mouse running in front of a lion. She removes her hand from my lips, leaving only the warmth of her touch.

“Oh-okay, how are you going to prove it to me?”, I questioned, I wonder how is she going to prove this type of thing to me, and if she thinks I’m going to fall for some weird hocus-pocus s**t she’s delusional. I guess this should be interesting.

She closed her eyes briefly and sighed as if preparing herself. When she opened her eyes, she told me to give her my hand,” Please my Lord, I promise this is no trick-your abilities come from your emotions, meaning you have to control them. It’s not like the joy of if you just found something you lost years ago, it’s not that simple, it’s more complex, you have to be passionate about it like when you’re furious, jealous, envious, determined, or you have everything built up every emotion you tucked away all comes out at once-what would it look like, what would it feel like, what’s the meaning of it- what is its purpose.” , as she was saying this to me, she placed my hand in her lap and told me to watch her hands and only her hands, I thought I was seeing things but, it was like something was seeping from them until it sculpted itself into violet flames - like the one that was coming from her in my dreams. I looked at it astounded; I didn’t know how to react. She let it grow bigger until it covered the palm of her hand. She took one hand away from the flame and grabbed my hand and said “creating the flame is one thing, but all together there are six steps: 1. Finding the emotion to build the flame from it has to be strong enough. The emotion you use is like fuel to a fire. The stronger the emotion, the stronger the flame. 2. Concentrate on the characteristics, what does it look like and what does it feel like. 3. What’s the purpose of the flame - the purpose is the flame flame oxygen, it needs to breathe- it needs to know what it has to do. 4. Control your emotions-sometimes you can start with one feeling but then it can change. By changing the emotions of the flame, you also change its purpose.” She raised her hand to the flame softly, and it transformed its figure as it separated from her skin, it morphed into a butterfly. It followed the direction of where her fingers led. I was mesmerized, and it felt almost familiar, it’s like I got stuck in her eyes - the glow from the violet butterfly made from flames acted as a luminescence, it glistened off her pale skin, making her gorgeous neon blue eyes glow. After a few minutes, I think she realized I had lost focus and looked at me from the corner of her eye. Her face was brought to a tit of pink, and averted her eyes back to the dancing flame, she slowly pulled her hand back with the butterfly following and landed back on the palm of her hand.,“ step 5. Being able to manipulate and bend the flames to your will, you are its creator, you are its life force. It is nothing without you.”, she paused and looked at the magnificent creation, “step 6. Extinguish the flame, it’s like saying ‘your work is done, now you may return. That is very important. Do not start a fire you can’t contain”. After saying this, she closes her hand, making a fist, quenching the flame to mere smoke.

She looked as if she were in deep thought about what she would do next, and I realized she was still holding my hand. I don’t know why, but I decided to squeeze her hand a little as if to reassure her. It felt like our hands were hugging. She looked at me with surprise, but couldn’t find myself to meet her gaze, so I adverted my eyes hoping she wouldn’t see how red my face was.

She turned around slowly to face me directly; she lifted the hand that was intertwined with my own while pulling my other hand to the same level, “I want you to close your eyes and remember a time when you felt that you were overwhelmed with emotion, I want you to keep that thought in mind and imagine what your emotion would look like, how it feels, what color is it, and what emotion does it represent. I want you to focus on every detail and imagine it being held in your hands.” While closing my eyes, I felt her put my hands together as if I were to be praying. At the time, I was overwhelmed with emotions, there were so many - how do I know which one to focus on? Every thought that comes to mind has her in it. I tried thinking about the old man, but it just keeps going back to her. I think she saw I was having a difficult time keeping my thoughts together because she put a hand over my shut eyes and gripped my folded hands as if to calm me down. It worked, but I kept thinking about it every time she showed me kindness. Then it hit me, I felt myself tense up at the thought that popped into my mind. The night I met her putrid ‘brother’, the very thought of him turned my stomach, remembering the way he talked down to her, the way he treated her; remembering the way he touched her it enraged me, the image that came to mind was fire, to match the flames in my soul when the very thought of him comes up. Hot enough to melt through anything, but their blue flames match the fire in my heart that burns every time I look into her soft blue eyes. Its purpose- its purpose is to protect her, to be strong enough to keep her safe; to be worthy of her.

I felt her slowly pulling my hands apart in a cupid motion, so I opened my eyes to witness the inconceivable. A small flame rested in my hands. I was flabbergasted, due to not expecting what I’ve witnessed, I jolted back still trying to hold the flames but the more I parted my hands the bigger the flame got, I looked dumbfounded. Nanimi approached me slowly, trying not to startle me in fear I might lose control of the flames. She slowly reached out to my hands while trying to see my gaze. She cupped my hands to ease my shaking. My hands were warm, but I could feel the heat upon my face, and it was so hot I couldn’t help but flinch. Her touch settled my nerves enough to where I was no longer trembling, but I was in awe. I never thought I would be capable of something so bewildering but also so mesmerizing. I was no longer in fear, but my heart was pounding in my chest. All of a sudden my whole body became heated, I felt light-headed and squeezed my eyes shut trying to push aside my dizziness in fear of dropping the energy in my hands, but I felt my neck burn and all of a sudden it was like I was in a dream. It looked as if I were on a battlefield; when I looked down at my hands, they were surrounded with that same flame, but it was like they acted as gloves, like my hands flung up directing themselves towards a group of halos. In my mind I was panicking. But I couldn’t move, I couldn’t control anything I was doing, I couldn’t even speak. The white-winged men that charged at me just kept getting closer and closer until I felt so much anger like I was full of hatred and my chest felt tight like a spiral of energy built up throughout my body and released through my hands. A steady stream of blue flames erupted from my hands, wiping out all the warriors heading my path. I heard their screams. It was traumatizing, the sound of them burning alive. I squeezed my eyes shut once more, but I heard her voice calling out to me. It sounded so distant, though seconds ago she was right in front of me. I pry my eyes were open and were fearful of still being on the battlefield, but I wasn’t. A wave of relief washed over me, but I felt a tear involuntarily fall from my eyes, the cold compress felt astounding against my burning skin. What was that, it was me but - was that,'s a memory from my past life?

Nanimi tried bringing me back to my senses. I stood there, my hands drooping to my sides, flame still in hand, I stared at it in fright.

“My Lord are you alright-what happened? You weren’t responding to anything. I got worried”, she said in a shaky voice. I could hear the worry in her tone, but there was also curiosity and guilt.

“Nanimi, tell me the truth - was that a memory, m-my memory from my past?”, I questioned, refusing to look into her eyes, I felt ashamed of myself, I-I was barbaric, there was so much anger it hurt.

“I’m sorry- I was worried about that happening. I figured I would kill two birds with one stone- I thought if I showed you how to use your ability, and you’d remember a part of your past after seeing it for yourself. I didn’t know what kind of memory you would have though- I’m truly sorry Lord Yato”. She kept apologizing, but it only made me feel worse, she was apologizing to a monster- a cold-blooded murderer. I have no right to protect her. The look of defeat crossed my face, casting a shadow over my closed eyes. Yet I was startled by the cooling touch of a soft and gentle hand that rested on my cheek. She’s so kind. I hardly know this woman, but I can’t get her off my mind. I only wanted to be strong for her, I wished to be the one whom could protect her, I wanted to be her smile, her laugh; her safe place to be who she wanted to be and not who she must pretend to be. I felt another faded tear fall without a second to spare. She wiped it away with her elegant fingers. I had no strength to deny what I wanted, I wanted her-her closer was all I needed. With my free hand, I put her on and held hers there. I didn’t want her to stop, I had too much pride to look at her. I don’t want to look weak to her, but I just can’t open my eyes, not just yet- I just want to stay like this just a little longer, she is my safe place - though I don’t know her and her story, I want to learn, and I want to be by her side. I could still feel the small flame burn in my palm, it felt like a stinging sensation at that point, but I didn’t know if I could put it out.

She lifted my hand with the flames in it and brought both hands together in hers. She told me to just breathe and let go. I took a deep breath and cleared everything in my mind except for her. She’s the only good feeling I have. She put my hands together and slowly closed them, quenching the flame leaving no evidence but mere smoke. I felt a weight lift off my chest and in relief, despite common sense, I leaned forward, resting my head against hers. I could see her face turn to a dark shade of pink. Honestly, my face was most likely as red as a tomato, but I didn’t care. I held her hands in mine with them pressed against my chest, my heart was beating so fast it felt like my breath was caught in my throat, her body was only inches away from mine, but she allowed me to continue making a fool out of myself. If I hadn't known better, this had been making her feel as restless as me, but in a good way, with my head still resting against hers, I realized she was short. I thought it was cute, it matched her personality. Her scent was intoxicating. I didn’t want to let go; little did I realize she was becoming my own Oasis and I didn't want to share her. I felt like an i***t falling for a girl I know little about, but right there, and then I didn’t give a s**t, I was where I wanted to be.

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. Although I enjoyed every second of our embrace, it only lasted a few minutes, but that was long enough not to realize who was standing at the door. I mean out of all the people in the world to walk in on our sentimental moment, that was the last person I wanted to see.