He called me Pudako

Not that it matter

I've spent my week doing almost the same exact thing every day. Work, going home, sleep, waking up and work again. My life - if you put it in simple terms- is down right boring. Cause it's true. No fun. No nothing. It's both tiring and frustrating sometimes but I'm actually comfortable with it. But not this past few days.

Lately I seem to be thinking about Mark a lot. Enough for him to invade my dreams and do weird things in it or maybe I did? Whatever. I remember just  last day, I lose control and actually jack off in the f*****g employee's  rest room. I can't believe I lost myself. Let alone, with a thought about a MAN! A MAN!

It's not that I am displeased. Gender and s****l orientation actually don't matter. I mean, if you like someone, you like them. But heck! Right after I get out of that rest room, I can't hardly face Mark. I mean he has no idea about what I did. But still.

"Hey Sean."

"Krisan. Why are you here?"

"Why are YOU here? Mark is looking all over the place for you. Did you two fight? You seem to be avoiding him?" 

"No. I've just been preoccupied lately. But we are fine." 

I can't just tell Krisan that I'm having Rated R thought about our good friend Mark, can't I?

"What about you? Is everything ok?"  

Her problem with Mond is still not solved.

It's been a week already. She still won't say anything about it. And we can't help but to worry. Especially Mark. I heard him and Krisan arguing a while ago in the stock room. And he kinda said something he shouldn't have said.

"About Mark, don't mind his words. He is purely concerned about you. He worries more than anyone else. I knew well that he didn't mean those words."

"But he's gone too far! I thought he's the one to understand me more than anyone. But no! Can't he see I'm hurting? I hate him!" 

Hearing Krisan's words made my heart sink.

'Oh no. don't hate him.Don't you know he is the one who really loves you? Probably more than Mond does.' 

I can't help but to let out a sigh. Love isn't something that can be compared. Mond and Mark's love for Krisan may be diff. But they feel the same Love. For the very same person.

"Maybe when you're also suffering, you lose your ability to feel other people's pain too."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing. Say, how about we go to the coffee later? What d'ya say?"

"Your treat?"

"If you treat me it's bad luck. So yeah."  

I said nonchalantly followed by a shrug.

"Gago!"  [dumb arse!]

She jokingly hit my arm but she's totally smiling.

 "You said it. Don't take your words back or you're dead."

"Err.... Wait for us in front of the shop later."

She looked at me with a knotted forehead.

"Mark's coming with me. I mean us." 

I said as I made my way going back to our station. 

"It's a date! No backing out!" 

Then I ran back. Not giving her the time to refuse.

It doesn't matter what state I'm in. Right now,  I need to help these two make up. Else no one would.

Mark also needs to be ok. Even if it's just being friends with Krisan again.

[end of entry]