LET HIM FEEL THAT
1391 Words
*The next time any man puts his hands on you. I genuinely don't know how calm I'll be about it.*
Those words had been echoing in my head since last night, and no matter how many times I replayed them, they refused to lose their warmth—which was a problem, because warm was not how I was supposed to feel about anything he said to me.
I groaned at my own reflection in the mirror.
I'd let my hair down today and already applied gloss, making me look like a normal teenage girl ready for school. Nobody would look at me and know that I hadn't slept a wink because a boy I had no business thinking about had whispered something to me at my front door that had completely rewired my brain in the process.
He is a no-go area, I reminded myself, thinking about the promise and how I had meant it with my whole chest.
Yeah, but he held you last night like you were something worth holding onto, my brain interrupted.
I exhaled and came to a conclusion.
I needed a new boy.
That was the plan I was going with. Find someone else, give my feelings a different place to go, redirect my body and brain before this becomes something I couldn't come back from.
I grabbed my bag and left my room before I could start arguing with myself again.
Downstairs, Mom was already in the kitchen, the sounds of plates and spoons filling the space, and underneath all of it Lily's small voice saying something that made Mom laugh. I'd come in so late last night when they were already asleep, and standing at the bottom of the stairs now, listening to them, I realised how much I'd needed this without knowing I did—something that made me feel grounded and out of the chaos in my head.
I came around the corner, kissed Mom's cheek, and went straight to Lily.
"Morning, baby." I pressed my mouth to her forehead and she gave me a smile—one that took up her whole face—and Mom and I both smiled back the way we always did, because that was just what happened when Lily smiled at you. It didn't give you a choice.
"How was your night?" Mom slid toast and juice in front of me.
"It was okay," I said, sitting down.
Which was a very generous interpretation of events, but I wasn't about to explain the actual version over breakfast.
"I saw you and Klaus last night."
I choked on my juice, some of it spilling onto the table.
I set the glass down with both hands and felt my face heat immediately. "Mom. You were supposed to be asleep."
She was already laughing. "Why are you so defensive? I never said I saw anything." She paused between laughs. "Or did I miss something?"
"Lily is sitting right here, Mom—"
"I'm eating my toast," Lily said, her mouth full, her face wearing an amused expression.
Mom turned to her with the most innocent look she owned. "You don't understand any of what I'm saying, do you, baby?"
"Not even a little bit," Lily confirmed, still chewing.
I looked between the two of them, pushed back from the table, and grabbed my bag because I had some dignity left and they were both actively working against it.
"I'm leaving," I announced.
"Just a mother looking out for her girl!" Mom called after me.
I shook my head, smiling so hard my face hurt, their laughter trailing behind me.
🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷
I called Molly halfway to school and her phone rang out. I tried Leticia right after and got three rings before it went straight to voicemail, making me sigh and stare at my screen for a second before dropping it back into my bag.
Why couldn't I reach them?
I kept walking, telling myself not to get worked up over it. I pushed through the school gates and felt it immediately—the shift in the air, heads turning, hushed whispers coming from girls who had never talked to me at school.
I understood in real time that the dare had left a bigger impression than I'd accounted for.
I kept my chin up, my eyes forward, and told myself it was fine.
I turned the corner toward my classroom and stopped.
Klaus was leaning against the wall a few feet ahead, and there was a girl standing pressed close against his chest, her hands moving slowly over the front of his shirt, her face tilted up toward his like she was waiting for something.
They weren't kissing, but the distance between them wasn't doing much to hide what was going on either, and my heart picked up speed before my brain caught up with what my eyes were seeing.
She looked familiar.
An image flashed through my memory as I stood there watching, my heartbeat climbing.
I should have walked away.
Every sensible part of me was pointing in the opposite direction, telling me to go, screaming at me to leave. To ignore him because it was nothing and I wasn't supposed to be feeling this way over nothing.
But I didn't move.
I stood there and let the hallway carry on around me, students passing on both sides, and finally stopped fighting myself.
There was no pretending now.
Just me standing here realising I had actually let myself care. That his words in the garden had meant something, even while I told myself they didn’t. That when he'd held me at my front door last night, with his chin resting on my head, I had believed—even if only for a second—that maybe he meant it.
The burn hit the back of my eyes and I blinked hard against it because I was not going to cry in this hallway.
I had some standards left, goddamnnit.
"Adriana."
Sean's voice came from my right, and Klaus turned at the sound of it. So did the girl.
My world went still.
Julia. Klaus’s ex-girlfriend.
Oh! For the life of me. That's why she looked familiar.
Her face, her smile, her dark hair—standing right there with her hands on his chest like she'd just stepped back into a space that had always belonged to her and found everything exactly where she'd left it.
When had she come back? How had I not known? Was that why I couldn't get through to Molly?
That familiar glint filled her eyes immediately she saw me. "Oh, hi Adriana!"
I couldn't answer her.
My eyes went straight to Klaus, who was already looking back at me—blank, still, not moving away from her, not giving me anything to work with.
Just watching.
My chest tightened painfully.
Sean stepped beside me, his hand finding mine, warm and steady, his fingers threading through mine.
I managed a small nod at him.
Then I looked at Klaus again—and his eyes had dropped to our joined hands.
That look.
The same one from last night. The one I had spent the entire morning convincing myself I imagined.
It was right there.
Dark. Tight. Moving slowly from our hands back up to my face.
And something sharp and reckless sparked in me—and this time, I didn’t stop it.
He didn’t get to act like that last night and then do this.
He didn’t get to hold me, say those things, and then stand here with Julia like none of it mattered.
He didn’t get to make me feel all of this and walk away untouched.
I turned to Sean and smiled, bright and easy. "I'm fine. You look really good today, by the way."
Sean laughed, warm and unaware. "You look beautiful yourself, Adriana."
And I’ll be honest—I wasn’t that girl.
I didn’t use people. Sean was kind, and it sat wrong in my chest even as I rose onto my toes and pressed my lips to his cheek, letting them linger just a second longer than necessary.
When I pulled back, I looked straight at Klaus.
And smiled.
His hands were clenched at his sides, knuckles white.
I looked away first, squeezed Sean's hand once, smiled to myself and didn't look back.
Let him feel that.
- Writer
