Theirs To Desire

THREE | EMBER

Morning light filled the space after bouncing at the empty spots of my room. I kept my eyes glued across the horizon while sun climbed higher up in the bluish sky. Something was different and promising about that new day. As if nature was wishing me luck for my new journey.

I scoffed at my ridiculousness and shifted in my chair, only to find Ronnie's gaze at me from across the room.

"You didn't sleep last night, did you?" He raised his brows at me before rolling out of the bed in search of his jeans.

I averted my gaze from his sympathy filled face and gazed outside the large glass window, yet again, down to the few pedestrians who scampered towards their destination on a typical Seattle morning.

"You are doing it again, Em." Ronnie walked in front of me and leaned against the window. "You do it every time. Regret. With each morning, you put yourself as a villain and brood over your negative thoughts all day long. What exactly are you running from?" He crossed his arms across his shirtless chest, which in any other situation I might have found attractive, but he was back to his mentor self that morning. I remained quiet but didn't break eye contact. "This guilt is written all over your face. Why Em? What's bothering you?"

"You seem to know me better than myself, Ronnie. You tell me." I managed to let out my words in a sarcastic tone when in contrast they were spoken with honesty. I had lost myself and the reasons for my restlessness.

"You are feeling guilty because you think you have hurt me and other men, who are bound to your contract." A twitch of anger shot in my eyes but I gripped the armrest of the chair to control myself. "You need control and you take it from us, by inflicting pain. You need something to make you feel alive and you take it from us, from your subs. You tie us up, hurt us, f**k us, like a feral lioness but on next day you hurt yourself by thinking about your ways of gaining control. Correct me if I am wrong Em."

That fucker knew me better than myself!

"And that's where the source of your guilt lies. We have willingly submitted ourselves for your pleasure but you are just hurting yourself. Don't you think, if any of us ever had felt used or hurt, we would have built our caves in a remote jungle instead of submitting our souls to you, every other night?"

With an exhausted sigh, I turned towards Ronnie, who was fiddling with the last buttons of his checkered navy shirt. "I am not worried about others, Ron." My voice broke slightly but he kept his expression neutral. "I had my fair share of men in these thirteen months since I have moved to Seattle. But still, whenever I felt like losing control, I had always turned to you. And you were always there and it makes everything worse. Heck, I even treated you like s**t. Yesterday night you were soundly sleeping, probably relieved that a psycho like me hadn't bothered you, but I ruined it for you at the last, yet again. This feeling, I can't shake it off. You may have submitted yourself willingly but you too are a human being and you are my only friend here in Seattle, Ron. How the bloody hell am I suppose to move on from the fact that I had hurt you in all the worst ways possible?"

For a moment, there was nothing but a blank stillness between us, but in the next moment, he leaned slightly towards me with an unnamed emotion in his masked hazel eyes. "Which part of 'willingly' is hard to understand, Em? I had submitted to you knowing the risk I was taking. You had laid your intentions and extents in front of me and I had willingly chosen to be with you. To give you the control which you crave. Don't you remember the first day of our meet, not to sound cheesy, but I was already an admirer of you the moment you walked into my coffee shop and strode towards me like a queen in her reign. Hell, you are the lioness, Em. I have never seen an incredible woman like you, confident, smart, beautiful, talented. You have nothing to be self-conscious of. And most certainly not from me. If in any situation I had felt humiliated, I would've told you to stop."

I refused to meet his gaze, it was too much to take. He was too good to be in the company of someone like me. Breathing shakily, I reached for the front pocket of one of my packed bags and pulled out a green file, placing it in Ronnie's hand.

He didn't glance down. He already knew what I was doing.

"This is the end of our relationship. Isn't it?" Even though he asked with a smile yet I felt the tremor in his voice. And that was enough for me to double the layer of walls which I had left to c***k, a few moments before.

"There was never a relationship between us Ron. You were only one of my slaves, maybe more preferable at times but nothing more. I had already told you, there would be no emotional bonding or whatsoever. I don't play these games of emotions. You submitted, we fooled around. We f****d. That's it. No feelings––"

"For you, Em, but not for me." His voice made me freeze in my chair. This was what I had always hated. That confession always terrified me to the core and coming from Ronnie was like a punch to the gut. "I know I was not supposed to develop feelings for my mistress but I did anyway. I don't want you to feel bad for it. I fell for you but it doesn't mean you have to reciprocate these feelings. I am not the 'one' for you, Em." Before I could've told him to stop, he held me by a pleading stare. "Don't stop me, Em, please. I tried to stop myself from falling for you but I failed. I just want you to be happy and safe. There's a darkness that is trying to pull you in and you are going towards it. I just want your happiness. I don't know who you are in actuality or where you have come from and what's your past, but it is affecting your present. A blind can also see the way you are letting those demons of past consume you."

From the corner of my eye, I saw his hand reaching out for me while on instinct I flinched back, making his hand fall back on his side as a visible sadness etched across his face. "I don't know what happened to you in past which had made you this distant and paranoid. But Em, don't let your past ruin your present. I won't press you further about anything. Just don't hold yourself back when the right guy walks in the room."

My face flushed slightly. I tilted my chin down from his scrutinizing gaze. "There is nothing, Ron. Let's talk practical. I had already ended the contracts with other men. They have already shifted from here. Here's your contract, this thing ends here." I wrapped myself in the thin quilt as a gentle flow of wind gushed through the glass pane.

"So this is really the end..."

"This is the end, Ron. Nothing was permanent, nothing ever is permanent. Everything comes to an end, our relationship –– as you name it, I don't –– has came to an end too." I licked my dry lips and met his calm and sincere face. "You have helped me through so much, Ron. I may be a heartless b***h but I respect you. You are a great guy and you deserve happiness. Let's not turn our probably last conversation on a sappy note. It was great meeting you but I think you should go now. I won't be needing your services anymore."

He straightened from the window, hurt brimming in his eyes but neither he tried to lead the fruitless subject further, nor I tried to reach out for him. What could I have said? I was nothing but a cruel monster in disguise. He didn't need someone like me in his life.

Shaking my head gently, I pried off the negative thoughts from my head and focused on Ronnie as he pulled a shining object from his back pocket.

For a split moment, a cloud of hesitation took over him but shoving the invisible wall away, he stretched the shining object in front of me. "I've been planning this for quite a long time but never gained enough courage. Today is your last day in Seattle, I just want to give you this charm bracelet. . . as a friend."

I took the thin crystal bracelet from his hand and looked at it curiously. The vibrant small blue circles clasped with a thin wire rolled between my fingers. "You don't need to wear it, just. . . just keep this with you."

Maybe I will keep it. Besides, it was too precious and beautiful to be thrown away.

I nodded faintly at him and clutched the bracelet in my fist. He smiled softly and pushed himself towards the door.

Ok, that was easy than I had anticipated, leaving the parts where he became my mentor.

"Em..." I turned in my seat to find him standing at the threshold with the door wide open behind him. I raised my brows, waiting for him to finish his words. "What I said earlier about not being the one for you, I mean it––"

"Ronnie please, can we not discuss this?"

"Em please hear me out." I pressed my lips together to stop myself from snapping at him. Hearing a bit long lecture won't hurt anyways, not that I was planning on implementing his advice in real life.

"There would be someone out there who is waiting for you, who will fight your demons for you, and protect you. Just when the right time arrives, don't let your stubborn ass come in the way." My eyebrows shot up as he narrowed his eyes on me which ironically, I found amusing. "Trust me on this, Em. Destiny is the biggest fucker out there but sometimes it works in our favour. It may be nothing but I have a gut feeling that whatever new place you're moving to, it will be the new start of your long journey. Just don't let your past hold you back from the happiness you deserve. Just don't give up on anything and don't let your happiness slide from your fingers without a damn hell of a fight. Because at the end of the day, it would all be worth it. You deserve it Em."

I did nothing but gawk at him speechlessly as his back disappeared down the stairs. He didn't look back. Not that I deserved his attention but a part of me ached for the loss of a friendly person from my life. Before I could have gotten a chance to wrap my head around anything, a gentle knock at the door startled me out of my shocked state. My eyes found a middle-aged man standing in my doorway, dressed in a plain white uniform.

"Ember Rose?"

"That's me." I sauntered towards him, putting my checkered jacket over a blue tank.

"Mam, I am Ronald. Mr Davis has sent me to help you move into your new destination. Are we ready to go?"

Wow! My oldie landowner did send a vehicle for me? What was it with everyone giving me shock today?

"That's great. Here are the bags, just let me retrieve my keys."

"Sure." He gave me a polite bow and grabbing my bags in both hands, strutted down the stairs.

I let my eyes wander around the empty room, which for the past thirteen months had served me as a home. I backed away from the room, momentarily peeking inside the torture room, which I had left untouched.

No doubt, the landowner was going to give me tons of special wishes!

I grabbed my black backpack and slid my phone and earplugs in the front chain just when the crystal bracelet caught my eye. It was still hanging between my fingers, dangling softly with each step I took forward. For a minute, I ran the edge of my fingers along its glimmering surface, lost in its beautiful abyss, but a sharp signal pulled me out of my reverie.

Closing the door silently behind me, I scurried towards the waiting car, where Ronald had my luggage tucked in the trunk and was waiting in the driver seat. I climbed inside the rental chevy and within a minute, the engine hummed to life while kicking the dirt, the vehicle jerked to motion.

I couldn't help as my neck turned outside the window and my eyes fixated upon the new building amidst small old ones. For the first time in my life, I found myself wanting something more out of my life.

For the first time in three years, I didn't want to flow away.

I craved for a stillness. A soothing pause. Something solid which I could hold onto...

And that feeling scared me senseless!