Theirs To Desire

ONE | EMBER

I was a completely different person, the moment I stepped inside High breeze club. The stiffness and tension in my shoulders dissipated at such raced pace that for a moment it made me wonder if I was being paranoid and in actual no one was following me.

Shaking my head slightly, I glided past the crowd of drunk adults who were lost in their bubble of hormonal rages and shut-off brains. Again, that familiar feeling of jealousy crawled inside my chest upon taking in their drenched forms.

After experiencing a similar reaction each time I was surrounded by the alcoholic crowd, I had countered a ridiculous fact; I was jealous of them because unlike me, they didn't need to crawl themselves in the shadows every time pairs of judgemental eyes snapped in their directions. Unlike me, they didn't have to fear themselves.

I weaved my way through the crowd, pushing muscle stacked arms and giggling empty heads aside on the way –– never once understanding the reason behind their drunk-giggles. I rolled my eyes all the way back to my sockets when a couple caught the corner of my eye, humping and moaning as if they had found a taste of ecstasy which would be the cure of this ending world!

After receiving few irritated grunts, from the dancing people whose feet somehow got under my black tapered heels, I reached the bar area and plopped down on an empty stool near the end of the liquor stack. The bartender –– a newly employed, two or three years shy from entering the list of mid-twenties –– waved at me with a wink and refilled a round of wine to the present group before strolling up to me.

"Usual?" He asked in his thick accent while already pulling out an uncorked bottle of tequila, "maybe try something new?" The silver ring pierced to the corner of his mouth reflected a bluish shadow as his thin set of lips lifted in a smirk.

I fought an urge to roll my eyes and purposely leaned over the countertop, giving him a teasing view of my deep-neck backless dress. His eyes instantly snapped to the place I had wanted them to and smiled inwardly as his pupils dilated and his mouth parted slightly.

"If you are done eye-f*****g my cleavage, then I would like to order my usual shots." The grey hue of his wide eyes jerked to mine as a tint of pink rushed in his round cheeks. "Make it strong." I broke our stare after giving him a taunting smirk and pulled out my phone to scroll through it aimlessly.

In my peripheral, his flirty smile returned but his countenance was yet to recover the initial shock which my f**k-me combination of dress and eyes had inflicted. On any other night, I might have dragged him to the nearby hotel and turned his fantasies into reality –– only with a reverse of roles! –– but tonight was different.

The raw burn of the first shot of tequila rushed down my throat, instantly spreading dizziness across my work-driven mind. I welcomed the numbness while my eyes scanned the area for that someone who was going to be my prey tonight.

Only then I noticed a different vibe of the club. I had been coming here for the past thirteen months, almost every alternate night, but never once I had seen the club this electric. The twinkle in everyone's glossed over eyes and the occasional stumble in their steps was rhythmic and soothing. I could go like this all night. But I wouldn't. That night was different.

The next day, held the power to shape my shadowed life but tonight was letting go of everything.

And that's what led my steps again inside the High breeze club. It had never disappointed me. Be the quick washroom-f**k or a stack-it-up-inside-the-walls-f**k, I had always managed to find my willing prey. But this night, there was a different craving inside me. It was a different emotion which I failed to place my finger at but the urge to crawl back into my sinister predator mode was there.

Finishing the last shot of my hard drink, I rolled an extra tip inside the back pocket of the bartender –– who was purposely hovering in the same spot –– and giving a playful nudge to the side of his hip, I stumbled inside the smoke-filled crowd.

Smell of weed hit my nose, making a surge of pleasure shot down my spine. If by any chance my trainer had found about my drug habit, I was pretty confident my dancing career would be ruined. . . but that was a topic to be worried over some other day and not at the moment when all I wanted was a living sack of ripped muscles who could catch my eye. I was about to double my weed quantity for a second round when the music and aura inside the club reversed, freezing me on the spot.

For a split moment, I couldn't breathe. Oxygen refused to enter my lungs. My limbs became numb as the lyrics of the new song crossed in a blurred path inside my ear.

We dance like the marionettes

Swaying to the symphony

Of destruction...

The moment I heard the music, liquified adrenaline rushed through my veins, numbing me wholly and awakening a new person inside me. Neon bulbs which were scattered randomly inside the ceiling, cast a smouldering red shadow, enough to make me tingle while my feet moved towards the floor. The hootings and yellings of the drunk crowd subsided from around me. The edges of my eyes were blurred. At that moment it was only the song and me.

My song.

I was in a different world. A world of my numbness and I embraced it. I twirled in circles as the chorus echoed throughout the speakers. My eyes were closed, I was walking across the melody of the song. My hands were moving freely at a tuned setup while my hips swayed as if the song was only made for my body. My soul. It was. It was my song. And that music was the only thing. . . to whom I willingly lost my control.

I didn't know for how long I danced in my solace at the dance floor but I came to reality with the switch of melody. And with that, the thin layer of my version of reality crumbled down, leaving me in a hollow mess of bubbling emotions.

The feeling of craving returned with double force as I peeled open my eyes only to meet a pair of electric blue on a handsome face, surrounded by messy dirty blonde hair. My breath hitched as he closed the one hand distance between us and slowly snaking his hands over mine, swirled me at the flow of music. My back hit his chest while his muscled arm, draped in a rolled-up black shirt, travelled down my stomach, resting above my lower abdomen.

"Picked anyone for tonight yet?" He drawled in a husky voice, making me shiver at all the right places. His straightforward attitude clarified his intention –– same as mine –– a night hookup, disappear before the first ray of dawn. I welcomed the rising predator inside me as my lipstick dabbed lips curved in a cruel smile.

In a swift motion, I turned in his arms and whispered lowly, "seems like now I have." I snaked my hand around his neck and traced my nose along his gruff jawline, "yours or mine?"

He didn't answer. Instead, he placed his hand on my lower back and ushered me outside the door. My steps tumbled slightly as the hard drink kicked in my system but he was quick to drape his arm around my waist. "Hey, don't get wasted too much. I don't want a drunk girl rolling in my bed." Though he attempted to sound playful, I didn't fail to catch the irritation in his voice.

We crossed the road in silence, with his hand still around me. The faint light of neon carvings fell over his prominent features, making his symmetrical full lips standing out on his round face.

My hands itched to pull his face down and trace the sharpness of his jaw with the tip of my wax-dipped knife. Just the thought of fighting him to submission sent a shiver down the base of my stomach. This was going to be fun. If...

I was playing different scenarios inside my head as to how to rip off his shirt, scattering the golden buttons and scratch his toned abs to bleed... when a pair of strong arms gripped my throat, not strong enough to choke me but enough to make a shot of terror pour down my blood, and pushed me against a wall in the dark alleyway.

"How am I supposed to take you in one piece to your home when you have probably already f****d me inside your pretty little head?" The moment his hand caged my head, I lost control. "Or maybe waiting won't do any good." His alcohol mixed breathe fanned over my panicked face which he ignored and crashed his mouth to mine, forcefully.

Everything was happening the same way. Each incident of that night rushed to my mind making me tremble –– terribly. I needed the control or I would lose it. His hand shoved my short dress up my waist while he forced his tongue inside my parted lips. His weight was crushing me, pressing me further against the wall. I whimpered against his mouth and scratched at his neck but his hands pinned mine above my head, restricting my thrashing.

No! I can't lose now. That night can't repeat itself. No no no...

I felt my eyes burning as his hand roamed over my breast, tearing the thin strap of my dress. Thoughts accelerated inside my head. I urged them to slow down so I can escape but they didn't. My throat blocked out while my heart started hammering inside my chest. Whole world around me spun.

I can't lose it. Not now. Everything might ruin if I didn't snatch the control.

In desperate need of gaining the lost control, I stomped my heels above his leg which earned me a painful bite at the neck, but I refused to back down. I felt the darkness wrapping at the edge of my eyes. Before it could consume me fully, my knees collided with his crotch and he stumbled back after releasing a yelp. He didn't get a chance to compose himself, I fisted his hair in my palm and kicked his chin while he was hunched over. All I could see or sense at that moment was danger. My heels continuously kicked his face until blood splattered out of his mouth and his head hit the pavement with a loud thud.

My whole body was shaking with an animalistic craving for dominance. With the last kick in his stomach, I tore myself away from his barely conscious form. "f**k you, asshat."

With a triumphant look at his condition, I walked away, clutching the torn strap of my dress.

It was past midnight when my feet hit the familiar road, leading towards my temporary home. This side of Seattle was oddly deserted and peaceful. But the craving inside me and the tremble of my limbs were evident enough. . . I needed control. I failed to differentiate right and wrong at that moment and did the only thing which I had been doing whenever I felt like losing it.

I held my phone to my ear and increased my pace while waiting for him to pick the call. He didn't. I had expected that much. This time it was anger that enveloped me as I hit that number which he had to pick up, there was no other option. The first ring had barely ended when his panicked voice entered my ear. "E-Ember?"

"Get my room ready and be there like you are supposed to be." I inhaled sharply and toned down my voice as his ragged breath reached my ear. "Just get my room ready. Do you get it?"

"Ember, I can't." He answered in a barely audible whisper. For a split second I felt sorry for him but the urge, the craving, dominated my mind.

"I didn't ask you. Did I? Carry on with your denying attitude and see how I will make you pay for it. Now go and do as I asked." His whimper poured a wave of satisfaction down my spine and my steps lengthened with newfound anticipation. "Get the f**k off your shithole of a place and do your work."

"Y-Yes––"

I disconnected the call and clenching the cell in my hand, proceeded towards my home. Result and regret were for the morning. At that moment, I only craved for control which that bastard had forcefully tried to snatch away from me.

I needed it and I sure as hell was going for it!