She is Alpha

Should I stay, or should I?

-Maia, I am so sorry.- Leia said with regret. I couldn't listen to what she had to say. I lean against the sink in my tiny bathroom. I was shaking, ribs were broken again, it was hard to breathe, but I had to tie up an elastic spandex band around my torso, it would be easier to breathe, and the ribs would heal faster. I was not too fond of it; even when I was younger and training in my pack, the broken ribs were the injuries I hated the most. I just could not breathe, and that sent me into panic mode, and I never could put the elastic band tight enough around me, and that annoyed me.

I looked at that band in my hand, and at my reflection in the mirror, I was half-naked; the only thing that I could put on was my panties, my hair was wet, and water was dripping on my body, on the floor. I could see the dark blue and violet marks on my torso. I know that the front looked terrible, but I was more worried about my back; it was killing me.

Then I remembered the moment when I went off. The moment George's wolf put all his body pressure on me, I heard my ribs cracking, but I got up and attacked him again. He was so surprised because he heard the break of my ribs too. But I wasn't me anymore; something snapped at me. The first thing I did was grab him by his throat. I could have quickly burst his neck or bitten his artery. And be done with it. I felt the artery pumping in my mouth. And I wanted it.

If Kaj hadn't changed into his wolf and pinned me to the ground, I would have. I grabbed at the elastic band as hard as I could; every muscle in my body hurt. I could feel my nails digging in my palm so hard that I only stopped when I felt blood dripping from my hand to the floor. I was so angry at myself. I couldn't control Leia, and I couldn't control myself. I felt like the whole world was on fire again and didn't know how to stop it.

I looked in the mirror again -okay, Maia, you need to put this band on, and that is it, we can go after that. - I talked to myself. I looked at the bag that I put near the outside door; there was some food, a blanket, and water. Leia tried to say something, but I just ignored her. I can't stay here. If I stay here, I will kill someone and be punishable by death or prison in the pack's territory, and I don't know which is worse. No Alpha would let me in his pack after something like that. I am damaged, and there is nothing I can do about it. I felt wetness on my cheeks, and I wiped them off - Don't you dare to cry, Maia, don't dehydrate too, you i***t! - I took a deep breath and heard a voice in the outdoors saying - I can see that you are not very good at pep talk! - I froze, I know the voice; Leia got excited, she wanted him here, she felt like he could help to change my mind.

I was still leaning against the sink. I could see Ben in the mirror's reflection, and he was looking through the little glass window I had in my door. -What do you want? - I said and couldn't remember if I locked the door. I had so much panic, thinking that he could walk in and see the backpack or me naked again. He just said- Aren't you going to invite me in?- -No, go away!- I yielded. -You don't have excellent manners either! - as he said that, he rotated the handle, and the door opened. -Don't come in! I am naked!- Now I was in full panic mode.

-I don't want to sound like a prick, but I have already seen everything.- I could hear his footsteps coming closer, and I grabbed my towel to cover up my breasts. -Go away- my voice was so shaky. I felt tears in my eyes, and I wanted to kill Ben now because he made me feel this too.

I didn't turn around and faced him when I felt him walking into the bathroom. It was so small that he took all the room and I know it.

- I just want to talk; why... Oh my gosh.- he didn't finish the sentence.

-So is it that bad?- I tried to joke, but I could see his face in the reflection; he was worried.

He didn't talk to me after that, and I could see that he was trying to reach someone with telepathy. -Who are you talking to?- I said.

-A healer- He said after some time.

- He puts the ribs back together. He is the best at it.-

-No, - I panicked - No, I just need to put this band around; it will be good.- I tried to convince Ben or myself.

- I am so sorry, but it is too late; the ribs have already grown together like that.- I could feel the compassion in his voice. He was worried.

-Is it hard to breathe?- he asked as his palm touched my shoulder. He thought that it would calm me down, but that gave the opposite effect. I felt the sparkles and almost lost control and fell.

- It would be much easier if you held on to the sink with both of your hands.- He said.

-Thank you, but I am too busy holding on to something- I replied sarcastically, and he looked down at my breasts and saw the towel that I was holding so tight that my fingers were already white.

-The towel?- he asked, surprised.

- No, my dignity! - I said through my teeth.

The pain was going up to another level, and breathing was getting harder and harder.

-I will make it easier for you. Let the towel go. I am not going to look.- He tried to assure that.

I looked at him in the reflection of the mirror and only saw those beautiful green eyes and give up. I let go of the towel, but it didn't feel on the ground. He got the towel and tied up two ends around my neck, and now the towel covered everything, and I could put another hand down to sink. -Thank you- I felt relief.

-Don't thank me yet. It is going to be really bad before it can get better.- He said.

-I know, this is not my first rodeo! I just really hate breaking ribs!- I explained. He smiled; we heard the knock on doors.

- That should be him; I will let him in. -

-See, other people knock- I said as sarcastically as I could.

- We both have one thing in common. I don't have excellent manners either!-I saw his smile in reflection, and then he left.

I don't remember a lot after that. I just saw in reflection a tall and skinny man. He gave me a piece of fabric to bite on, and after that, I felt sparks and strong hands on my hips guiding me to my bed. After that, just calm darkness.

I opened my eyes. It was dark, and I was ready to feel pain, but there was none. I had a feeling that I was in a big fluffy cloud. The only thing that felt real was a strong and warm hand that was holding mine. The sparks were tingling in my fingers; Leia was calmly sleeping.

- Why are you still here?- my voice sounded weird. It felt like it wasn't coming out of my body but somewhere else.

-I wanted to make sure you were fine.- He said and tried to let go of my arm, but I liked the feeling. I just grabbed it harder and didn't let go. He didn't try to pull it away.

- Am I dead? I don't know where my voice is coming from. - I am confused. He squeezed my hand slightly tighter and said.

- No, you are just on some heavy painkillers. - I could feel that he was smiling.

- Once I took them too, and I thought Kaj looked like a Greek God. I said that out loud, of course. After that, he never forgets that. No one in that room did. - After that, the room was in silence.

-Maia?- he said,

-Yes, I am here. I am trying to figure out if you look like a Greek God now. - My voice talked from somewhere.

- So, do I?- He put the chair closer to the bed, and he leaned his head closer to my face. I could smell him. It was the best send I have ever grasped.

-No. But you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.- My voice said and he laughed.

- The meds are working then. - Ben just said.

-No, that was the first thing that I thought when I saw you. That night by the lake, I was dying, and all I could think about was about your eyes. - My voice tried to convince him.

He leaned over me; our noses almost touched. It seemed like he wanted to kiss me, but before he could, my voice said - But you know who looks like a Greek God? -

-Who?- he was smiling.

- The Greek sculpture.- I looked at Ben's face, and then I understood that he didn't know who had that nickname.

- I mean George.- my voice explained.

He leaned back and wasn't smiling anymore.

- Of course- he said under his nose, he tried to take his hand out of mine too, but I didn't let go.

- Don't let go of my arm; it feels nice. My wolf thinks that George looks like a sculpture, but I think the sculpture could miss a limp or two. So I don't really like sculptures or George.- my voice couldn't stop explaining.

-Wait?- my voice was surprised. -Why are you not with George?-

He smiled- Kaj to over; he feels guilty for doing that to you, he thought you would do fine. Your valuation and your emotional tests were so great; Kaj thought that your wolf would handle it too. That is why he is now doing the one thing that he hates the most, running with a nuby.-

I started to look at the sealing and felt the tears running down my cheeks. Ben saw that and, with his free hand, tried to wipe them off.

- Hei, stop it!- he squeezed my hand tighter.

- Normally, a young wolf like yours goes out of control; she just needs some practice. We will train her, don't cry, that happens. - Ben smiled.

- No, you don't get it. I couldn't stop. Not my wolf, but me, because I was in control and snapped. My wolf has been in control of her body only once. And that time, we fell from the cliff and met you. - I couldn't look at him, so I just looked at the ceiling, and my thoughts were fighting to get out of me, so someone else hears this, feels my pain, and I can get it off my chest. I hear only the silence. I didn't want to interrupt that, so I whispered.

- Since I have her, I have never fought another way than life or death. I didn't want her to take someone's life, so I just did that for her. -

He didn't say anything, but he never let go of my hand either.

- I have lost so much. - I wanted my voice to stop, but I couldn't seem to control it; it came all out like a waterfall.

- I have lost so many people that I love, but she didn't know them, so I thought that one of us should keep her soul. - I looked at him, and he looked so sad and deep in my words. And I continued.

- You know sometimes I am so sorry for her because she has me.- I smile with more tears running down my cheeks.

- Since she's here, all she knows is pain, hunger, fear, death, and more pain. But I spent 17 happy years happy, I was loved and taken care of, I had fun, and I was carefree. All she wants is to fit in this pack, be free and happy, but I am ruining this for her. -

- And that is why you packed your bag? Do you want to leave? - He sounded sad.

- No, I don't, but I don't want to get her hopes up and then just crash it myself.- He sat on my bedside and took my face in his hands.

- Don't go. I will take care of you. I will help you control your fear and anger, and we can do that. But only if you stay here with me. Please. -

I just looked into his green eyes and felt the sparkles. Why does he care so much?

- Okey.- I just said.

- You promise- he smiled.

- I promise only if you get out of my house and let me sleep at last.- He laughed. I closed my eyes.

As I fell in deep and needed sleep, I thought I felt sparkles on my forehead. After that - just darkness.