To Kiss My True Memories

CHAPTER 11

Chapter 11

Humakbang pa ako palikod ng dalawang beses upang tuluyang hindi niya ako maaabot. Slowly, I up my gaze trying so hard to handle the wild beat of my heart as our eyes meet quickly. I saw how he licked his lower lips before he swallowed for a couple of times.

"I'm sorry, I just — you were sweating."

"H-uh..." tanging nasabi ko.

He sighed. "Just use my handkerchief, you don't have one." he added.

I swallowed for several times as if I also swallowed the nervous inside me. "Huh, okay." ako, mabilis na hinablot ang kaniyang panyo at tinalikuran siya.

You punk, Kairra! You shouldn't borrow his handkerchief! You can just borrow from others, not just that one!

Mabilis ko siyang tinalikuran upang mapunasan ang aking pawis sa noo. Habol ko ang aking hininga dahil sa ginawa niya. Why he keep doing it to me!? Ayaw kong ng ganito at nasasanay na ako! Ayaw kong masanay na lagi siyang nandito ngayon dahil alam kong hindi ito pangmatagalan!

I will admit to myself that I already have special feelings to him! May nararamdaman na ako sa kaniya na dapat ay hindi na! Dapat hindi na magpatuloy! Dapat ihinto ko na! Because I know it was wrong!

Matapos magpunas ng pawis sa sarili ay hinarap ko na muli siya upang maibalik ang panyo niya. Sumalubong ang seryoso niyang mga matang nanonood sa akin. I couldn't looked at him straightly on the eyes that way I bowed my head a little bit.

"H-uh, thanks..." kagat labi kong saad sabay lahad ng kaniyang panyo.

Ngunit ilang segundo na ang lumipas ay hindi niya parin kinukuha ang nilahad kong panyo niya. I looked at him and he's just still staring at me seriously. I just bowed my head again and just turned my eyes to his handkerchief when something over the handkerchief got my attention.

Napakunot-noo ako ng makita ang dalawang letra na nakaburda doon. I didn't notice it lately but now I couldn't take away my eyes, I caressed the two letters there.

C.Z

What it means?

Cikarra Zame!?

Ohh, stop it K! Stop assuming something!

"H-uh, your panyo." saad ko, hindi parin maalis ang tingin sa letrang nasa panyo niya.

"Kairra, let's go and change our clothes." si Sheeme na sumulpot sa aking gilid. "Ohh, Darrow you still here. The event will start any minutes from now." I heard her said when she noticed the man in front of me.

"Yeah." tanging sagot ni Darrow.

I couldn't up my gaze dahil sa iniisip pa kung ano ang C.Z na nakaburda sa kaniyang panyo.

"It's better when you go now. Mrs. Mizelle will be wonder why your not around there." Sheeme added.

"I'll go if you go too."

Pinilit kong ialis ang tingin sa nakaburdang letra sa panyo, nag-angat ng tingin at naabutan ang mata ni Darrow na nag-aantay na mag-angat ako ng tingin. Tila may inaantay na sagot sa akin.

"H-uh, what it i-s?" lito kong tanong, can't understand them clearly.

"We will go now to change our clothes." si Sheeme, bumaling sa akin nakangiti. "Let's go K, I think your counsin was already there. Let's change na rin because someone couldn't get out here without you." Sheeme teased.

I turned to her and scowled, don't understand her. Dahan-dahan ay bumaling ako sa lalaking nasa aking harapan, taas ang kilay nito habang nasa akin ang atensyon.

"Huh, okay. I will just gonna check the other foods." saad ko na lamang kay Sheeme.

"Okay na miss, kami na po." pigil ni Ruth sa akin sa isang gilid, isa sa mga kasama ko.

"Kaya na namin, miss. Punta na kayo para hindi kayo mahuli." si Jessa, one of my server too.

I turned to them and they're smiling at me, saying that they really can and they will be okay here.

"Okay we'll go na. If there's a problems just call me. Okay." I reminded.

"Yes, miss."

I nodded once before turned to Sheeme. "Let's go."

I get my things to arrange them and remove my apron as well as my hairnet. Matapos mag-ayos ay napatingin ako kay Darrow at Sheeme na nag-uusap while Sheeme arranging her things. Darrow glace on my way and he caught me staring at theme. Napasinghal ako bago iniwas ang tingin.

Why he's still even here!?

I just pretended that he's not here anymore until me and Sheeme went to the room I reserved to change our clothes. Hindi ko na pinansin si Darrow pagkaalis sa kitchen and maybe he will going to the party now to wait his fiance, huh. Of course he needs to do it.

Untill now I'm wondering why he's inside the kitchen also?

Tskk.

Ayysstt.

Pagkalabas ko sa bathroom ay tapos ng mag-ayos si Sheeme, she's talking someone on the phone. We're here already in the suite that I reserved. I really reserved it because I know we're part of this event and it's easy for us to change our clothes now instead to go home.

Bumaling siya sa akin pagkatapos ng kaniyang tawag. She smiled at me sweetly while wearing her silver bodycon dress that fit on her body, she look more sexy, partnered on her silver peep-toe stilettos. The make-up she was wearing was also suit to her while her loosen weavy hair was added to be an art to show more her beauty.

"K, I'm gonna go first. Mommy called, she wants to see me." she pouted.

"Okay. I'll go next once I'm done."

Nginitian niya ako ng malaki. "Bye, I will go na. See you there." pahabol niya pa bago sinarado ang pintuan.

I nodded kahit hindi niya na nakita dahil tuluyan na siyang nakalabas. Why Sheeme working in our restaurant when she can have her own?

One time I asked her if why she applied in our restaurant when they have their own businesses, and if I'm not mistaken their business are managing their own hotel. That time she only answered me that she want to become a manager, manager that managing a restaurant. But I think she lied.

She chose it instead managing they own business, huh? It's more easier handling their hotel than being a manager.

Napailing na lamang ako at bumalik sa harapan ng salamin upang suriin ang sarili. Anyway, I'm wearing a simple maroon off shoulder dress that can't reach my toes look like emphasizing my legs partnered with my ankle strap wedge sandal, one of my favorite and I'm more comfortable on this wedge sandal style. I also put a light make-up on my face and let my wavy hair waving on my shoulder.

Natagalan ako sa salamin kapapanood sa aking sarili habang nilalaro ang ilang hibla ng buhok, I just seriously watching myself when I heard my phone inside my bag beep. Siguro'y si Gem na iyan, magtatanong kung nasaan na ako.

Nagtungo ako sa aking bag to check my phone. Ngunit pagkabukas sa bag ay isang panyong puti ang bumungad sa akin. My eyes widened when I remember who own this handkerchief. I didn't return this back to Darrow?

He own this handkerchief. Hindi ko ba naibalik?

"Oww, shocks!" napaawang ang bunganga ko sa gulat.

Nakalimutan ko dahil tinawag na ako kanina ni Sheeme upang magpalit kami ng damit. Oww, shocks!

Should I get this and return to him now? Or should I keep it for now? Maybe, he's busy right now talking some of their business partner. Siguro'y itatago ko na lamang muna ito at ibabalik sa kaniya kung kailan kami magkikita I know he's busy right now. Lalabhan ko narin muna ito siguro?

Kinuha ko ito sa loob ng aking bag, this handkerchief looks familiar to me but this was my first time to saw this handkerchief. Napahaplos ako sa dalawang letrang nakaburda doon.

C.Z

"You look familiar." I whispered while caressing the white handkerchief of Darrow.

I stare it for a minutes before I put it back inside my back and read the message of my cousin asking if when I am. Nagsisimula na ang event kung kaya't kailangan ko ng magtungo sa ibaba.

For the last time I checked myself on the mirror, get my bag before I decided to go. Ngunit, pagbukas ko ng pintuan ay halos manigas ako dahil sa lalaking nasa harap ng pintuan. It was Darrow who got shocked at me. I stepped back once because of shocked too.

What's up on this man!? Lagi akong nagugulat sa biglaan niyang presenya! At anong pang ginagawa niya dito ngayong nagsisimula na ang event!

"W-hat are you doing here?" paunang tanong ko.

Darrow face turned in a serious feature. "I waited you." simple niyang sagot.

Sandali akong natigilan sa sagot niya. Napakunot-noo dahil hindi nakuha ng maigi ang kaniyang sinabi.

"Ahh..." tanging sagot ko na may halong pagtataka.

He watched me for a second before he ask me another question. "Are you done?"

Mas lalo pang nangunot ang aking noo sa tanong niya habang nagsimulang kumalabog ang aking dibdib. Nakatitig ako sa kaniya, pinilig ang ulo habang nakataas ang kilay. He's wearing a black suit that too formal for this event. His suit reveal his masculine body that could attract attention. While his hair was on a clean cut that really fit to him.

Napangiwi ako nang may maalala kung bakit sinadya niya ako ngayon dito. Maybe, he needs it now.

"Ahh, kukunin mo na iyong handkerchief mo?" tanong ko, tipid siyang nginitian. "Wait a minute."

Tahimik akong bumaling sa aking bag upang kuhanin doon ang kaniyang panyo habang siya ay naramdaman kong pinapanood ako.

"Here, I'm sorry I forget to return it to you." sabay lahad sa kaniyang panyo. "And, huh... thanks."

He stare the handkerchief I handed to him for a moment before he finally got it. "Are you done?" he then asked again.

"Why?" I asked silently, quickly take away my eyes to him because of the fast beat of my heart.

He didn't answer me, he remained silent. Napaangat ako ng tingin sa kaniya at nahuli kong titig na titig siya sa akin. I scowled while I stare him too, wondering. But when he realized that I'm staring at him too he then quickly turned his eyes to somewhere.

Tila may dumaang anghel sa pagitan naming dalawa dahil sa sobrang katahimikan. I'm scared that he might hear the loud beat of my heart. Tahimik parin siya nang muli ko siyang binigyan ng tingin ngunit naabutang muli ang titig niya sa akin. Napaawang ang aking labi, hindi makapagsalita.

What now?

What he still doing here? I already returned his handkerchief!

"Let's go?" maya maya ay tahimik niyang anyaya.

"Huh?" taka kong baling sa kaniya.

He licked his lips and it quickly turned in to reddish. "Let's go, the event already begin." he then said.

Then why he's still here!?

The fudge, bahala na nga. I come with him na lamang, bababa narin naman na ako.

Hindi ko na siya sinagot sahalip ay nagmartsa na patungong elevator kung saan ang magdadala sa akin sa ibaba. I felt his presence followed me quickly. Silent engulfed to the both of us inside the elevator. I didn't try to speak or at least made any silent noisy expect the loud pounds of my heart that I couldn't control was scaring me that the man beside me might hear it!

Please, stop pounding so loud!

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ito nanaman ang wirdong nararamdaman kapag malapit o kasama ko siya. I don't know how to control this feeling? It will just beat into a sudden once Darrow near on me.

It's true that we can't control our own feelings, we don't know when it's going to beat, we don't even know if it's beating for the person reserved fo us, we don't know if our feelings are just testing us — or if they are telling the truth everytime they beat!

I don't know!

Maybe we don't know!

Can our feelings could lie to us as well? Somebody says yes, but for me our heart couldn't lie to us! That's why I'm pretty sure everytime my heart throb to loud and fast because of happiness it was true — everytime it skipped a second because I felt something special to someone it was true.

My heart will never lie to me!

This feelings was real!

My feelings for him was real but I couldn't accept because I know it was wrong. It's real but it was wrong at the same time!

Kaya ngayon hindi ko alam kung tama ba ang pagtibok ng puso ko, kakaibang t***k at nakakatakot dahil sa kaniya lamang nakalaan ng ganito. I'm still thinking if I can let my heart continue what I've feeling towards him. Can I still continue?

Tama pa ba 'to?

Pangbukas ng elevator ay mabilis na akong lumabas, hindi na siya inantay o nagawang magpaalam sa akin dahil sa malakas na kalabog ng aking dibdib. I walked faster as I can, didn't want to walk with him until I found the table of my cousin not too far from where I am. Kuya Aldwin, ate Zen and Gem was already there ako na lamang ang wala. Mabilis na akong naglakad patungo doon nang naramdaman hindi masyadong maayos ang aking pakiramdam.

I just sighed and continue walking ngunit agad na nagulat dahil dumagsa ang mga reporters, hindi ko na pala kailangan magtaka at magulat. They went straight on my back where Darrow Dela Torallez was. Dinig ko ang kaguluhan nila, nag-uunahan sa bawat tanong habang sunod-sunod ang pagclicked dulot sa pagkuha ng litrato.

I felt sadness inside me. He's too high that everyone hoping for him but sad to say he already promised himself into someone that could fit to him.

I felt a bang in me.

"Mr. Darrow Dela Torallez ano namang company ang bagong target ng pamilya niyo ngayon?"

"What your next target income for your company?"

"Ano po ang big announcement ng pamilya niyo sa event na ito?"

"This event is your long time engagement with the model Zurina Taranzon. matutuloy na ba?"

Sa lahat ng tanong ay iyon lamang ang nakaagaw ng aking atensyon, though I already expect that question will throw to him. Now I realized why I felt a suddenly sadness inside me because this is something about my heart, about my feelings — my feelings to him.

I could clearly feel the sadness inside me every time my heart beat.

I freeze from where I'm right now, patuloy ang pagkirot ng aking puso. May mga alaalang pumapasok sa aking isipan ngunit masyadong malabo. It was blurred again!

This is it again. My head started aching as well as my heart while unfamiliar scene showing up in my mind. Tila ba mga alaalang nagyari na noon, mga alaalang nakalimutan ko — But I know it's too impossible to be true, this is just nothing! Siguro'y dulot lamang ng sobrang ingay ng paligid ko.

Nagtagal ako ng ilang minuto sa aking kinatatayuan, pilit na inaalalang mabuti ang senaryong nagpapakita sa aking isipan ngunit sa huli ay tuluyan na lamang pinakawalan. Whatever that scenario seems my heart doesn't want to remember again because it was hurtful!

"Why you took so long?" agad na tanong ni Gem pagkadating ko sa aming lamesa.

I rolled my eyes first before I sit biside her. "Medyo lang." tanging nasagot ko.

"Anyway, you look stunning on your simple maroon dress." masaya niyang papuri. "Maybe, because of someone." pahabol niya pa.

"Gem!" pagalit kong saad. "Stop saying a lie in front of me!"

She wicked at me. "Owkay, my little cousin."

Sinimangutan ko siya, ngunit mabilis na napunta ang aking atensyon sa suot niya. She's wearing a simple strapless upper half dress with a tie around the neck. Her square ample shoulder was showing, seemed she really emphasizing it while her neat serious make-up add an art to her feature.

"You look gorgeous on you vogue style too." it was really a simple but look fashionable the way she dressed up.

"I know it already." she laughed.

Napaikot nanaman ang aking mata. Tssk, hangin!

"Natagalan kayo sa pagluluto, Kairra?" Ate Zen asked.

I turned to her and smiled. "We're done on time naman. By the way, how's the food?"

"It's always taste delicious." puri niya dahilan para mas lalo akong mapangiti.

"After this you'll go home with us." si kuya Aldwin na seryoso sa tabi ni ate Zen.

I pouted. "You can go first. Mag-aayos pa kami dito."

"Leave that on your employees." he said with finality.

Hayystt, why he always serious!?

"Hindi pwede, kuya." angal ko.

Galit siyang bumaling sa akin. "Bakit hindi?"

Hayystt, why I always need to explain? It's was too simple, because I will wait the event until it end!

"Magsasabay na kami kuya." singit ni Gem, nililigtas ako sa paliwanag. "Doon din ako matutulog sa kanila." Gem added.

"That's okay Ald. Just Let them." kalmadong si ate Zen sa asawa.

Hindi na nakasagot pa si kuya Aldwin dahil may lumapit ng isang matanda sa kaniya para makipag-usap. He stand up to approach the old businessman.

"Kumain ka na, Kairra?" si ate Zen.

I turned to her and shook my head. Ang mata ko ay nilakabay and parte kung saan ako kanina dumaan, tinatanaw kung nadoon pa ang mga reporter at si Darrow ngunit hindi na sila masulyapan sa dami ng taong nakatayo.

"Why don't you try your own dishes?" tanong muli ni ate Zen.

Tuluyan ng binigay ang buong atensyon sa kaniya. "Yeah, I will."

I started to eat silently. Hindi ko na nginunguya pa at pinipilit na lamang na lunukin. I'm not on the mood to eat because of something I couldn't understand was bothering me. In my side I feel Gem stare.

"Something weird, huh?" may panunuya niyang saad.

"What?" Inis na baling ko sa kanoya.

"Thinking of someone? Hmm sino kaya?" dagdag niya pa, pinagtaasan ako ng kilay bago ngumisi.

I didn't speak, doesn't want to talk her. She's the kind of the girl na alam na ngang naiinis ka she will find a way to pissed you more. The shocks this kind of cousin.

"Ohh Ms. Zen." one man called ate Zen.

Nakasimangot ako nang binaling ang atensyon sa lalaking malaki ang boses habang binabati ang asawa ng pinsan ko. I'm done for my food just get myself busy wiping my mouth while watching ate Zen talking with the loud voice of the businessman.

"I thought it's not you." the man added.

"Good evening, Mr. Steeve Calla." si ate Zen at tumayo pa.

I just turned away my eyes to them and get busy watching with all the busy people here — but the truth is... my eyes finding someone — someone that I couldn't find.

Maybe, he's busy now taking care of his fiance, huh.

It hit me really big time!

"The husband is here. Better back off man." Gem besides me laughed, having fun because of something.

Kunot-noon ako bumaling sa kaniya, naabutang nakangiwing nanonood sa harapan kung nasaan si ate Zen, still talking the businessman who approached her.

Nasalubong ng aking tingin si kuya Aldwin na seryosong pabalik at dumeretsyo kung nasaan si ate Zen. He looked very serious.

"It's pleasure to meet you here, Mr. Calla." malamig niyang saad sabay hapit sa beywang ni ate Zen.

"Oh, Mr. Aldwin Costallales." pilit na tawa ni Mr. Calla sa kakarating na si kuya Aldwin.

"Hon." si ate Zen sabay kapit sa braso ni kuya Aldwin.

Is there something wrong? I feel a tension to them. Bumaling ako sa kay Gem na masayang ngumingisi. Tawang tuwa pa sa nagyayari amp!

What the! Really, Gem!

"I want to correct you Mr. Calla. She's already Mrs. Zen Cotallales." mariing saad ni kuya Aldwin. "And she's enjoying the event because I'm with her." kuya Aldwin added.

"Huh, yeah. I know." si Mr. Calla, pinipilit paring ngumiti dahil sa pagkapahiya. "Nice meeting you here, I'll go ahead now."

"It's pleasure, Mr. Calla." si ate Zen.

Kuya Aldwin was too serious, he didn't even say goodbye to Mr. Calla. Bumaba ang mata ko sa kamay niyang nasa baywang ni ate Zen, hapit na hapit ang pagkakahawak doon.

"Jealous husband, huh?" panimulang pang-aasar ni Gem sa kuya nang tuluyang makaalis si Mr. Calla.

"Gem, stop teasing your kuya." saway ni ate Zen.

"I can't help, ate." tawa pa ni gem, napasimangot.

Tssk, Gem talaga! Kuya Aldwin was too serious but she still have got to tease kuya, huh.

"You enjoy talking with that man, huh?" Inis na saad ni kuya Aldwin kay ate Zen.

"What? Of course not." ate Zen pouted.

Supladong napasinghal si kuya Aldwin. "Then, why you keep talking to him?"

"I'm just being polite to him." depensa ni ate Zen. "Let's just go there, hon." si ate Zen nanlalambing sabay turo sa may maraming businessman na nagkakamustahan.

Kahit inis pa rin si kuya Aldwin ay nagpahila parin sa asawa while still holding ate Zen waist.

Tsk, I think ate Zen on a trouble. Kuya Aldwin was too suplado.

When kuya Aldwin and ate Zen left, silent engulfed between me and Gem. I glace to Gem because it's weird that she's silent. I caught her malalim na nag-iisip habang nakatingin sa hawak na baso na may wine.

I didn't try to bother her, instead inilibot ko na lamang ang aking mga mata, nahagip ang kompulan ng reports at mga tao sa harapan, one move of the reporter and I saw it was Zurina Taranzon. Dinudumog ng mga reports na uhaw sa bawat balita tungkol sa kaniya.

What's new? She's an international model plus she's the fiance of Darrow Dela Torallez. The man that good handling a business, notorious in the field of businesses.

All people supporting them, huh.

I take away my eyes to her when I felt the bag inside me. Adyan nanaman ang karayum na tumutusok sa aking dibdib. Napayuko na lamang ako at inantay ang ano mang mga big announcement. Hindi ko rin naman mahanap ang lalaking gusto kong makita.

Maybe, he's really busy now.

Bumalik na din sa aming lamesa si kuya Aldwin at ate Zen dahil sisimulan na ang mga announcement. I just keep silent, thinking deeply that I couldn't follow what the emcee saying about. Maybe, they announced their success and how they thankful for it.

Hindi ko na masunda ang mga kaganapan, ang aking isipan ay lumilipad habang naninikip ang aking dibdib sa maaaring sunod na announcement tungkol kay Zurina Taranzon and Darrow. I don't want to stay here anymore, I just want to leave now.

"Alis muna ako saglit." paalam ko at mabilis na tumayo.

"Huh, where are you going?" si Gem, naalerto sa biglaan kong paalam.

"Kitchen. I will gonna check something." I said, can't look at her.

Kuya Ald and ate Zen didn't ask me, they're preoccupied for the next announcement. Mabilis na akong umalis para magtungo na sa kitchen upang maiwasan na din ang susunod na announcement.

I know the next announcement will be Zurina and Darrow engagement.

Pinakahinihintay ng lahat.

Ayaw ko iyong matunghayan kaya mas gugustuhin ko na lamang sa kitchen, para makatulong na din. Naninikip ang aking dibdib. It's slowly hurting me big time!

While walking towards the kitchen I try to take a glance in front, natanaw ko ang malaking ngiti na nakaukit sa labi ni Zurina, beside her was Darrow and Mrs. Mizelle. I turned my eyes to Darrow, he's too serious but of course inside him he's very happy.

Watching them torturing my heart.

Keep watching them will be the cause of own breakdown.

Ayaw ko ng umabot pa sa ganon. Dahil ito nanaman ang kakaibang nararamdaman ko. Iyong tipong kikirot na lamang bigla dahil sa sakit.

It was real. I already have feelings for him but I don't know how deep it was. I don't know how to accept this feeling because I know it was wrong.