ANOTHER IDENTITY
1188 Words
Jason
“What the hell is happening, Ben? Why is she acting that way?” My voice trembled with confusion.
After I told Ava what happened to her, she didn’t scream nor cry, she just passed out, it seemed like the truth had knocked life out of her but honestly it was too much for me too- watching her behave like that.
I had caught her, and laid her on the bed gently, her body felt limp and her breathing was shallow. For a second, I thought I’d lost her.
“Ben!” I barked with panic rising in my chest.
He came closer immediately and assessed her. “She’s in shock,” he muttered and pulled out a syringe.
My throat grew tight as he injected the sedative. I hated seeing her like this- weak and defenseless. My heart broke, never thought I still had one until now.
As soon as he was done, I yanked him out of the room without care of if I was being rough, I was barely holding myself from breaking down.
“Talk, I need answers Ben”
“Relax, man,” he said calmly, placing a hand on my shoulder. “This is called Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). It’s rare but still happens sometimes, especially something as severe as a gunshot to the head can trigger it.
“What are you trying to say?” my voice was already on the edge, and I wasn’t thinking straight.
“It’s a dissociative defense response, her mind literally buried her former self to escape the pain and what we’re seeing now is a constructed identity, one that the brain believes is safer.”
I threw him an intense gaze. “You’re saying she’s not Ava?”
“No, what I’m saying is that, Ava is still inside there. This is just a new identity her brain created to survive- one that doesn’t remember the pain.
“And what do we do now? Do we just live with this new person pretending to be her?”
Be shook his head. “Think of it as a locked room in a house she no longer remembers to enter?”
I gulped hard, it was really a bitter pill to swallow. “What are you suggesting”
“You have to take her to places she had been recently, people or even objects before the shooting, anything that might stir something in her sub consciousness. Sometimes, moments of danger can even crack the wall she has built.”
“What happens if she doesn’t still remember” I needed to weigh my options, I wanted her back.
“Then we try therapy or hypnosis, we walk her back- step by step. But none of this happens overnight.
At this point I cracked, I wasn’t tough as I thought. “Will she ever be the same again?”
Ben leaned back in the door and exhaled. “Maybe or maybe not but what is important is that she can remember who she was or choose who or she wants to be again. But it’s going to take time, patience and someone who doesn’t give up on her.
I nodded slowly. “I’m not going anywhere” Then I went back to the waiting room.
Ten f*****g years!
It still doesn’t feel real having her close again. I used to replay her voice in my head just to fall asleep but now she’s down the hall. Breathing in the same air and I fear that, if I blink too long, she will be gone.
Back then, there wasn’t much I could do. We were just kids- I was fifteen and she was twelve years old,we were trying to make sense of a world that kept falling apart around us.
I met Ava at the orphanage, it was a crumbling building that smelled of stale bread and old prayers. I remember that day like it’s carved into my bones. My mom had just run away with me from my father, he was a man who talked with his fist and always drunk to fight away his demons. She was bruised, tired and desperate with an empty look in her eyes. I guess that was when she made the decision to abandon me and never return.
And she didn’t.
I waited for weeks, months… nothing. That was the last time I saw her.
I didn’t speak to anyone for weeks. I had nothing left in me- just anger and silence, never cared if I got into trouble. The world was already too damn loud and I just wanted it to stop.
But then… she walked in.
She was wearing this stupid pink dress which was two sizes big, as if, it had been passed down a hundred times. But it didn’t matter because she lit up the room. Her smile was wide and dumb, maybe she hadn’t seen the ugly parts of the world yet or she had, but chose to keep smiling anyway.
She was loud, bubbly and always curious, had a way of talking to people- like she saw their pain too and wanted to heal it. Everyone loved her. She talked too much and laughed out loud, which was unlike a girl but Ava was no ordinary girl, she had millions of questions to ask every time she stumbled into something new, and that made me hate her at first. So I made sure to stay very far away from her.
But she kept showing up- sitting beside me at lunch, dragging me outside to play and whispering silly remarks during study time just to make me smile.
Eventually, she grew on me- like sunshine after too many days of rain.
We became inseparable. We ate side by side, played together and even studied together. The sisters at the orphanage always teased us by calling us little married couple and even though I kept my face straight while Ava blushed, I secretly liked it. It felt like having something that was mine again.
Until he came.
His name was Thomas. He arrived one rainy afternoon, wearing a long coat and the kind of smile that never reached his eyes, he was putting on expensive shoes that didn’t not belong on those dirty floors.
We all gathered I the main hall, thinking someone else was leaving- just another adoption. But this time… it was different.
He wasn’t there for one child.
He was there for many.
Mrs. Clare, who was the Head Mistress, led him into the office, while we waited and after what felt like forever, they came out together. He scanned us with his man like a man picking fruits at a market- measuring its wort and calculating the value.
I grabbed Ava’s right hand and held it tight. I’d always pretended that the idea of being separated did not scare me. At that moment, I was terrified.
“Hey, Jason” a voice called, pulling me out of the past.
“She’s awake”
I could hear my heartbeat. “Really?” I asked, already on my feet. it was time create new memories
- Writer
