Life Improvement Services

Chapter four

The rules presented by Nick were:

1. No physical contact, unless absolutely (life-threateningly) required.

2. No barging into rooms. Person A must first say “come in" before Person B can go inside.

3. No visitors allowed.

4. Absolutely no parties.

5. Grocery, electricity, and water expenses will be split in half.

6. Meals, except for lunch, will be prepared by Nick. The cook must first be notified if the other person will not be eating.

7. Washing the dishes will be done by Colin.

8. No loud noises, especially early in the mornings.

"Nick, are you sure about number 6? I can cook, you know. Not as good as this, but I can fry and boil.” Colin said with his mouth full. In his hand was the paper containing the newly written house rules.

They were sitting across each other at the dining table, discussing the new roommate agreement that Nick wrote down.

“Yes, I’m sure. I don’t like other people cooking my food, but feel free to help yourself in the fridge and pantry. Also,” Nick took the paper and jotted something down before handing it back.

9. No talking with your mouth full.

Colin laughed as he read the additional rule. He made sure to swallow his food before speaking again. “This seems to be pointed at me, but duly noted.” He flashed a smile, which Nick decided to ignore. He focused on his plate instead.

“So, will you tell me what happened to you in the past few days, and why you suddenly need a place to crash?”

“It was a series of unfortunate events,” Colin answered with a chuckle. “Long story short, I had to pack my bags in an instant, and you know it’s very difficult to find a new place in this city. Money’s not a problem, but there were no more vacancies in half-decent or decent places. I’ve considered staying in a hotel, but I can’t bear to live in high-rise buildings.”

Nick didn’t get the full answer to his question, but he let it slide.

“You don’t like tall buildings?”

“Waiting for the elevator is such a hassle.”

“Anyway,” Colin added, as he took the pen and wrote something down. He slid the paper towards Nick.

10. Colin will move out once he finds a new place.

“For the meantime, just think of this as an in-depth service provision. Our Life Improvement project hasn’t even started yet!”

With all the ruckus that night, Nick had almost forgotten about that. “About that, how is it going to work exactly?”

“For the remainder of the week, I’ll observe you. Get to know you, which I imagine will be a great deal easier now that we’re living in the same space. After that, we’ll proceed with step one.”

Nick nodded. “Is there anything I’m supposed to do?”

Colin thought for a second then shook his head. “Just be yourself.”

Easier said than done, Nick thought. Who exactly is the real Nick?

Colin noticed his frown. “Just do as you normally do. Go by your day, like I’m not here. Think of me as a… as a plant! Yeah, a living, breathing plant that eats your really good food.”

Nick smiled. “You’re too talkative to be a plant.”

Colin pointed at him with wide eyes. “Did you– did you just throw shade and smile?” He laughed, looking amused at Nick. “That’s a first! God, I’m so excited for this!”

Nick was flustered and resorted to pushing the big plate of pasta towards Colin. “Just eat up, Colin.”

“By the way, where’s Cal? I don’t think I’ve seen her yet.”

“She’s usually hanging out behind the apartment or the roof. The other tenants already know of her. Speaking of which, she also likes to hang out at the spare–your room, so watch out. She’s a good cat, but it takes her a long time to acclimate to a new person. She would probably avoid you at first, but she’ll approach you when she’s comfortable.”

That was the most Nick had ever talked in a minute, and Colin noticed.

“Changing topics, what’s up with the no visitors rule? What about dates? Don’t you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend?”

Nick pushed away the basil from his food, which Colin watched. “I don’t, I’m not dating.”

“But, have you ever dated?”

“Not really?”

“High school sweetheart? No dating around in college? Nothing, really?” Colin pressed on.

“Only if you count the compulsory prom date during middle school, and surprise blind dates.”

“Hmm,” was all Colin said. Nick could only imagine what was going on in his head.

“Anyway, if you agree with the rules, just sign your name here.”

Colin happily took the pen and signed his name. “Looking forward to living with you, roomie!”

It was all well and good after that. Colin cleaned up after dinner, and he did it well–as soon as he finished, Nick sneaked into the kitchen to check if it was spotless. After picking up Cal's toys from the living room, Nick started to work in his study.

He found Cal sleeping on his desk. “Hey buddy,” Nick softly said as he sat on the chair, lightly petting the cat. “We have a new roommate. He's like a dog, so try not to scratch him, okay?”

Cal opened her eyes and purred, moving her head towards Nick’s hand. The sound of the sudden downpour of rain served as white noise. Around half an hour into work, there was knocking on his door.

“Nick, hey Nick, you here?” Colin called out.

Nick placed his glasses down and pinched the bridge of his nose. His eyes were strained from staring at the screen for too long. “Yeah, what is it?”

“I made you some tea.”

“Uh,” Nick couldn’t get up because Cal was on his lap. “Just come on in, I can’t go to the door right now.”

He closed his laptop as he heard the door open. He felt Colin place the cup on the desk. “Here you go.”

“Sorry, Cal's on my lap, so I couldn’t–,” Nick’s jaw almost dropped when he turned to look at the other man. There he was, standing right beside Nick, wearing just a towel around his waist, hair still damp, and just… a lot of skin showing.

“Wh-what, why, what are you wearing?” Nick almost shouted as he quickly averted his eyes.

Colin ran his fingers through his hair, looking like he didn’t know what was wrong. “What? I took a bath,” he plainly said.

“I-I know you took a bath, but why are you dressed i‐in a towel?” Nick stuttered as he struggled to look anywhere except at the mostly naked man next to him.

Colin leaned against the desk, clearly amused and wanting to tease the man further. “Why are you so flustered? Look at your face!” He chuckled, trying to take a good look of his face. “Also, I was gonna ask if I could borrow a shirt. I made you tea so you’d lend me one. But, ha! Your face is so red, look at that!”

Nick lightly slapped away Colin’s finger that was pointing at him, causing Cal to wake up and jump away. “Stop that! You made Cal jump off. It’s the first time he’s ever slept on my lap.” Nick glared at him. “Don’t you have clothes in your bags?”

“I do, but they’re all damp and dirty. I accidentally left them under the open window and it suddenly rained while I was in the shower.” Colin replied, looking bashful.

With a sigh, Nick stood up and headed towards the door. “Wait here,” was all he said. Colin obliged, and started to approach Cal who was now laying at a corner.

“Oh, hi, Cal. Nice to finally see you. Aren’t you such a pretty cat?” Colin bent down and slowly reached out to touch the cat's head.

Cal hissed and jumped towards Colin, her claws landing on his towel. The man screamed in surprise and lost balance. Not a few seconds later, Nick came running into the room.

“What happened? Jesus Chri– Colin!” Nick quickly shielded his eyes as Colin struggled to cover himself up. Cal made for the door, running past a traumatized Nick holding up a set of clothes.

Colin's panicked screaming turned into laughter as he stood up and secured the towel around his waist. “Cal doesn’t seem to like me, and there I thought I was a cat person.” He walked towards Nick. “You can look now. Are those for me?”

Nick handed him the clothes, still reluctant to look.

“Don’t spill any food on those. Clean them before you return them. You can keep the underwear, it’s unused.”

Colin happily took the clothes and smiled widely at Nick as he exited the room. “Thanks so much, you’re the best, doc."

“And stop walking around half naked in my apartment!” Nick called out. A sentence he'd never thought he’d have to say to anyone.

Sinking back into his chair, he put his head in his hands. Cal returned shortly after, meowing as she settled back into a corner. Nick sighed. “I know, I know. I really should add more rules.”