The Hurt We Keep

Why Not?

By noon Annette was fairly toasted. She stumbled back to room. After looking around and feeling the emptiness, she went to her closet and pulled down a wooden box. She took it to the bed and sat. Annette just stared at it for a while. Struggling with herself. She shouldn't open it, she should get rid of it. It only served as a reminder of everything she lost. But Annette couldn't resist. She never could.

Slowly she lifted the lid. Inside were the few things she kept from her marriage. A few photos. Her wedding ring. The doctor's report confirming she was pregnant, as well as the report confirming the miscarriage. The last item in the box was the business card that woman had given her. She doesn't know why she kept it.

She laid all these items on the bed, one by one. Looking at each for a few minutes before moving on the next. When she brought her eyes to the two medical reports, she broke. Sobs wracked her body as she wailed, just letting it all out. Screaming into the pillows, trying to release all the pain, sadness and anger she feels.

After what seemed like ages, but really had only been about fifteen minutes, Annette started to calm down. Slowly she passed her eyes over the objects again. A deep sadness filled her. When her eyes fell on the business card, she picked it up. She knew she should throw it away. Should throw all of it away. But she can't. Taking the card with her, she went downstairs and poured herself another glass of wine. After the extreme emotional discharge, she felt a little too sober. She sat on the sofa and just stared at the card.

Stacy O'Neil, marriage and family counselor. Annette scoffed. No wonder she had been so disgusted at finding out John was married. She dealt with broken couples on the daily, and then it invaded her personal life as well. She felt a little bad for the woman. It wasn't her fault that John was a lying sack of s**t. She continued to stare at the card.

Suddenly she stood up and retrieved her phone from the kitchen island and quickly dialed the number on the card. She was silently cursing herself, trying to convince herself not to do this, but for some reason she felt like she had to. She had to speak to her.

"Stacy O'Neil's office, how may I help you?" the voice on the other end chirped.

"Um, I need…I need to speak to Stacy…please?" Annette almost whispered.

"And who may I say is calling?"

"Annette Levinson….John Levinson's ex-wife." She almost sobbed as she said it.

"One moment Annette, let me see if she is available." The woman put her on hold.

The entire time she was on hold she kept telling herself to just hang up. She couldn't bring herself to do it.

After two minutes the line clicked. "Annette? Are you there? It's Stacy."

Annette sobbed. For some reason, hearing her voice broke her all over again.

"Annette, please breath. I need you to take deep breaths, in through your nose, out through your mouth."

She did as instructed. It took a few minutes, but she finally calmed down enough to ask, "Do you remember who I am?"

"Of course I do. I've thought about you a lot since that day. I've really hoped you have been okay"

Annette laughed at that. "Does drinking wine by myself since 7 am count as okay? Cuz if it does, then I am fantastic."

"Annette, it's okay. I understand. I won't judge you. You called me for a reason. Talk to me."

Annette took a deep breath. For whatever reason, she really wanted to tell her everything. So she did. All of it.

"Oh my God! I can't believe he did all that! And the baby…today must be so hard on you. Are you sure you don't have any friends or anyone who can keep you company today? I can't bear the thought of you being alone right now."

"I have no one." Annette whispered.

"Then we will spend the day with you. What's the address?"

"No Stacy. It's too far and you are working, we don't really know each other. I just felt that I had to talk to you, after everything that happened. I'm just going to finish my wine and sleep it off."

"Nonsense. I actually took today off already, now give me the address so we can come keep you company. If you don't, I will use my connections to find it and come anyways." She sounded a bit scary when using her stern voice.

Annette sighed. "Fine." Not like she had anything to lose. She gave her the address.

"Oh good, it will only take us about forty minutes to get there."

"Us? Who are you bringing?"

"It's a surprise." Then she hung up.

Annette stared at her phone. She wasn't sure she was going to like this. Finally she stood up and went upstairs to make herself presentable for her guests by putting on a bra under her comfortable old t-shirt. She didn't bother changing her leggings.

When the doorbell rang, Annette had just opened her second bottle of wine. Yup, she was on a roll today.

She opened the door and there stood the woman she had found moaning under her husband. Surprisingly, seeing her didn't bring her any anger. The woman smiled warmly as she said, "It's been two years and you look exactly the same!"

Annette just shrugged and said, "So do you. Are you coming in or are we going to have a pow wow on my porch?" Then she turned and walked back to the kitchen, not bothering to check if Stacy followed her. She wasn't sure what made her be so snarky with Stacy. Probably the combination of wine and emotions running haywire.

When Stacy walked into the kitchen Annette was taking a sip of her wine calmly.

"How much have you had?" asked Stacy, eying the bottle on the island.

"One bottle. Plus one sip." Annette giggled, she was a little drunk. Then her eyes went wide and looked around. "Didn't you say you were bringing someone with you? Did you lose them?"

Stacy laughed and shook her head, but before she could say anything a deep voice boomed, "Where'd you go Stac? Damn, this house is amazing! Did you see those floors? And the carvings on the support beams? I'd love to meet the designer."

"In the kitchen, Vince. Straight down the hall and to the left." Stacy called out before looking back at Annette. Annette's eyes were even wider.

"Who…" Before she could finish a tall, devastatingly handsome man walked into the kitchen. He had the same black hair as Stacy, but his eyes were a brighter blue than hers. He was probably about six feet tall. Broad shoulders. Even with the flannel he was wearing over his t-shirt, you could tell he was muscular. And his face! Drool worthy.

Vince was so engrossed in admiring the architecture that he hadn't even looked at Stacy and Annette.

Stacy coughed and Vince looked at her with a guilty, lopsided grin on his face. "Vince, this is Annette. Annette, this is my twin brother, Vince."

Vince finally looked at Annette and she felt like she couldn't breath all of a sudden. He stuck his hand out, "Nice to meet you."

Annette looked down at his hand, then back at his face. Her eyes widening in panic, feeling the onset of an anxiety attack. She did the only thing she could think of. She bolted from the room and locked herself in the bathroom down the hall. She could hear Stacy calling her but she couldn't answer. Tears started streaming down her face as she desperately tried to control her breathing.

She had been isolating herself for so long, the thought of interacting with a strange man terrified her. Even her therapist had given up trying to get her out of the house and into social settings. She could have handled just Stacy, or even another woman, but not a man. Her initial reaction to Vince also confused her, just adding to her fear. John had been the only man she had ever been with. He was good looking. Well built. She had been attracted to him. What she felt when she looked at Vince, though, was a raw, primal, s****l attraction that she had never felt before. For anyone. In 28 years. With all of the emotional downs she had been dealing with today, and the alcohol, she just didn't know how to process this. What the hell was wrong with her?